But we can't go back in time, and change things. We just have to do the best we can with what we have, right? Maybe things would get better. Maybe Jason would find a job he was willing to take, and start helping with the bills. Maybe he would stop being such a slob, and clean up after himself. Maybe I would start appreciating him again. Maybe I'll find a magic lamp, and a genie will pop out and grant me three wishes.  

~♡~

I laughed sarcastically.

I unbuckled my seatbelt, and reached for my purse. The longer I sat here, the more bullshit I'd have to listen to when I finally went inside.

I walked to the front door, turning the knob, and hearing the tv as soon as I started opening the door. I wouldn't mind being wrong for once. I really wouldn't. 

I stepped inside, hanging my purse on the hook and kicking my shoes off, pushing them out of the way.

"God damn, Laney, what took you so damn long to get home? What's for dinner, I'm starving."

"Traffic, Jason. You ask me the same thing every day." I rolled my eyes. " We're having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner."

I walked towards the kitchen, hoping he had nothing more to say.

"It's not those fucking frozen meatballs again, is it? They're fucking disgusting."

I sighed, not turning around. "You don't have to eat it, feel free to find something else if you don't like it." I walked into the kitchen, not waiting to see what else he had to say.

I grabbed a glass, getting a drink of water, and walked to the freezer to retrieve the bag of meatballs. I set my glass on the counter, reaching for a pot from the pot rack, setting it on the burner. I grabbed a jar of sauce from the cabinet, twisting the cap opened and dumping it into the pot. I turned the burner to simmer, and tore open the meatballs, dumping them into the sauce, and putting the lid on. I'd let them simmer for 15 minutes before I started the pasta.

I debated whether to go upstairs and change out of my jeans and work smock into something more comfortable. Pajama's would be perfect, only I didn't know if I might end up going for a walk after dinner. But a pair of sweats and my favorite hoodie were calling my name.

I walked thru the living room, avoiding eye contact with Jason, heading for the stairs.

"Dinner should be done in about a half hour."

"Great. I can't fucking wait. I love frozen fucking meatballs."

There was so much I wanted to say to him. Some days, I almost did. But it would be a waste of my breath. He would continue to sit here on his ass all day, every day, and do nothing. Nothing to help me out around the house. Nothing to contribute monetarily.

I went up the stairs, not saying anything, wishing I could be anyplace but here. I should just leave. But where would I go? Besides, I liked my house. I just didn't like my husband much.

There was a time we had been happy. At least I think I was happy. I had loved being his wife, spending time with him. We used to go out to eat, or go to a movie now and then. After the kids were born, we went on picnics, and to the amusement park once a year. Our relationship had been great.

He had a good job, working for a large auto dealership, and made very good money. We bought this house 5 years after we'd been married. We both loved it, and we were proud of ourselves for being homeowners in our 20's. We'd been able to have it paid off in 20 years. We'd been living here 26 years.

I had no desire to leave my home. I was comfortable here. It had taken us years to get everything exactly how we'd wanted it, but we finally had.

Once the kids had moved out, I had eventually turned Dana's room into a place I could go to be by myself. I guess you could call it the female version of a man cave. I didn't sleep in there, although I could if I wanted to. There had been many nights I almost had.  

Landon's room had stayed a bedroom, I had just changed the curtains and bedding to something neutral, and painted the walls beige. If either of them ever decided to visit, there would be a place for them to sleep if they needed it. 

I found my sweats and hoodie, and went into the bathroom, getting undressed and putting them on. I clipped my hair up and rinsed my face with cool water, eyeing the small wrinkles I could see forming around the corners of my eyes. I frowned, but then realized that probably wasn't helping, and would just cause more wrinkles.

I huffed out a breath, and grabbed a towel, patting my face dry and dropping it on the vanity. I should go down and start the pasta, so I can listen to Jason complain some more about my lack of desire to feed him well.

I picked up the clothes I'd been wearing from the floor, and left the bathroom, dropping them in the basket on my way out of the bedroom. I went back downstairs, noticing that Jason wasn't on the couch anymore, meaning he was in the downstairs bathroom, or he had gone out to the garage. The dog was still there, so I assumed he was in the bathroom, because if he'd gone to the door to go outside, the dog would have followed him.

I returned to the kitchen, and grabbed another pot, filling it with water and putting it on the stove to boil. I stirred the meatballs and sauce, adding some salt and pepper, basil and oregano, and a sprinkle of parsley, covering it back up.

"I might be going with Greg tomorrow to the junkyard. He needs to find some parts for that car he's putting back together."

I jumped, having not heard him come into the room, turning slightly to look at him.

"Okay." I didn't know what else he expected me to say. Inside, I was doing a happy dance, because that meant I'd have part of the day to myself. But I wouldn't let it show that I was happy about this news.

Greg was Jason's best friend. They'd known each other since high school. They both loved cars, and working on them. But Greg still had a job. He also had a wife, and 3 kids. Two of his kids were grown and moved out, the youngest was 17, and getting ready to go to college. She would graduate in June, and planned to spend her summer doing what teenagers did, and then start college once summer ended.

Our families got together occasionally, and Greg's wife, Julie, was great. We had a few things in common, but not an awful lot. We didn't get together without the guys. She had her clubs that she was a part of, she played golf, and went to get her nails done regularly. I couldn't afford things like that. But we got along, and I liked hanging out with her every once in awhile when the guys had car stuff to do.

But Greg's daughter, Sadie, she and I got along beautifully. We had BTS in common, and I loved seeing what new goodies she had gotten whenever we would go to their house for dinner. She was the sweetest girl, and it was fun talking about our boys, and being proud of them together. She didn't make me feel like I shouldn't listen to their music, or be a fan of them because I was too old, like Jason did.

BTS, seven amazingly talented young men from South Korea. They are more important to me than I can even put into words. They saved me. If it weren't for them, I'd probably be in a mental institution right now. They keep me sane, and I'm being completely serious when I say that.

I wouldn't have found them if it hadn't been for Sadie. I remembered the day I'd first heard of them. We had gone over so Jason could help Greg with car stuff, and Julie hadn't been home yet, but Sadie was there. She had been sitting on the couch with her earbuds in, but she pulled one out when she saw me come in.

"Hi Laney! Mom's not home yet."

"I know. That's okay. Maybe I can just hang out here with you for a bit. I don't think Jason and your dad will be too long."

"Sure. I could turn music on, but you might not like what I listen to. Have you ever heard of BTS?"

"BT Who?"

"BTS. You probably haven't. It's short for Bangtan Sonyeondan. It's means bulletproof boy scouts. They're Korean."

"Oh. Do they sing in Korean?"

At this point, I was just making conversation with her, having no clue what I was about to get myself into, and that it would change my life in such a way.

"Mostly. Here, let me find a video."

She turned the tv on, opening up you tube, and typing 'BTS save me' in the search bar.

"I'll play it without subs first, so you can just watch them, because they are amazing dancers, and they're pretty hot too." She smiled, her eyes sparkling.

I chuckled and nodded. "Okay, now I'm curious."

She clicked on a video, and it started to play. I watched, intrigued, even though I didn't have a clue what they were saying, except for what was in English. She was right, they could dance, and I wasn't going to lie, my inner teen thought they were all very hot, in an almost pretty kind of way.

Sadie had looked at me when the video ended, a hopeful look on her face.

"Well,  what'd ya think? Do you wanna watch it again, and I'll turn on the subs so you can see what they're saying?"

"I do, actually." Oddly, I was very interested to see what the song was about.

She played it again, and after reading the lyrics, I knew I would listen to it again, and again. There was something about them that I just couldn't help but like.

"So, tell me more about BTS. How come I've never heard of them?"

"They've only recently become popular in the U.S., even though they've been around since 2013, that's when they debuted. But they've recently held concerts here, and they've gained a lot of new fans. They're known for their positive messages, and they tackle real life issues. They've helped a lot of young people suffering with depression, because they aren't afraid to talk about mental illness. They have been open about their lives, and their struggles. It makes it easier to connect with them. I love them. I listen to them more than any other artist."

Just then we'd heard a horn beeping, signaling that Jason was ready to leave.

"Well Sadie, thank you for the lesson on BTS. I can assure you that I will be looking them up more when I get the chance. Tell your mom I said hi, okay?"

"Sure thing Laney. And if you're going to look into BTS, I suggest you watch Mic Drop, Fire, and Blood Sweat & Tears. Was there anyone who caught your attention in the video?"

I thought back to it, and immediately remembered that the one with red hair was extremely handsome, and I'd kind of kept my eyes on him.

"The red head..."

She giggled. "That's V, or Kim Taehyung. He was the 2017 worlds most handsome face. Watch Singularity, and listen to Scenery."

"Oh my gosh, I'm not going to remember all that Sadie. Text it to me, I gotta get going, Jason is getting impatient."

The horn had been beeping every few seconds, and I had hurried out the door, already knowing that he was going to complain that I had taken too long, which he did. But at that point, I hadn't cared. My phone had vibrated in my pocket, and I knew Sadie had texted me. I rode home that day with something to look forward to, and it made me smile.

That had been 9 months ago, and BTS has been bringing a smile to my face every day since then.