Hey, y'all! I wrote this letter to my older brother during the Fall 2021 semester. My therapist suggested that I write a letter to him that illustrated my frustration and pain over his death to help me, so I did just that. This is a sweet little piece that I'm excited to share with y'all. Writing this helped me a lot. So... Here we go!

Dear Matthew,

You know I love you, but why did you have to bring so much pain and suffering to our family by accepting those drugs? Did you learn in school to never accept drugs off the street? I did, and after I had my reaction from the pill I took in 10th grade, I've been careful with them. This is what you needed to do. It would have saved your life.

I was so excited for this semester. We were all over how we would be roomies, and then... you did this. I wanted to grow closer to you. This semester has been Hell because of you. There's not a day that I don't think about you and how you were back on your feet after getting out of rehab. My mental health is suffering because of you. I no longer have an older brother to look up to now that I'm graduating soon. I'm lost in the world because of what you did. I'm angry, Matthew, and I have every right to be.

I was going to give you The Green Guardian for your 32nd birthday. I could not wait to see your face when you learned I wrote a book about you. However, I still intend to publish it and share it with the world in your honor. People need to know your story.

Please do not shy away from me. Your death doesn't mean that I love you less. I think I now love you more. Thank you for all the beautiful dreams you've sent me. They have helped lessen my pain. I hope you continue to send them as the years progress and that you will be with me when I walk across the Cistern like you once did. With the holidays coming, we need you more than ever.

Finally, I have a request. Please visit Mom in her dreams. She misses you and wants to see and interact with you as I have. This is the only Christmas present I'm asking from you, Matt.

I love you and always will. Rest in peace, Green Guardian.

- Your little sister,

Vika