The rational side of me was elated, knowing that he had been able to let me go, and accept that we could never be. But I think I wanted him to miss me as much as I missed him, and even though he'd said he missed me, he wasn't aching for me, not like I had for him not very long ago.

~♡~

Who was I kidding? I still ached for him.

I felt terrible for feeling the way I did. I should be nothing but happy that he was doing well. That he wasn't letting the pain of losing me consume him. I'd wished so many times in my last days there that he would find the strength to let me go, and it seems he had.

Another wish granted? Maybe.

So many thoughts raced thru my mind, and I felt dizzy as I tried to distinguish one from the next. I closed my eyes, wiping the tears from my face, and opened them seconds later, only for them to land on a paragraph on the sheet of paper still in my hand.

í wαnt чσu tσ knσw thαt í'm dσíng σkαч. í míѕѕ чσu, ѕσ ѕσ much. í wíѕh thαt чσur wíѕh cσuld hαvє lαѕtєd fσrєvєr, вєcαuѕє í cσuld hαvє ѕpєnt fσrєvєr wíth чσu. вut í hαvє rєαlízєd thαt wє wєrє вσrn wσrldѕ αpαrt, αnd thαt wє αrєn't mєαnt tσ вє tσgєthєr ín thíѕ lífє, nσt αѕ wє wєrє.

He was right. We weren't meant to be together in this life. As much as it hurt to accept that, I knew it was true. It was the sentence before that one that made my heart literally ache in my chest.

í wíѕh thαt чσur wíѕh cσuld hαvє lαѕtєd fσrєvєr, вєcαuѕє í cσuld hαvє ѕpєnt fσrєvєr wíth чσu.

Oh how I wish our lives could have started in the same time and place, so that we could have spent forever together. The knowledge that he felt that way both hurt, and comforted me.

I looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening, and gave Sadie a sad smile as she poked her head out.

"Is it okay to come out, or do you need more time?"

"You can come out, Sadie. I'm just trying to make some sense out of everything I'm feeling, but I honestly don't even know if it's possible. I don't think it'll ever make sense."

She stepped into the room, her hair still wrapped in a towel, a bathrobe tied around her body.

"Was the letter what you expected? I mean- you don't have to tell me. I was just curious."

"It's okay, I don't mind. I don't know what I expected, but I don't think I expected what he wrote. If you were to ask me why, I couldn't answer. It was sweet, and beautiful, and it made me cry. Parts of it made me happy, and other parts made me sad."

I looked up at her, and offered her the sheet of paper.

"You're welcome to read it. In fact, I'd like you to. You're closer to his age, maybe you can...tell me if I'm missing anything."

"Are you sure? I'm sure it's personal, maybe I shouldn't."

"It's fine. Really."

She slowly lifted her hand, taking the paper from me and sitting in the chair opposite the bed.

I watched her face as she read, and saw the smile come and go. Just as she finished reading and lifted her face to mine, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh Laney..." she got up and came to me, immediately hugging me. I let the sadness I was trying so hard to push away seep into me, and I cried on her shoulder, my body shaking, the reality of what I'd had, but would never have again, sinking in.

Why did I get to experience something so perfect, just to lose it in the end.

I still wasn't sure if there was a lesson I was supposed to have learned. I had been led to believe it was Jason who had something to learn, but he could have had his dream, and learned whatever it is he learned without my wish having been granted.

Either way though, Jason had changed, was still changing. I didn't know if my feelings would ever be what they used to, but I had realized that I still loved him. He was my first love. We married each other, and promised for better or for worse. Part of me felt like I owed it to him to try. He was doing everything he could to make up for his shortcomings, and I knew that he was sorry for all that he'd done that had made things more difficult for me.

But no matter how much better things may get at home, I couldn't get Taehyung, or the time I spent with him, out of my mind.

I took a breath, pulling away from Sadie, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

"I don't know if I'll ever stop missing him."

"I don't think you will, but I do believe it'll get easier as time passes."

I nodded.

"Do you think you'll ever contact him?"

I swallowed. I could contact him, any time I wanted to. But would that be a good thing, or was he right when he said it would make it more difficult for me?

"I don't know..." I whispered.

Sadie tilted her head to one side. "Laney, I think you and Taehyung had something very special, a once in a lifetime kind of thing. It's clear that he loves you, and he cherishes the memories he has of you. I know you love him, and I know it's so hard for you to have to let go of him, and move on without him. But I think the best way to keep him in your heart is to just hold onto the memories you have, and let his voice do what it's always done for you, let their music be your happiness. Every time you hear them, every time his voice touches your soul, remember that for a time, he was yours. No one can take that away from you."

I nodded, knowing that I could keep my memories of him tucked away safely for whenever I needed them. I might have lost him in body, but our souls were connected. I felt that very strongly.

I felt better, and I hugged Sadie again.

"Thank you. When did you grow up and become so smart?"

She giggled, as many times as I'd asked that question, it always seemed to bring out the child in her to hear it.

She handed the letter back to  me.

"I think you should put his number in your phone. I know you probably don't think you'll ever use it, but maybe the day will come when you feel you can talk to him without feeling the pain of losing of him."

"I wanna talk to him, you have no idea how badly. I'm afraid to."

She smiled at me knowingly.

"Like I said, add him to your contacts. When the time is right, you'll know."

I looked at his number at the bottom of the page, and took my phone out of my pocket. I sat there quietly for probably a minute, not knowing if I could handle having his number in my phone, knowing that I could call or text him any time I wanted to.

But it also made me feel like it would give me a sense of comfort, just having the knowledge that if I needed to, I could call him.

It felt so surreal, realizing everything that had happened within the last few months. Realizing that before I'd been granted a wish, I had been very much like every other fan of BTS. I had a bias. I loved their music. I spent money on stuff I couldn't afford. I made them a part of every single day, because they were my happiness. They were my reason for smiling. They were my inspiration, my motivation to keep moving forward. They gave me purpose.

All those things were still true,  but now, I had Kim Taehyungs personal phone number.

I opened my contacts, tapping the plus to add a contact. I typed in Taehyung, wondering if I should use something else, but then realizing that first, Jason never touched my phone, except to maybe hand it to me if I set it down and it rang, and two, even if he did, it's not like he would believe me if I told him who it was.

I typed in the rest of the information, and hit save. My heart beat a little faster, the knowledge that I had his number saved to my phone giving me a dizzy feeling.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up, having forgotten that Sadie was sitting next to me. I'd been lost in my own little world.

I gave her a smile.

"I'm fine. I just don't know how to deal with the fact that I have V's number in my phone."

She smiled a big smile. "Wow, I'm sitting next to a personal friend of The Kim Taehyung."

I nudged her with my shoulder, pushing her away from me, and she giggled.

Suddenly, we both got serious.

"Honestly, Laney, you're the strongest person I know. I could never have gotten through anything like this. I have no doubt in my mind that I would be a blubbering mess if I had gotten the opportunity to spend time with Jimin, and then had to leave him behind. On top of all that, I know you've dealt with stuff at home, and you always seem so put together, and unfazed by all the drama. I don't know how you do it. I hope that I can be half as strong as you some day. You're my hero. I really mean that."

I shook my head, making a noise at her. "Stop, you're going to make me all emotional again." She pouted, and I winked at her. "Thank you though. Really."

I stood up, folding the letter and placing it back into the envelope. It would have a special place in my room, and I knew I would read it again, some day.

"I guess I'll go take a shower. What time did you want to leave tomorrow morning?"

"By 10 I guess. We'll get home by 6pm, that won't be too bad, right?"

"Sounds perfect to me. That way we don't have to wake up too early in the morning."

I grabbed my pajama's and slipped into the bathroom, tiredness suddenly hitting me. It was pretty late. I just wanted to shower, climb into bed and close my eyes.

Ten minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom to see Sadie sitting up in her bed, her phone in her hand, eyes closed.

I smiled, walking over and gently touching her shoulder. She popped her eyes opened, looking at me, surprised.

"I'm awake."

"Why?" I chuckled. "You should lie down and go to sleep. It's late." I took her phone from her hand, and she slid down in the bed, her head hitting the pillow as she fell back asleep almost immediately.  I pulled the covers up to her shoulders, and leaned down, kissing her forehead. I loved this kid.

I pulled the covers back on my own bed, sitting on the edge, picking my phone up from the nightstand. I opened my social media, seeing all the posts from the concert. It had been freaking amazing. I hoped that one day, I'd be able to get to another one. Time would tell.

I hit the home button, closing the app, and looking at the icon for my contacts. I tapped on it, scrolling to Tae's number, just staring at it.

What would I say if I did text him? I had no idea. I didn't know why it felt like it would be awkward.

Yes, I did. It was because I wasn't the 20 year old perky girl he'd spent time with. But did it matter. I was still me. My thoughts were still the same. My feelings were still the same. I just didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know if I was ready to be just his friend yet.