39. Unedited
Midnight, Nandu's room
Nandu was working on some papers when Raj knocks her door.
Raj: Can I come in, princess?
Nandu(turning towards the door): Dad, you don't have to knock.
He smiles at her before sitting in front of her in confusion.
Raj: Tu abhi tak kaam kar rahi hai?
Nandu: Kuch final papers hai regarding Manik's board director meeting. I am just checking if there are any mistakes in it.
Raj: and the board director is himself sleeping?
Nandu: Papa, he isn't the board director yet. Let him rest a bit. Tomorrow is an important day for him. And also because we agreed, he isn't going to change a thing.
Raj: You really care for him. Don't you? You just treat him as if he is a small baby.
Nandu: Isn't he a small baby, dad?
Raj: He is. Harkate toh bachon jaisi hi hai ab tak.
Nandu chuckles.
Raj: Nandu beta, can I ask you something?
Nandu: Haan ji.
Raj: Was there any moment, in all these years, when I made you feel the absence of Raman?
Nandu: Papa, what are you even talking? No. Never. Agar Papa aaj hote toh woh bhi shayad mujhe itne pyar nahi karte jitna aap mujhe karte ho.
Raj(cupping her cheek): Toh apne papa ko sachi sachi batayegi?
Nandu: Puchiye na.
Raj: Are you really happy with Manik? I wanted to ask you this question on the day when you told me, you love him. But I thought to give you some time to feel how your relationship would be.
Nandu: Papa..
Raj: Nandu beta, I know it's about my son but I won't compromise on your happiness. Are you really happy in this relationship?
Nandu: Yes. I am too happy, dad. Happy is actually too small word to describe what I am feeling since the day he came into my life. Papa, aap hamesha bolte ho na, I have stood strong for you, for us? Trust me, I can stand strong for both of you. You people are my life. But when I feel it's enough, when I feel I can't stay anymore stronger, I have always found Manik beside me. He holds my hand and makes me believe it's okay to be weak sometimes. It's okay to be broken, to fall apart. And he doesn't leave my hand until I am strong enough to stand on my feet again. He somehow pulls me out of my sadness, gathers me back without even letting me know the struggle.
She takes a deep breath to control her emotions before continuing.
Nandu: Papa, Manik doesn't plan big surprises for me. He never tries hard to make me feel out of the world. He doesn't make huge promises to me. His promises never contain words. Whatever he wants to do, whatever promises he wants to keep, he just does everything ever so silently. He loves simple things. He makes me feel like a normal girl. He makes me smile like no one does. He loves me like a mother, protects me like a father. Whenever I need a friend, he makes me lean on his shoulder and helps me to forget the world's tensions. And when he knows I am normal, I am happy, he shows all the tantrums to me as if he owns me. He just behaves like a kid with me. Manik is my family I never thought I had.
Raj: Yaad hai tujhe, when you told me about your love a few days back? I have asked you, when are you getting married to Manik and you said you still need time to understand each other? You were hesitant.
Nandu: Even I am surprised with the pace we are going. Before getting into a relationship, I just know he is a wonderful human being. His book, the words written in it, his feelings have made me fall for him. But just a few days into relationship, I have realized he is a man of fewer words. His actions speak everything for him. Papa, I don't know how our future will be. I don't know if we will survive this relationship or not. But I trust Manik. I know he won't let anything happen to me or our love. He will protect it. And you can trust my happiness with him. If he is beside me, even if I have to face the world, I can do because I know, he will be there to hold me if I fall.
Raj: I don't know what else to say. I am just too happy you chose each other. Both my kids will be happy, in front of me and will have all the love between them. Ise jyada mujhe aur kya chahiye?
Nandu: Sleep. You need sleep for tomorrow more than the love we share. Aap already tired ho and now this discussion. Rest karo na, papa. Kal meeting bhi toh hai?
Raj: And just like everyday, you prove you are a blessing to this house. To our lives. Hum dono hi pagal hai. You keep us sane.
He stands up and kisses her forehead.
Raj(teases): Goodnight, princess. Apne prince charming ke sapne dekhna mat bhulna.
Nandu(glares): Dad.
He leaves laughing at her. Nandu too gets engrossed in checking her papers. Just a few minutes later, when she completes it, she closes the file and keeps it on the table. She turns around and jumps in fright on suddenly finding Manik standing there with his head hung low and his hands crossed behind his back as a student who is given a punishment. She takes a moment to calm her raging breath.
Nandu: What the hell are you doing here? Are you trying to give a heart attack to me?
Manik(meekly): No.
Rolling her eyes, she frowns looking at the time.
Nandu: Tum ab tak soye kyu nahi? It's too late, Manik. You should sleep.
He doesn't utter a word instead he drags her to the bed and makes her sit on the bed as he himself settles in front of her, on the floor. He takes her hand and puts it on his head. She smiles and starts ruffling his hair. Meanwhile, he rests his head on her lap and takes her other hand, kisses her palm and holds it close to him.
Nandu: Manik, kya hua?
Manik: I tried sleeping lekin mujhe neend nahi aa rahi thi.
Nandu: Ab tak try kar rahe the? Pehle hi bolte mujhe? You can't afford to stay awake today, Manik. You need to be afresh tomorrow.
Manik: Bas thodi der, please.
She frowns at his tone but keeps on ruffling his hair. A few minutes later, she feels something wet on her lap. She caresses Manik's cheek and finds him crying, frightening her.
Nandu: Manik?
Forcefully, she makes him look towards her. With his messed up hair and tear-stained face, he stares at her intensely. What surprised her more was he wasn't even trying to hide his tears, which he always does, instead he was letting them flow. As he didn't utter a word, she comes down and settles on the floor beside him. Taking his face into her hands ever so carefully, she speaks softly.
Nandu: Manik, kya hua, baba? You are scaring me. Itna kaun rota hai, Manik?
He just looks down without uttering a word. When he doesn't speak, she holds his chin and makes him look towards her.
Nandu: Aarav? Apne Nandu ko batao na. Aaru?
He hugs her tight and she keeps on caressing his hair, pecking his head from time to time and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. She calls his name again once she feels him normal.
Manik: I am sorry.
Nandu: Sorry? Why?
Manik: woh..
Nandu(assured): Manik, just tell me. I promise, I won't say anything to you. Are you thinking about tomorrow?
Manik: I am thinking about a lot many things.
Nandu: Okay, listen. We will take one thing at a time, fine? What's bothering you the most?
Manik: I have heard you talking to dad.
Nandu(casually): It's okay, Manik. Usme rone wali kya baat hai? (Frowns) Wait. Did I say something which have hurt you? Listen, I am..
Manik nods his frantically in a no.
Manik: I promise, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop initially.
Nandu: But you heard all the conversation accidentally?
He nods in a yes.
Manik(sniffing): I wasn't feeling sleepy toh main tumhare paas aa raha tha but you were talking to dad. I was about to enter when I realized you people were talking about me. And I thought to eavesdrop. I was excited and curious to listen what you people were talking about me when I wasn't present.
Nandu: Okay. That's normal. But why the hell are you crying now?
Manik: When I went to sleep today, I thought you are still confused about me. And agar kuch dino baad main tumhe pasand nahi aaya, agar main tumhe bore lagne lagunga ya tum mere se irritate ho jaogi, toh you will leave me na. But I never know, you love me this much. You spoke so much about me to dad, I am feeling overwhelmed. Tum kya mujhe itna pyar karti ho?
He looked at her with all his innocence. She chuckled at his expression.
Nandu: Idiot, you scared me. I know it's all new. You are just insecure about losing me. Even I am. But Manik, we have each other. Haina? Hume aur koi chahiye kya? Do you need any girl other than me?
Manik: No. Never. You are all I need.
Nandu: And you are more than I need. Tum mujhe kabhi bore nahi lagoge. You can never irritate me and more importantly, you are all I have in my heart and life. Tumhe chod kar kaha jaungi, Aaru?
Manik: But how can you call me a family? How can you just love everything about me? Even my tantrums, my childishness.
Nandu: I am not getting, if you are happy or sad.
Manik: You said, you don't know how to love. But here you are so much in love with me. No one made me this special before. No one understood me this much. How can you find a whole freaking family in just a single person?
Nandu: Why not? When the person can love you in so many ways? Tum bhi mujhe itna pyar karte ho na? You have shown me all shades of your love and made me fall for every single shade of you.
Manik: What if I fail you someday? What if I do some blunder and lose your love? You will lose your whole family just because of my one single mistake, Nandu. You will be hurt.
Nandu: What? No...
Manik: It's true, Nandu. You can't lose all your happiness just because of me. I can't be your family. Let's be practical. I will end up hurting you. You will lose your trust in every other relation just because of me.
Nandu(sternly): No, I won't. Manik, sometimes we have to act to make a few people happy. Did you see, how happy dad was today when I said, I love you? I can't let him lose that smile. There's nothing called as family, Manik. It was just a lie to make dad happy. I won't be hurt much even if I lose you. Keep your hopes low. Let's continue to act our relationship. All I need is just to see dad happy.
Silence took over the room. Tears stopped flowing from Manik's eyes and he was just gaping at her, shocked. Her words pierced through his heart. He have been working with Nandini since a few months now but never did he see her this serious even in a meeting. He couldn't believe his ears when she said, all the love she showered upon him all these days was just to make his dad happy. He felt the silence killing him.
Manik(whispered): I need to leave. I can't stay here anymore.
Nandu: Manik, I know, it will hurt you. But this is it. I can't love anyone. I can't accept anyone. There is nothing called as family. It's just an illusion. Try to move on. You are a great guy. Just find someone who will love..
Manik(yelled): Shut up.
He gripped her shoulders tight, hurting her.
Manik: Nandini Murthy. It's not easy to unlove someone after loving them with all you have, for years. I can't keep on jumping from one person to another. All I have is you. Even if you choose not to stay with me, I will still keep on loving you.
Nandu: Will you still protect me? Will you still care for me? Will you still save me if at all I am in some problem?
Manik frowns at her questions.
Nandu: Bolo, Manik.
Manik: I will, even if you don't love me. Isn't it what love is? How can I stop loving you or care for you just for a stupid reason that you don't love me back?
She smiles widely, confusing him.
Nandu: Itna pyar karte ho mujhe, then why are you scared of losing my love, Manik?
Manik: Nandu..
Nandu: You will keep on caring for me and loving me silently even if I don't love you. Then how can I lose my family, idiot. If at all we fall out of love in future, I will just lose my love, Manik. Just one relation. Not my entire family.
He gets surprised at her reasoning.
Nandu: Manik, tumne bola tha na, my love for you reminds you of Nyo mom? You feel it's pure, right? Agar tum koi galati karoge, even if you do a blunder, agar Nyo mom hoti aaj, she will forgive you and will still love you, right? Then how can I leave you, Manik?
Manik: Woh sab jo tumne bola, you were acting. Woh sab jhoot tha na?
Nandu: Manik, I know, I am good at hiding emotions. My work taught me to control my emotions and not to lose my temper. Lekin pyar toh tumne hi sikhaya hai na mujhe? And you taught me how to love openly, right? How can my Manik teach me to fake the whole feeling of love when he himself can't fake any single emotion?
Manik: I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I am sorry.
Nandu: You don't have to. I know, you are stressed and your mind isn't in a position to differentiate between right and wrong. Manik, just remember one thing. The worst you can do to me is to cheat on me with someone else or question my love for you. And I will let you free in both the cases. If you are cheating, it's okay. If you feel you love her more than you love me, you can spend your life with her. If you realize you can't, and you are coming back to me, I will still accept you. But just don't hurt anyone.
Manik: What if I question you? Your love? Like today.
Nandu: If you are questioning my love when not in a proper state of mind, like today, I will explain you. We will discuss it like how we are discussing it now. But if you are really doubting it, if you really have some questions, take some time out for yourself. Stay alone. Spend time with yourself. And after that if you have an explanation for that, if you try sorting it out, we will still be together till the time we are in love. If you still feel, we shouldn't be together, we will continue to being friends. Okay?
Manik: I am confused. How can you still be happy by staying apart. Isn't love means staying together?
Nandu: Love means freedom, Manik. Even if we are miles apart, we can still be in love. When not in love, even if we are in the same room, we might feel suffocated. If your happiness is in staying away from me, I will happily do it. My parents, Nyo mom, we aren't together, right? But still don't we love them?
Manik: I don't want to leave you.
Nandu(teases): Abhi kuch time pehle toh ja rahe the?
Manik(whined): Nandu. Even if you said all those things just for a few minutes, I felt someone is stabbing me and taking the life out of me.
Nandu: I told all this to just calm your tears down. Otherwise, tumhare questions khatam hi nahi ho rahe the. Whatever I told you is just a case, Manik. Let's protect our love for each other. Together.
Manik rests his head on her shoulder and lets everything sink in. His hand was gripping hers and his hold was getting tighter with each passing minute. She felt he is stressing himself by recollecting all their talks and hence decided to make him feel better.
Nandu: Manik, you know what's the best part about you?
Manik: I am looking like shit with all these tears and messed up hair. Tumhe abhi bhi mujh mein best part dikh raha hai?
Nandu: Mr. Malhotra, don't you dare comment about my boyfriend. He is the most good looking, gorgeous and freaking handsome man you can ever find.
Manik: If at all tomorrow, when I grow old, if my hair falls down or mera pet nikal aaya, tabhi main tumhe handsome lagunga kya?
Nandu: Yes. I have been privileged enough to look through the soul of the man sitting beside me. And more importantly the best part in you is more than just your good looks.
Manik: What's there in me other than good looks? Kuch bhi toh nahi except some messed up thoughts.
Nandu: You are beautiful even in your messed up state, Manik. And the best part about you is you don't hesitate to show your feelings to me. Aaj jaise you had a doubt whether I am completely in love with you or not and you chose me to clear your doubts without letting any third person to interfere or without hiding your fears and act differently. I just love how you find me when you feel you are messed up and come to me for answers.
Manik: But, I end up crying sometimes when I am really messed up or when I am overwhelmed, like today. And Cabir always teases me saying I am still a kid. And that real men don't cry openly.
Nandu: Everyone should have that one person before whom they can keep their soul naked. You are the one for me. You have seen me vulnerable and still chose to heal me, to love me. I am that person for you. You need me whenever you feel low. Real men do cry, Manik. In front of just those few people. Agar tumhare aansu hi nahi niklenge, if you don't cry at all, tum mein aur robots mein difference kya hoga?
Manik: That means, I am a human.
Nandu: Yes, you are my crazy human being. Ab sona hai? Aren't you tired?
Manik: I am too tired. Mujhe tumhare saath sona hai.
Nandu(teases): Tum pehle kaise sote the, Malhotra.
Manik: Pata nahi. Lekin abhi tumhari aadat ho gayi. Ab chalo na. I need to sleep.
She chuckles at him. Manik lies down on the bed taking Nandu into his arms. He closes his eyes feeling her hand in his hair and finds his peace in her warmth before drifting to sleep.
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