A/N: I'm a bit late, but technically it's still Monday in my time zone, so sue me LOL. Anyways I struggled with this chapter again, but it's here, so hope you enjoy! A big shoutout to all the recent reads, votes, comments, and follows. I appreciate them all and thoroughly enjoy reading the comments, even if I can't respond to all of them. I'm stoked for the next chapter so I'm sorry if this one feels a bit wonky. 

Chapter 44

Vince's POV

Sarah hovered near the door as if blocking me from leaving. She nodded her head towards Simon, but I wasn't sure I was ready to face him. After all, Aspen was right. I knew nothing of the mental state he had been in and what he probably felt right now. And more likely than not, I had been the reason he had that panic attack in the first place.

But as Sarah pushed at my arm before closing the door on her way out, and I turned to look at him, maybe I had been wrong. All things considered, he seemed fine.

"Hey," he said breathily. "How're you feeling?"

I blinked, surprised at his words, and that he was seated upright as if nothing had happened. "I should be asking you that."

"You forget that I can feel the bond too." The corners of his lip raised in a light smirk, before motioning to the chair next to him. "Come sit."

"You know?" I looked at him incredulously, before cautiously approaching the seat. He gestured to it but it didn't feel right to sit down, especially after Aspen's tirade.

I slowly took a seat next to him. He looked down for a moment before responding, "I knew the moment I sensed you enter the house. You wouldn't have if you didn't feel something."

"Oh," I said nervously, not even sure what to do with my hands, letting them sit limply on my lap.

"My wolf tried to tell me the night we fought, but I didn't believe him," he added. "But it makes sense given your dosage now."

I hummed, almost laughing at how awkward it felt to be alone with him here. It seemed every moment with him was an incredibly painful and awkward experience, more so now given this morning.

I gulped before asking, "how's your wounds?"

"Mostly healed," he said, placing a hand on his side, the same spot I felt pain this morning. "It wasn't that bad this time. I'm sure Aspen made it seem worse than it was, but it's fine."

"It didn't seem like it was fine."

He pursed his lips before letting the silence grow.

"It honestly would've been worse if you hadn't been there," he finally muttered in the silence, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "Aspen is used to seeing me like this, but I didn't want you to see that. I think that's why I stopped."

I let his words sink in. I was sure I shouldn't have gone there, but his words, in a weird outlandish way made some sense. Similarly to how the bond made me look for him, it probably made Simon want to stop before he took it too far.

"I never felt it that strong before," he continued. "Your emotions. It was always when they were overwhelming, or if you were in pain, but this morning I could feel every ounce of it. You were so scared."

I hummed, rubbing my thumb over the tips of my fingers, distracting myself from the memory of this morning. I wasn't sure what to say to him so we sat in silence.

I didn't want to tell him, to admit that I had been scared, that even now I felt the lingering fear in the back of my mind. With Michael's taunts, the changes he's made to the pack, and the bomb Aspen had dropped earlier. The fear that he might want to die again, or if he realized all the reasons and excuses I had weren't enough for him. That he'd learn Aspen and Michael were right, that I could never undo the damage I've caused. Or that despite trying to make things right, to try and be the person he needed, that it would be meaningless. That he'd easily just give up and walk out without a moment's notice.

And now with the bond here, I was terrified at what that would do.

But despite it all, I feared that they were right. This whole thing was destined to fail. There was no way Simon would ever forgive me, no way he'd understand why. Even if I managed to lay it all out, manage to say it, to explain to him why I did those horrid things, what would it even solve? It wouldn't bring him back his family, wouldn't undo the hurt he's felt, or the mental and physical pain he endured. I had already failed him and his family once, how could I even begin to fix that?

"Hey," I nearly jumped out of my skin when he spoke, his hand grazing the top of my hand. "Stop that."

Blinking confusedly, I went to move my hand away, but he gripped it gently in his own. "What?"

"You're overthinking again," he said with a frown. "Like this morning."

"Oh," I mumbled, along with a muffled apology.

He rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand in tentative circles, and I couldn't help but focus on the way his hand felt. Like the other night, it no longer felt cold to the touch. It was tender, like the feeling of the gentle rays of a setting sun, and as soothing as the feeling of lukewarm water running through your hand.

It was as if I had been in a trance, not able to peel my eyes away from the gesture, even as he cleared his throat.

"I think too much too," he breathed before giving my hand a quick squeeze. "But sometimes, it's good to just feel."

And so I did. I focused on the way he continued to hold my hand gingerly. My eyes fluttered before shutting, focusing just on the warmth I could finally feel sitting here next to him. One by one letting the things I worried about earlier pushed to the back of my head. I became aware of the steady feel of our hearts beating, the sound of our breathing, as it drowned out the silence. I felt the tender pull of the bond, even the slightest presence of his wolf, seemingly content at our proximity.

I could tell he wanted more, so I reached my other hand over hesitantly, placing it on top of his to return the gesture. I rubbed my thumb in steady circles on the back of his hand, letting that soothing feeling return.

But not long after, I could hear the door open, a shrill noise that disrupted the moment, if you could call it that.

And just like that, I jerked my hand away, whipping my head in that direction only to see the one person I didn't want to see.

"Am I interrupting something?" Michael smirked at me from the doorway, before looking towards Simon with a concerned look.

Neither of us responded as he walked towards us, standing beside Simon on the opposite side of the bed. I clenched my fist at my side, the cold feeling returning in my hand.

Michael sat on the edge of the bed next to him, snatching Simon's hands in his own. "How're you feeling, dear?"

Simon gave him a quizzical look before smiling, squeezing his hands back earnestly. "I'm feeling better."

And just like that, all the fears I had, came crashing back down. I couldn't help it, but the way they were with each other made me doubt that moment if you could even call it that, had even happened. I mean honestly, what did I expect? For him to trust me like that? If anything, that 'moment' was probably him feeling obligated to.

And watching them act more like mates just made me sick. I was practically third-wheeling my own mate. The more I watched, the more out of place I felt. And of course, I didn't trust Michael at all, but when Simon looked at him so happily who was I to tell him to stay away.

So to save the last shred of dignity and not throw up, I stood up to leave, hoping they'd just ignore me altogether, but of course, nothing gets past Michael. "Where are you going?"

I pursed my lips before putting on a fake smile to look at them. "I've got work."

Work you gave me, asshole, I wanted to tell him. 

"Work? Can't it wait?" Michael frowned dramatically. I blinked, thinking of how badly I wanted to punch him if Simon hadn't been in the room.

Giving a droll look, I responded dryly, "I'm a bit behind."

"I'm sure it could wait," he drawled, before patting Simon's knee. "I was just about to invite you both to a late lunch if Simon felt up to it. I'm sure he must be starved."

"Both of us?" I raised my brows, wondering what the hell he was playing at.

"Of course," he implored. "I was thinking about that diner on the side of the highway."

"What-" I said without thinking. "Why both of us?"

"What?" Michael said incredulously. "I can't enjoy a meal with my brother and his mate?"

Simon gave me a strange look that reminded me of our argument. The same disbelieving look when I told him of my suspicions of Michael. The same one that made me realized he trusted him over me. And as much as I didn't trust Michael, if I did go with them, I could try and figure out what he was playing at, what his grand scheme was. Or, at the very least, make sure he didn't mean harm to Simon.

But if Simon found out I still had my qualms with my brother, that wouldn't help my case at all. He'd trust me less and less until he'd probably want to give up and really leave for good. If I really wanted Simon to trust me, I'd have to trust him. Even if it meant he hung out with the devil of a brother.

So I sighed, before deciding what to do. "I really should finish catching up on work. Next time, though."

Simon tilted his head in confusion. "Are you sure it can't wait? I could help with the paperwork later too."

"No, you're right," I told him. About him, I mind-linked him, hoping he'd understand. "It's my fault for letting it pile up."

He still looked completely lost, but I couldn't just say it aloud with Michael here. Michael frowned, but I could tell it was fake. "A shame. Please do join us next time, brother."

I bit my lip, trying my best to put on a fake smile as well. I glanced at Simon before mind-linking him, you're right, I should trust my own brother. "Enjoy your lunch," I said aloud before walking out, wishing I could've punched Michael at least once in there.

---

I had barely reached the top of the steps to the third floor of the packhouse when Xavier had approached me with a crazed look in his eye. His hair was a mess like he had pulled an all-nighter. I was about to joke about it when he gripped the front of my shirt, then pushed at my chest.

"Did you know?" He demanded. I gulped, as I've never seen him this frantic before, even when he had spent all night studying for an exam. "Did you?"

"What are you talking about?" I gripped his arm, pulling us towards my room so the betas wouldn't crowd us. "Xavier?"

He was shaking, I realized, even as he continued to push at my chest. I noticed as I stared down at him that his eyes were shifting back and forth between his typical blue eye color to his wolf's orange eyes. It was as if he was struggling to contain his wolf, itching to fight.

"Did you know?" He demanded again, a strange desperation in his eyes. "Did y-you, you asshole?"

I blinked, then remembered how strange he was acting earlier this morning.

"Asshole?" I scoffed. "You left Simon there, asshole. Why would you leave him there?"

"I just need to know." He shook his head, his eyes still blinking back and forth and his lips trembled, as he cried out, "Did you know?"

"Know what?" I shook his shoulders, trying to knock some sense into him. He continued to pummel my chest.

"About h-her?" Tears threatened to spill out as he faltered. "Did you?"

"What?" I demanded, gripping his clenched fist. "Xavier, what are you talking about?"

His tremors were nearly as bad as Simon's, that no matter how hard I tried to stop it, it just got worse. He was shaking his head, the tears spilling out steadily now. Through his sobbing, he mumbled, "my mate. Sh-she was my mate."

"Your mate?" I furrowed my brows, trying to make sense of his jumbled words. "You found her?"

He let out a strangled cry, before punching at my chest harder. "Did you know?"

"Wha-" I sighed. "I don't-Xavier, talk to me."

He blinked, looking away before breathing heavily.

"Y-you killed her. You jerk, I-I...I-" Xavier shook his head before finally looking at me with the most disdain I've ever seen him look at someone with. "I...hate you."

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, so much that I had barely felt his ill-thrown punch to my cheek. I still stumbled from the force of his fist, but it was what he said that hurt more. He loathed that word to his core. For him to say those words, I really had fucked everything up.

The one thing my brother wanted the most, idolized the most. He never cared about the power or any of the pack things. His mate was the only thing he really wanted, and I had stripped him of that. I didn't blame him for hating me or punching me, in fact, I deserved that, way more than just that.