ODETTE | MOETTI

THERE WAS A guy on the basketball court.

I'd entered with the belief that it would be just as empty as it was yesterday when I came to rollerskate. It meant I didn't even think to stop the door from closing behind me with its usual bang. A bang that echoed around the whole space and announced my presence before I'd decided on doing so.

Oh, why didn't I check before coming inside?

Whoever the guy was, he had his back towards me so I couldn't make out his face. I could tell he had some height on him— and that was saying something given that I was 5'10. He was dressed in a grey tracksuit and a black body armour top that highlighted his tapered build.

It was as if he hadn't heard me. His back muscles flexed as he bounced the ball with large, familiar, hands before leaning back to take a shot from the halfway line. It went in—and I realised what I was doing and spun round to pull open the door to escape.

How many seconds had I lost from basically drooling over a stranger?

"Is that you Odette?"

Too many.

The raspy voice was all too familiar and I shut my eyes in deep regret as my free hand stilled on the door handle.

The guy was Jae's ex. Kaede.

I nearly groaned out loud but my brain had turned to ice over the fact I'd been caught at all.

I was going to be in trouble.

"You alright?"

His voice was much closer than before and the hint of sandalwood in the air was enough to pull me out of my dread. There was a pinching around the nape of my neck and I blinked to realise my empty hand had left the door to tightly wind there.

I turned and found his greys. The clash confirmed my thoughts; it was Kaede. He held the the same high cheekbones and strong jaw I'd marvelled at yesterday. The same mouth that was currently pinched at one corner.

I didn't blame him for the surprise that blanketed his features, after all I was doused in the feeling myself. We just hadn't expected each other to be here.

I have to say something.

But all I could hear in my ears was the roaring of my blood.

"I. . ."

I watched his eyes graze over my baggy shirt and trackies, to my roller-skates in my arms and bag slung over my shoulder. My face heated under the prolonged feel.

It was like I wanted him to put the pieces together. What would I do when my parents found out? Why couldn't I speak right now?

The choked nature to my throat was achingly familiar but only further stoked my panic. My mind was racing with step D and E consequences instead of focusing on the present. I could feel my heartbeat elevate in the tips of my fingers when Kaede spoke.

"You skate?" His silvers rested on mine after his gentle question as if gauging my response. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it, it takes skill to try something new— if you're new that is. But even if you're not, it's still, not embarrassing at all."

The worry scrunching his brows and the soft pink to his cheekbones made me splutter out, "I'm not embarrassed about it, it's just—"

In my urge to reassure him, I completely forgot what was at stake. My jaw clicked shut as my right hand tightened on the laces of my boots in an attempt to ground myself.

Why didn't I lie? Why? Why? Why?

The stillness that enwrapped my body wasn't unfamiliar; it wasn't the first time I'd frozen and I doubted it would be the last. However, I'd never been triggered to do so in front of people who weren't my parents. Maybe it was because my head was so filled to the brim with them that I might as well have been.

They were going to find out and it was all my fault.

Skating was something that I really liked l, even though it was clear I didn't have a natural aptitude for it. Yeah, I still tripped up every now and again, but it was mine. Not something demanded I perfect by my parents. Something I didn't feel shame about failing in. My own thing.

Only Lesedi knew about what I did most mornings— and for good reason. I already had a rigorous schedule per my parents wishes. If they found out, they'd make me stop and find a way to keep it that way. I was sure of it. Especially if they saw it as me purposely putting myself in harms way to gain an injury that would affect my swimming career. I'd be in so much trouble for just conceiving the thought of skating then.

It was swimming before everything else in my life. Swimming before my mental health. Swimming before me.

My eyes started to prickle before I could rationalise my thoughts. The realisation that I might loose the hobby was more jarring than I'd thought it'd be. My right fingers were going numb under the laces that were wrapped around them. Yet all I could focus on was the pressure caving in my chest.

I was going to be in so, so, so much trouble.

The fact whirled around my head and only made the ache in my eyes grow and chest tighten. I bit down hard on my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

I thought I was fine, I could take it. I thought I was ready for this outcome. Why was it affecting me so much?

And why did it feel like my control over my life was slipping away?

"Odette? Are you alright? Did I say something wrong?"

His low voice met my ears and awareness drenched me like a bucket of water. I wasn't in my room and I wasn't alone, I was in front of someone else.

Kaede.

My eyes jumped to him as I harshly blinked and tried to reclaim control of my face, over my voice. "Yes."

I needed to calm down and think of something else.

"We'll share the court— I'll keep out of your way." I tried to keep my voice from wobbling as I gestured to the far side of the hall. "I'll be over there."

My scrambled mind decided on pushing the dilema to the back of my head until after we'd went our separate ways. If I stressed about it now, I'd only act more weird and raise his curiosity and I'd have no way of getting him to forget this, forget me.

Not to mention I needed a moment to stop myself from unravelling.

The area was big enough for us both to use and not interact with each other. However, there was still a chance that he'd tell me to get out. He had more of a right than me to be here than me, especially as basketball captain. But he didn't say anything in the silence after my choppy suggestion so I scarpered before he could argue.

And before I burst into tears in front of him.

The usual craving in my chest to skate was absent and replaced with a anxiety that blocked my airways. I thought of just leaving the space but a thought shattered my fragile defence.

Would today be the last time I skated?

An overwhelming weight of helplessness sank on my shoulders and I paused in my strides.

Would I ever be able to do whatever I wanted without fear?

The exhausted question brought a new wave of wetness to my eyes that I fought hard to keep at bay.

I had to skate for the sake of it, just in case it really was my last.

I nodded to myself as I blinked and blinked and blinked. I set my fraying focus to piling my emotions behind walls so they wouldn't drown me.

I had to make the most of it.

Despite my renewed motivation, I was more self-conscious than usual during my hour of skating. My skin tingled with the pressure of Kaede's eyes even though I could never catch him in the act. He was either drinking from his water bottle, wiping off the sweat off his forehead with a towel or shooting hoops.

Still, I felt so paranoid that I couldn't put my Airpod Maxes on. I didn't know if he'd suddenly speak and ask questions I was in no state to answer.

If I asked him not to share what he'd saw, would he agree?

I gnawed hard on my bottom lip but couldn't figure out a definite answer. We'd crossed paths four days ago and knew each other's names even fewer days than that. Not to mention I was a social nobody; he'd get more out of it for spreadng the truth.

If he asked for a reason to hold his tongue, I couldn't even tell him. Saying there was a high chance of being beaten by your parents for not putting a sport first, wasn't something you shared with a stranger— no matter how lovely they seemed.

Would he even care if I did?

The question slipped into my head as I skated loops, shifting my weight from side to side.

We weren't even friends so why would he?

Would he tell other people because it was so pathetic?

The idea was particular cutting and seemed to come out of nowhere— just like my ankle giving out on me. I didn't know I was falling until I hit the floor. I had my knee and wrist pads to absorb most of the front-faced fall but it didn't mean I wasn't hurt; what was left of my pride definitely bruised. 

I almost didn't want to get up, to pretend it hadn't happened. Like that would stop Kaede from noticing at how loud my thud was, especially as it resounded across the court.

I hoped my ears were failing me at the nearing footfall I could hear. I buried my face deeper into the nook my crossed arms created to hide from my own embarrassment. I cringed before wishing I'd closed my eyes so I didn't know exactly when his shadow had fallen over me.

So much for him forgetting about my existence.

"How're you? Are you grand?"

My lips briefly twitched at his wording but his accent and way of speaking only reminded me of the situation.

My mood sombered and I couldn't stop it from showing in my voice. "I'm fine."

In the silence after my reply, I could feel his stare against my skin. But my derailing thoughts soon distracted me from the sensation.

I hated that we could have been friends. Every time I had interacted with him, he seemed kind and a little unsocial, like me. I didn't put myself out there much, so to have met someone who I could even think about befriending was nearly unbelievable.

We could have been friends.

My chest smarted from the loss. Lesedi's comment about romance between us entered my head and I silently scoffed.

That definitely wasn't going to happen.

"Are y'sure you're fine? I can take you to the Hospital Wing if you want?" Low and cautious, his voice slipped into my ears before I came to my senses.

"Sorry about my attitude, I really am fine and thankful for the concern." I mumbled the rest of my half-truth towards the floor. "I thought you'd come over to laugh at me."

If only that was what I was worried about. I could handle that.

I knew he could hear me because I sensed his body shift closer to mine. "Don't worry about any attitude, I'd be embarrassed too. I promise I'm not here to laugh at you, just to check if you're okay and if you want any help up."

I was not helping my case with staying on the floor. If I wanted to seem less weird, I had to get up— or at least stop hiding. His tone was just as calm as yesterday and I could almost delude myself into thinking earlier hadn't happened.

But I couldn't, if not for my safety.

I sat up and forced myself to shift my gaze from my unharmed boots to him. I found Kaede crouched on the tips of his toes, eyes levelled with mine. It was crazy that I'd stared into them enough to know the crinkles to the corners were from concern.

Part of my chest throbbed as I wished I could ask him to keep my secret. Wished for him to keep it as genuinely as his current words.

I looked to his outstretched hand and noted the freckles and light bands on a few fingers. They were empty of the rings I'd seen there yesterday. I glanced up to his patient greys.

We could have been friends.

I fought against the tightness to my throat to finally respond.

I took his hand. "Thank you."

He pulled me up in a swift movement that let me know his biceps weren't for show. "It's nothing."

I only realised that our hands were still conjoined when the alarm on my watch went off. He dropped my hand and I, just as quickly, turned the alarm off.

"Right." I avoided his gaze, just wanting to leave. "Um, still I'm sorry for. . . Sorry."

I backed away from the tall guy and bit down on my lips to not say anything stupid. I didn't know for definite, but I could have made a friend this year. Could have taken my first step to making a circle that didn't start and end with Lesedi.

Father wasn't even physically here, but he always had a way to hold me back.

I quickly located my bag in the bleachers and started unlacing my boots. Despite my cluttered head, I sensed Kaede observing me. I didn't blame him since I all my emotions were at war with each other and I knew I was acting strange. With that knowledge, my fingers didn't find it any easier to untie my laces.

I huffed out a puff of air and felt like dropping my forehead to my knees. I thought he was going to carry on staring until he turned away and headed to his own stuff.

Thank God.

I didn't waste the opportunity and rapidly got out of my boots. Zipping open my bag, I pulled out my flats and slipped into them. I didn't waste time getting out my water bottle; I just threw my bag over my shoulder. Cradling my skates to my chest, I made my way to the exit.

I have to tell Les everything. She'll know what to do. . .She has to.

My only solution was to disappear from Kaede's sight, even if that meant avoiding Neo as well. Nobody could gossip about someone they forgot about. The thought sucked but I knew the consequences of my parents finding out would be worse, much worse.

But guilt tugged at my heels before I slipped out the door. Call me selfish, but I wanted to end this chapter properly. Plus, it would be rude to leave without another word — especially at the kindness he'd shown me — I located him over my shoulder.

He had his back to me as he ran a hand through his mullet. The stretching caused the muscles in his back to grow taut through his shirt and for a moment, I lost my train of thought.

"Kaede." My voice was softer than I'd meant for it to be but he still pivoted to meet my gaze.

Even though his attention was what I was aiming for, my heart still thundered in my chest. I fiddled with one of the wheels to my boots before setting one of my hands free to give him a brief wave.

"Thank you— for everything." I couldn't meet his eyes but felt something in the air shift.

Goodbye, you would have been a great friend.

Not giving him a chance to respond, I gritted my teeth and speed-walked out of there. I hoped I wasn't making a mistake. Hoped that in the end he wouldn't hate me.

I was too selfish for my own good.

A pounding began behind my eyes as I made my way to the girl's dormitories. There wasn't enough time for a good cry sesh, I still had swimming practice in ten minutes. I could bottle everything away for later if I could just talk it out with Lesedi.

I needed her. She'd know what to do.

She'd make the best plan so they wouldn't find out. Even if that meant I had to give up on skating, I would. I'd make all the sacrifices necessary.

But it didn't mean they didn't and wouldn't hurt.

EL SPEAKS !
ik ik a late update when will this girl ever be on time right? 😒

honestly i hate this chapter so much, like not content wise cause this starts an important arc in act 1 but the way i've wrote it. i don't know if it's because i've been on a writing break for so long that i've fallen out of love with my old writing style. i don't know if it's the vulnerability of writing a character go through the same emotions i have and putting it out there for public discussion. i don't know if it's the new weird worry that you'll all hate my writing and wish i could write like i used to.

was odette's reaction believable? did i write the progression clearly? would people be confused to the way she's acting? is what haunted me while writing this one but i need to get over myself because i need constructive criticism to grow so 🦅🦅🦅

but anyways i rewrote this whole chapter yesterday so many times adding things and removing things till i realised i should just post it anyway cause you guys have been waiting ages 😭

but ANYWAYS lil heads up this arc will not be a happy one BUT it'll be worth it for the scenes after 🙏🏽🫡 but i have a weekly publishing schedule planned so we can get thru it quicker ☺️😝

VOTE and COMMENT to show me i should carry on writing regardless 😍 hope yous have had a good day 🫶🏽 you can always rant to me if it wasn't 😠❤️

( posted; 07/07/24 )