noren ; kapit (hold on)

❝ if i was no one, will i be yours? ❞

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warning: bullying (idk why i keep adding this to my stories), illness, mistreatment/ abuse

Looking from afar, Jeno was fond of looking outside of the window. Daydreaming again. His mind would always loom over the memory of what ruined his life. What happened to him in the past resulted to him not being able to look at strangers in the eyes ever again. Other than his mother telling him not to, he just couldn't look them in the eye. Their stares make him suffocated and contained.

Jeno grew up with a horrible stepfather. He loves his mother but he could never see Jeno as his son. His stepfather's eyes were always on him. Either he does something good or bad, he sees Jeno as the black sheep of the family. He was being judged and gets beaten up for no reason by the older. He never stood as his father. He was a stranger to Jeno.

It took some years of suffering before he got the courage to his mother about it. He was threatened but it was his life on the line. Fortunately, she chose her son over her lover. She even had to demand a case against him which they were able to win at court meetings. For the first time, Jeno felt free.

He felt oblivious.

After years, Jeno was still traumatized. He couldn't stare at someone he never knew. He was at grade school and everyone was curious about it. He wasn't looking timid, Jeno just instantly looks away whenever he's talking to a stranger. Like he was observing if the stranger will do something to him. Most people never thought he was weird, because it was trauma and they understand.

But some just had to bully him for it.

"You're such a weirdo."

Jeno gets that a lot. He's a quiet kid and never wanted to do anything what his father did to him. He never fought back but, in the end, he's the one getting beaten up. Well, he was used to it.

"Hey, don't you guys have anything else to do other than bullying Jeno again?!"

With his quiet personality, a boy with the opposite personality kept him away from getting beaten ever since. Someone who randomly stood up from his chair, walked over to Jeno and scared the bullies away. Whoever thinks Jeno's weird, he's the one dealing with them.

Jeno thought he was incredible.

"Get away from him or I'll be the one beating your asses!"

Jeno pouted his lips a bit and sighed, "Injun, stop scaring them."

Renjun growled at them and watched the bullies go away. He crossed his arms with eyebrows furrowed as he drops and sat down on the chair beside Jeno. He looked back at his friend.

"They're the ones who's scaring you. You don't have to tolerate them, Jeno!" the boy uttered.

The boy beside him stared at his nagging friend. At their first meeting, Jeno already has a crush on Renjun. He always had. It was not, just, because of Renjun's overprotective but sweet personality, Renjun's very attractive. Jeno likes his features, which results to him unconsciously staring at his best friend from time to time.

Renjun's eyes were the only ones would Jeno adore.

"What would you do without me, Jeno-ah?" Renjun says that whenever a day like this happens.

To be honest, Jeno would still be miserable by now if it wasn't for Renjun. Who knows what will happen to him if the bullying continues? Although Renjun always wished that he could have come into Jeno's life earlier than he did, Jeno thought the boy came just when he needed someone.

"You're just finding a way to make me treat you," Jeno uttered.

The boy laughed, "No...But, you can treat me ice cream," he said and smiled at him as he gave Jeno the puppy eyes.

Jeno stared at him, "You think I'll treat you because you're giving me the puppy eyes?"

Renjun nodded and acted cutely. Without Renjun knowing, Jeno's heart was beating so fast as he was slowly starting to fall for his best friend.

"Fine."

"You love me too much!"

Maybe Jeno does.

Graduation day.

The venue was filled with students who were wearing their toga. Jeno was looking at his diploma that he already received a while ago. He never thought he could finish studies, to be honest. Things went rough this year and he was kind of surprised that he was still able to finish grade school.

At his young age, he had to take care of his sick mother and did everything in the house. His mother's brother made sure he was the one paying the bills of the hospital and his uncle's wish was Jeno to focus on his studies. Well, Jeno wasn't able to attend school that much because he wanted to take care of his mother.

Jeno got really emotional and overwhelmed with the things that were happening. He thought he couldn't finish his studies on time. Renjun was always there and didn't leave his side.

Whenever Jeno would be at the hospital, Renjun would be busy writing lessons and assignments at school for Jeno. The small boy will always come at the place after school just to either teach his best friend about the lessons or do the assignments with him.

Renjun has always been happy to be there for Jeno, he wanted to always be involved in Jeno's life. He wanted to know whatever's happening to Jeno. He was worried and asked his mother if he could sleep overnight in the hospital to be with Jeno. Though his mother didn't allow him, all Renjun could think of was to call Jeno before he sleeps.

Renjun loves Jeno so much that he wished Jeno to be in the best life possible.

"Jeno."

The said boy looked beside him. On this day, Jeno's mother wasn't able to go and see her son go on stage but on behalf of her, since she was still recovering but already in a good condition, Jeno's auntie goes instead. Jeno was happy that his auntie was the one who supported him, but he wished that his mother could be there too.

"You good?"

Renjun asked, looking straight at Jeno with a small smile on his face.

Jeno smiled back briefly, "Yeah..."

"Congratulations."

The quiet boy always loved seeing the small boy's smile.

"Thank you...also, thank you for helping me," Jeno uttered.

The small boy nodded, "What are best friends are for anyway?"

Yeah, best friends as they labeled themselves.

"Boys!"

Both of them looked up ahead and saw Renjun's mother with Jeno's auntie. They were waving at the boys, signaling them to come over. Renjun and Jeno goes over to them.

"Picture? You guys want a remembrance, right?" Jeno's auntie asked, already holding her phone.

The quiet boy didn't know what to answer but his best friend went to put an arm around the taller's shoulder to bring him closer. Jeno felt his heart skipped a beat. He was too close, almost complaining, because he didn't want Renjun to feel his fast heartbeats.

But the smaller didn't mind it because his was beating the same pace as Jeno's.

"Jeno-ah, smile!" Renjun's mother uttered.

Jeno snapped out and looked front. His hand went to place on Renjun's waist as they held their diplomas and smiled at the cameras.

Best friends, huh?

"So, where are you going for highschool?" Renjun asked.

Both of them were on the front porch of Renjun's house. Jeno was invited for dinner and he didn't want to turn down the offer.

"I'm not sure..." the quiet boy answered.

The small boy hummed, "Tell me if you decided then."

Jeno looked at Renjun, "Why? Don't you have plans?"

"I do, but I want to be with you."

The quiet boy got surprised by his answer and when Renjun realized what he said, the small boy became flustered. He blushed and stuttered.

"I-I mean, I just w-want us to be together! Like what best friend do!" Renjun uttered and nudged Jeno's shoulder which made the quiet boy chuckle.

Jeno nodded, "I'll tell you about it...I want to be with you too."

They wanted to be inseparable but independent.

They never knew but they have feelings for each other. If it'll affect their friendship, they will probably keep it to themselves.

Jeno was by the railings where he could see students walking by on the school grounds below. He was silently watching them, kind of finding the person he's been waiting for. He sighed as the wind blew against him, letting his hair mess up. His mind slowly drifting away at the thought of him going to college after highschool, which is only a few months left before they graduate.

Just thinking about it makes him feel heavy.

"...Jeno-ah!"

The quiet boy jolted and looked beside him to see Renjun already arrived.

"What are you thinking?" his best friend asked.

Jeno shook his head, "Nothing..."

"Hm, hiding something from me again?" Renjun asked, smirking at him and tiptoed to lean closer to Jeno with squinting eyes. Through the years, Jeno started to get taller which was a problem to Renjun.

The quiet boy chuckled, "I said, nothing. Stop pushing it."

The small boy went down and hummed, leaning against the railing, "I'm just making sure..."

"You're worried about nothing, Injun."

"This is why I want to be at the same school as you. No one's going to be annoying enough to push you to tell them what you're feeling..."

Jeno sighed and chuckled, "I can take care of myself."

"I know that, but you'll have no one if I'm gone," Renjun uttered.

The quiet boy went to pinch on the smaller boy's cheeks, "You got too attached."

"No, am not!" Renjun pushed his hands away and looked away before he pouted, blushing on the process.

He doesn't know that Jeno got the chance to stare at his side profile. Jeno wanted to do this while it lasts. He doesn't know when will the last be but he'll enjoy the last minutes he has to adore Renjun personally. He doesn't want to waste any more chances, though he still hasn't decided if he'll confess.

If he confesses, will still have Renjun by his side?

"Oh, foundation week is coming up. They're already putting up some booths," Renjun uttered, pointing at the direction where students are starting to prepare.

"Hm, where?" Jeno asked and looked, leaning closer to get a better look.

"There. Can't you see?"

"Eh?"

"Are you that bli--"

Just when Renjun turned to look at Jeno, they tensed when their lips slightly touched. Jeno was too close to him, he didn't even know. Their hearts started palpitating and Renjun's face was starting to heat up intensely, Jeno was still surprised as a light pink hue on his cheeks appeared.

"I-I'm sorry," Jeno apologized.

Renjun bit his lower lip, "N-No...It's fine. It was an accident."

Then the atmosphere became heavy between them. Their hearts were beating too loud that it's annoying. Their minds were thinking if it's considered as their first kiss. It was awkward but they were trying to deny what just happened. It was an accident anyway.

They even had to look around if anyone saw it. If anyone saw it, the 'it's-a-best-friend-thing' excuse won't surely work. But it's what Renjun likes to say--"We're best friends." Jeno was used to it. Who wouldn't be when they've been together since grade school and Renjun keeps using that excuse? Well, it's what he probably gets for not confessing yet.

"No one's going to talk about that ever again," Renjun started.

Jeno nodded, "Never again."

The smaller boy chuckled, "Let's go and eat something."

"Are you going to treat me?"

"If you only give me an acceptable reason why I should treat you."

"Nevermind."

After school, both of them walked towards home. Even though they're already in senior high and in different sections, Jeno would always wait for Renjun. The smaller boy has extra curriculum activities after classes and Jeno was fine waiting for him. Renjun didn't want him to and had several naggings at him but Jeno was very stubborn.

Renjun was playing, balancing himself on the small railing on the sidewalk but he was shaky. Before he lost his balance, because he suddenly remembered the "kiss", Jeno grabbed his hand and pulled him off the railing.

"You don't have to do that," Jeno uttered.

Renjun furrowed his eyebrows at him, "I was just playing."

"Last time you played on the railings was when you broke your ankle."

"That was nothing--"

"Injun, it wasn't nothing."

The small boy laughed, "I'm all good. I'll be careful, Jeno-ah."

"Then I'll hold your hand."

The smaller boy was taken aback, "Eh? I'm not a kid!"

"Holding your hand doesn't mean I'm treating you as a kid, Renjun," the boy beside uttered, "I'm trying to keep you safe."

Renjun looked away, trying not to get himself to conclude, but he was blushing and his heart was racing from Jeno's words. Not to mention, their hands were still holding each other. Why should he even think that Jeno cares for him in a different way? He should stop. The only thing why he's been keeping everything was to not lose Jeno.

"I won't do it again then..."

Jeno just realized their hands. He gave it a second before he slowly lets go of the small, skinny hand. It felt good and wanted to do it again. He wants to hold Renjun's hand again.

"Do you have any plans for college? Admissions are starting soon," Renjun asked.

Jeno shrugged, "I don't know. You don't plan to have the same university as me, do you?"

The small boy hummed and placed his hands behind his back, "Is it wrong?"

The taller sighed, "I'm not saying it is...but shouldn't we start being independent without each other?"

Renjun looked at him and stopped walking, "What are you saying? I'm not dependent on you, Jeno-ah."

"I mean...we can't be together forever--"

"Jeno, what does that mean?"

Jeno stopped and looked back at Renjun with eyebrows furrowed but he loosened up and smiled at him, "College isn't really still in mind, Injunnie. Also, it's good if we have other universities. You know, we get to have new friends, new environment. We'll be able to keep in touch, right? I--"

"You don't want to be with me anymore?"

Those phrases left Jeno quiet. He looked straight at Renjun, almost forgetting that the smaller boy was having a crisis. The taller boy sighed and chuckled at his best friend. Renjun frowned and furrowed his eyebrows at him. He then walked ahead of the taller guy but Jeno caught up.

"Hey, of course, I still want to be with you. Who's going to nag at me when I'm spacing out?" Jeno uttered.

Renjun pouted, "You just told me we're better apart! What should I think about that?"

"Look...I might leave for America soon."

Then everything went heavy.

"W-What...?"

Jeno smiled sadly, "My mom needs medication and the doctors want to put her in a better hospital...It's getting worse and I don't want to lose her. It was the only option we got."

Renjun's heart broke.

"Jeno..."

"They said she'll be fine in flight so she'll be departing this weekend. I'll follow on the day of graduation...We still have a few months together anyway," the taller uttered. Jeno felt very heavy. He didn't want to go but his mother needs him.

The boy felt upset about the news, "I'm sure she'll be okay, Jeno."

Jeno sighed, fighting the urge to cry infront of his friend, "I really hope so."

They were each other's emotional support and neither one of them wanted to separate.

Renjun should be happy in graduation and recognition days. This particular day won't be as special as he'll remember. He hated and despised it. His heart was heavy and he was getting teary eyed as watched Jeno going on stage to receive his diploma.

Several thoughts were going through his mind and he was spacing out. He didn't even know that the graduation ceremony was finished. Jeno even had to nudge Renjun's arm to snap him out.

"Hey, it's finished. Let's go," Jeno uttered.

Renjun nodded. Both of them stood from their chairs, with the crowd, and walked up to go outside to meet up with their auntie and parents. The smaller boy was dragging his feet, not in the mood to be with his best friend, but he wanted to see for the last moment.

"Injun..."

The boy looked back at his friend beside and saw Jeno smiling at him. Renjun then broke in tears and hugged Jeno tightly.

"A-As much as I-I don't want you to go, but your mother is more important."

Jeno fought back his emotions and hugged Renjun back, tightly. They won't be able to hug each other for a long time. Who knows will they meet again? Will they even be able to meet again?

"Boys, one last picture?"

Could be their last, but Renjun holds the imaginative truth that they'll be able to see each other again. They are thousands of miles away from each other, who knows what will happen to them in the long run. Renjun just hopes they'll be able to keep in touch.

It was hard to let go.

Jeno wrapped his arm around Renjun and pulled him closer. The smaller boy wiped his tears away and his arms went to hug Jeno's waist as he tried his hardest to give a genuine smile. Their smiles were captured but what was funny was Jeno's auntie capturing how Jeno was comforting Renjun.

Jeno wiping off Renjun's tears and smiling at him. But they were cut off.

"We'll get late for the flight. Let's get going," Jeno's uncle said before he goes into the car and starting it.

Jeno sighed, "I'll get going. I'll message you when I get there."

"O-Okay...Have a safe trip."

"I'll come back, Injun."

Renjun nodded, "I'll count on that."

The taller boy nodded before he started walking. Both of their minds were telling them to confess. Their stomachs were filled with butterflies, hearts were palpitating and their minds all over the place. They were being pulled back but both were doubting.

But Renjun spoke which made Jeno to stop.

"Jeno, I..."

I love you.

"...I'll miss you."

Jeno smiled, "I'll miss you too."

It was best to keep whatever they have.

(Next) episode 3: Paubaya [Doyoung, Taeyong] >>