A slow smile spread across my face. It would take me about 20 minutes to walk to her apartment, 10 if I jogged. I knew I would be seeing her in 6 hours, along with everyone else. I didn't want to wait. I wanted a chance to see her alone, just her and I.

~♡~

DELANEY'S POV

I'd been surprised to receive a reply from him, honestly expecting that he'd be asleep. He needed to get some rest, or he wouldn't be able to concentrate tomorrow.

But I also knew that being upset made it hard to sleep. And he had been very upset when I'd walked out the door, leaving him standing there with tears running down his face. I hated myself for that. I should have tried to comfort him. I should have gone to him, and put my arms around him. I should have held him, like he would have done for me. But Taehyung was a better person than me.  I just didn't know how to give comfort at that point. My emotions were everywhere, and I no longer knew what was real, and what wasn't, so I did the only thing I could think of to do, and I'd walked away.

I was worried that maybe I had woke him up, by sending my message. He said I hadn't. He said he just couldn't sleep.

It was my fault he was awake, either way.

He said he could always come here, that he would sleep better beside me. I'd asked him what he was waiting for.

It was so late that I wasn't worried about him really coming here. At this point, I was honestly just so happy that he was speaking to me. Hopefully tomorrow, we could start over...and leave the hurt we'd both dealt with behind.

I only had 13 days left. I wanted to cry.

I got up to empty my bladder, and grabbed a bottle of water, which I knew was counterproductive, because in an hour, I'd probably have to pee again.

I sat back down on the bed, hoping that Tae had fallen asleep, since he hadn't replied to my last message fifteen minutes ago. Now if only I could sleep.

I opened the water, taking a long swallow, and set it on the nightstand. I started to lie back down when there was a knock on my door.

I shook my head at the fact that he'd actually walked here, at 2am, but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I got up and walked to the door, opening it to see a grinning Tae standing there, holding a single rose.

He extended his hand, and I took the beautiful red rose, bringing it to my nose to smell it's sweet fragrance.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"Crazy about you."

He stared into my eyes, and I knew just how hard it was going to be to keep the thoughts of how it would be without him away. But I had to, if I wanted to live each moment I had left with him to the fullest.

I stepped back, and he came in the door, closing it behind him.

"We need to sleep."

I nodded. He was right. Tomorrow would be hell for both of us, but more so for him.

I took his hand, and made my way to the bed, dropping the rose into what remained of the bottle of water.

I turned to look at him.

"I'm so sorry."

He shook his head.

"Don't be. I know this is hard on you. I understand."

He pulled me into his arms, holding me close to him, and everything felt perfect.

"I just don't want you to be scared." He mumbled, his lips close to my ear.

I pulled back, looking into his eyes. "The only thing I'm scared of is being without you."

We both knew there was nothing either of us could say to help that fear go away, so we didn't try. He took my hand and pulled me onto the bed, pulling me into his arms, burying his face into my neck.

At some point shortly after, I knew he was asleep, his breathing even, and I closed my eyes, feeling the tiredness of the entire day finally hitting me. I think I was asleep within seconds.

¤¤¤

We got thru the next two days of video shooting relatively smoothly, although the first day was difficult. Taehyung kept yawning, and was reprimanded several times for not getting enough rest, but it was done in a less than serious way.

The second day was better, Tae having come to my place, the two of us sleeping soundly in each others arms and waking up refreshed.

It seemed the guys were relieved to see that he and I were okay, and we were both smiling. No one questioned either of us, at least not yet.

Kookie however, was very distant, to both Taehyung and I. He barely talked to anyone, but he avoided the two of us completely. He did what he was supposed to do, as far as the video shoot went, treating Taehyung no differently than normal, smiling when necessary. But once the cameras stopped rolling, his face hardened and he stayed as far away from the two of us as he could.

Finally, the shoot was done, and everyone was happy with the outcome of the three days of work. It was 7:45pm, which was earlier than they predicted to be done, so that was a good thing. The crew was in the process of packing up equipment, and Namjoon gathered the rest of us around him.

"So, as a reward for finishing the video shoot in just 3 days, and a bit earlier than expected, PD Nim wanted me to tell you that he's allowing us the next two days to ourselves. Enjoy the break everyone."

There were smiles all around, no one expecting the news at all. Smiles all around except for Jungkook. He was walking away, heading for one of the cars. We watched him as he climbed in, pulling the door closed behind him.

Tae looked at me, a frown turning the corners of his mouth down.

"Come with me, I wanna know what's wrong, and why he's avoiding us."

I followed him, but I didn't think it would work. I imagined Kookie would just get out of the car once he saw us getting in.

Tae opened the door, climbing into the middle, and I followed, sitting next to him and pulling the door closed. He pushed the button, raising the glass partition, and tapped on the glass to alert the driver to start driving.

Jungkook stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched, but didn't make a move to leave, and the car started to move.

"Why are you mad at me, Kook? What did I do?" Tae asked, his hand grabbing mine on the seat between us.

"Who said you did anything?" He said sharply.

"Well, you've been avoiding me for the last 2 days, and you sound pissed, so there's gotta be a reason."

"I am pissed, but it isn't because of anything you've done."

Tae glanced at me, and I wondered if it was my fault he was avoiding Tae.

"Are you mad at me then?" I asked.

He shook his head, aggravation clear on his face.

"I'm not fucking mad at anyone, okay." He sighed angrily, pushing the hair off his forehead, only to have it fall back into place.

Tae and I looked at each other, not knowing what else to say.

He quirked his head to one side, shaking it lightly, then wiped his nose with his index finger, sniffling a little.

"You know how, the other day, in the car, I cried?"

He turned his head, glancing at Tae and I. Tae nodded.

"The thing is, I used to think I wanted to fall in love one day. I wanted to experience that feeling I could sense whenever I was around the two of you. It was so easy to see how much you adore each other. Your eyes would light up and sparkle, and it almost seemed like you'd forget there was anyone else around, until someone brought you back to the present. It made me smile hyung, seeing you so happy. You deserved it."

A small smile had grown on his face as he spoke, but when he stopped, it disappeared, and I saw him swallow, a frown replacing the smile.

"But...no matter how much you love someone, it never lasts. It's all temporary. It'll end in pain, sooner or later. So what's the sense?"

He looked at us, big eyes shining with tears.

"You're going to lose her Tae, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. It doesn't matter if you love her with every part of your soul, she's going to disappear. And you're going to be left alone, half the man you were, because the other half of you will be gone. You'll hurt, and it'll never get better. Because she'll never be able to come back to you."

My eyes had filled with tears, but I blinked them away in time to see Taehyung's adam's apple bob as he swallowed, his fingers tightening around mine almost painfully.

"I don't want any part of that. Not anymore. I'd rather be alone forever than to go through losing the person I love more than life itself. I wanna be there for you hyung, but I don't think I can. I can't watch you lose her. I won't help you try to remember her name either, because even if you could, even if you were able to find her, she'll never be yours again."

I turned to look out the window, blinking away the tears that kept trying to fall.

It was silent for a moment, until Tae spoke.

"I don't plan to try and remember her name anymore, Kookie."

My head turned towards him, and he looked at me, his eyes full of sorrow.

"I know she can never be mine. All I have is right now. It's because I know that, that I'm going to love her with every part of my soul."

His thumb gently rubbed the back of my hand, his eyes holding mine.

"I know I'm going to lose her, and trust me, I know it's going to be way worse than I can even imagine. Because I won't just lose her once. I'm going to lose her every day. Every day that we don't speak, every morning that I don't get to see her waiting for me when I get to work, every time my phone goes off and I hope it's a message from her even though I know it's not. I'm going to lose her in all the moments in between, in the silence when all I can do is think of her, or when I see something that reminds me of her. "

I was no longer trying to stop the tears. I just let them fall, while I looked into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, eyes that were full of love, pain, and sadness.

He looked away from me to turn to Jungkook.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but even though I know I'm going to lose her, it doesn't make me want to stop loving her. It actually makes me want to love her more. You can't give up on love just because it might not last."

Jungkook looked at him, and shook his head.

"Why would you want to put your heart and soul into something you know isn't going to last?"

"It isn't about wanting to do it, it's not a choice Kookie. If you feel like you have a choice, then you aren't really loving." He took a deep breath, sighing.  "I read something once that I couldn't relate to at the time, but it stuck with me, and now, I know what it feels like...'If you've never felt your soul being torn apart, you've never loved anyone with all your heart'..."

The two of them stared at each other, until Jungkook dropped his gaze to his lap.

"I get it Tae. I get that you can't just pretend you don't feel the way you do," he said quietly. "But I still can't watch you go through with this. I can't sit back and wait for her to be gone, and then comfort you and say it'll be okay, because it won't."

"I don't want you to tell me it'll be okay. I just want you to be there for me, so I'm not alone when I miss her the most."

"Do you honestly think you'll ever stop missing her?"

He was silent for a moment before answering.

"No, but one day, I think I'll be able to miss her with a smile, and hopefully it won't hurt so bad to remember."