Chapter 29: (Aaira's pov)

I woke with a start, my heart racing as I reached out to feel for Jungkook. The bed beside me was empty, and the room was shrouded in darkness. Panic gripped me as I strained to hear any sound, but there was only the eerie silence of the night.

Where could he be?

I forced myself to sit up, my eyes struggling to adjust to the dim light. My mind raced with possibilities, each more troubling than the last. Had something happened to him? Was he in danger?

Taking a deep breath, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. The room was cold, and I wrapped my shawl around myself, seeking some comfort. I made my way to the window and peered outside. The estate grounds were silent, bathed in the silvery glow of the moon. Nothing seemed amiss, yet the absence of Jungkook filled me with unease.

I hesitated for a moment before deciding to search for him. I needed to know where he was, to make sure he was safe. As I quietly opened the door, the hallway stretched out before me, dimly lit by the occasional flickering lantern. The house was still, save for the soft sounds of slumber coming from the other rooms.

I moved silently, my bare feet padding against the cool floor as I made my way towards Jungkook's study. Perhaps he had gone there to work or to find some solace in the quiet of the night. The door to his study was slightly ajar, and I pushed it open, my heart sinking when I found it empty.

My anxiety grew with each passing moment. Where could he be?

I continued my search, I reached the grand staircase, I paused, listening intently for any hint of his presence. The flickering light of the oil lamps cast long shadows on the walls, creating an almost eerie atmosphere. My footsteps were soft against the wooden floor as I made my way down the corridor, listening for any hint of where Jungkook might be.

I passed by the rooms of his siblings and parents, their doors closed and everything peaceful inside. As I reached the grand staircase, I paused, debating whether to check downstairs or perhaps the garden. The garden was one of Jungkook's favorite places to find solace, especially on nights when sleep eluded him.

Deciding to check the garden first, I made my way down the stairs, careful not to make any noise. The front door creaked slightly as I opened it and stepped out into the cool night air. The garden was a lush expanse, filled with fragrant flowers and tall trees that swayed gently in the breeze.

I walked along the stone path, my eyes scanning the surroundings. A faint sound reached my ears, coming from the direction of the stables. My heart leapt with hope, and I hurried towards the source of the noise.

As I approached the stables, I saw a flickering light emanating from within. I quickened my pace, my mind racing with questions. When I entered, I found Jungkook sitting on a bale of hay, a lantern beside him. He was deep in thought, his gaze distant as he stroked Luna's mane.

Relief washed over me, Why was he out here, alone in the middle of the night?

Aaira: My lord?

I called softly, my voice trembling. He looked up, surprise and concern flashing across his features as he saw me.

Jungkook: Aaira? What are you doing here?

Aaira: I could ask you the same thing.

I replied, moving closer.

Aaira: I woke up, and you weren't there. I got worried.

He sighed, standing up and walking towards me.

Jungkook: I'm sorry, Aaira. I didn't mean to worry you about me.

I took his hand, squeezing it gently.

Aaira: What's wrong?

He placed a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. His head rested against my chest, and I could feel his warm breath through the fabric of my nightgown. He kept shifting his face around my skin until he found his sweet spot.

Jungkook: I can't sleep.

His voice was muffled, that made my heart ache. He snuggled his face against my chest, leaving soft kisses in their wake. Each touch was gentle yet insistent. I held him tighter, trying to convey through my embrace that I was here for him, whatever he needed.

As his kisses grew more intense, I felt his body heat up against mine. His lips trailed down, and he sucked gently on my skin, leaving a purple mark just above my heart. He kept his lips right there, in the same spot.

── ᯓᡣ𐭩 ──"With a kiss above my heart, he marked me in purple, marked a visible spot where his love has touched me."── ᯓᡣ𐭩 ──

The sensation sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel the storm within him, the unspoken fears and anxieties he carried. I caress my hands in his hair, he just closed his eyes, still not leaving my skin.

Aaira: My Lord, talk to me. What's bothering you?

He pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting mine. They were filled with a mix of exhaustion and something deeper, a sadness that seemed to have no end. Why was he sad, I wish I could take away all his pain.

Jungkook: It's everything, My love. The responsibilities, the pressure... sometimes it feels like it's all too much.

I cupped his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. Though he tried to look down again, I kept my hands still on his cheeks, he didn't resist much as his eyes met mine.

Aaira: You're not alone. I'm here with you, always.

He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. Pressing his head again on my chest, he was still hugging me with both his hands, he seemed so tired.

Jungkook: I know, Aaira. It's just... there are nights when I care for you a little more than I should... You're always in my mind, I can't move on from the fact you're not doing okay. The weight of everything is too much....

I pressed a kiss to his forehead, I can't believe he actually said this to me, he shouldn't worry himself for me, he is draining himself for my sake, I placed anither kiss on his eyes then to his lips.

Aaira: Then let me share that weight. Let me be your strength when you need it... You don't have to face all of it alone, you've got me ?

He kissed me back, his lips lingering on mine as if drawing strength from me, i just smiled, he seems like a little baby.

Jungkook: Thank you, Aaira. I don't know what I'd do without you.

We stayed like that for good minutes, listening to his heartbeat is my favourite rhythm, his scent is my favourite fragrance in the whole world.

Jungkook: Let me take my wife back to our room.

He quickly scooped me up into his arms, carrying me in a bridal style. It was a gesture he often made, and it always brought a smile to my face. As we moved through the garden and back towards the house, I nestled my face into his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.

However, an unsettling thought crept into my mind. What if he did this with Y/N too? Did they share kisses, hugs, and... more? The idea gnawed at me, and I tried to push it away. I didn't want to doubt him or our relationship, but the insecurity lingered.

Jungkook noticed my sudden silence and glanced down at me, concerning etching his features.

Jungkook: Aaira, is something wrong?

I forced a smile, shaking my head slightly.

Aaira: No, just tired.

He didn't seem entirely convinced but didn't press further. As we reached the house, he carried me up the grand staircase to the seventh floor. The house was still quiet, and I was grateful for the peace.

When we finally reached our room, Jungkook gently laid me down on the bed and tucked me in. He climbed in beside me, wrapping his arms around me protectively.

Jungkook: I love you, Aaira. Never forget that.

His words were sincere, and I wanted to believe them wholeheartedly. I turned to face him, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

Aaira: I love you too, Jungkook. Always.

Despite my earlier doubts, I held onto the warmth of his embrace, letting it soothe my troubled thoughts. I snuggled closer to him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He pulled me closer, holding me tight, and soon, the rhythm of his breathing lulled me into a deep, comforting sleep.

***

The early morning light filtered through the curtains, gently waking me from sleep. A sudden wave of nausea hit me, and I quickly untangled myself from Jungkook's embrace, rushing to the bathroom. The moment I reached the sink, I started to vomit, my body convulsing with each heave.

What could be causing this? My mind raced as I rinsed my mouth and splashed cold water on my face. When I looked up into the mirror, my heart skipped a beat. Staring back at me wasn't just my own reflection but a haunting resemblance to Y/N. Her eyes, her features-every detail that Jungkook must have seen in her, seemed to be staring back at me.

Panic surged through me, and I frantically splashed more water on my face, trying to wash away the image. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the reflection that reminded me of her. Each time I looked, it was as if she was mocking me, reminding me of the past and everything that had happened behind my back in this house.

I gripped the edges of the sink, my knuckles turning white. I didn't like my face. It was a constant reminder of Y/N and the life she had with Jungkook when I was not here. The thought made my stomach churn again, but I forced myself to take deep breaths, trying to calm down.

Why was I vomiting? Was it the stress, the constant anxiety about my place in Jungkook's life? Or was it something more? I couldn't shake the feeling of unease as I stared at my reflection, seeing Y/N's eyes where mine should be.

I had never hated my face to this extent, like I did now. The mirror seemed to taunt me, reflecting all the insecurities and fears that I tried so hard to suppress. Desperation clawed at my insides, and I quickly turned away, stepping into the shower.

The water cascaded over me, warm at first but quickly turning cold as I sat down, wrapping my arms around my knees. I let the water beat down on me, trying to wash away the thoughts that plagued my mind. I closed my eyes tightly, covered my ears, and focused on the sound of the water hitting the tiles, hoping it would drown out the chaos within.

But the haunting images persisted. The memories of Y/N, the fear of not being enough for Jungkook, the constant anxiety gnawing at my heart. Everything seemed to be closing in on me, the walls of the shower pressing tighter and tighter. My breaths came in ragged gasps, and I could feel my pulse racing.

Then, out of nowhere, another fear crept into my mind-a fear I had managed to push away for so long. What if Jungkook found out about Ian? The mere thought sent a shiver down my spine, colder than the water pouring over me.

Ian. The name echoed in my mind, bringing with it a flood of memories and guilt. What would Jungkook think if he knew? What if he discovered the truth about me staying at a stranger's house, about Ian and everything? Would he still look at me with the same love and tenderness, or would he see me as tainted, unworthy?

My heart pounded louder in my chest, each beat a drum of impending doom. Panic raised in. I tried to take deep breaths, but the air seemed too thick, too heavy. My chest tightened, and I struggled to breathe, feeling as though I was being suffocated by my own fears.

My mind raced with worst-case scenarios. Jungkook's face twisted in anger, in betrayal. The look of disappointment, of rejection. The thought of losing him, of being cast aside because of a past I couldn't change, was too much to bear. Tears mixed with the shower water, streaming down my face as I trembled uncontrollably.

The panic was overwhelming. I felt trapped, unable to escape the dark thoughts swirling around me. I clutched my head, trying to block out the voices, the memories, but they only grew louder.

Aaira: No, no, no.

I whispered to myself, rocking back and forth.

Aaira: He can't find out. He can't.

But the fear persisted, gnawing at my sanity. How could I face Jungkook if he knew the truth? How could I bear the weight of his judgment, his possible disdain? I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, the ground crumbling beneath me.

I needed to calm down, to find some semblance of control. But the panic was relentless, refusing to let go. My thoughts spiraled further, imagining every possible way Jungkook could discover my secret. Each scenario was worse than the last, and the fear grew into an all-consuming monster.

My breaths came in shallow, rapid bursts, my vision blurring with tears. I couldn't see a way out, couldn't find a way to soothe the storm raging inside me. The water, once a source of comfort, now felt like a cold, merciless.

I don't know how long I sat there, under the relentless spray of the shower, but eventually, the intensity of my panic began to subside. The tears slowed, and my breathing, though still ragged, became a bit more manageable. I leaned my head against the cool tile, exhausted and drained.

I couldn't keep living like this, with these fears and anxieties tearing me apart. I needed to find a way to confront them, to find peace within myself. But in that moment, all I could do was sit there, under the running water, and try to hold on to the fragments of my sanity.

Now I was sitting in front of the mirror, emotionless, combing my hair. The reflection still felt foreign, like I was looking at someone else. Suddenly, Jungkook walked in groggily, yawning.

His disheveled appearance and sleepy eyes. He came over and planted a kiss on my cheek, his lips warm and gentle.

Jungkook: Good morning.

He murmured, his voice thick with sleep. I just sat there in front of the mirror, emotionless. His presence should have brought me comfort, but I felt detached, as if I were watching a scene play out from a distance. Jungkook must have noticed something was off because he turned to look at me, again.

Jungkook: Were you crying?

He asked softly. I shook my head, refusing from my neck, and gave him a faint smile. I didn't trust my voice to sound convincing. As I turned back to the mirror, I noticed the mark he had planted last night peeking through my dress, a small purple bruise just above my heart.

The sight of it made me smile lightly, Jungkook noticed my gaze and followed it to the mark. His fingers gently traced the outline, and he smiled, albeit sleepily.

Jungkook: You should get more rest, Aaira. You look tired.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. The truth was, rest wouldn't come easily, not with the storm of emotions inside me. But I didn't want to worry him about me more than necessary. He had enough on his plate already.

Jungkook: Come back to bed.

I hesitated, glancing back at my reflection. The woman staring back at me still felt like a stranger. But I turned to Jungkook and forced another smile.

Aaira: I'll be there in a minute.

I promised. He nodded, understood, and kissed my forehead before leaving the room. I watched him go, as he went and lay back on the bed waiting for me, feeling guilty for not being entirely honest with him. But some battles were mine to fight alone, at least for now.

I turned back to the mirror, setting the comb down and straightening my dress. With a deep breath, I left the bathroom and walked back to the bedroom where Jungkook was waiting. I slipped into bed beside him, feeling the warmth of his body as he instinctively wrapped an arm around me. Despite the turmoil in my mind, his embrace offered a fleeting moment of comfort.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Even when I was playing with Aimin, I couldn't focus entirely. My mind kept drifting, consumed by worries and memories that refused to let go. The laughter and joy that usually filled me during these moments felt distant, like they were happening to someone else.

When people spoke to me, their words seemed to float in the air, barely registering. I nodded and smiled when appropriate, but I was disconnected, trapped in my own thoughts. I felt so sick, the nausea lingering throughout the day. Everything seemed to disgust me, from the food I ate to the scent of the flowers in the garden.

As night fell, I found myself back in bed with Jungkook. He hugged me tightly, his warmth enveloping me. I nestled into his embrace, hoping for a reprieve from the relentless unease. His steady heartbeat against my ear was soothing, a reminder that I wasn't entirely alone in this struggle.

Yet, despite his comforting presence, sleep was elusive. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, my mind replaying the events of the day. The feeling of sickness persisted, and the weight of my thoughts was heavy. I tried to push them away, to focus on the sensation of Jungkook's arms around me, but the storm inside me was too strong.

Eventually, exhaustion took over, and I drifted into a restless sleep, still cocooned in Jungkook's embrace.

───────── ᯓᡣ𐭩 ─────────

"You kept secrets from me, and I from you; slowly suffocating the space where our honesty should have been."

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