Jen

Where's my pizza?! What on earth is he doing here?! I didn't want to see him must yet. Reflexively I started slamming the door in his face but he quickly put his foot in the way. Then he pushed the door open before walking in like he owned the place!!! His gaze lingered on my chest and I quickly folded my hands over it and gave him a daring glare.

Of all the times it just had to be the time I was in my freaking bathrobe! And I didn't really want to awkwardly walk away to put on some clothes...it would seem like I was giving up my pride! So I stood there, in my bathrobe which thankfully was an overly fluffy one that covered most of me, and narrowed my eyes at him, determined not to be the first one to break the silence. But in the end I gave it up and focused my attention on yelling at him. I did it, partially because his eyes were lingering on my body for a little too long...and his eyes...sort of lit up..in a way that made me catch my breath.

"Why are you here?" I asked, testily.

"I....need you to know I believe in you." Ed said, looking straight through my eyes.

"Oh? Well good then! How's Penny?" I asked indifferently

"Jen..please....! " He begged " Don't make me choose, your one of my best friends and Penny is my ex who I thought dissapeared....I can't choose now!"

I sighed, I knew it was wrong of me to ask him to choose, he would probably choose her over me anyway... do I really need him to say it to me?

"So what are you going to do?" I asked

"I'm going to find out the truth.....but until then I'm going to stay out of it"

I nodded, him staying out of it was for the best, I knew he wouldn't find the truth out. Not unless I told him. If he believed in me even if it was just a little I'd appreciate it.

The door bell rang again. I grinned "want pizza?" I asked him, gently brushing past his unsure eyes, he doesn't need to know about me....forget this issue Jenny! Just push it outta you otherwise you'll only get hurt.

I knew he wasn't completely convinced but I said nothing and he followed my lead.

We settled on my little dining table and chatted as usual. At one point he jokingly pushed a pizza piece to my face. Unfortunately it was one with extra sauce. "Oh no you didn't" I said,smirking evilly "you've seen how badass I am with food in my hands and you still dared?" I continued dangerously, a smile playing on my lips.

Pulling out my ketchup bottle I squirted it at his face and laughed at his surprise. He smiled. His smile took my breath away. Everything about how it started slow then reached his eyes and so sexily lightned his features. I snapped out of my trance and smiled back, then catching sight of each other on the glass surface of the table, started laughing.

★★★

Edward got up to leave an hour later, I had obviously deceided to skip work today thanks to Ed. As he began to leave I finally remembered the important thing I had to tell him about Penny.

I closed my fist around his shirt and tugged. He turned to look at me inquisitively. Please let him believe me. Please let me be able to do this! "About Penny..." I started awkwardly, how do you tell a guy that his girlfriend his a conniving wench? Well I don't know so I'll have to just improvise!

"I just...want to tell you to be...uh..careful, " I finished. He doesn't need to know anymore... just needs to be warned.
"Why would you say that?" He asked me, I immediately sensed his guard was up.

"It's...nothing... just ...she's not always what she seems to be.."

"If that's the case then no one is!" He tried joking casually

"I'm serious Ed...please, I just don't want ..." what happened to me happen to you "you to get hurt.." I said instead.

"I know my own girlfriend Jen! Look don't insult her she's a wonderful girl," my heart constricted.

" Maybe so...but please..just..trust me!" My eyes pleaded with him.

"Until I find out all the facts I'm going to believe in both of you! Penny won't hurt me!" He exclaimed. I sighed. I'd said the exact same thing when Serena,Aurora and Calista had tried to warn me.

"Ed I-" I started

"No! Jen please! Your a really good friend of mine and I don't want to not trust you but Penny is amazing! And she and I can finally be together after such a long time! I don't care what she did in the past for now! "

I felt tears brimming, why must I cry? I knew this would be how it ended...I knew right from the minute I saw Penny. Why do I want to cry when I'd expected it right From the start? But I still feel my heart hurting. I shouldve gotten Edward out of my system when I could, now I'd already fallen too deep. And here he was telling me that Penny would never hurt him. When I knew full well she would. Penny dated Cameron to break him and me up, true I'd gotten bored of him as a boyfriend but we'd never ever thought of breaking up, he was amazing to me and I had loved him but Penny had come between us and then tossed Cam away the moment I gave up.
"Why did you do this Penny?" I'd asked her
"Don't you know? I loathe you. I'm richer than you. Talk more than you and have more friends than you but your always surrounded by your good manners and charming ways. Then Cameron who actually dared ignore me for you? Everything you have I'm going to take." She'd answered.
I still don't understand why she'd hated me so much but she did. And exactly like she'd promised she took everything from me. She only loved for fame , money and popularity at the time I'd had all three so she used me and took the most important part of me away. I'd trusted her and she'd taken away the part of me that allowed trust. Edward had brought that part back and now she'd taken him too.
I don't know much about their history but I'm sure the only reason she's back is because of the money she has and the popularity she has to gain. I can't cry. I won't cry. Crying made me seem weak. It made me open my heart to people who I should not even trust. Edward's smile, his touch, everything about him, I should've known that they never did belong to me. I did know. But I'd kept hoping. And now when the hope had been crushed...it hurt.
"Edward....please be careful and....don't break...I will see you later! Buh-bye!" I said, plastering a smile on my face and cheerfully waving at him. I then shut the door quickly and ran up the stairs to my room. Flopping myself on my bed I started crying. Maybe Penny really loves him? Maybe he won't get hurt! Maybe I'm just concerning myself self over nothing! But no matter what....Ed wanted her, she didn't deserve it!.....what makes you think you do then? A voice said in my head. Maybe I don't. But I can't bare to see him get hurt again...because he doesn't deserve it. I cried and I cried, I couldn't deal with the fact that he wouldn't believe me. Finally I stopped my tears and made my way down to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of hot chocolate, hot choc always made me feel better.

I pressed down the button on my answering machine and Mwg's voice filled the room.

"Hey Jen! You probably haven't forgotten but tomorrow's my parents death anniversary and we deceided to visit their graves? Just checking but is your mom going to be able to make it?? Oh yeah! Aria said she'd visit soon! She and her two kids! Then us three sisters will be together again! Won't that be great?? Anyway call me!"

I sighed to myself, Meg's my little sister but I can't even be there to comfort her on her parent's death anniversary. "It hurts sometimes, to fall in love with someone who doesn't belong...but the worst part is that you fall...anyways..and before you know it, he's on your mind and when you close your eyes you picture his face.." I hummed the lyrics of some made up song under my breath. Sometimes its easier to turn my life into a drama and escape from reality...because in my fantasy world drama I always end up happily...

★★★★★★

A plate crashes downstairs, I wake up suddenly, my little legs take me down the stairs and I stop suddenly as I hear my mother's favorite vase crash into the ground. I crouch down on the stairs.....the feeling of fear overwhelms me and I feel my heart in my mouth. I should leave but I'm paralyzed with sickening curiosity. My mother yells "why did you break just part of it?! " before grabbing the rest of the surviving vase and tossing it to the floor. It shatters with a crash. I want to scream but my breath is caught. I hear metal squeak and from my position I see our metal water jug emerge with a man's finger marks in it. The door is wide open. Why won't my mother run? My father gets up from his place on our large table, spilling soup all over the table cloth in the process. My mother steadily holds her ground and glares at him. My father comes towards her menacingly. I open my mouth in a silent scream. Their scaring me. Tears of fear prickle in my eyes. My father pushes my mother onto the fridge and places his huge hands on her neck and even though it wasn't me I want to scream but my neck is constricted.

I woke up sweating, a scream building up in my throat. Thank god! Thank god it was just a dream! I thought to myself. Flopping my head back unto the pillows I run my hand from my eyes down my face. Why did I remember that? Probably because of Meg's parents death anniversary. That was a memory from before my mom adopted Meg...before we...no! Don't think about it! Ed's face popped into my head and I pictured him holding me tight before quickly dismissing the picture. He wasn't mine remember?!

I left my bed and switched on the mini chandelier in my room and looked around. God it feels so empty. Oh jeez! Don't tell me I'm lonely?! Hah! Before I know it I'll be an old cat lady! With no kids or grandkids or a husband! Oh crap I think I need to drink...a lot. I go up to the cupboard and pull out my best bottle of alcohol. Usually I have a really high resistance and I know exactly where my limits are but today....I had the horrible memory and I'm feeling all depressed I think my liver can handle a bit more than usual alcohol! I never drink anyways!

I pulled out the cork and filled myself a glass. I drank it down in one gulp, it was strong and hurt my throat slightly but I didn't care. I didn't care! God damnit!! It hurts like hell! My parents picture came up in my mind, grabbing the bottle I filled the glass again and gulped it down. I saw myself ...the nerdy girl at school, the one boy s stayed away from. I drowned another glass. Filling up another one, I remembered the time Cam asked me out, I drank it too. I needed to stop but I couldn't. Meg and Aria's picture popped into my head, they were both crying and I couldn't do anything...! Another glass was filled. Penny's picture popped into mind and I drowned in two glasses. My mind transported me back to the day I saw Edward, another glass was drowned. I grabbed a pillow from the sofa close by and screamed into it.

What the hell did I do to go through this?!! Abandoning the glasses I grab the bottle by the neck, I hesitate I know I shouldn't but then the image of my father squeezing my mom's neck pops into my head and with no second thought I put the bottle to my lips. My vision begins getting blurred and through the unclear vision I spy the clock and mark the time to be around six thirty am. Great! I'm up early! I stumbled towards the cupboard and pull out a second bottle. I pour the liquid into the glass, unaware that I'd accidently picked the strongest alcohol I owned which left me more intoxicated. Who cares? No one can see me reduced to this pathethic state so it doesn't matter. My phone rings and Kate's voice fills the room. "Hey Jen! Was just wondering if you were feeling okay? Call me k?" Sure! I'm feeling way better! In fact I can't feel anything right now! So that's good right?! Edward....Edward! Why did I fall for him?! Why do I want him?!

The bottle reaches my lips again and this time I don't even hesitate. I need to get ready for Meg but that wasn't until around four. I felt myself slipping slowly away from reality. From Ed. From everything. This love is tearing me apart. I thought the 'box' was secured but apparently there's a leak. I screamed into the pillow again. And drowned another glass of wine. What had caused this break down?.... Edward, ....and my parents memory catalysed everything. I breaking, all over again...only worse. Everything I'd kept to myself is just exploding suddenly. Why can't life be a fairytale? Why can't some Prince rescue me?....no one's coming. No one at all. And down went another glass.

Through my barely conscious state I heard my doorbell ringing. Leave me alone! I thought angrily. Can't I just let go? It ain't like I'm gonna kill myself! Go away! I thought as the bell rang again. Grabbing my bottle of alcohol I walked...stumbled...fell towards the door. I realised my appearance was not one for greeting guests. My short pajamas and my too loose sleeveless top and my drunken state. But who cares?! All I was going to do was open the door and hit whoever it was with my trusty bottle! Damn the universe for giving me high resistance! Otherwise two cups would've done the trick! I had to empty two bottles to get intoxicated enough! Do you have any idea how bad that is for my liver huh universe?! Of course you don't! I'm the doctor! I thought to myself proudly!

The door bell rang again, reminding me of where my destination was. Fine! I'm coming! Be patient damn it! I placed my hand on the doorframe to try and regain at least some of my balance. My father slamming my mom against the wall came into my mind and I felt my temper rising, I gulped down another sip before opening the door. "He-" the person outside started "oh my god Jen! What the hell?!" I blinked twice,trying to get a clear picture of whoever it was, when my mind finally put his image together I smiled, half angrily. "Why hello Ed! " I exclaimed.