I stepped out the door of the salon, sighing deeply, not sure if I was happy the day was over, or aggravated, because now I get to go home and deal with whatever drama happens once I get there. There was always some kind of drama, and according to Jason, my husband, it was always my fault.

I walked to my car, hitting the key fob to unlock the door, opening it and climbing in. I threw my purse on the passenger seat, not even bothering to dig my cell phone out so I could put on my music.

It was Friday. That meant I had two days off. Two days to be at home. Two days of being miserable. It didn't really matter, I was miserable at work too. It wasn't a bad job, and it got me out of the house. I was just tired of it. The only people that seemed to come into the salon I worked at were elderly ladies, wanting a perm or to color their grey, or men around my age wanting a trim. It was the same thing over and over. It was boring.

I thought back, remembering how excited I had been, going to school right out of high school to be a beautician because the idea of making people feel better about themselves thru a new haircut, or a color, or a perm, made me happy. I felt like it would be a very rewarding job, knowing that if I could make someone smile and feel beautiful, that I would feel like I was doing something good.

I did stop working for awhile shortly after I got married, and had my son and daughter. My husband thought I should be a stay at home mom, and I wasn't against it, knowing that I could go back to work whenever I was ready.

I had enjoyed being home with the kids, It was fun watching them grow, and being there for all the milestones, like the first steps, and the first day of school. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But now they were grown and gone, moved out, living their own lives. Dana had been gone for a year now,  living in New York with her boyfriend. Landon lived in Florida, so he could surf, and work his dream job as a lifeguard. They rarely visited. I talked to Dana twice a month, Landon, once every 3 months if I was lucky. But I was glad they were happy.

I started the car, backing out of my parking space, and maneuvering thru the parking lot to the exit. It was going to be another dreaded drive home. I would probably drive at least  5 miles slower than the speed limit, just so that it took me a little longer. I would be nice and let people go who were waiting at intersections, and I would take the long way, even though it was only 2 miles longer than the normal route.

I had actually gotten pulled over once, for driving too slow. I was honest, I told the officer that I was not in any hurry to get home, and that I basically drove home like this every day. He had tried to hold back a smile, telling me to drive safely, and that if I drove too slowly, it could be hazardous to others who were driving the speed limit, so to be aware of drivers around me. I had thanked him, and continued on my merry way, not going any faster than I had been before.

It was the same every day when I left work. If I really tried, I could make it take 20 minutes longer than It should for me to get home, but the end result was always the same. When I got there, I'd walk in the door to see Jason sprawled on the couch, probably with a beer in his hand, empty food bags and boxes and containers on the table and on the floor, and the tv would be blasting. His dog would be on the couch next to him, even though when he got the dog, we agreed it wasn't allowed on the furniture.

I hated weekends. Two days that I wished I could just sleep away. If I had to choose between being home or being at work, work was the lesser of two evils. But only by a little.

I had to work, because he didn't. He claimed he couldn't find a job he was happy with. He hadn't worked in over a year now. He was an auto technician, which was just a fancy word for a mechanic. Apparently, any place he had applied didn't offer to pay him what he felt he was worth, or he didn't like their working conditions. He did side work every now and then, but there were bills to be paid, and side work didn't pay the bills.

I'd work even if I didn't have to, because I for damn sure wasn't staying home with him all day. If he ever got enough work that he could actually contribute to some of the bills, that would be super, but the only things he ever got asked to do were simple oil changes, maybe a windshield wiper replacement, sometimes a brake job, but that was about it. The most he'd made on one car was about $350, and I never saw a dime of it.

I stopped at a stop sign, sitting there a few minutes longer than I had to. I probably would have sat there longer if a car hadn't appeared behind me, the driver beeping the horn.

I thought about what I could make for dinner, remembering that there was a bag of frozen meatballs in the freezer, and I knew I had pasta and sauce. I never spent much time cooking anymore. Whatever I could make that was quick and easy seemed to be more common these days. The sooner I could be done in the kitchen, the sooner I could go to my room and not have to listen to Jason complain about everything he found to complain about.

I was almost home. I slowed down.

I could only drive so slow...

There was my driveway. I put my blinker on, even though there was no one behind me, and turned into my drive, pulling up to the garage door. I turned the car off, and sat there, not really ready to go in yet.

I closed my eyes, wishing for the umpteenth time that I could go back to being 20, back to before I was married. Would I do things differently? Hell yes. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids, but knowing what I know now, I can honestly say that I don't think I would have married Jason. I think we were too young.

But we can't go back in time, and change things. We just have to do the best we can with what we have, right? Maybe  things would get better. Maybe Jason would find a job he was willing to take, and start helping with the bills. Maybe  he would stop being such a slob, and clean up after himself. Maybe I would start appreciating him again. Maybe I'll find a magic lamp, and a genie will pop out and grant me three wishes.