"Self love forms a love so precious within a persons mind. That love is a scar from the band-aid we rip off. The first layer of self hate."

In Heaven || Eight

-

It was quiet. Too quiet in the dark apartment as Jimin shut the door behind him, locking it. Haven't being able to see or text Jeongguk in a week he came an hour early to catch up on what he had miss, to only be met with a dark and empty apartment.

He took notice of the yellow Apoc jacket that was lying on the counter, knowing it was Jeongguk's having bought it for him. He turned on the lamp and it was then that he noticed the messed up living room. And the drop of blood on the floor next to the crooked coffee table.

He knew Jeongguk would never ever leave a room this messy, he figured out what had happened himself.

"Jeongguk?" He called out, dropping his bag onto the floor and rushing to the bedroom. He flung the door open seeing the lamp on and a crying boy in the bed sheets. Sighing in relief he sat on the bed next to him, hugging the small boy.

"Jeongguk, did he come over again?" Jimin asked softly pulling away from him, and wiping his tears away. Seeing his puffy face and his red stained tears. He traced the band-aid with his finger, noticing the light pink mark on Jeongguk's face.

Jeongguk stayed silent. He didn't need to answer because he knew Jimin already knew the answer. He sniffled, pulling the blanket up more to his chest, "I d-don't want to g-go to school, Jimin." He mumbled into the sheets as he lied down into the cold bed.

Jimin nodded his head, "Ok, that's fine. I'll call in for you, and we can just stay home together." He replied softly running his hand through Jeongguk's hair, "If you feel up for it we can head to school during lunch."

Jeongguk just nodded in response not saying anything more. Jimin gave a sad sigh and left him, leaving the door a crack open before heading back to the living room.

He took out his phone to call Yoongi and tell him what had happened, dialing his number only for it to go straight to voicemail.

"Must be asleep then." Jimin said out loud deciding just to send a quick text instead.

Yoongi 💜

Jimin
It happened again. Staying home with Jeongguk, might come to school during lunch. Love you!
Delivered 6:10am

Jimin set his phone down on the counter and began cleaning up the living room. He fixed the coffee table, making sure it wasn't crooked knowing Jeongguk would get upset.

He fixed the small pillows on the couch making sure they weren't out of place. Getting a small washcloth and rubbing the tiny bloodstain softly, trying to get it out of the carpet. It left a tiny unnoticeable stain, Jimin sighed knowing he couldn't do anything more to get it out.

He walked back into Jeongguk's room, the floorboards creaking gently under his small feet. Opening the door a little, "I'm making breakfast, any specific meal that you want?" He asked peering into the dimly lit room. Making out Jeongguk's tiny frame from the outline of the blanket.

"You can just make whatever you want." A muffled voice responded. Jimin nodded his head, closing the door again, making sure to leave it opened a crack.

He heard his phone starting to ring from the kitchen counter, walking over to it and seeing that Yoongi was calling him. He swiped the call, holding the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

"It happened again?" Yoongi asked, his voice was scratchy and groggy. Jimin hummed in response.

"It did. I think something worse happened this time, Jeongguk seems really sad. I didn't ask him what happened because I knew he wouldn't tell me anything anyways." Jimin replied, rubbing his forehead as he opened the fridge and took out some eggs.

"Do you think he'll wanna come to school later?" Yoongi asked Jimin.

"I'm not sure, maybe though. I'll get him to eat and then take a shower. He needs sleep for now." Jimin responded to the question. He heard Yoongi shuffling on the other side of the line, the blankets making a crinkling noise.

"Do you know what he was doing all weekend, Jimin?"

Jimin tilted his head in confusion,
"No, why? I got my phone taken away remember?" He heard Yoongi get out of bed and walk into the bathroom.

"Taehyung texted me yesterday night, him and Jeongguk were together all weekend. He took Jeongguk out on a date and then Jeongguk slept over at his place." Yoongi said, "Maybe somehow Mr. Jeon found out. I'm just taking a guess though."

Jimin stood in shock for a moment,
"Taehyung and Jeongguk went on a date? I thought Jeongguk liked Namjoon though?" He asked Yoongi, turning the stove on.

Yoongi hummed, "I think it was obvious Jeongguk didn't like Namjoon that much, Jimin. But it sounded like Taehyung and him had a really nice time together."

Jimin nodded his head, setting a pan on the stove and popping some bread into the toaster, "If Taehyung likes Jeongguk then wouldn't he ask why he didn't show up to school today?"

"Then I'll just tell him that Jeongguk wasn't feeling well and that he might come later. It's not our place to tell him Jeongguk's life story." Yoongi responded.

Jimin set his phone down on the counter and put it on speaker, cracking an egg onto the pan,
"You're right. I'll try to talk to Jeongguk and find out what happened. I just want him to be ok." He said cracking another egg.

"And I thought you weren't friends with Taehyung?" Jimin asked hearing Yoongi move around.

"He's friends with Namjoon so we talk from time to time. He told me about Jeongguk because I'm friends with him. It sounded like he really likes Jeongguk a lot. Almost like he loves him even." Yoongi answered.

Jimin awed, "That's so sweet! Do you think Jeongguk likes him back?" He asked as he flipped the eggs.

"I'm pretty sure he does. Taehyung said that Jeongguk didn't him to go home."

Jimin laughed, "They're cute together."

"We'd be cute together." Yoongi said out of nowhere taking Jimin by surprise.

Jimin stumbled over his words,
"You're s-so weird. I don't l-like you." He replied to the weird statement.
He heard Yoongi laugh on the other end of the phone, knowing he was smiling.

"You're cute, Jimin. I gotta go though, schools starting soon. Love you!" The other said while chuckling.

"Love you too."

The call disconnected and Jimin sighed, "Asshole." He muttered under his breath.

-

Jimin set the plates aside on the nightstand, crossing his legs.
"So do you wanna maybe talk about what happened?" He asked Jeongguk who looked back at him with his puffy red eyes.

The boy sighed, "No, not really Jimin."

Jimin sighed, "Jeongguk, as your friend I just wanna tell you that you can tell me anything. I don't care what it's about, I just want you to be ok. You can't keep doing this to yourself, your dad might be the one causing it but really, you doing this is what's going to break you." He said sternly looking at Jeongguk, showing that he was sick of him doing this.

Jeongguk gave a small sigh and nodded his head slowly, "I don't e-even know what happened yesterday." He mumbled fiddling with his hands. Jimin held his hand as he talked.

"I just came home and next thing I know m-my dad is at the d-door." He sniffled as he talked, wiping his nose,
"He said mean things, said that Jeonghyuk died because he was gay and asked me if I wanted to die too."

Jimin held onto his hand tighter, feeling mad, "Why'd he say that though, Gguk?" He asked softly. Jeongguk pulled down the collar of Taehyung's sweatshirt that he had thrown on, Jimin saw all the small hickeys that littered and painted his neck. He also noticed that he was wearing a sweatshirt that wasn't his.

"Did Taehyung do that?" He asked looking back over at Jeongguk who nodded in response, not asking how Jimin knew. "And that's what set your dad off?" Jeongguk nodded again.

"He said that he knew I didn't get them from a girl. And that he didn't want me to talk to the guy who gave them to me or else I would die like Jeonghyuk." Jeongguk pulled the collar of the sweatshirt up again,
"I said I didn't want to and that's when he hit me."

Jimin sighed getting frustrated but let Jeongguk continue, "I don't know what to do Jimin. I don't wanna d-die like Jeonghyuk." His voice faltered at the end, his throat growing tight as he tried not to breakdown.

Jimin embraced the boy in a hug, "Oh, Gguk, you're not going to die. Don't listen to that asshole you call your dad." He said pushing the hair out of his face, "You know what he's saying is bullshit, don't believe a single word he says to you. You have me, Yoongi, and Taehyung. Why listen to your dad when you can listen to me or the rest of us?"

Jeongguk hadn't slept at all that night. He was having a fight with himself. Does he leave home or does he stay? The wave of thoughts couldn't stop crashing against the rocky shore of his lighthouse as he tried to search for hope or something to cling onto in the dark and cold ocean that was his mind. The lighthouse was dim. It made it hard to look.

It always seemed like he was fighting himself even though there weren't marks to prove it. To fight yourself everyday and lose. Jeongguk went to bed with bruises and woke up with soreness in his chest.

The big first warning he noticed was when the fighting had begun to stop. There were no more bruises no more soreness. Because he had found a band-aid.

But band-aids get ripped off and thrown away.

Jeongguk fought with himself and lost.

The band-aid had to be ripped off and thrown away.

Because he didn't deserve the band-aid. He didn't deserve to be loved and cherished. He didn't deserve to feel special. He didn't deserve him.

That's what he fought with himself about. He lost eventually. And his heart broke.

"You're right, Jimin." He forced a small smile, "I'm gonna take a shower and sleep a bit." He said pulling the blanket away from him.

Jimin nodded and gave a grin,
"I'll be cleaning up in the kitchen, ok? Just call me if you need anything." He said as he got up and collected the plates, walking out of the room.

Jeongguk let out a breath. He slowly took off Taehyung's sweatshirt, it hurt taking it off. It felt like a second layer of skin, he had worn it so much it felt like it had glued itself onto his smooth silky skin. He looked at it, running the tips of his frail fingers over the stitching.

He brought the sweatshirt up to his button nose, smelling it.

It didn't smell like him anymore.

He got up, out of bed, walking over to his closet. He looked at it one last time, placing it on a hanger and hid the sweatshirt in the back of his closet with the rest of his forgotten clothes. He closed the closet doors.

Standing in front of them for a couple seconds. He felt his throat grow tight and his chest get sore. He walked away from the closet.

It hurt. It hurt so bad.

He didn't know if it was from the first tiny rip of the band-aid or if it was the bleeding from getting pricked by the rose.

Either way.

He bled.

-

"You're lying to me."

Yoongi crossed his arms, "I'm telling the truth." He replied squinting his eyes.

Taehyung scoffed, "Yoongi, why isn't Jeongguk here?" He asked for the fifth time. The boy didn't reply to his text or call, beginning to get worried when Jimin didn't show up either. His last resort was intterogating Yoongi.

"I am telling the truth, he isn't feeling well, Taehyung. He said if he feels better he might come during lunch." Yoongi said. He was technically telling the truth. He just left out the other half.

Taehyung looked him up and down, with a glare in his sharp eyes,
"Fine, if you say so." His voice dropped growing deep as he turned and walked away as the bell rang for class to start.

Yoongi sighed, pulling out his phone to text Jimin, "I didn't sign up to be interrogated and imitated by Jeongguk's stupid boyfriend." He muttered under his breath as he texted Jimin.

"What's got you all mad?" Namjoon asked as he wrapped his arm around Yoongi's shoulders.

Yoongi shoved his phone back into his pocket, removing Namjoons arm from his shoulder, "Just Jeongguk's stupid boyfriend." He said walking to class with Namjoon.

Namjoon laughed, "Taehyung? What'd he do?"

Yoongi gave a shrug, "Just mad that Jeongguk isn't here today." He turned to Namjoon, "And how'd you know that it was Taehyung?"

Namjoon tilted his head, "Well they are dating right? I thought it was obvious?" He said as he scratched his head in confusion, looking back at Yoongi.

"It's that obvious, huh?"

"I mean, yeah, after they played seven minutes in heaven Taehyung couldn't stop looking at Jeongguk like he was in love with him." Namjoon said,
"And they've been acting like a couple at lunch, so I just thought of the obvious."

"They're weird." Yoongi responded as he and Namjoon reached their class. Namjoon nodded his head, "I think Taehyung's liked him for awhile." He said as they walked into the class.

"I've liked who for awhile?" A voice said interrupting their conversation.

The pair looked up seeing Taehyung there with his hands in his pockets and a skeptical look on his face.

Yoongi gave a sigh of annoyance, "What're you doing here? This isn't even your classroom." He said growing tired of the boy and walked to his seat. Namjoon followed him.

"I came to drop off papers." Taehyung replied, walking over to them as they sat down. Namjoon smiled at him,
"Good morning, Taehyung. Missing your boyfriend?" He teased.

Taehyung gave him a glare, "Yes, I am missing him." He said as he glared at Yoongi too, leaving the classroom as the final bell rung.

"He's scary when he's mad, huh?" Namjoon said getting out his books. Yoongi shrugged, "I could care less."

-

Jimin slipped on his shoes with Jeongguk doing the same behind him,
"You sure you wanna go to school?" He asked getting his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Jeongguk nodded and brushed his hair out of his eyes, "I don't want to miss a lot of work is all." He said getting his bag too.

"I bet you just want to see Taehyung." Jimin teased as he pinched Jeongguk's cheek.

His heart hurt at the mere mention of his name. How was he supposed to rip off the band-aid if he couldn't even handle the mere mention of his name. Jeongguk gave a forced laugh,
"Yeah, I just miss him a lot."

He meant what he said. He really really did miss him even though he had seen him yesterday. He missed him so much that he gave into the urge and wore his sweatshirt even though he knew he shouldn't have.

Wearing it just made him feel so protected, the smell of mint and leather felt like a blanket around him that he could melt into and just feel still. He felt pathetic that he couldn't even go a day without missing him.

That he pinned his last and every hope onto one person to keep him happy.

He wondered if it was right to do that.

It scared him that he put so much of himself into him. And that it could just get ripped apart with one rip or prick.

To stay awake and let reality drag him under for a couple seconds.

To drown yet be full of air.

He was drowning himself and he turned away from the life jacket and band-aid that was Kim Taehyung.

"You ready now?" Jimin asked as he opened the door.

"Yes."

He wasn't ready.

-

Jeongguk got out of the car, closing the door. Jimin locked the car, looking at his phone, "Good, lunch just started! We can go catch up with Yoongi and Taehyung." He said sliding his phone back into his pocket.

Jeongguk rubbed the band-aid on his forehead, "You go first, I'm gonna go see Jin to change my band-aid." He said making up an excuse. Jimin turned to him, with confusion on his face, "Jin?"

"The nurse."

"Oh, I see. I can come with, it shouldn't take too long right?" Jimin said hooking arms with him as they walked into school.

Jeongguk shook his head, "No, it's ok. I'll be fine, you should go catch up with Yoongi first." He repsonded, he didn't want to see him. He couldn't. Jimin unhooked his arm from him.

"You sure?"

"Mhm, I'll catch up with you guys soon."

Jimin began jogging into the school,
"Ok, see you in a bit!"

Jeongguk saw him disappear into the main hall of school. He walked slowly into the school hall and began walking in the opposite direction of Jin's office.

-

Taehyung saw Jimin rush into the cafeteria, he felt his heart race with excitement of finally being able to see Jeongguk. But no one followed Jimin into the cafeteria. His heart sank back into his chest as his smile faded off his face.

Jimin sat down next to Yoongi,
"Hi guys." He said simply. Taehyung nodded in response, Yoongi wrapping his arm around Jimin's shoulder.

Taehyung sighed and pushed his lunch away from him. Jimin looked over at him, noticing his sad mood and the frown on his face, "He's in the nurses office."

That was all it took to send Taehyung running down the hall.

-

Taehyung slid the door to Jin's office open, being too excited and happy to finally see Jeongguk even though it had been a day only. But instead of seeing Jeongguk he was met with Jin filing papers.

Jin gave him a strange look as to why he just flung the door wide open,
"Uh, you doing ok Taehyung?" He asked skeptically as he put papers into the file cabinet.

Taehyung looked around the room, but there was no sign of his star,
"Jeongguk isn't here?" He asked as he panted. Jin shook his head, "He never checked in, why?"

Taehyung sighed and walked away not bothering to answer Jin, he bunped shoulders with someone as he turned around a corner. He wondered where Jeongguk could be. He just wanted to give him a big hug and kiss him. To tell him how much he missed him.

"Oh- Taehyung?"

The defeated boy looked up seeing Namjoon and Chanyeol, "Hey, Namjoon and Chanyeol he said." His voice not excited at all. He just wanted to find Jeongguk.

Namjoon noticed his mood,
"Oh, are you looking for Jeongguk?"
Now that caught Taehyung's attention, he nodded, "Yes! Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, I saw him at the garden-"

That was all it took to send Taehyung running down the hall.

-

Jeongguk sat in the garden, his fingers playing with the grass as he sat with his legs crossed. On the inside he knew he really wanted to find Taehyung and give him a big hug. Maybe kiss him too. He sighed as he got up and walked into the flower garden.

He smiled gently at the sweet aroma of the flowers, it being January only a couple were in bloom. It was partially sunny with a bit of overcast, leaving his face kissed with the warm sun rays yet shadowed by darkness. It fit him.

He looked at the scene in front of him. There were flowers in bloom and ones that were wilting. The ones that were wilting were once strong and beautiful flowers, having lived out their life well. Jeongguk wondered if he was wilted or still strong.

He wondered that if Taehyung were here, would he see the same painting as he did.  He brought his frail tiny fingers out and brushed the wilted flower gently, "You and I are the same I think." He said quietly.

The wilted and strong flowers didn't have thorns. Just green stems and vines, Jeongguk ran his finger over it. It felt soft, it didn't hurt or prick him. Taehyung. That was his first thought.

How soft he was and how he didn't hurt him. Jeongguk smiled sadly thinking about it, he felt his chest get heavy and hurt again as his dimlit eyes got watery and blurred his vision. He looked down and sniffled, his nose getting runny, the cold January air not helping him.

All he wanted was a hug from Taehyung. All he wanted was Taehyung. The name rang in his ears.

He was taken out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps behind him, he looked up, turning around but was met with a pair of big strong arms wrapping themselves around him. All he could make of was the smell of mint and leather mixing in with the flowers.

He felt his heart stop and his breath hitch. 

"Taehyung?" The name felt foreign on his tounge as he felt Taehyung let out a sigh of relief.

"I missed you so much." Taehyung said hugging him tighter, and placing his face into Jeongguk's neck. The sweet smell of cinnamon, vanilla, and sugar wafting in the stale cold air.

Jeongguk felt his throat hurt again as his chest got heavy, his vision got blurry as his shoulders shook,
"I c-can't leave y-you." He whispered as his voice faltered and broke.

Taehyung pulled away from him in confusion, "What? Why are you crying, star?" He asked gently wiping away his tears, "What's got you so upset?" He whispered kissing Jeongguk on the crown of his head.

Jeongguk shook his head, "I h-had a bad day y-yesterday." He said as he tripped over his words, he wraped his arms around Taehyung, holding onto him as tight as he could, "I missed you s-so much." He cried into his chest.

The moment Taehyung hugged him, the moment the smell of mint and leather wafted into the air, the moment of peace he felt, the split second of love.

Jeongguk realized home was too precious too leave.

You can rip off a band-aid but sometimes a scar forms.

Taehyung was the scar. And Jeongguk the band-aid.

To rip off the first layer of self hate and accept the love that is given to you from it.

His lighthouse had found something exquisite.

Not hope.

Not the moon.

Not the sun.

Not an angel.

Taehyung.

He had found Taehyung.

"I missed you too, love."

-

This chapter was way shorter than usual, it was only 3,800 😔 but I wanted to end it on a good note y'know?

I hope this satisfied you 😢 I haven't updated in I think, two weeks now sorry for that stars my summers been busy lately.

Here was my original plan ⤵
Jeongguk was going to ignore Taehyung because his dads a bitch, and Taehyung was going to chase after him because he obviously cares about him. Then Jeongguk cries and tells Taehyung then they kiss and uwu. I was gonna insert Taehyung's background too but decided not to ayy.

A lot of you say you really like my writing and how it is, and thank you for that but personally I don't like it 😔 I just don't see how it's good so I try to improve it but it do be staying ugly anyways. And I'm not trying to fish for compliments cause who does that like come on- 👀

Also while writing a line I wrote "He wanted to tell Taehyung I love you" but then was like "huh" my brain auto corrected I missed you to I love you- my brain knows what's up you guys 😳

If you are looking for any Top Tae Taekook books I reccomend VIAGGUK you'll be happy there!~

Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter! It is short, but it took me like three days to write idk why 😔

Camille Saint Saëns: Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso :)

Stay healthy and safe my stars 💫