Chapter 38

I ignored mom calls and rush out of the house. I needed to get out away from everyone. I wanted to be alone. I could feel my own heart broken to pieces when I rejected Brianna and I’m falling apart right now.

I got into my car and drive away; away from everyone. I need to be alone. I don’t want anyone to see me broken.

Damn, I’ve made my decision but why does I felt so badly hurt. I don’t want to be hurt but now I’m not only hurting her for rejecting her but I’m hurting myself too. Damn, I’m so weak. I’m a man. I shouldn’t be weak, I should be strong but I definitely can’t.

I pressed the alternator and make the car go as fast as I could but put into an immediate break and stop the car when I nearly hit a girl crossing the road. Luckily I managed to stop in time and she came over and scolded me while I just remained froze at my seat. 

“Stupid fool,” she grumbled as she finally walked away.

I stare at the road. I nearly kill someone with my reckless and stupid driving. I closed my eyes to calm myself but images of sweet Brianna appeared almost immediately. All I saw is her sad and distraught face when I rejected her. I didn’t wait to see her cry but I could feel that she’s crying right now. Brianna always managed to hide her emotion, even when she break off with me, but just now when we’re alone she’s unable to hide it, she look distraught and sad, just like me.

Damn it. I love the girl so much but I’m too stubborn to give up so easily after what happen. I’ve been waiting for a week for her to come to her senses and only when I left she realized that she loved me. Why not earlier? If it within that week she admitted that she’s doesn’t want to lose me, I might accept her without any questions.

I wanted to see how true she said she will fight for our love. Yeah, I wanted to see that. If she really loves me, she will stay on and fight.  If she leaves without a fight, then I guess, she’s not the right girl for me and I might as well continue my life with someone else. All I have to do now is waits and see whether she will stay put and fight for me.

The constants loud honks from the car behind me finally wake me up from my trance. I immediate continue driving. However, I didn’t go directly back home to my apartment but stop at a club and had some drinks. I need some drinks to clear my mind away from Brianna. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past weeks and now back to LA, I still need drink to make me go to sleep and forget everything.

Even though I keep drinking, I still didn’t manage to keep Brianna out of my mind. Her images still lingered around me. I could see her smile, laughing, rolling her eyes at me and teasing me at times. I also could see her distraught and sad face. Rubbing my face with my palms I finally think I had enough. Drinks didn’t do me any good tonight. I still can’t forget Brianna. I decided I had enough and headed back home to my apartment.

I woke up by the constant rings of my door bell. I looked at my watch and it shows just half past 7.00. Who could it be, disturbing me so early in the morning? I slowly walked to the door and opened it and to my surprised stood Brianna at the door, grinning widely at me showing her beautiful white teeth.

“Good morning,” she greeted and I was too stunned to respond. She walked past through me into the house without me inviting her in. She walked right straight to the kitchen. I stood there like 5 minute before realizing what’s going on. I closed the door and followed her to the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her.

“Oh, I’m making you breakfast,” she responded without looking at me and started to take out the thing from the bag she brought with her.

“What?” I asked her again as if didn’t believe her.

“I’m making you breakfast,” she clarified and this time looked at me with still a sweet smile on her face. I just stood there like a dumb ass while she’s starting making herself at home. Realizing that I’m still standing there, she looked at me, “Well, don’t just stand there, go and have your shower. Breakfast will be ready the same time you are.”

I didn’t know what to say and just followed her instruction and went to my room and had my shower. While in shower, I couldn’t help wondering what she’s doing here. She didn’t look distraught as I expected her to be but look calm instead. Part of me is glad that she’s still here and not going back to London. That’s mean she’s going to fight for our love. She’s not giving up.

After fully dressed for work, I walked out of the room and bumped into her. She stumbled backwards and I managed to catch her avoiding her from falling to the ground. Our faces were inches apart and we both we speechless staring deep into each other eyes.  I have to regain my control from the urged to kiss her senseless.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologized bringing me back to reality about our position. I let her go while she straightened up herself. “Sorry to bump into you like that,” she apologized again, “I was just coming up to call you down. Breakfast is ready.”

“Um, ok,” I stumbled with my words and nodding my head at the same time. She cast me a sweet smile again before lead me to the kitchen.

“Come have a sit,” she said ushering me to an empty chair, “Eat you breakfast.” I sat down and look at the scrambled egg and bacon cooked by her. “Here’s your coffee, black, just the way you like it,” she said placing the mug beside me. I just look at her with out at word, “Go on eat,” she said smiling.

I put the bacon in my mouth but still looking at her, “Why are you here?” I wondered out loud.

“I’m told you, I’m here to cook you breakfast,” she smiled while telling me.

“No,” I shook my head, “Why are you still here in LA? Aren’t you supposed to go back to London?”

She bit her lips, “I can’t go back,” she softly replied.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because……. One, Keyshia has told me not to comeback without you,” she said not looking at me.

“So you’re not going back because you scared that Keyshia asking you not to?” I asked her, somehow disappointed with her reason.

“No, that’s not my only reason,” she shook her head.

“What the other reason?” I queried.

She inhaled deeply before replying, “I’m staying because I don’t want to go home without you. I going proved to you that I mean what I say last night.”

“And that is?” I pretend to not remember.

“I love you and I want to be with you,” she said looking directly into my eyes. This is the answer I’m looking for but I hide it well with my serious face.

“If I still don’t want to be with you, what are you going to do?” I asked bluntly. At a glance she looked distraught by instantly changed back to her normal confident self.

“I’m going to stay and fight until I’m very, very sure you don’t want me anymore,” she informed me, “I’ll back out if I’m very sure you don’t want me.” I couldn’t help but looked proudly at her. “Give me a chance Rick. I’ve given you the chance to court me why don’t you give a chance to prove that I really do love you? It’s only fair.”

“I didn’t hurt you and I didn’t back-out of our love. You hurt me and you give up on us and back-off,” I reminded her.

“Yes, I admit I did that stupid thing but I realized it now,” she admitted, “Why can’t you just let me prove it to you,” she sighed.

“Because I’m scared I’ll be hurt again if something like that pops-up again. How could I be sure it won’t happen again?” I pointed out.

“Because I promised you it won’t happen again,” she put up her right hand as if taking an oath. “You have to trust me.”

I sighed and looked at her, “I don’t know. I need time to think about it,” I said. I could see the disappointment and hurt in her face but she immediately covered it up and looked away.

“I need to get going. I don’t want you to be late for work,” she said as she stood up and cleared up her unfinished food.

“Where are you going?” I can’t stop myself asking out loud, “I could drop you at my parents place,” I offered.

“No, thanks,” she shook her head as she wipes her hands without looking at me, “I’m just going to walk. Get some fresh air,” and without waiting for me to say anything, she took her bag from the chair and walked out before I managed to stop her.

I felt uneasy with her sudden leave and I followed her but unfortunately, when I reach the elevator was already closed.

I immediately took another elevator and went down to get my car with hope that I managed to catch her by the roadside. I did managed to find her walking slowing by the roadside.

I honked to get her attention and looked at my direction. I saw her immediately wipes when eyes and stopped when she realized it was me. I pulled my car to the side her and she bend to look at me. I could see her face red due to crying. I know she’s been crying by she did her best to hide her emotions. She smiles sweetly at me.

“Brianna, come on, let me sent to anywhere you want to go,” I offered.

“No, its ok,” she declined, “I just want to go for a walk and take some fresh air.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes, very sure,” she smiled.

“Alright, you be careful ok,” I advised her, “Call me if anything.”

“Thanks, I will,” she nodded and I smiled before pulling the car away. From the rear mirror I saw her standing there just looking at me.