The moment we entered my house I was self-conscious. My home never usually gets messed up as I live alone most of the time but some days it gets pretty messed up as I ignore cleaning until I feel bad. And that's exactly how my house looks like now.

'Woah, did we miss the hurricane?" Jungkook asked chuckling to himself. Scowling at him I said, "the best you could've done was act like you didn't see anything." He gave me a slight nod but kept laughing to himself looking at the house.

"Grab a seat and give me a min." before he could say anything anymore, I grabbed a garbage bag and started collecting all the trash inside the house. There were pizza boxes, mac boxes, kfc boxes and so many packets of god know what. Ok, I confess, I do eat junk a lot. I mean who wants to cook when your living by yourself right? It doesn't mean I don't cook. I do cook but rarely. Like very rarely.

"Ummm.. Meg." Jungkook uttered something and I couldn't hear what he said at all. I tuned to where he was sitting to ask what it was and saw him holding one of bras and covering his mouth trying not to laugh. The embarrassment I felt was beyond understanding. If I could dig a hole and hide inside it forever I could have done it.

"You're a C-cup??" he asked out of nowhere and before saying anything I ran towards him and got my bra out of his hand. I could clearly see that he was trying not to laugh and that he had no intention of apologizing. Without uttering a single word I threw the bra inside the downstairs room and closed it and went on cleaning the stuff until I couldn't see any unwanted wrapper. Jungkook didn't say anything either but I could clearly feel his eyes following me around just like last time. It didn't do me any good as I was already self-conscious more than I could handle.

Realizing that we still have to eat lunch, I started going through the food delivery leaflets that was piled up on the pantry table and asked Jungkook what he wants to eat.

"is there a Korean place nearby? I have been craving for tteokbokki" he said still looking at me. He must have seen my confused face as he came towards me and started going through the leaflets mumbling, "I can't believe you haven't tried that."

Letting him choose whatever he wants to eat, I went to the living room to place my frame and my canvas on it so I could draw him. The moment my eyes landed on my so-called sketch I let out a sigh that I didn't know I was holding. I'm never going to finish it any time soon. I placed the small stool that I used to sit when I was kid in front of me so Jungkook could sit. When I heard footsteps I called out to him,

"Come sit, if we start early we could finish it soon, hopefully." I mumbled knowing full well that finishing it is an impossible task. What Mr. White wanted to see was dedication. And compared to others, I didn't go for any art academy. I'm a self-taught artist who just found comfort in drawing when there was no one else to comfort me. I'm a person who's really afraid of dark and specially complete black outs for hours. I always sleep with lights on even now and it takes me hours to just to fall asleep. I used to take pills but I'm controlling myself from taking that as I know very well that I can get addicted to them. When I was small and when my parents would just leave me all alone in the house, drawing helped me. I used to draw whatever that came to my mind. Whenever there was a black out I would desperately call for my parents. But no one came. That's when I started having a phobia. I can never sleep without lights, as I would end up getting constant panic attacks until I find my medicine and fall asleep.

......

Even after hours I'm only half way done. You can't even call it half way considering the fact that I have to colour it too. After eating we didn't talk much as I kept drawing and drawing. Jungkook didn't complain but looking at the clock and his yawning I realized it must have been really uncomfortable for him to sit like that for more than five hours. It was already 10 o'clock at night and I can't believe I didn't feel time passing.

"I'm sorry, I took too much of your time," I said looking at him. Jungkook just shook his head and said, "no worries. It was quite amusing to see you so engrossed." He stood up and stretched his arms and legs widely saying, "my manager must be here by now." I gave a slight nod and asked out of curiosity, "you won't get scolded for being late right?", making his way towards the door he said shuffling my hair, "no idiot. I'll come in the morning to get my bike. We are not allowed to drive late at night." Saying bye, I opened him the door and held it for him. He stopped to say something but shaking his head he said goodnight and turned to leave just when there was a black out.

'No no no. this can't be happening. I didn't get any message saying there will be a black out today. I can't have a panic attack. Not in front of him. Not again..' 

I could feel my heartbeat racing. I kept clutching the door handle tightly not wanting him to see me fall. I could feel my breathing getting hard and my whole body shaking. Panic attacks are crazy. Sometimes they come without giving any notice. Sometimes you feel it up to the smallest bone of your body. You can feel your whole body breaking apart minute by minute, making you hard to breath and making you want to scream out loud, except the fact that you can't even scream. Your body starts shaking until you can't stand still. Some days it only lasts for few seconds but most days it takes more than 5 minutes for me to stop shaking, just to drag myself and get my medicine from the shelf. You must think 5 minutes is nothing, but, that 5 minutes seems like a whole year for me. You can feel every little thing that's happening to your body. You feel it but you can't do anything about it, except praying that someone will come and help or praying that it will be over soon.

And my body gave in. I tightly curled my shirt up to a fist near my heart and started breathing hard. Not being able to stand anymore, I fell to the floor. I tried not to think about it, but it was all dark around me and I couldn't do anything. I could see the door slowly getting closed and I couldn't scream even when I wanted to so badly. I tried to concentrate my mind on something and not think about what was happening but it was of no use. I had to take my mind off otherwise I would be lying here until I could move and get my medicine. I could feel tears running down. More than anything feeling hopeless is something I don't want to feel. I have felt hopeless almost all my life. With every bit of strength I had, I cuddled myself and hid my head between my legs. Just then the door opened with a loud bang and I heard someone calling my name.

"Meghan. MEGHAN!!!"

I slowly looked up and saw Jungkook standing in the doorway looking at me worriedly. My legs were still shivering and my tears were falling nonstop. I didn't want to see him like this. I didn't want him to see me crying again. Out of all the people why does he has to be near me every time I crumble down. I was getting nervous and it was not a good sign at all. I clutched my shirt so tightly and bent to the floor trying to catch my breath in the dark like a hopeless animal. It was of no use. I couldn't control my breathing nor my shivering and worst of all Jungkook was looking at me. Before I could find words to make him go, he suddenly bent down and held my face with both of his hands. His hands were so warm. In the dark I couldn't see his face as the door had completely closed leaving us both in the dark. Then he kissed me. Slowly at first, barely touching my lips but then he kissed me so hard that I had to open my mouth. I didn't have the strength to push him away. Even if I did, I don't think I would have pushed him. I could feel my whole body getting loosen up. My heart was still beating fast but the shivering had stopped and I definitely could breath properly except the fact that, now I was holding my breathe because of the kiss.

Any ideas about what will happen next??

just ignore grammar and spelling mistakes for now ;)