He kept on apologizing but I already forgave him, so Christmas day went on, we didn't do much but we did enough. My life has never been like a TV commercial. I see them with their white teeth and perfect BMI. I see them always smiling, laughing, and making good jokes. Their homes are perfect, in decoration and cleanliness. They drive a nice car and go on vacations. They purchase gifts for one another and expensive hair products because "they're worth it." I don't want them telling me what to eat, what to wear. If I want their product I can do my own research and then choose between their pitches. I am not inadequate. My house isn't too small, even though it's my parents. I was time for dinner when I thought. I still felt guilt but even worse now plus he spent the whole day with me.

"Christian... Go you spent the whole day with me so go... seriously be with your boyfriend I don't mind," I said worrying why he did stay.

"Are you sure?" He said then stood up and walked over to me.

"Positive... Oh Christian," I said as he walked over to the door. "I'm am deeply sorry what I did with Matthew," I added them look away trying to hold back the tears.

"It's okay." He said then left, I lost my appetite to eat so I just went to bed. The Next morning was just another day besides there were flowers at my doorstep when I got the mail at three. Days had passed and I was curious why have I been getting these flowers and I looked out the window just before the mail came, and it wasn't the mailman who put the flowers there. Barely anyone that I know likes me or knows where I live, I might have an admirer a very stalkerish one too or it could be my dead flowers for when I die. Anger is a silent huntress looming in the night, ready to strike when you least expect it. I called up Jemma and called her over when she arrived she looked upset and angry.

"I'm sorry Jemma I just need you to sit down and listen I'll explain everything," I said then she sat down I explained everything how I'm sick, about Christian, the break in, and the flowers. She just sat there in confusion without any emotion. I got a drink of water and sat down beside her in silence after a few minutes the looked at me and she gave me a hug which I didn't see coming because she was faster than you can blink.

"I'm so sorry, you've been through so much and I wasn't there I'm sorry," Jemma said still holding on.

"Jemma it's not your fault It's not anyone's fault." I said then she back away and gave me an 'Are you serious' face. I look at the clock." Jemma, you have to go you have ballet class today." I said and sat up and there she went off to ballet class.

Life is so close to the end as I know and it seems like people are avoiding me, so I would live life as if it was the end, Like a normal person. So, I go to my room and turned my CD player on, cranked it up and played Hard out here by Lily Allen. Dancing in my room for a few minutes I started to get hungry so I went to the kitchen and made some food, then ate it in my room sketching some clothes. And my day went on like that but when I got to the door to get to get the mail there were people standing outside of my house when I open the door and I quickly shut it.

I picked up my phone and I called the police to get these people off my property. I had no idea what was going on, but I just wanted to stay away from people. Things happen and then went back upstairs and laid on my bed cold and alone on top of by dark blue covers. I look at my phone and I see the date I absolutely forget a couple of days ago, was New Years, maybe people were there to see if I was dead that's why they were outside.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window as if the light could soothe me. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I live with I started crying about everything, Christian and Jemma everything and I started wishing I wasn't here and everyone would be better without me then I feel asleep. When I woke up I checked my phone like usual and it said I had sixty-seven missed phone calls and eighty-five text messages. So, I checked the texts and they all said the same thing, and that's why I don't give out my phone number. I deleted the messages and I made some food. I can't turn to anyone because I have no one, a few minutes later I jumped into the shower so I could get most of the puffiness out of my eyes got dressed (underwear and a baggy shirt to cover my butt) and went back to bed.

Knock Knock

I get up and answer the door some and guess who I saw, my parents and everyone who called and texted me. I just left the door open and went back to my room. My mother called me to come down from my room and come see everyone and I just yell.

"No, what's the special occasion anyway none of these people care about me anyway." Then the next thing I knew Christian was in my room holding me close to his warm body, but I pushed him away.

"Don't get too involved I don't need you here to hold me like I'm a baby, I just need to graduate or just die very soon so I can get away from everyone." Then he flicked me in my head, rough too.

"I can't lose you and I care about you, Graduate fine but die no that's not going to happen because you don't have cancer anymore." He said with a smile.

"Stop Christian it's not funny to make fun of someone with cancer, just leave me alone, and tell everyone to leave," I yelled at him and laid back down and turned around so my back was facing him.

"No, I won't." He said and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Fine, then I will." So, I got up to put some pants and a pair of shoes on and left ignoring everyone that I passed I walked and walked until I had nowhere to go. I thought of a place to go, my aunt's house so I walk there and I slept on the couch for the night.