All I see is a monster in me
The monster is me
I want to be the hero you need
I want to be brave, I want to believe
But I take all the light and make it go black
Who could love somebody like that?
- Milck

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- Victorine -

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The witch turned around without waiting for my answer.

"But Hekate-," I wanted to object.

"It's important. Trust me." Hekate had turned her crooked back to me and made no effort to turn again. The voice in which she had spoken was not urgent. But neither had it carried the slightest doubt.

Hesitantly, I turned to Nicolas, suppressing the urge to attempt to penetrate his soul. Did he also wonder if we would meet again in time? Would the war take either of us out of existence before we could even say goodbye to each other?

Silently, I turned to Hekate. "Then we'd better hurry."

The two ravens lifted off her shoulders and landed on the dumpsters in front of the witch. The latter now raised both hands, one pointed at each of the birds. My eyes widened as the ravens screeched and slowly grew in size. The birds' skin burst open, but the wounds were almost instantly covered by newly growing skin and new, larger feathers. Their heads, feet, bodies and wings continued to grow until the dumpsters gave way under the bird's weight, bending and slowly collapsing.

Hekate lowered her hands, walked up to one of the ravens, and swung onto its back. "Are you coming?"

Hesitantly, I walked toward the bird, which was much larger than me and would have no trouble supporting my weight. Its eyes looked at me warningly, the claws of its feet scraping lightly across the ground.

I tried to breathe calmly as I slowly approached him. Gently, I reached out an arm, getting ready to pull him away again in case he snapped at it with his huge beak. But that didn't happen. I touched him on the side of his body and gently stroked his soft feathers.

The raven lowered his head and body so that I could climb up better. Carefully, I swung one leg over him and then pulled myself up. As I sat on him, I put my hands on the sides of his neck to hold on at least a little.

I looked back at Vane and Nicolas. But Hekate did not wait even a second longer. A single "go" from her mouth made my raven stretch out its massive wings. My eyes were still on Nicolas as the raven pushed itself off the ground and took off into the air.

I held on tighter to the bird and glanced down, where the houses and huts were getting smaller and smaller. The raven I was sitting on followed Hekate's, flying a little ahead of us.

With a heavy heart, I gazed at Cephas' castle in the distance, while the entire kingdom below us grew smaller and smaller. I had not expected to ever fly again. My throat burned as I thought of Deidamia. For a moment I closed my eyes and remembered all the moments we had flown together. Remembered her warm, scaly skin, her soft eyes, and the movements her body had made as we flew.

When the memories hurt too much, I opened my eyes again and breathed in the cold, piercing air. The sky above was still covered by a dark blanket of clouds.

The ravens were making a detour around the kingdom. They lost altitude and used the forest to avoid being so easily spotted in the air. It wasn't long before I saw from the castle on the horizon of my field of vision that we had now already passed it. We headed for something far behind Cephas' castle.

The birds were flying even lower now, taking advantage of the privacy screen provided by the tall trees. Finally, I began to hear something. Roars. Shouts and screams. But not human ones.

Suddenly we stopped and paused in mid-air. The ravens gently flapped their wings to keep us hovering. I looked over at Hekate. She pulled a ring from her finger and held it out to me with an outstretched arm. "Take it and look through it." With her head she pointed in the direction that was just ahead.

Astonished, I reached out and accepted the silver ring, which had squiggly patterns worked into it.

"You must hold it in front of your eye," Hekate added, looking at me with a stony expression.

My heart pounded in my chest as I held on tighter to the bird with my left hand and held the ring in front of my eye with my right.

At first, all I saw was sky. So I lowered my head a little until something indefinable entered my field of vision. At first it was just hundreds of black dots. As I concentrated, the ring seemed to show me the scenery even closer.

They were demons. Hundreds of them. And there were humans, shadow creatures and wendigos. They all climbed out of a huge red hole in the forest floor.

"No." The word was almost stuck in my throat. I took the ring from my eye and jerked my head around to Hekate. "We have to do something. Can't you close the portal?"

"If I could, I would have done it long ago," she replied in a regretful, raspy, slightly croaky voice. "Besides, there's something else you need to see."

At these words, our ravens started moving again. At some distance we flew past the place where the portal had been in the ground. While flying, I put the ring back on my eye and looked through it.

The beings from hell were all running in one and the same direction. As if they were hypnotized, enchanted or possessed, each one of them ran through the forest. My eye followed the long line of monsters as we flew on.

Finally, it got worse than I could have ever suspected. I felt a chill run down my spine as I saw the place where all the creatures gathered in thd distance. For it wasn't just the beings of hell that kept pouring in.

They were black, huge dragons. They were flying echjews. Smoky, hovering shadow creatures. Medium-sized mountain trolls. And creatures I had not seen before, not even from my textbooks or my worst imagination.

The dragons flapped their wings, stretched their heads in the air, and breathed fire overhead. The shadow creatures hovering above the crowd dodged the jets of fire and thickened the air with thick, black threads of smoke.

The hand with which I held the ring in front of my eye now began to tremble. The skin of my body became ice cold.

There were too many of them. There were thousands of beings who outnumbered us not only in numbers but also in deadliness. Our attempt was hopeless. No matter how many of them we killed, Xerxa would create more beings with the heart of the primordial witch and bring more beings from the depths of the underworld.

What had I said to Nicolas? At any cost, those had been my own words. How foolish I had been.

Slowly, I lowered the ring. There was no point. We had no chance at all. The armies of Sanguis that were soon to reach Tenebris would not make it. Every single one of them would die here.

The village of Tenebris would be completely destroyed. And innocent lives would be lost. Families. Children.

My actions had already cost too many victims. Cost too many lives. Hadn't enough people died already? Enough dragons and witches and other magical beings?

Did I really want to march Nicolas' entire army into Tenebris? All those men and women with families? Was I really going to put the innocent people of Tenebris in that kind of danger?

My breath shook as I turned my gaze to the ground. What was the use of fighting if we were all going to die in the process? Should we rather live oppressed, but live?

I had already claimed too many lives. I had allowed my own mother to die for me. That my best friend died for me. I had let my own sister down. Left my brother alone after our parents were murdered.

I had probably lost my humanity much earlier than the night I slaughtered other people just to save myself. I wasn't human anymore, not for a long time.

I was a monster.

"Victorine?"

Hekate's voice barely got through to me. My throat was so choked that no air could get in or out. I squinted my eyes and focused on my breathing. I had to pull myself together. Just for this one more day. Once it was over and I was to survive it, I could still think about how I would ever be able to live with all this guilt.

But now I had to warn the others.

"We have to go back, Hekate. Now," I spoke, staring forward toward the direction where the deadly creatures were gathering.

"Back," Hekate commanded, whereupon my raven turned and flew back again, this time faster than before. Still, it took far, far too long. As we dashed through the forest, dodging the particularly tall treetops, my heart raced faster and faster. I had to hurry before it was all too late.

But when our ravens finally headed back to the backyard of our shelter, it was empty.

"No," I gasped as the raven hit the ground and I instantly jumped off it. Sprinting, I ran into the house through the back entrance. "Nicolas!", I shouted, but hoped in vain for a response.

"Clara! Vane!", I yelled louder now, running up the stairs, tearing open one door after another and peering into the deserted rooms. For a few seconds I stood in the hallway breathing heavily, then I turned around and stormed into my own room. I put on my metal armor, put daggers in the holders on my legs, put on my crossbow, and checked the sword in the scabbard on my right hip. Finally, I put on my helmet.

Quickly I left the house again and entered the backyard, where Hekate was waiting for me. She had changed back into her deceptive form. I swung myself back onto the raven and looked at the witch, who nodded slowly at me. Then our ravens took off again.

We followed Hekate, who flew ahead and seemed to know the direction. I looked down as we flew over the poor part of the village, which suddenly seemed deserted. Good thing. I hoped that everyone could get to safety. In case I wouldn't manage to warn Nicolas and his troops in time.

Little by little the houses became smaller and smaller and stood closer together. When the village ended and we had passed the stone wall that surrounded the kingdom, a large area stretched out in front of us with a wide path running through it, probably meant for carriages and providing a transportation route. It was on this very area that the troops had gathered.

However, I had to blink a few times because there were so incredibly many soldiers. I squinted my eyes to see them better from a distance.

I clearly recognized some blood-red crests of Nicola's kingdom, Sanguis. But on the right side of the whole army, I also spotted soldiers with white coats of arms. With the coats of arms of Spero.

"Over there!", I shouted, pointing to the army from my own kingdom.

The ravens now changed their direction of flight slightly and headed for the soldiers in a swoop, making me cling even tighter to the giant bird.

As we got closer, I realized two things. First, that my brother Darius was at the very front of the army, whirling around to face us. Second, that the soldiers had drawn their swords, the archers were aiming arrows at us, and were apparently awaiting the order to fire.

"Darius!", I shouted, jerking one hand up in the air. I would have liked to show my second one as well, to make it clear that I was not carrying my sword in my hands, nor was I about to shoot at anyone. But then I would have been instantly flung from the flying beast. "Darius, it's me! Victorine!"

"Don't shoot!" yelled Darius now, turning back to his soldiers and waving his hands wildly. "Put your weapons down!"

The soldiers hesitated for a brief second, which I couldn't blame them for. I also would have aimed as long as I could at two giant-sized ravens in case they did attack us.

When the birds hit the ground, I instantly jumped down, ran to my brother and fell into his arms. He pressed me to his chest strongly, while I wrapped my arms around him and enjoyed for a tiny moment the presence of the last remaining of my family.

But Darius detached himself from me, put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me a little away from him so he could look at me better. "Victorine," he muttered my name and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "Thank God you're all right. You are so incredibly foolish."

I took a step back and stared at the ground. I really was. Foolish and stupid and useless. A disgrace. What had our mother died for? What had Deidamia died for? For being able to go and save my sister? I had failed at that for a long time.

All at once I could no longer lift my head and look my brother in the eye. A weight pressed on the back of my head, getting heavier and heavier.

"What's wrong, Victorine?" asked Darius now, as I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was closing the distance between us again.

There was no time to talk about Crescentia. Or to talk about anything other than the impending defeat.

"You must leave," I whispered, still unable to meet his gaze. "If you do not withdraw our army, you and every single soldier here will die today."

"What?", I heard his astonished voice now.

"There are too many of them," I explained more precisely now, jerking my head up at him to better convince him. "I have seen Cepha's armies with my own eyes. Please, please trust me, Darius. It's absolutely hopeless."

"This man murdered our parents," he replied with eyebrows twitching in anger and a right palm clenched into a tight fist. "At no cost will I back down. Cephas will get what he deserves today."

I stared into the fire in his eyes. I didn't even need to penetrate his soul to know that Darius would not give up. He was just like me. At least, like I had been at the beginning of this terrible journey.

For a few seconds, I breathed in and out. Then I turned and ran, ignoring the screaming calls of my name from my brother. The only way to save him now was to convince Nicolas to withdraw his armies. I doubted Darius would take on Tenebris all by himself. My brother was determined, but not stupid.

My legs felt weak as I ran past the soldiers, dragging my heavy armor and body with each new step. By the time I spotted Nicolas at the head of his vast army, he had already turned to face me. Behind him were Tryphosa, Orestes and the rest of the group with whom we had begun our journey.

I did not allow myself to rejoice at seeing him in time and be relieved that he was still alive. First, I had to make sure that he would stay alive as well.

"You must withdraw your army, Nicolas," I groaned with heavy breathing when I reached him. The king was in full armor and heavily armed. Only his helmet was not on. It lay loosely wedged between his upper arm and his waist against his body. His black hair was tousled by the wind, and his serious green eyes regarded me.

"Victorine, what-?" he asked, taking a step toward me and reaching out a hand.

But I immediately took a step back again. "Please," I begged him in a choked voice. "I beg you. You have to pull back, Nicolas. Because if you don't, we're all going to die today."