Yes I did. It was because I wasn't the 20 year old perky girl he'd spent time with. But did it matter. I was still me. My thoughts were still the same. My feelings were still the same. I just didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know if I was ready to be just his friend yet.

~♡~

Sadie and I had made it home from the concert safely, and she had dropped me off at my house around 6:30pm. I walked in the door to see Jason vacuuming, and I stood there with a small smile, watching. He finally turned enough that he caught sight of me, and jumped, knocking the vacuum cleaner over.

"Hi," I said loudly, setting my bag down next to me.

He chuckled, and bent to stand the vacuum back up, turning it off.

"How was your concert?"

I faltered only slightly, smiling and stepping forward to sit on the couch.

"It was amazing. A night I'll never forget."

He nodded, his lips pressed together into a thin line. Then he smiled.

"I'm glad you had such a good time."

He came over and sat next to me.

"I missed you though. Next time, maybe I'll go with you."

My eyes widened, and I leaned back, looking at him in surprise.

"Wait, what?"

"I said-"

"No, I heard you...but, next time?"

"Do you not want to go and see them again?"

"Of course I do."

"Okay then. So next time they tour the US, I think I'll get us both tickets, and go with you. Are you okay with that?"

I drew in a breath. Was I okay with that? I never expected him to say something like that. I didn't know if I was okay with it. But how could I...what did I even say to that.

"Um, sure, but I thought you hated them."

He smiled sheepishly.

"I kinda looked them up, and watched some videos. They're actually really good. I don't know what the hell they're saying, but it doesn't seem to matter. I honestly  started to enjoy their music. So yeah, I'd like to go with you next time they come around."

How could I be upset about that?

"Wow. Really?"

"Yes really. Don't look so shocked."

I giggled.

"I'm sorry. But I am shocked."

"Yeah, well, I can admit when I'm wrong."

He grabbed my hand, folding his fingers thru mine, and I looked at our hands, my mind immediately remembering how Taehyung's hand felt, his long fingers curled thru mine, his large hand making mine seem so small.

I shouldn't be thinking about that, but I didn't know how not to think about it. I missed it so much.

I felt Jason squeeze my hand, and I knew that I had to try. I had to try to stop comparing him to Taehyung. I had to let Tae go.

I could hold onto the memories, but I had to keep them tucked away, and only let them surface when I was alone, in my room, missing him more than I could handle. I could do that. I had to.

"Well, I'm pretty tired after the long drive. I think I'm going to go take a shower and change into something comfortable, and maybe go relax in my room for an hour or so before bed. You ate something for dinner, right?"

"Sure did. Hot dogs and Macaroni and cheese. My specialty."

I shook my head, grabbing my bag and heading for the stairs.

Once I'd taken my shower, and put on my sweats and hoodie, I headed for my happy place, my room. I'd taken the letter out of the front pocket of my bag, and planned to tuck it away in the drawer of my desk, until I felt the need to read it again.

I opened the drawer, and pulled out my journal. I opened it, and carefully put the letter between the pages, closing it and putting it back in the drawer.

I looked around, thinking that maybe I'd be able to add to my collection of BTS merchandise. Jason was doing well, and we had extra money for the first time in a long time, even without me working.

I plopped down on my loveseat, looking up at Tae on my wall. I smiled. He'd been mine, for a short time.

He'd never be mine again. But I was okay. I had the memories, and that was something no one could ever take away from me.

Could I be his friend? Why couldn't I? It was up to me to make that decision. It seemed he was able to accept being friends with me. I should be able to do the same. I could be mature about this.

Honestly, I could keep my memories buried, and go thru life the same as any other army, waiting for comebacks, stalking social media to see any and everything that had to do with them, watching every vlive that any of them did,  wait for new stuff to drop, stay up all hours of the night waiting for award shows that were live streamed, and miss them all constantly. I knew I would do all that anyway.

But I had another option. I could open my contacts, and call Taehyung. I could talk to him. I could be his friend. I could listen if he needed someone to talk to, and I knew he'd do the same for me.

It was as simple as that. Be his friend, and have him in my life. Or be afraid to take that step, and hope that my memories alone could get me through the times when I missed him so much I thought my heart would shrivel up and die in my chest. It had happened a couple times already, but I didn't have the option of getting in touch with him then.

I took out my phone, looking at it blankly for a few minutes. Was I brave enough? I didn't know. I didn't know if I could hit that green call button, and handle hearing his voice on the other end of the line. I didn't know if I'd ever be brave enough.

It didn't matter right now, because they were still on tour, and I wouldn't attempt to call him when he was so busy, even if I did have the courage. But I had time to think about it. Maybe one day, I'd be brave enough.

Things were going well between Jason and I, and I knew I needed to focus on us. Our relationship was slowly getting stronger, and even though I didn't know if it could ever be what it was, I knew it could still be good. We would make it, and we would be okay.

He was trying, and I was so proud of how he'd changed. Maybe that wasn't the right word to use. He hadn't changed. He'd come back. He was so much like the man I fell in love with, and I thought I might be falling in love with him all over again. It was a feeling I didn't know how to process, because It felt nothing like the love I knew I felt for Taehyung.

That was a good thing. It was a good thing because it helped ease the guilt I felt, because of the fact that I loved Tae. I think I finally realized that my 20 year old self loved him with all my heart, only him, only ever him. And maybe that's how it was supposed to be.

The me of right now knew that I was where I was supposed to be. I wasn't meant to be with Taehyung, not in this lifetime. Maybe in another lifetime.

3 months later

TAEHYUNGS POV

I sat on the couch in the dorm, watching Jimin and Jungkook play a video game on the TV. We'd finished touring a week ago, and had some time off to rest and recuperate.

Today was the 5th day we'd basically been sitting around the dorm, doing nothing, being lazy. It was starting to get boring. Namjoon, Yoongi and Hobi must be bored too, because they'd already gone to their rooms hours ago.

Jin came in, handing me a bowl of microwave popcorn, and sitting down next to me.

"Thanks hyung," I mumbled, stuffing a handful of popcorn in my mouth, some of it falling out and bouncing on my leg before landing on the floor next to Jimin.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Tae-ah, it isn't polite." Jin scolded.

I chewed what was in my mouth, swallowing.

"Sorry hyung. I guess I'm hungry."

"You had six pieces of pizza for dinner. How could you possibly be hungry?" He looked at me, eyes wide.

I laughed. "I don't even remember eating pizza. I could eat six more pieces."

He shook his head, staring at me, apparently having nothing to say in response.

I ate half the bowl of popcorn while scrolling thru my phone, bored out of my mind, and finally decided I was going to bed. It was getting late. Tomorrow, I was going out and finding something to do, even if none of the others wanted to come.

"I'm going to bed, I'll see you all in the morning. G'night."

I stood, handing Jin the remaining popcorn, hearing Jimin and Kookie mumble a good night, not wanting to take their attention from the game. Jin said good night, and I made my way down the hall to my room, closing the door behind me.

I pulled my other phone from the back pocket of my jeans, and put it on the nightstand. We all had a personal phone that not everyone had the number to, because even though the staff here were all supposed to keep our numbers secret, we knew that unfortunately, some of them could likely be swayed to sell our numbers to the wrong people, for the right amount of money. Because of that, those numbers changed often.

I found a pair of sweats, and changed into them, pulling my hoodie off and sitting on the bed, fixing my t-shirt that had slid up with my hoodie. Once I had it straightened back out, I scooted back, propping myself up on my pillow, and looking on my phone for something to keep me occupied until I got tired enough to lie down and sleep.

I wondered if Delaney had ever gotten my letter. I had no way of knowing. I may never know.

I had hoped so much that she would call me, or text me. Seeing her at the concert had been something I hadn't expected, and I was so grateful that I'd gotten to see her again. It was exactly what I needed, because I was starting to think the whole thing had been a dream.

She really had looked beautiful, but I wasn't surprised at all. I knew that I had to figure out a way to speak to her before the concert ended, because there were things I needed to say to her. But I also knew that there was no way that could happen. I whined to Jimin that I had things to say, and he suggested that I write a letter.

I wish I could have hung around to see if she'd actually gotten it. I realized chances were low because it got pretty chaotic when a concert ended, everyone trying to get out in an orderly fashion, only to end up with the exact opposite happening.

So the chances of the guard getting her attention weren't great, but I decided any chance was better than no chance.

But it had been 3 months. I'd gotten nothing from her. That didn't mean she didn't get my letter. I knew that. She'd said she didn't think she could be just my friend. She could very well have decided that she would never contact me.

I didn't think I'd ever give up hope though. I prayed every night that she was doing well, and that she was happy. But I'd  never stop wishing to hear from her.

I sighed, moving my head side to side, stretching my neck, hearing the popping sound as I did. I dropped my phone on the bed, and leaned to the nightstand, picking up the small framed picture of her the guys had printed from Yoongi's phone and given to me.

It was a picture from the concert, and she was staring up at me, tears in her eyes, hand over her mouth. I didn't even know Yoongi had taken it. We normally don't have our phones with us on stage, but occasionally one of us will bring one out to get a recording of the crowd, because it still overwhelms us that so many come to see us.

I smiled. I guess it's only fair that I have a picture of her. I'm sure she has many of me.

I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was just before 10pm. I got up, setting the photo down and folding the covers back. I climbed into bed, not really ready to sleep but not knowing what else to do.

My head hit the pillow, and just as I reached to pull the covers over myself, my phone started to ring, and I dug for it in the covers. But when I pulled it out, it wasn't ringing.

My head snapped to the phone on the nightstand, seeing it lit up, ringing loudly.

I sat up, grabbing the phone, and looking at the number on the display. It was an overseas number.

My heart sped up, and I realized I needed to answer it before it went to voice mail, so I hit the accept call icon, and brought the phone to my ear, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Hello..."

It was silent for probably 10 seconds...then I heard what sounded like a sniffle, before a voice came thru the line.

"I've missed talking to you so much..."

My heart felt like it was going to overflow with happiness.