ODETTE | MOETTI

LESEDI WASN'T IN the dorm or the swimming stadium's changing room when I arrived to pre-class practice.

When my eyes had searched the bright space and come up empty, I knew she'd show up late. It was selfish of me that my first worry wasn't her whereabouts, only that I didn't have her presence to somewhat settle my fretting. That there wasn't an opportunity for me to talk to her in the changing rooms as we got ready.

I internally scolded myself later while I was sat ready, on a bleacher alone. The world didn't revolve around me. And the red digits on the clock ticking down till practice began reminded me of that: the world wouldn't stop when I wanted it too.

I fiddled with a curl that had escaped my cap as a frown prodded my lips. She'd sent me a text five minutes ago that she'd been caught up with some "arrangement" but it wouldn't take long.

I didn't even have the mental space to ponder on what it could be. I had the vague feeling of it being something to do with Neo considering their meeting yesterday. Whether that feeling was right or not was a whole other story.

Practice soon began and Lesedi still hadn't arrived. She made an appearance partway through warm up and, after being talked to by Marsh, she headed towards the changing rooms.

It may have been because I wasn't able to share what'd happened with someone or because of the worst-case scenarios that filled my head, but I couldn't get into the zone. I was too jittery. Even with water sloshing against my skin and my hands cutting through the pool, my thoughts didn't shut up.

I was sloppy, I knew it.

My breaths wouldn't settle. Just when I thought I had everything under control, another variation of my parents reaction played behind my eyes. Their punishments had never aligned with the crime so I always tried my best to not get into trouble. But this time it felt like everything was out of my control.

There was nothing I could do.

The scar on my calve burned with a phantom ache throughout the two hours. Almost like a reminder of consequences I'd survived in the past, and didn't help in the slightest.

I wasn't surprised when Coach pulled me aside between sets, with a concerned furrow to her brows. "Are you alright Odette? You're a bit off the ball this morning so I just wanted to check."

I rubbed at the back of my neck, ashamed by my terrible performance that'd been on display for the past hour. "Just a rough morning, I'm sorry Coach."

"Don't apologise, we all have bad days. Do you want to share what's responsible?"

She was too nice to me.

I shook my head before she'd even finished and tried pulling up a weak smile. "No, it's nowt, really. I'll try and get back at it."

Her browns held mine for a few more moments before she nodded and let me go.

But I should have known that if Marshie had noticed, my fellow swimmers would have— especially, Remington. So, unsurprisingly, she called me out in the changing rooms after practice. In front of everyone.

"Moetti?" She was leaning against one of the locked shower doors so that as soon as I entered, I faced the full brunt of her blues. "Aren't you supposed to be one of the school's best investments?"

I caught Lesedi's eyes flash from our corner where we got changed but I shook my head slightly. What Remington had said was true— even if it didn't have to be said in front of an audience. Besides the truth always stung a bit, and in this case, stressed me out that bit more.

After winning the British Championships in the summer and getting scouted, I had forgone a few training sessions per Lesedi's persuasion. She'd said I should celebrate the victory and she'd somehow got her parents to convince mine to let me stay at hers for a week.

It was during the last week of summer that she'd taken me to see London's sights and some lesser known haunts. She'd also — somehow — convinced Dube to take us to a fashion show and it was one of my favourite memories. But they were slightly soured now.

I hoped I could get back into the swing of things soon. I didn't need my parents catching wind of it— of anything besides swimming success. But then again, my current mental state could be completely responsible. I've never not been able to loose myself in the water.

Remington didn't wait for me to respond, but I wasn't going to. When it came to her, it was better to let her get it all out of her system.

"And the timings for your splits out there today? Why were they the same as the ones you had in year eleven? You've been scouted to represent our country, but where's that talent now? Or maybe you don't think we deserve your best since we're not England—"

I had to cut her off there; I wouldn't allow her to sew insecurities into our swim-mates. She didn't have a right to do that.

"Remington. I'm dealing with some stuff right now and it has nothing to do with this team." I nailed her with a stare and dared her to cut me off. "I am sorry for my poor performance today, because, like you said, you guys don't deserve that. You all do deserve my best; you all do your best and I should do the same. Still, has this happened often? No, its a one-time thing and you know that. But, I'm sorry and I'll make sure that I'm bringing what yous deserve next time."

There was nothing left for her to challenge me with in the wake of my words and we both knew it.

She only folded her arms and made her way to the bench her stuff was on. "You better because this team is counting on you."

Like I didn't know.

Lesedi was annoyed, I could tell it from the set of her brows as I approached her. "Why didn't you tag me in? I could have gave her the ol' one-two."

My lips twitched at the image as I started freeing my arms from my suit. "It's nothing too serious Les, just Remington being Remington."

She grabbed my elbow and waited till I met her eyes. "But it's serious to me, okay? I don't want to see her chewing you out when you've already had a bad day."

At the downturn to her lips, my heart twanged and I pulled her into a chlorine-scented side-hug. "Aw Les. The way I'm feeling right now has nothing to do with her, it's from something before practice."

She huffed, pulling me into the seat on the bench beside her. "And why do I not know the reason?"

"I was going to tell you before practice but you were late."

She pulled a face and I snorted.

We were supposed to be getting changed if we hoped to get some grub and make it to Sports Studies on time. I went to stand up when she yanked me back down.

"We're gonna be late—"

"Oh well if we're late, you're much more important." She threw her braids over her shoulder. "Now tell me what happened Odey."

I glanced around the space, aware that our conversation could easily be overheard— which would crumble the remains of my mental stability I had left. "We're not the only ones here, y'know."

After a glimpse at my face, she snapped her fingers. "Oh! Let me tell you where I was! I just remembered I haven't told you yet."

I spotted our captain's eyes lingering on Lesedi and gave her a subtle nudge. "You think it's safe to mention that here?"

Rather than follow my lead in being subtle, she craned her neck to meet a certain blonde's eyes. "Yeah, nothing to worry about."

I snorted and let my shoulders fall slightly. Whatever she said would be a welcome distraction to what was going on inside my head.

"Go on then."

A slow smile spread across her lips and I found myself replicating it. "Remember when I said, I wanted to challenge him to that bet?"

Him?

I blinked before reading her lips.

Oh, Neo.

I nodded for her to carry on.

"So I emailed him—"

"Emailed?"

Didn't they have each other's digits by now?

"Yeah, emailed." She fiddled a braid before saying, "I've not given him my number, despite the countless times he's asked, to almost. . .set myself apart if that makes sense? I didn't want him to view me as just another girl on his roster."

I tried to keep my lip twitching to a minimum. "You're not like other girls, huh?"

"Oh shut up." She gave me a shove as a smile slipped onto my face. "He has my email and spotify account; that should be enough for him."

"But it doesn't seem like it's enough for you."

I couldn't hide my smile from her and she chucked her flipflop at me. I caught it as I snorted at her dark look.

"Okay, I'll stop." I wouldn't. "So what did he say about the bet— or rather challenge to see if he's pursuing you for good reasons?"

Her expression didn't change for a few moments before it softened. "It was like he saw through it, through me, but he didn't say it. He agreed to it with ease, like I'd offered him free food so. Anyway, I'm happy."

My eyes hovered over her small smile while I hummed. "Yeah I can see that."

But I was glad to see Neo hadn't fallen at the first hurdle. He'd seemed sound on my first impression of him but there was always more to people than outer appearances.

Beeping sounded from my watch and awareness crashed over me with its arrival. It signalled Breakfast and I realised I wasn't changed or told Lesedi what had happened this morning. The only benefit to us running behind was that we were the only ones left in the steamed space. I didn't need to fear anyone else finding out.

We'd miss breakfast, without a doubt, but I could cope with an empty stomach. What I couldn't cope with was keeping this morning to myself.

I hated myself for freezing up, for not leaving straightaway even though Kaede had noticed it was me. There were so many mistakes I made: for one, I should've had better control over my body and now I had all the time to regret it.

Why did this morning have to happen?

I jumped up and began to shed my suit to give my hands something to do. "Kaede knows I skate."

Lesedi was in the middle of clipping on her bra when she paused. She threw me a look I ignored in favour of throwing on my underwear.

"Kaede knows you skate?"

I tapped my fingers against my thigh as I shrugged on my white button up next. "I went on the court this morning thinking I could skate there. Turns out it was occupied."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "He was there when you went in? But then—"

"I know, I know. I don't know what happened, I didn't deny what I should have." I rubbed a hand down my face. "I just froze up, couldn't move for the life of me— and that's never happened to me like that before."

Lesedi paused and her pursed lips in thought. But then the seconds turned into half a minute.

"Les, please say somet."

She tilted her head before slowly speaking as if she was still choosing her words. "Tell me what you're thinking right now."

I bit hard on my bottom lip before speaking. "I'm worried about him telling someone, who tells someone else, who tells someone else and my parents finding out— mainly my parents finding' out. I can't let them find out."

I was rambling, I knew it but my pounding heart said it was warranted.

"Are you going to skip lessons today?"

The drastic idea made my breath catch as I tried to compute it. "Huh, what?"

"Because of what Garreth said, about how athletes share classes together now."

I hadn't even thought of that. How many classes would I share with him? Sure, he might not have the same options as me but that didn't mean we wouldn't be in the same tutorial or RE.

Still, "I can't skip class."

I'd be asking for my dad to put his hands on me.

"I know babes." She threw her hair into a bun as she thought. "But we might have to skip first period, if only to think about what to do. That and run to IT to see if he is in any of your shared classes."

Her plan did seem tempting, but my fear of seeing him again so wasn't superior to the punishment I'd get for skipping class. What would my parents even see as fitting? My education "wasted" and for what? They weren't lenient, so even if it was only an hour I'd missed, they'd treat it like it was the full day.

What happens if they called me in today? What could I even say in defence?

"Odey, babes, breathe for me."

I blinked and found Lesedi in front of me, with her hands squeezing mine. It was only then that I realised my lungs were getting slivers of air. My sight was blurry from tears. Pressure was pressing down on my frame and my chest burned.

I'm overreacting. I needed to stop—

But everything was falling apart and it was all my fault.

Why was I like this?

The question pushed me off my tipping point and I felt my lips tremble.

A pair of warm hands cradled my face. I blinked again. Lesedi's face swam into view.

I tried to steady my breathing but there was an alarming sense of helplessness surging inside of me. Everything became hazy as my tears began to fall.

"Les, I-I screwed up again, di-didn't I?" My words were as stuttered as my intakes of air but she only shushed me.

"No you didn't lovely." Her fingers gave a gentle squeeze to my wet cheeks. "You're fine, you're wonderful— you're my fave cousin after all."

Her words registered after a few moments but I wasn't in any state to laugh.

My lips sucked in some more oxygen. "I'm your— I'm your only cousin."

"Well." The strokes of her thumbs reassured me that I could feel something other than the racing of my heart. "Doesn't change the fact."

My eyes gradually stopped leaking. "I think— I think it does."

I zeroed in on her small smile. She shrugged and nearly toppled her undone bow from her button-up's collar.

"N'importe." The french word fell as easy as english ones did from her lips.

It took me a moment to bundle my frayed focus to translate it. "L-Last time I checked, you know I d-don't speak French."

With her dad bring half-Congolese, she'd learnt French alongside Tswana. It wasn't uncommon for her to choose either tongue when chatting under her breath. Plus, she'd said the phrase enough times for me to know it meant whatever.

"Yeah you little, Spanish freak." The phrase was somehow affectionate and she pinched my cheeks. "It's okay I still love you."

"Y-You say it like I didn't do it at GCSE level."

"And got a nine."

I snorted but felt my skin flush from her praise. "I know Latin and Greek to a h-higher standard, so I'm not a Spanish freak."

"Er, we're rich?" She pulled an fake-offended face. "It's basically an expectation."

I chuckled and realised my breathing had settled enough for me to do so. "Okay, you win this one."

Lesedi's ease in handling my panic attack only reminded me of how used to them she was. They didn't happen often, only a couple times a year if I was fortunate. When my stress hit an all time high and ended up spilling over. She always knew how to bring me back.

I was so grateful to her.

"What do you want to do right now?" Her browns were as soft as her voice.

"Finish getting changed."

She burst out laughing and it made my lips tug up. But it was true, she only had her top and knickers on and I didn't fare much better.

"And after?"

"Go to class." My answer left me without hesitation and I knew it was what I truly wanted.

She accepted my choice and I was thankful. "Right, let's get dressed before we get hypothermia."

She had to tug my head down to press a kiss to my forehead but I didn't mind. She stepped back and strode over to mirror to finish tying her bow. I followed her lead, feeling the worry that had been weighing down my bones alleviate slightly.

"Thank you Les." My utter was quiet but didn't decrease the sincerity to it.

I didn't know what I'd do without her.

"It's nothing Odey." She finished zipping up her pleated skirt. "Is that why your head wasn't in practice?"

I should have known she would have noticed.

I stuffed my swimming gear back in my locker and locked it with the key I kept on the chain on my lanyard. After a moment, I reopened the metal storage space to organise everything so it wouldn't all fall out when I opened it next practice.

Even after all that faff to avoid Lesedi's gaze, my face was still warm when I turned to her. "Was it really that obvious?"

She pinched my side after stowing her own things away. "You might be able to fool Marshie, but not me babes."

I hid my rolled eyes as she leaned against the wall adjacent to the changing room's exit as I grabbed my bag.

"I saw that."

"No you never." I felt too warm to put on my jumper so I threw it in my backpack. "Last time I checked, you weren't Superman."

"Maybe that's because I haven't told you?"

I snorted at her lame excuse and trailed after her as we left the changing rooms. She didn't let me walk behind her long and hooked our arms at the elbow.

We trundled through the chilly quad towards the West wing. Lesedi kept our pace light while my body felt drained in the aftermath of the anxiety attack. We didn't even make it halfway in our journey to our Sports Studies classroom when the bell went.

"We're late." The words left me devoid of any emotion.

I was already panicked-out from this morning and didn't have any energy left to worry. If my parents asked about the tardy, I could always lie and say I was in the swimming arena doing some extra practice. If they went as far to check CCTV, I did leave late.

The girl beside me acted like she hadn't heard a word I said. "Do you think these shoes will get me dress-coded?"

I looked down at what was covering her feet and was mildly surprised to see that they weren't her usual Gwen Platform Mary Janes, but some battered black Converse she'd favoured in the summer. Those were definitely not footwear that fit the uniform code on the school's website.

I snorted and spoke dryly. "If they do, all you have to do is ask your parents to get in touch with the school."

Lesedi hummed as she popped on her sunglasses. "I do love being a nepo baby."

I knew we were given an unfair amount of leniency compared to non-athletes or students who didn't have any ties to St Everfields, but life wasn't fair. I saw it in my own life with my parents so I didn't allow myself to feel guilty. After all, in the real world, as a black woman, I wouldn't encounter this type of ease until I established myself.

It would just take some time, but I'd make that happen.

The only downside to my free-reign was the fear I'd see in other students' eyes when they realised who I was the daughter of. When my parents' ruthless business image ended up speaking for me as well. When they only saw my last name and parent's position as governors, instead of me as a person.

Even my parents were victims of it.

Lesedi slowed our pace as we entered into the hallway our classroom was in. The glass window that ran along the top half of the wall of the room, let us see who was inside. Unsurprisingly, it was already full and there were only three empty seats. Thankfully two were by each other in the front; I couldn't imagine not sitting beside my cousin.

But even from here, I could see Kaede inside; those shoulders of his were unmistakable.

I could feel embers of my earlier panic threaten to relight when Lesedi's hands cupped my face. Her thumbs repeated their swirling motion from before and my attention shifted the sensation.

"My lovely Odey, you've got this." Her warm eyes slipped over my face. "You won't be anywhere near him and you'll be too busy with learning to think about him."

She only voiced my initial thoughts on attending lesson in the first place. But hearing them from her lips anchored me. That and the slight squeeze to my cheeks helped.

"You want me to do all the talking?"

She was referring to Ms Laurel asking us why we were late and I nodded. "Yes please."

She left my face go after pulling it down to peck my cheek. "You're lucky I like talking."

Regardless of her words, she kept hold of my hand and I tried not to hold on too tightly. After a glance to me, and getting my nod, she walked us further down the hallway.

It meant we were now visible from inside and I tried to stop my shoulders from stiffening. She knocked on the door when we arrived in front of it. To occupy my brain from what was coming, I took out my phone with my free hand.

There was a tray with slots in that sat at the front of room. The school, for all its luxuries, had a "no phones in class" policy. They could be collected after the lesson but during it they were supposed to be switched off and accounted for during registration. Of course there were a few phone addicts who had backups, but it was a dangerous game to be playing with your grades.

A familiar forty-year-old woman opened the door and I tried not to flinch. "Lesedi, Odette, what has you so late?"

Despite my plan to be silent, I quietly apologised to Ms Laurel as we stepped into the classroom.

Lesedi dropped her phone in the box on Ms' desk before me. "Sorry Ms Laurel, we were just a little preoccupied."

Yes, I agreed for her to speak for us but not to make us seem suspicious. I poked her side.

Lesedi tried again as Laurel's honey eyes watched us in amusement. "I mean, practice spilled over."

Used to her antics from last year, the Sports Studies teacher tried to hide her smile as she tutted. "You're not the only ones who've had some sort of practice this morning. You are the only ones who haven't arrived on time, but I'll let you off this once. Please find a seat girls."

I knew Lesedi had realised that we couldn't pull the "I was at practice" excuse anymore the same second I had. From her swooped eyebrows, I could tell she was mentally berating Deputy Gareth for the timetable change. But I was just thankful that Ms Laurel let us off.

I tugged Lesedi over to the seats I'd spotted through the window earlier, hyperaware of one set of greys. Despite my attempt to keep my gaze on the floor, at Neo's voice I looked up.

"Hi."

Two rows behind the seat we were heading to, Neo lifted his hand in a wave aimed at Lesedi.

Like Cai, Neo had modified the school uniform slightly. His two top buttons to his shirt were undone so the silver chain that rested on his clavicles was on show. The chain matched the one on his pants that went from his belt to his thigh— one I could only see since we hadn't sat down yet. I don't know how I'd missed it before but a silver nose ring pierced his nose and brought the silver touches together.

I slipped my gaze to my cousin's face to spot that rare smile on her face again. "Hi yourself."

"Lesedi, Odette, why aren't you sat in your seats yet?"

At the reminder, I sat down and tugged her into the seat beside me.

She nailed me with a look but I leaned over to whisper, "You were making googly eyes at Mr Complicated."

"Shut up." She rubbed at her mouth as if that would wipe away what I'd seen from memory.

I turned in my seat slightly as I took out my school things from my bag I'd put on the floor. Once done, I threw my blazer over the back of my seat to decrease the layers I was wearing. It felt so much hotter in here than the corridor but I didn't know if it was due to the feel of a certain stare or the room's temperature.

Movement on the edge of my vision made my eyes dart up and I met the face of the guy I wanted to avoid the most. My heart fell to my stomach when his eyes locked with mine. For a second, I couldn't breathe as his greys widened and my body tensed. Quickly, I spun back around, willing myself not to throw up on my desk.

I shouldn't have turned around— why did I turn around? I knew Neo was behind us, so why wouldn't he be there?

I tried not to let my mind spiral but it was difficult. My attention kept straying from Ms Laurel's words through her presentation and I couldn't jot a full note down on my iPad. Today's sheet only contained half-finished statements at best.

"Les?"

I knew it wasn't wise to whisper — especially with how close to the front of the class we were — but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't do this.

She must have read it on my face because she dipped her head towards me without hesitation. "Hm?"

I spoke as quietly as I could into her ear. "I don't think I can do this."

Her hand clasped mine and I nearly jumped. When I looked at her face, instead of the range of piercings on the shell of her ear, I caught the concerned furrow to her brows.

Under her breath she asked, "Do you want to leave now?"

I pressed my free fingers along my temples with a mumble, "'Yes? No? I don't know."

I just needed some air. The walls were pressing in on me and every time I blinked I saw Father's furious gaze. But if I left the class, I'd only be more noticeable and I didn't know what I'd do if he followed me out with questions.

I didn't know what I wanted. Yet I was stringing her along with each decision I made and it wasn't kind to her at all.

"Sorry, just ignore me. I'm okay."

Lesedi didn't look like she believed me but let me be. After staring at me a few more moments, she moved her gaze back to Ms Laurel. No longer under her browns, my facial muscles slacked from their neutral expression.

I felt so drained and the day had barely even started. I wished I could sleep away the past few hours. That I could pretend that I didn't feel a certain pair of eyes on my back.

I folded my arms and rested my head on my desk instead. I shut my eyes and took a deep inhale.

All I had to do was sit here for two hours. I could survive.

Laurel stopped her monologue to talk to me directly. "Odette, head up from your desk."

I hoped I could anyway.

I straightened up and wished I had a wig or something that I could use to cover my face. I didn't even have my bloody beanie in my bag, I'd left it in the dorms.

In the seconds that stretched by, my foot tapped against the floor. It was like I was under a spotlight and anyone could discover my secrets if they looked closely enough. Especially a certain basketball player.

I should have listened to Les and made a no-show.

Even though I willed for time to speed up, I tried to pay attention for the first hour until the fifteen minute break. It went by with my head on the desk and the second hour was a repeat of the first. Trying to do better, but thanks to a certain basketball captain and my worsening thoughts, I couldn't tell you what the lesson was about.

EL SPEAKS !
  atp i should change my updating schedule to sunday lowk
  so sad girl arc continues 💔💔

im pretty sure there's a milli spag errors from skimming thru but it's a late update alr and my cramps r making me loose focus 🙏🏽 if u see PE / Physical Ed anywhere pls tell me it's meant to be Sports Studies 🫡

random qs i posted on my mb but i think would be better if i added here (ty lovelies who alr replied 💗) do yall prefer a boarding school romance or a normal school romance? this is for a diff work than OTC series but i'm debating whether making it a diff generation at St Everfields or switching it up and making it a non-boarding rich school. the trope for this wip is sunshine x grumpy (but fr the i hate everyone except u typa guy) so thoughts ? 🙈

hope you all enjoyed this weeks chappie 💗

  VOTE and COMMENT pls or else this sad arc will drag 😠 (im joking id never do that to you guys 🙈🙈)
hope youse have had a good day 🫶🏽 mwah

( posted; 14/07/24 )