KAEDE | HAYASHI

ANXIETY WAS LIKE an opponent on the court who knew all your weakspots even you yourself weren't aware of.

Who took advantage of the holes in your mental defence and went on the offensive until the cracks were were too gaping for you to ignore. Who over time wore you down and only seemed to leave you with a chance to breathe when you benched yourself out of the game and didn't participate any further.

Anxiety was something I couldn't even hope to win against.

A sigh left my lips at the thought as I leaned against the wall opposite the entrance of the Sixth Form's basketball court / assembly spot. The strategic position I'd chosen was also opposite the hubbub around the tables on either side of the entrance.

The envelopes laid out in alphabetical order held timetables, lanyards and dorm fobs inside— so explained the seemingly perpetual mob around then. A mob I'd made sure to avoid at all cost, even though it meant I had to come in early to grab mine and Neo's envelopes.

The online magazine article I was mindlessly skimming didn't help the knots my stomach was in. In fact it made them grow tighter before I stowed my phone away.

Even though the contents were positive, a cold feeling slithered down my spine while reading it. I felt more than uncomfortable seeing my name in a published article full stop. The idea of googling myself in an attempt of distraction was probably the worst I'd had in a while— certainly when it just reminded me of Reyes.

My fingers tapped on the inside of my folded arms for a little while before I glanced at the time on my A. Lange & Söhne watch. I'd gotten it for my birthday last year, but even the happy memory couldn't stifle my thoughts.

I shouldn't have trusted Neo when he said he'd come on time.

My eyes trailed back over to the rest of my year group. As most students had been apart of St Everfields from secondary school, it wasn't uncommon that greetings and conversations were bouncing off the walls. I ignored the tightness in my chest and glanced at my watch again.

You owe me so bad.

"Congrats on being made captain, Captain."

I wasn't surprised at the wide smile on Rohan's face when I looked up from my wrist. My eyes met a smile-lined face underneath dark, unruly strands. His brown skin was clear and held a beauty mark by one of his thick brows. His strong jaw complimented his pierced bumped nose that had an amber jewel on it.

I hadn't yet grown into the title; it fit like a poorly hemmed suit. I doubted Rohan hadn't noticed with how I'd turned down any type of party to celebrate it. It was probably why he'd referred to me using it only in the first place.

Despite it, a corner to my lips curved upwards while I accepted his hand to dab him up. "Thank you Rohan, it's good to see you."

"Course it is." His grin was nothing but cheeky and hinted at his white teeth. "But LJ here was the one who wanted to congratulate you first, I just tagged along."

I couldn't win the fight against my smile at his antics. Since the Indian knew how to toe the line without crossing it, it meant he'd never pushed me to anger while we were teammates, and I doubted he would now I was captain.

I looked to the left of him to find Liam James, another teammate. A quiet, messy-haired blonde, who was found with his sharp nose in a book when he wasn't on the court. He only came out of his shell when he was playing; a type of sureness enveloped him that I didn't see otherwise.

The pair were opposites through and through but I'd stopped trying to figure out how they were mates. They reminded me of Neo and myself after all.

"Yeah, hi Kaede— I mean Captain."

I softened at how flustered he was to correct himself. He'd just started to feel comfortable around me last year— but that was when Sang-Hun was captain.

I knew I didn't look approachable in the slightest; I reached six foot three when I wasn't hunched over in a bid to seem less threatening and my resting face wasn't exactly welcoming. Aerona had tried to give me tips on how to better ease the muscles there but they'd never worked.

"Don't worry yourself Liam," I placed a light hand on his shoulder. "You can call me either, I don't mind. How were your summer's? Filled with lots of practice I hope?"

They didn't miss my jokey tone and Rohan er'ed whilst Liam's frame loosened under my grasp with a  snort.

"Something like that." Rohan tugged his lips into an exaggerated, upside down smile that I found myself chuckling at.

"LJ." He dropped his hands to the blonde's shoulder once I'd let go to give him a shake. "Is it okay if I talk to Cap' about something for a sec?"

Liam nodded, unbothered at the his friend's lark. "I'll go get our envelopes. Meet me inside when you're done."

"I'll see you Liam." I sent him a smile after he untied himself from Rohan.

Less shy than when he approached me, he gave me a nod before he left us. "Bye Kaede."

I gave him a nod back before turning my attention to Rohan. "So what's up Ro? Everything grand?"

Unlike his earlier pretending, he sure fit the bill for looking worried right now.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot but tried for a weak smile. "Yes— well no, I mean sort of?"

I let out a soft sigh and tried not to smile at his uncertainty. "It's alright, you can tell me. When have you ever seen me mad?"

That seemed to snap him out of it and he rubbed at his freshly shaven chin. "Good point, that's a good point."

I tried to not laugh and tugged him so we stood shoulder-to-shoulder against the wall and he didn't feel the pressure to make eye contact with me. "Out with it Ro."

He groaned but eventually muttered, "Okay, so my results from last years mocks weren't great. I couldn't really hide them from my maa. Long story short, she said I need to focus on A-levels and put everything else on the back burner."

I was following along whilst my heart sunk in my chest. "Ah. And basketball falls under everything else?"

"Yeah."

He seemed so upbeat when Liam was here but I realised he was putting up an act to keep the news between the two of us. I didn't know whether to thank him or chastise him for prioritising me when he'd lost the opportunity to play the sport he loved.

"What grades d'you get? But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Nah it's fine, I got a B in French, C in Chem and a D in Maths."

It was silent between us for a moment and I noted his ducked head.

I nudged him. "You'll make it Rohan, when you put your mind to something, you conquer it. You just have to apply it to your studies."

"Thanks Kaede." I could spy him fiddling with the strings on his hoodie as he smiled to himself and withheld a chuckle.

"You want any help in Maths? I could tutor you on anything you're stuck on."

"For real?" His head swivelled in my direction and if he'd done so any faster, I was sure his hair would have taken flight.

"Do I joke a lot Ro?"

"I think your joke earlier was your one for the year, to be fair."

I laughed with him before giving him one last elbow that he glared at me for.

"What?"

"So you're really not mad?"

I couldn't stop myself from messing with his hair if I tried. "No Ro, I promise. Thanks for telling me instead of hiding it 'till it was too late."

He slapped my hand. "I think I would have preferred it if you were all glares. My timbers are shivered."

His side eye paired with his words made me snicker. "Yeah right, you'd have chickened out before you got any words out. Now make yourself scarce, poor Liam's waiting for you."

He acted as if I'd said nothing at all and looked me up and down. "You're waiting for Neo, aren't you?"

I didn't deign him with a response other than to jelly-leg him in the direction of the gymnasium. I snorted at the middle finger he flipped me on his way and shook my head to myself.

What a dope.

I wish it had taken longer for my brain to ruminate over the information he'd shared.

First day on the job and the half-filled team was down a player.

I didn't fault Rohan at all, especially since he wasn't doing basketball professionally. He had no reason to prioritise it over his studies. It just meant it was one more thing to add to my worries.

At least he'd told me now so I knew to look for a replacement when I arranged tryouts.

"Hayashi? Is that you?"

My body recognised the voice before my brain did. The muscles across my body went taut. My heart gave a heavy thud as my eyes leaped to the honeyed-brunet in front of me.

Basil Osmond, the Principal's son, didn't look too different from my memories of him. He'd filled into his lanky frame and his usual tan skin was more bronzed over. I assumed from a trip to somewhere warm. My guesses of where only kept my brain busy for a few moments as my body wouldn't relax in the presence of my past bully.

What did he want?

"Osmond." It was the only greeting I could manage without biting out his name or letting him know I wasn't over what he'd done.

"Oh it is!" The exclamation came with one of his smiles that I never knew were sincere or not.

"I heard they made you captain after Yamada. Congrats." He stuck out his hand and I stared at it for a moment before realising he wanted to shake mine.

He knew our past but still took it upon himself to approach me for the first time in two years. Why? Was it because Sang-Hun wasn't here anymore to uphold his threats?

Regardless, — and despite how the hairs stood up on my neck — I accepted his grasp gingerly. I retracted my arm as soon as it was appropriate but didn't know what else to say after I nodded.

The awkwardness that was pressing down onto my body made me wonder if the popular guy felt it too. Or maybe he was immune and it was something only I could feel shaping my shoulders into a hunch.

Maybe my face betrayed my inner feelings because he nodded to himself before his cheeks stretched with that smile again. "It was good to see you."

I cleared my throat so I could get out my lie. "You too."

He made his long-overdue departure and I didn't move my eyes off his back till he'd disappeared into the gymnasium with the group he'd picked up along the way.

The encounter shouldn't have effected me so much; it had been years. But the reasoning didn't stop the words from the past from slipping past my defences and into my mind.

"With all that skincare stuff, I think he's trying to tell us something."

The words never seemed to fade, no matter how hard I tried to bury them

I ran my hands down my face and sucked in a lungful before letting it go.

I needed to get over it.

I glimpsed at the less busy hallway and took another steadying breath. Neo's locks weren't amongst the hubbub of students and I couldn't hear his distinct Cockney accent.

The only reason I hadn't headed into the gymnasium already was because he'd messaged me when I'd arrived that he had as well. The school was big but not so large that we wouldn't have come across each other in over thirty minutes. He had to have been lying from the get go.

I dropped my hands from my face as I pulled away from the exposed brick wall behind me. If I wasn't wearing my fleece, my back would have been covered with red lines from my leaning. I ignored the feeling as I gave the space one last look for my best friend before I'd give up.

Coming up with nothing, I grumbled under my breath as I made my way towards the court. I didn't get far before a voice I knew like the back of my hand reached my ears.

"So you were gonna leave me behind?"

I turned to the other end of the corridor to catch find my — extremely — late friend.

Took his bleeding time.

At six foot one, he wasn't hard to see— especially with his lean-muscled physique that was draped in cargos, n A-shirt and jewellery. The darkskin didn't tie up his shoulder-length locs so they framed his sharp face. It meant I didn't miss his megawatt grin that opposed his tone. I also didn't miss the food loaded onto his arms. Why he had twenty-four packets of ready salted crisp — among other snacks — I did not know.

Didn't want to either.

"Where's all that from?"

I wouldn't be surprised if he raided someone of their weekly shop by the looks of things.

His shrug was his only response as he teared into a sausage roll and I sighed.

That was on me for expecting him to be straightforward.

"You went to the kitchens, did you?"

He had the decency to finish the food in his mouth first before responding — l growth from last year at least. "What's a growing boy to do?"

"Wait for lunch?"

He gave me a dirty look that I decided to walk away from. "So you want me to die? Just say that you've already picked out my casket."

I snorted at his yapping and lead us down the hallway to the gym

He found the sound combative enough to comment, "There we are, you're back with us — and without a hello to me either. What's up man?"

As if we hadn't seen each other in person three days ago.

We joined the back of the queue that had formed whilst I was waiting for him. "Hi Neo."

I debated lying about the reason for my standoffishness, but our friendship was built off honesty. "Osmond approached me earlier."

At his name, Neo stopped eating and his eyebrows set in a stern furrow. "Want me to go talk to him?"

His threat was barely veiled and and I couldn't control my lips at his dramatic self.

That was Neo for you.

"It's not that deep, it just threw me off. I wasn't expecting for him to come talk to me."

His browns stared into mine as a frown stretched down his lips. "I just won't fight him in the first week back then, I'll give him a week of peace."

I snorted as the line moved forward by an inch. "You'll do no such thing; you don't need to be benched so soon. We're already down players as it is."

He shrugged and started tucking into a packet of plantain chips. "But you're my man so I'm sure you'll pull a few strings as Cap for me."

I didn't grace him with my gaze and looked to the gymnasium entrance like we'd moved since. "You wish."

"Spoilsport." I didn't need to look at him to know he was pouting.

I shook my head to myself and tried not to smile. "Have you heard from Cai since last night?"

He finished half the spicy bag before responding with a deeper pout, "Yes."

He didn't elaborate, even as I stared at the side of his face. "Neo?"

"He blocked me."

There was no chance of me holding back the laughter that burst out of my throat. "And you weren't expecting it?"

It wasn't a secret that conversations with Neo only led you to three things: laughter, anger or God. It was a gamble with him but in Malacai's case, it was more likely anger. Neo did have a talent for winding up the Welsh lad.

"I didn't think he was actually serious." Neo genuinely looked upset about it and began to rearrange the food in his arms.

I didn't understand what he was doing and watched him walk away from me with no further explanation. He ended up at the nearest bin and seemed to get into a scrap with the thing. I left him to his own devices and double checked that I had two envelopes under my arm. I'd picked up both of ours before waiting for him to appear because I knew better. He would have definitely forgotten to fetch it.

I waited till he'd returned to my side with a quarter of the food he'd started with to carry on our conversation. "So Cai warning you multiple times in the group chat wasn't clear enough for you?"

My deadpan tone didn't ease the glum look on his face. "No. He blocked me on my actual phone, not just snap— I can't access Howell at all."

I wasn't very successful at keeping in my sounds at Neo's expression.

I knew he'd heard me at the grumbles he let out under his breath. "What a nice bunch of friends."

I didn't toss any more fuel onto the fire and pulled out my phone as we moved forward in the line. Going straight to Cai's contact, Neo didn't pass up the chance to give his ten pence.

"He's probs with Aeroplane right now."

I was relatively new to the group if I looked at how long the others had known each other. They'd all went to St Everfields Academy whilst I went to King's Cross Saints up until the end of year nine. Regardless, I'd managed to find home in the bunch and wouldn't trade them for anything. Still, me not being phased by the nickname was testament enough to Neo's character.

But I agreed with him.

"He probably is." I murmured as I pressed some buttons. "Find one and you've found the other."

Aerona and Malacai — or Cai to his mates — were childhood best friends, from the age of four if my memory served me right. With the history they had, it was unsurprising that they were so close.

Cai answered on the second ring but I didn't get a chance to say anything when Neo took a step into my personal space.

"Stop it you eejit." I shoved him away and pulled the speaker to my ear as the queue shifted forward. "Hi man."

His hello back sounded just as warm. "Have you arrived yet? I know you said you were coming with Ronnie so I'm not sure if you're coming now or later."

He didn't get a chance to respond when Aerona's voice filled my ear. "Hi KaeKae!"

A smile lifted my lips at her energetic greeting and I shoved Neo when he tried to grab my arm. "Hey Ronnie, how're things?"

"I'm doing okay." She went a little quiet on the line and I knew her mind had drifted to her dad.

"You're gonna be with us soon Airy Fairy." I hoped the lightly teasing nickname made her smile on the other end.

In the background of the call, I could catch Cai's soft words. "We're always here for you Caridad."

I didn't have any warning from Neo before he yanked my arm to insert himself into the conversation. "Aeroplane!"

He'd somehow tapped the speaker so I was able to hear her rebuttal of, "Neo stop calling me that!"

I tried tugging my hand back but he wouldn't budge "I've been going a year strong, another won't hurt."

"Is that Moseki?" Cai's dubious tone reminded me of why I'd tried to keep the phone out of his hands.

I couldn't even lie before Neo piped up, "Howell, I hope you slept badly last night after what you did."

Cai's voice was audibly colder. "Bye Kaede."

Aerona only had a chance to laugh in the background when the call ended— not giving me a chance to say it back either.

Neo groaned and finally gave up my phone while I sent him a fake beam. "He really doesn't like you right now."

"Piss off." Instead of stepping away from me, and giving me a normal amount of personal space, he ignored the line we were in — and our point in it — to go wander on his own.

He did not just leave me.

By now, we'd managed to enter the gymnasium and were waiting in a queue for bleacher seats. I blinked at Neo's retreating back as he clearly jumped the line.

Chewing on the inside of my mouth, I withheld a grumble. I had the decision to either follow the tool or stay in line on my own since Aerona and Cai were still on their way and AJ was busy. Whether it was in my head or real, I could feel eyes turn to me, judging me for being on my own.

Bleeding hell.

I scoffed before picking the lesser evil of being judged but with Neo by my side.

When I'd caught up to him, I realised we weren't the only ones to queue jump. It appeared that others were as impatient as Neo and it made me feel less self-conscious about it all.

Still, I slugged him in his arm and satisfied myself with his cry. "Don't leave me like that ever again you narkey hole."

He must have sussed how I really felt because he threw an arm around me. "Howell's really hurting my feelings."

I tried not to smile and didn't resist his close hold. "You hurt Cai's even more."

He dropped his arm as we came to a stop near the center bleacher stairs. He gave me a look as everyone else who'd skipped the line squeezed past us to reach the seats available before they were filled up.

"For that, we're going to sit at the back."

I levied him with a look just as strong; he was crazy if he thought I'd join him right at the very back. Even when our full year group was in the space, we didn't even fill up halfway.

"I'm not sitting there Neo."

He had the audacity to side-eye me like I was in the wrong.

So we were stood in the way of the bleacher stairs, rather irritatingly, while we argued. It didn't help that we were so tall — and still growing — so we were victim to quite a few sharp looks for being in the way.

I didn't blame them.

While I shifted to the side, Neo, as usual, remained unaffected. Unaffected enough to land his large hands on my shoulders and give me a shake.

"C'mon K, it's our last first-assembly."

The urge to shove him was like an itch I needed to scratch. But I'd been raised me better than that, so I endured it.

"AJ's gonna give a speech later, how is she gonna know we're here to support her if she can't see us?"

"She's not blind y'know," he rolled his dark browns with such sass that I debated on leaving him to sit in the middle row. "Plus she has a radar for me, remember? Or a sixth sense? Whatever it's called, she'll spot us."

My lips twitched but I managed to keep my face blank. He wasn't wrong there; AJ seemed to use the ability to avoid the dope as much as possible and I didn't hold it against her in the slightest.

"I am not sitting at the very back."

"Kaede."

I shifted my gaze over his shoulder so I wasn't looking at his face. I wasn't going give in— even if it meant I'd have to deal with his complaints. But my willpower was reduced to shreds when he grabbed my face and forced me to look at his pout.

I only lasted ten seconds. Yeah it was an improvement from last year, but it was still embarrassing.

I groused. "You're bleeding unbelievable, y'know that right?"

I hadn't even voiced that I'd given in but a massive grin made his clear cheeks apple. "You remind me every hour or so, how could I forget?"

I shoved away his hands from where they were squeezing my face. "As I should. You need reminding you dope."

He grew even happier at the insult and it was a struggle to disguise my laugh as a cough.

Cai was onto something with blocking this eejit.

I was lucky that he chose that moment to treck up the steps. It meant that he couldn't catch the curve to my lips and call me out for it.

Still, I sighed as I followed after him and hoped his seating choice wouldn't bring us more trouble than it was worth.

EL SPEAKS !
↬ helloooo my beautiful babes!
chapter dos! from this point on chapters will be 4k+ since i don't know how to write short chapters 😍
   thoughts on bbg kaede ☺️ i've took the opportunity to flesh him out further and the friend group's friendship so they feel more real than flat. do yall like? not like? eating up the aeronacai crumbs already 🤭
next chapter marks the start of the kaedeodette journey 🤭 be ready for the cuties catching each other's eye 🥰
   i really hope you enjoyed the chapter, please like vote and comment lovelies 🫶🏽

( posted; 09/12/23 )