It's Christmas Eve, once again alone sitting on my bed looking at my book-it-list from last year but I got an extra year. Having cancer is horrible but I don't let it get to me like some people would make it so everyone would know. But, I'm a to myself kind of person. I look at the list and I thought "I'm done!" I am... I am done with this whole year, people, law, government, and me/myself! I'm fed up with everything, I am a bad person, and I'm not... I'm just lonely so after New Year's I'll just be me, a new me. Is that even possible, a total change, well I guess I'll figure it out.

I go out for a walk pondering on what to do while walking I noticed a guy following me. I wasn't that stupid to walk and go down into an ally or into the forest to get away from him; I just quickly walked home and locked all the doors and windows. I, still feeling unsafe called the guys on my contact list but no one answered. I am lying in my bed when I heard someone coming up the steps. I got up and closed the door quickly but when it was an inch from closing completely his foot was in between the door and the wall. I kicked his foot out and close and locked the door as quickly as I could. I felt my butt vibrate, my phone, I take out my phone with my back to the door and answer.

"Sorry about that I was in the sho-"Christian started to say but I interrupted him.

"Please come over, there is a man in my house trying to get to me!" I yelled but quietly.

"I'm on my way!" Then he hung up, I reach for my rocking chair not moving my back stretching and stretching. This man kept on kicking or punching the door so he could come in finally I grab it as I hear "Where are you!?" Christian, he's here! "My room!" I yelled when he stopped and I Put the chair under the door knob.

"Stay in there!" He yelled his voice getting closer.

"Christian... Be safe!" I said as I back away from the door but away from the window. Now I had the idea of calling the police officers as Christian and this man fought. When I didn't hear, any banging I got worried and then the police officers showed up. I slowly open the door and I saw the police officers picking up the guy from the floor and Christian shirtless and covered in wounds. I wait a minute before coming out when I did I went up to Christian and considered his eyes.

"Christian, I am so sorry," I said as a treat ran freely from my face.

"Starline, I would do anything for you, if anyone should be sorry it would be me. I'm sorry, I should have told you and I should have been here I'm sorry that he could have hurt you I'm sorry." Christian said to me wiping the tear from my face.

"I am sorry that I ruined Your Christmas Eve, I hope your Christmas is better. I am sorry about this, how it all Happened and Matthew and your bruises" I said.

"Don't worry about it you could have been raped or worse, and what about Matthew?" He questioned softly.

"I SO SORRY!" I said, immediately after Tears were rolling down my face. I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I kissed him and ran back into my room. Lying face down I felt Christian's hand on my back. "It's okay," he said calmly, I don't understand how he's not mad. I rolled over on my side and Christian laid down beside me and I closed my eyes.

"I'm dying... I should have told you before but, I just couldn't." I said when I saw Christian sit up because he woke up. I took a breath and continued telling him what was wrong with me for a good 3 hours. When I was done telling him the facts he hugged me...

"May your days and nights be filled with peace,

And may those you love to be near.

May the solace of that closeness

Banish any hint of fear.

May the joy you've brought to others

Fill your soul now with that light,

And the memories of happy times

Fill your dreams through the darkest night.

For you've lent your strength to many.

You've upheld us in our strife.

Now let those of us who love you

Let you know just how your life

Has been the brightest beacon

For you've shown us how to bear

With great dignity and courage

Both the bad times and the fair.

As a mentor and a leader

You have always been our guide.

As a friend, there's been none better.

May you know all this with pride.

All our prayers and thoughts are with you.

May you feel their soothing grace.

May our care and loving hold you

Here within that sacred space. "

And may God then grant you courage

When the time to fight is o'er

And be waiting for you smiling,

When you reach his lofty door.

For you'll be borne by angels

That our Lord has sent for you

And in wholeness be rewarded

All your pain will then be through." Christian wrote on a paper nearby.

"I will say that when it's time, every single word is true, you need to know that." He said and took a breath.

"Remember all the good times,

Remember all the bad.

You stuck with me through everything,

The best friend I have had.

Through trying times, you stayed with me.

You've sure improved my life.

You cheered me up when I was down,

Stuck with me through my strife.

Think about the good stuff, too,

Remember when we met?

I knew that I could trust you.

The best friend anyone could get.

Why is it that good thing

Never seem to last?

You try to think about them,

But time erases past.

Sometimes I feel your presence,

I seem to hear your voice.

Memories flood back to me,

And I sit and rejoice.

Just know that I miss you.

I never will forget,

The times I spent together." I wrote on the other side then I gave him a hug.

"Merry Christmas!" I said then got up and went to the bathroom and changed.

"Merry Christmas, I am sorry about yesterday... I was trying to find the right time; please forgive me I know I broke your heart and stole your kisses... I'm so sorry." He said then a tear rolled down his face.

"Christian it's okay, it's just I wish you would have told me," I said then smiled.