I stared at Kyle's profile noticing the clenching of his jaw. The small bulge of bone jutting with each clamp of his teeth. He walked into the office hesitantly and held his hands up in an I surrender pose.

"I'll let you sort. I'll be back in about an hour. Maybe I can take you to lunch. If you want to, that is. I mean..,if you feel like it, after all of this."

His face was guarded as if my answer made no difference but the clenching of his jaw continued at a furious pace.

"That would be great! Except I got dropped off here. Car service."

He relaxed his posture and his face picked up the glow it had after he hugged me. "I'll take you home. It will be perfect! It's so good to see you Cassie, really. If you need me just pick up the phone and dial a 9. The operator will page me."

I shook my head in wonder as he left and closed the door behind him. That boy was growing up. He still seemed a little young to me to be working here, but I suppose when your father owns the company it's easy to meet the qualifications.

Sitting at the desk looking around the room did little to fill the spaces left by my father. It didn't feel like him or smell like him, and felt like I was rifling through a stranger's space. I haphazardly opened drawers wishing for something to reach out and stab me with a bittersweet memory jog. Generic office supplies and stacks of unused post it notes littered the shallow clean drawer bottoms.

Clicks of 'this is wrong' littered my firing brain pathways, each one searching through the mess for why. The bookshelf contained books, and pictures of the three of us in frames smiling like everything in the world was perfect. Which of course, it never had been. Even to the blind eye and photoshopped pictures It was evident how pale I used to be with my dark hollowed eyes and the tint of matching blue to my lips.

There were two small boxes when I'd finished. Filled with gadgets dad had collected from trips and crazy crafts I had made him to pass time in bed. The calendar though, was a treasure, his writings and scribbles in the margins as sacred now as a fingerprint.

As I scrolled through it, patterns and scribbles of meetings, names, and appointments for me and mom written in red as if they were the urgent thing that had to be remembered. My eyes teared but I held my shoulders back and told myself there would be time later. The calendar was missing a few months. Random month's ripped from the seam, but it was still a precious find.

When Kyle rapped gently on the door and stuck his head in I was already standing. I lifted the boxes surprised at how light they were. Even with sore chest I had no effort picking them up. Is this what twenty six years of roots ended up becoming? Surely after all those years there had to be more.

Kyle grabbed the boxes and looked at me shocked. "Are you okay? You shouldn't be carrying those!"

I frowned at him and together we exited the building and got into his truck. I hadn't pegged him as a truck sort and was surprised the inside was exceptionally clean. Not a wrapper in sight, not even a spec of dust on the dash.

"Well then. You're either OCD or this is a new truck. It's nice."

He buckled his seatbelt and didn't start the car until I buckled mine. "It's new. It's a bribe for working for my dad. He calls it incentive. Which is another name for bribing."

I run my hand across the clean dash, inhaling the scent of leather and oil.

"As far as bribes go it's a good one. Maybe I'll get a truck. When I get a license that is. You don't want to work for your dad?"

He smiled at me like I'd just complimented his hair. Which I would have, if I'd had any sort of experience with boys other than sitcoms. As we pulled into the Compalo restaurant lot and took out the key he turned to me and a serious mask enveloped his features.

"Let's just say it's complicated. And for someone like me who doesn't like messes, even more so. But let's talk about you today. I can't believe we've never been out. Let's just enjoy lunch."

For some reason I felt like we were putting a pin in a conversation, as if there were more he wanted to say. But as he opened the door for me, I forgot it altogether.

Eating with Kyle was like a race against time. The pizza and salad kept disappearing and I was still staring at the first slice on my plate as I gave him his wish and barraged him with facts about my sickness, and my plans for now.

He was adorably attentive and when I talked about the crash he grabbed my hand. His thumb traced my knuckles and suddenly I understood those people I had deemed 'idiots' who lost their minds when a boy paid them attention. It was nice. And for someone like me who had zero experience with the opposite sex, it was like riding a rocket to the moon.

"How do you feel about kids?" He asked between inhaling his crust and downing his second glass of tea.

I froze. Did this really happen? Was this a date? I tried to think of an answer but nothing came. Finally I managed to stammer something coherent.

"I love kids. But to be honest, I've never dared to dream about having any of my own. I mean, I never thought I'd live long enough. Even now I find making plans terrifying wondering if I'll be alive before the meat goes bad. I'm taking it day by day."

He sat back in silence, his hand leaving mine and rubbing the front of his jeans waiting for the new explosion of emotions that ran down my cheeks to slow. "It's going to get better Cassie. You've been through so much. No one expects you to just jump into a normal pattern. If anything, you know how precious life is."

Kyle paid the check and opened my door again. He lifted his arm to help me step up into the truck and I laughed. I'd forgotten how fragile people saw me as. I jumped up myself and shot him a smile. And he returned it, with a wink.

"Cassie, I need to.... How much do you know about your dads work?"

I thought about what he was asking. And I realized for the hundredth time being sick leaves you self involved, you just can't pay attention to the world when every day could be your last. I felt shallow and selfish and guilty now.

"Honestly? When I was a little girl he told me he helped people, and made happiness. He told me he was working on my heart. I thought that was his job. I mean I know he was a scientist, but as embarrassing as it is, I guess some part of me always believed he was working on making people happy. It's so dumb to say now."

Kyle nodded as he pulled up in front of my house. The porch light was out but the front door was wide open and Buster wasn't waiting in the window. My new heart began to thump in my chest and I clutched his hand forgetting that normal healthy hearts beat irrationally when things go wrong.

Kyle grabbed my shoulders and his face shut down emotion. He pulled a knife from his boot and opened his door. "Stay here. Do not move. And call the police."

My trembling hands searched for my cellphone but my eyes refused to leave Kyle's back as he went into the dark house.

********************
I love Cassie. Her insecurity comes from being so isolated and sheltered during a lifetime of illness, but she has the soul of a lion; and she's going to need it!! What do you think of her first date? A few strange things seem to be lurking and now what?