Hayley's POV

You're going to regret this.

Why did you get with Taylor?

Are you really that stupid?

He's no different from the other guys.

Once he leaves, you'll have no one.

You're nothing.

You're just shit, Hayley.

Look at yourself! Hideous!

Taylor is only using you for sex, like the others.

Aww, pathetic Hayley is going to cry. Only if that made you lose all your fat, too.

Another sleepless night as voices of negativity flood my mind. The scary part is, the voices don't belong to anyone else. The voice is mine. It only seemed to get stronger and dominate when I stayed over at York's house. They followed me everywhere, yes. But they're never as strong as they are here.

     I walked over to the bathroom and studied my reflection in the mirror. I finally saw what they were talking about. The voice was right. Everything it said was correct. I caressed my too-plump cheeks as I stared at my disgusting reflection. It wasn't only my reflection that disturbed me. It was me. I opened the medicine cabinet, finding a small blade I hid in there for myself. I looked over my shoulder, making sure Taylor wasn't awake. I didn't want him to see me broken. I didn't want him to suffer what I have to go through. He was still sound asleep in his room.

     Tears fell down my face without my permission as I drew the lines across my arms, blood following the miniature knife. It didn't do as much good as I thought it would. It didn't do as much as I remember it used to. Has everything else already failed to take my misery?

Just kill yourself, the voice said. You're not needed here anyway.

       It was right. No one needed me. Not even Taylor, no matter how nice he seemed. It was all out of pity. I went through the medicine cabinet again, grabbing random pills. Without reading any of the labels, I gulped down one of each, hoping it would end everything. End my pain, end the voice in my head, end the judgment... but most of all, end my life. I took one last look at my hideous reflection, feeling the chemicals destroy my systems.

"Goodbye, Taylor," I whispered as I closed my eyes. Tears spilled down my face again before I broke into sobs. I sat in the corner of the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably as I continued to cut myself, my engravings deeper than before.

        My stomach churned in awkward ways, making me sick. I rushed to the toilet, where I had up chucked. There was no doubt that the medicines didn't kill me, but made me vomit.

Good job, you're not being a fat ass anymore, the voice vexed. But you failed to kill yourself. You fail at everything. Bile made its way up again, causing me to spit up again. I couldn't take it. My body was shaking violently as I sobbed harder and harder, the voice haunting my mind.

"Hayley?" I heard Taylor call from his room. I woke him up. I failed to halt my weeps, knowing that I'd have to face the fact that he'll finally see who I really am, inside. A broken, torn apart, no good, helpless soul. My stomach heaved again. Quick footsteps entered the bathroom, followed by a gasp.

"Oh God! Hayley!" Taylor's voice was either full of shock or disgust. I couldn't tell. He wiped the bile off my face with a wet rag. He held me face in his hands, his caramel eyes full of worry and tears. "Hayley, what did you do? What is all of this?"

"I'm nothing but a failure, York!" I wailed. He shook his head, the tears swelling in his eyes. "I am nothing! Just trash! A piece of shit!"

"Hayley, no," his voice wavered. "No, that's not true. Who told you all of this?"

"Myself. It's all true!"

"No, it's not!" he protested. He examined my pitiful body as I quaked. "God, look at you! You're shaking-- and bleeding! You cut yourself!"

"York, I'm fine! I don't belong here!"

"No, Hayley, you're not fine! And what do you mean you don't belong here?!"

"I don't belong here! You know exactly what I mean!"

"Hayley, you do belong here! You belong with me! Fuck, how can you not see that! I love you!"

"You only want me for sex, like everyone else does!" I growled as I tried to snatch away from Taylor. Taylor tightened his grip on my bleeding wrists.

"No, that's not true! I want you for you! I want you because you're different! Because I fucking love you!"

"TAYLOR, JUST LET ME DIE!" I screamed. He stared at me, his face an expression of shock. Tears slid down his face. Watching his tears caress his cheeks burned holes into my heart. I had hurt the one person I truly loved. I only wanted to lift my burdening life from his shoulders.

"Hayley," he whispered, his voice shattered. More tears fell down his face. "I am not going to let you die. I will not let you die until it is your time. I'm taking you to the hospital; I promise no one will ever hear about this. It'll only be between you and me."

"I'm useless," I cried. "I'm nothing. You don't want me..."

"No, you're the exact opposite of all of those things. C'mon, Hayley." Taylor scooped me up in his arms and rushed to his car. He did exactly what he said, which was take me to the hospital.

***

I woke up to the sound of small, faint beeps. I found myself in a hospital bed, nurses and doctors walking by as they served other patients. I looked next to me, finding Taylor sitting in one of the chairs, his head in his hands. I studied him, guilt rushing in me. I shouldn't have put him through all of that pain. The image of his teary eyes were burned into my mind, making it hard to even close my eyes knowing I'd see his brown eyes drowning in tears.

"You're awake?" Taylor asked. I looked over at him, finding his eyes red, puffy, and surrounded by dark circles.

"Yeah," I rasped.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm okay," I said with a nod. Taylor stood up from the chair and moved next to me. He ran a hand through my hair.

"Do you know why you're here?" he quizzed.

"I tried to kill myself," I answered. He nodded as he stopped stroking my hair.

"Hayley, promise me something," he said.

"Depends what it is," I said.

"Don't you ever try killing yourself again," he said, his voice being stern. "You scared the shit out of me, Hayley. I thought I was going to lose you."

"But you didn't."

"I almost did." The pain was noticeable in his voice. "I can't afford to lose you."

"What do you mean?" Taylor blew a sigh as he leaned against the wall on his shoulder.

"Remember you asked me what was my reason to be here? The night when we kissed?"

"Yes."

"The reason I'm here is for you, Hayley," he said, fixing his eyes to mine. "You're my reason."

"Nonsense," I scoffed. "I'm a piece of shit--"

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again, either. Got it?"

"Yeah," I hesitated. Taylor sat back down in the chair he was in before, his head in his hands like last time.

"You have to stay overnight," he said. "I'll stay here until you get better."

"York?" I tried. He heaved a sigh. I could tell he was upset about what I've done.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I'm sorry." Taylor shrugged.

"It's fine. Just don't do it again." There was a minute of silence.

"York?" I tried again.

"What?" he groaned. I giggled at his annoyance.

"Thank you," I said, smiling a little. He looked up at me for a moment, then returned the smile, it slowly developing on his face, but quickly fading.

"Anything for you, Hayley."