After the car crash, Luo Wenzhou made a mission out of finding all the lamest of excuses possible to chauffeur Fei Du around whenever he could; —

"... Oh, your SUV is probably not worth the repair anyway...

...You need a ride to work in the mornings, right? — I'll send you to the office myself.

Me being late for work? — nothing new there. My loyal subjects will just have to get their own breakfasts from now on, that's all..." — And etc...

For the sake of his older lover's face value, Fei Du held back his amused snickers, — because God knew how many 'substitutes' for the SUV he had readily on standby for his choosing at any time. Also, — even if Luo Wenzhou didn't want him driving around himself, one phone call was all it took to have his people waiting at his doorstep fifteen minutes later.

So, yes — there really wasn't a need for Officer Luo to sacrifice his precious sleeping time to chauffeur the young President to work every morning, or subjected himself to the onerous task of sitting through rush hour traffic just to come fetch him from work.

But Luo Wenzhou still did it, whenever his schedule permitted.

And Fei Du obligingly accepted it, no fuss.

Today though, was one of the rarer days Luo Wenzhou made it to Fei Du's impressive office building way ahead of time. There was still at least two hours before the end of business day, but because he had been working overnight the day before, he wanted nothing more than to steal the President home, and have his wicked ways with his young lover in bed.

It had been three months since the incident, but Fei Du's injuries were slow to heal. It wasn't until recently did the bruising finally faded, and his neck not as stiff as before. And throughout the whole time, Luo Wenzhou adamantly kept his hands and pants on himself, — until now.

Therefore, the pent up frustration was real!

Picking up his phone at the ground floor lobby entrance to call his little President, Fei Du answered promptly before the third ring, "Shixiong...? For you to be calling at this hour, is something the matter?" he asked urgently.

"Been slaving the past 24 hours like a dog... just got out. So I thought I come kidnap a President home to be ravished..."

Fei Du would have answered the sexual tension with his own brand of seduction, — if not for the other occupants in the car with him, "On my way back from a meeting outside... Go on up and make yourself comfortable in my office. I should be back at the office in about half an hour's time..."

"You're not the one driving, are you?"

"You worry needlessly, Shixiong... I don't know what kind of poison you administered on my staffs, but I pretty certain that no one in my office dares disobey your mandate not to let me drive... Lu Jia is driving us now," Fei Du lied smoothly behind the wheels of a luxury sedan, — sending a speaking glare at Lu Jia, warning him not to run his mouth if he wanted to continue taking Fei Du's sports car for rides.

"Tell him to step to it then,"

Suppressing a mischievous laughter from bubbling to surface, "Yes, sir..." Fei Du replied 'obediently'.

Unsuspectingly putting away his phone with satisfaction, Luo Wenzhou gaily made his way up to Fei Du's office, greeting the receptionist as he entered, "Gorgeous, ... which way was it again to your President Fei's office?"

The receptionist smiled bashfully at the harmless flirtation, knowing very well that this man only had the hots for their President, — "Officer Luo, Assistant Miao has already informed us of your arrival. You just need to head straight down the hallway, then to your right at the end of junction. President Fei's office is the last room on the left."

"Got it, thanks,"

Sending a mock two-finger salute her way, Luo Wenzhou was about to walk away when he heard a delivery guy approaching the front desk, "I have a delivery here for Mr. Fei...", — which the receptionist dutifully signed receipt of the parcel.

"For your President Fei?" Luo Wenzhou enquired, — "I'll take it with me to his office then..." he offered, picking up somewhat heavy parcel with him as he headed inside.

True to his words, Fei Du and his party, Lu Jia and Assistant Miao made it back to the office within the half an hour promise, with five minutes to spare.

"... Miao Miao, remember to have the legal team go through the contracts again with a fine-tooth comb. I don't like surprises, so have all the possible hiccups addressed..." The young President was leaving his last few instructions for the day to his assistant, when Zhou Huaijin caught him on his way to his office.

"Fei Du, do you have a minute? I just need to —"

Fei Du was about to tell him to address the matter with him tomorrow, — when a deafening blast sent everyone within the 20-feet radius of his office flying haphazardly in various directions,
— Including Fei Du himself.

Before he could even register anything, he and his motley crew were thrown back by a couple of feet in the air, crashing not too lightly onto obstructions, before landing flat on the ground. Dust and debris rained down on them like fine snow indoors.

Jarred from the explosion, his head throbbed painfully. An ear-splitting pitch rang resoundingly in his ears, drowning all other sounds around him. His eyes smarted from all the dust, leaving them red and teary. Every part of his body hurt needlessly.

Fei Du was the picture of a sorry sight.

But he couldn't care less.

In the pandemonium, he felt someone helped him to his feet. However, before his wobbly legs could even securely stand on its own, he was already fighting off the hold on him and staggered unstably in direction of his office.

"President Fei! It's too dangerous there! Don't go over!" he indistinctly heard someone yelled out to him, — but he couldn't give a flying fuck.

He had to get to his office, 

— And nothing, no one could stop him.

" — he's in there... Shixiong is in there..." Fei Du could be heard muttering under his breath, with underlying panic that no one could detect, — as he fought back the sickening feeling arising inside him.

Lu Jia knew that Fei Du would bulldoze his way through anyone who dared stand in between his way to his 'blown up' office if he had to; there was no stopping the young President until he saw Officer Luo with his own two eyes. Frustrated with his only option, Lu Jia hastily stepped forward and supported the both physically and mentally unbalanced President to his destination.

But trepidation ate at him internally, for the foreboded outcome might be too harrowing for anyone to bear, — more so for Fei Du, whose reason for being could very well be hinged on the survival of that one very important person in his 'war zone-like' office right now.

Lu Jia swallowed hard when they came to the pair of teak double door that once stood imposingly before Fei Du's office; now thrown open wide with unrepairable damages as a result of the explosion. His work desk, — the terribly expensive desk imported from Italy was now shambles of its former glory, even more worthless than a stack of firewood.

But Fei Du could not be bothered by the state of his 'disaster struck' office. His eyes searched frantically at every corner of the aftermath for signs of Luo Wenzhou.

"... Shi— shixiong...?" the crack in his voice was unmistakable.

Panic was an emotion he was unfamiliar with. 

But he was well-acquainted with the signs of asphyxiation, —the one feeling indoctrinated in him that was impossible to forget; — as panic formed an invisible metal ring around his neck, viciously choking him of valuable air.

Seeing his boss hyperventilating but still insisted on continuing his search, Lu Jia silently prayed to any God listening above for Officer Luo to be safe; — for consequences of not, was too exorbitant to pay.

Both hunted with their eyes through the ruins before Lu Jia spotted a puddle of blood beneath the wreckage that was once Fei Du's plush leather sofa. Fei Du, despite most of senses compromised, — felt the moment Lu Jia froze beside him, which led to him to look at what caught Lu Jia's attention.

"President Fei —" Lu Jia tried his best to prevent Fei Du from approaching, only to have Fei Du fling the obstructing arms away with all his might, as he stumbled towards the said spot with blood.

The repulsive sight, the abhorrent rust colour, the nauseating smell of iron, — all of which triggered the conditioned revulsion Fei Du had towards blood, — but he stubbornly persisted despite it all.

As they laboriously lifted away the remains of the sofa, it was both relieving and distressing to see Luo Wenzhou lying unconscious, in the growing pool of his own blood beneath it.

His head was already spinning, darkness was narrowing in on his sight, — he knew he was only moments away from losing consciousness. His stomach did not help either, — starting a riot that demanded the evacuation of all its contents.

Only through sheer willpower, — kept Fei Du upright.

Cautiously approaching the older man, "Shixiong...? Shixiong... please answer me..." the young President pled quietly, hanging onto the last shred of strength left in him. But the unconscious man blatantly ignored his plea.

"Someone call 120!!!" Lu Jia shouted across the mayhem around them, however, Fei Du had efficiently tuned him and everyone else out.

Rationality dictated that he search for a pulse, but his hands were trembling so hard, that it felt forever before he finally discerned a faint, but still beating pulse beneath his fingers.

"— Shi- xiong... please open your eyes ... and look at me..." Tears, not because of dust, — but fear clouded his sight briefly before spilling down his face.

For someone with an apathetic disorder, someone who didn't understand the myriad of emotions, someone who was inculcated not to feel for others, — Fei Du was having a horrible time consolidating the disarray of thoughts and feelings inside of him. Furthermore, his self-made hemophobia mounting on the physical and mental stress toil on him...

Fei Du knew that he was only hanging by a thread.

"... Ge... you cannot leave me... My heart —... my heart... will die, if you do..." — he struggled to say before yielding to oblivion himself.

"师兄。。。一想到有一天你如果会离开我 — 我的心就死了。。。"

"Shixiong... Just the thought, that should you leave me one day — my heart will die..."

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-

For as long as Tao Ran could remember, Yan City had only five known bomb-related incidences, — of which, three were false alarms. The two actual occurrences, though, — must have required some stroke of fucked up luck for the same two people to be involved in both incidences!

As he ran down the clinically white hospital hallways, the Deputy was overwhelmed by the sense of déjà vu; — for the last a bomb exploded in Yan City, he too, was running madly through hospital hallways to the waiting area in front of surgery. Only this time, roles were reversed; — the one lying unconscious inside the operation theatre was Luo Wenzhou, and the one obstinately waiting outside was Fei Du.

As Tao Ran approached the younger man, he couldn't help note the uncustomary state of dishevel in the normally impeccable young President. The branded three-piece suit he was wearing, — that probably costed more than three times the worth of Tao Ran's monthly salary, — was coated heavily with fine dust, damaged by cuts and tears here and there, and pristine white cuffs tarnished irreparably by dried blood... And that was just the general state of the clothings he was wearing.

Even if one disregards the bandages littered all over him, his complexion wasn't any better. Sickliness clung onto his ghastly pale parlour like a second skin — as though he was the one whose blood freely flowed out of his body. Not to mention the dedicated IV drip keeping him anchored to his seat; — not as though he's able to set out of it, even if he had wanted to.

And right in front of the IV pole, stood another ol' faithful, — the bin, to his immediate left, — awaiting with patient anticipation for the next stomach rebellion.

Tao Ran had to tap him on the shoulder to get his distracted attention on him, "Fei Du... I came as fast as I could... How — how are you holding up?"

The younger man looked at him with momentary confusion, as if he had trouble recognising the man, — "Tao Ran-ge...?"

Noting the younger man's unusually disorientated state, Tao Ran immediately took the seat beside him, — 
"Fei Du... Are you all right?" the Deputy asked worriedly, taking the remaining hand unattached to the drip in his grasp, — only to find it terribly cold and clammy, "Fei Du...! Why are you hands so cold?! Are you feeling all right?"

But Fei Du barely registered a word he said.

His head was hurting so badly. The blinding lights in the hallway were stabbing painfully into his eyes. He wanted to keep them shut, — but every time he did, the image of Luo Wenzhou lying in his own pool of blood would replay tauntingly in his already abused head.

It didn't even take a minute for his stomach to churn with the tempestuous roiling of stomach acid, gearing to surge upwards.

It happened so quickly, — within the split second before Tao Ran could even react, Fei Du had already violently threw himself over the bin, retched up nothing but bile, — only because he had thrown up far too many times now for there to be anything left to vomit.

"Fei Du!" Tao Ran quickly held onto the listless Fei Du, who seemed as though he was ready to drop dead any second now.

The winded younger man could only slump bonelessly against the Deputy, having no strength left in him to do much else.

"Fei Du... you are in no shape to put up a false bravado now. I'm surprised the doctors didn't insist you remain in bed..."

"... 'm their biggest shareholder... I dare them to —"

The Deputy merely rolled his eyes at the pompous statement. Already depleted of energy to the point of speaking itself was a struggle to rise above a whisper, — the young President still had the galls to be insolent.

Luo Wenzhou used to wonder how Tao Ran puts up with him; now was Tao Ran's turn to ask, — how whipped was Luo Wenzhou, for him to tolerate this rich brat's attitude?

Digressing nevertheless, — "Fei Du, you waiting out here until God knows when, isn't going to help anyone..." the older man advised, hoping at least to keep the remaining one awake in this world awake until the other one could regain his, — and not fucking lose them both to oblivion!

Yet, in spite of his 'less than optimistic' condition, Fei Du resolutely rejected the Deputy's well intentions, — 
"... He remained outside of the theatre when I was in there, believing that I will pull through... Then I too will keep vigil out here until he safely comes through those doors..."

"别人推进去的时候都有人在外边等，。。。要是他没有，我怕他一伤心就不肯回来了。。。" 

"When others get pushed in there, there are people waiting outside for them... I'm afraid if he doesn't have anyone waiting for him, he'll be heart broken and wouldn't be so willing to come back..."

Tao Ran couldn't decide if this was a classic example of 'great minds think alike', or 'stupidity is infectious amongst lovebirds'; — either way, neither of them spared Tao Ran the worry.

Conceding reluctantly, the Deputy kept the frail young President securely in his fold as they both waited out in the hallway in mutual silence.

Not long after, unhurried footsteps could be heard heading their way.

Tao Ran lifted his head in time to see Lu Jia — sporting bandages around his forehead and wrists, but otherwise still in a much better shape than Fei Du — coming their way.

Fei Du on the other hand, — made no effort to acknowledge his employee. His eyes seemed lost in an unseeing gaze, Lu Jia noted worriedly.

"Deputy Tao..." Lu Jia greeted solemnly, "— how is he?"

Tao Ran stole a quick glance at Fei Du and shook his head defeatedly, — "...not good..." he replied softly, not wanting to startle the younger man, but Fei Du didn't even bat an eyelid; — almost as though the body next to him was nothing more than just an empty vessel.

Fei Du's condition at this very moment seemed scarier than Luo Wenzhou, who was lying in operation, very possibly fighting for his life.

Taking the two men by surprise, Fei Du suddenly spoke through the coarseness of his throat, without preamble, — "I only want to know one thing, — ... was it Hua Jintao...?"

Although Fei Du still did not exhibited much signs of aliveness, at the very least he wasn't completely dead to the world.

Lu Jia replied his query with a wordless noise of affirmation, to which Fei Du only nodded in return — and said nothing more.

Tao Ran, — feeling a little left out in this exchange — alternated his baffled attention between the both of them, — "What's the meaning of this? — Are you saying that you guys knew who was behind the bomb attack?!"

Exerting what remaining strength left in him, Fei Du liberated himself from Tao Ran's grasp and slumped back into his own seat, with his head carelessly thrown back against the wall behind, and wearily draped the unrestrained arm over his eyes, — "Ge... I'm a little tired..."

Tao Ran was quick to read the unsaid words, — 'I'm not in the frame of mind to discuss this matter right now; so if you guys wish to continue, please do so without me.'

Hence, the Deputy doggedly led Lu Jia to a corner before hassling the man for answers.

Lu Jia had no earlier instruction from his President Fei on how much he could divulge, — so he arbitrary disclosed everything that he knew to the deputy captain.

Minutes of silence blanketed the waiting area, before —

"You —!" Tao Ran's voice ran a little over the top, before subduing his outburst into a hush, " — you're telling me that Fei Du's car accident was no accident, and the same guy who crash into him is the one who sent him the bomb?!" The Deputy seemed so scandalised, that it would have been comical, — if not the gravity of the matter.

Lu Jia shushed Tao Ran with a finger to his lips, "Geez... not so loud...!"

Taking heed, Tao Ran brought his voice down a notch to continue, — because he obviously wasn't done with Lu Jia, — "Does Luo Wenzhou know about this?"

The slightly rotund man scratched the back of his head unsurely, "My guess is, he does...?"

"And Luo Wenzhou did nothing about it? ... I'm somewhat disinclined to believe that Wenzhou did not rain hell down on this Hua Jintao guy..."

"I'm more than certain that he would have love to get his hands on Hua Jintao, but ... he might have held back because of President Fei... President Fei did not want to come down hard on Hua Jintao after all that has happened to him... Take the car crash for instance, — President Fei did not even report him, despite knowing he was behind it..."

Both men shared a moment observing the young President from afar. However, Tao Ran was a little unnerved by Fei Du's perplexingly calm and collected composure.

After an incident of this scale, one would have expected him to be all out for Hua Jintao's blood, plotting his ugly demise. But the eerie calmness blanketing the young President was far more unsettling than bloodthirstiness.

Seeming to think along the same lines, Lu Jia hesitantly turned towards the deputy officer to seek assurance, — "You sure President Fei will be all right...?" Lu Jia asked sceptically.

Tao Ran sighed heavily, — "Only if Luo Wenzhou survives..." he replied without much confidence himself.

Another hour rolled by before Lang Qiao and Xiao Haiyang came running down the hallways, just like Tao Ran did earlier.

"Deputy Tao! How's boss?!" Lang Qiao asked as soon as they got close, — to which Tao Ran only replied with a grim shake of his head.

But instead of dwelling on something he couldn't be in control of, the Deputy efficiently channeled his restlessness into something he could do instead, — "Tell me what you've discovered on the bomb site."

Snapping into role, — "According to the office receptionist, a parcel arrived in delivery earlier this evening for President Fei. Captain, who arrived at the same time, — decided to bring the parcel with him on the way to President Fei's office. At the bomb site, we discovered the remains of an amateurishly made pipe bomb... workmanship very crude, so we can clearly eliminate the possibilities of professionals involved. Also, according to our bomb squad, — the self-made bomb had enough explosives to take out the whole floor, but fortunately for the poor craftsmanship, it only took out one-third of the intended," Xiao Haiyang reported compliantly, in his usual nineteen to the dozen fashion.

"Boss was the only one nearest to the bomb when it exploded, therefore he sustained the brunt of the force; while the other victims suffered light to medium injuries, — nothing severely fatal," Lang Qiao added.

Perfunctorily listening in, — Fei Du, who had been terribly quiet and unresponsive the whole time, — exhaled with a trembling breath.

He was glad to hear that everyone else were not badly injured...

All was well...


— Except for the one inside.

"We now have a name to hunt down, — Hua Jintao. Lu Jia here will provide you with the low-down..." Tao Ran announced decisively before turning to Lu Jia, "We'll have to trouble you to provide us with an official statement..." Seeing the Deputy steal a glance at Fei Du, Lu Jia didn't need to be told that he was being considerate of Fei Du's delicate state of mind at the moment and would rather not disturb him unnecessarily. Therefore, Lu Jia agreed readily.

But before the 'children' could launch an onslaught of questions on Lu Jia, another batch of people arrived at the waiting hall.

Now, — Tao Ran was truly at loss for words to say to them. 

Having been a policeman for so long, he had his fair share of heralding bad news; — but how does one begin to tell a fellow colleague's parents that their son has been hurt and now in surgery fighting for his life?

"Xiao Tao...! How— how is Wenzhou...?" Mu Xiaoqing asked shakily, trembling in her husband's hold.

"Aunty... we still don't know... Wenzhou, — he's still in there..." Tao Ran replied with great difficulty.

"Don't scare yourself silly. Your son is made of a hell lot sterner stuff. He'll be fine..." Luo Cheng remarked resolutely, — a picture perfect example of a steadfast, decorated veteran. But which parent wouldn't worry, — Tao Ran thought to himself, as he discreetly noted how tightly the fists were clenched on side of the seasoned military man.

Remembering her son's better half, — "...Xiao Fei Du, ne...? Where is he? Is he all right?" Mu Xiaoqing pursued worriedly.

Tao Ran was even more helpless at finding the right words that would best described Fei Du's current predicament, — only leading the elderly folks attention to the young President with his gaze.

Fei Du, who had been silent this whole time, — showed a minuscule flicker of recognition in his desolate eyes, when he finally lifted his head and looked hollowly at Luo Wenzhou's parents.

Mu Xiaoqing immediately rushed over to envelop the younger man in her warm arms, "Xiao Fei Du... you poor child..."

But Fei Du did not return the embrace.

He didn't know what to feel, what he should be feeling.
The mother of his lover was comforting the cause of her son's injury; — how preposterous was that?!

He screwed his eyes shut from showing the world the wretchedness he was feeling inside.

"— Mom... I'm sorry... it's all — it's all my fault..." His voice softer than a whisper, a little stiff as if he was strictly restraining himself from showing emotions.

Though unclear of the whole situation herself, Mu Xiaoqing's heart still broke for the guilt-ridden child, — "Fei Du, don't worry... everything will be all right...Wenzhou — Luo Wenzhou will be just fine..." she comforted the younger man.

Fei Du swallowed hard, wanting very much to believe in her, as he nodded mutely in her fold.

Everyone continued to wait with bated breath, until the fourth hour into surgery, — did the chief surgeon finally come out of the theatre to meet the surge of people desperate to hear from him.

"It seems that Officer Luo must have been thrown back by the blast wind of the explosion, hence sustained blunt force trauma to the head; fortunately there was no internal bleeding in the brain, but we will follow-up once he awakens, for signs of concussion.

We encountered some complications with his rib fracture puncturing his lung, causing pneumothorax. For now, we have drained the fluids in his chest, so don't need to be alarmed by the chest intubation. We'll have it removed in a few days. Fortunately it's a clean break, so we expect a full recovery.

For now, we will keep him under close observation in ICU for 72 hours. If his stats continues to improve, he will be transferred to the private room arranged... Overall, Officer Luo is quite resilient and strong-willed to live, so I believe it wouldn't be long for him to get back on his feet again."

Hearing the doctor's pronouncement, there seemed to be a wave of relief washed over everyone.

Overjoyed, Tao Ran wanted to reassure Fei Du that Luo Wenzhou will be fine. But the minute he turned his head, the Deputy's brow furrowed deeply as he saw the young President's lone figure inconspicuously moving away from the crowd, hauling his sluggish body and the cumbersome IV pole with him.

"Fei Du...?" he called out to the younger man, but Fei Du either did not hear him or was ignoring him completely.

Jogging up to the young President, Tao Ran was about to tap him on the shoulder when Fei Du tilted dangerously to his side, crashing violently against the wall, before slumping bonelessly down to the ground like a stringless marionette.

"Fei Du!" Tao Ran cried.

Fei Du had been holding out far longer than he thought he could, bullying his consciousness to remain alert until he was certain of Luo Wenzhou well being. Now that his reprieve has been granted, all the hurt and pain that he had thrown to the back of his subconscious, came crushing down on him with vengeance.

Darkness crowded over him until he was forced to succumb to the abyss.

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-

Over the course of the coming weeks, Tao Ran had never been busier in his life.

Taking over the additional role at the bureau in Luo Wenzhou's absence was still within the parameters of his capabilities, considering the fact that the 'children' were very understandingly doing their share and more, without needing very much to be asked or told.

Luo Wenzhou's parents also helped by taking in the temporary orphans, — Luo Yiguo and Fei Qian home with them. Hence, one less chore for the fallen captain's deputy.

But the biggest headache of them all, — happened to be Fei Du.

Not intentionally, but a problem nonetheless.

After falling unconscious that day, the young President's delicate constitution sustained an aftermath so bad, it made Luo Wenzhou's injuries seem like paper cuts.

Fei Du was bedridden with scalding fever for two whole days, — that Tao Ran swore he could cook an egg on the younger man's forehead! His breathing seemed so implausibly shallow, one had to question if he was even breathing at all! He had to be strapped to a ventilation machine for another two days before the doctors finally declared that he could breathe on his own.

After a near week of slipping in and out of consciousness, Fei Du ultimately regained some lucidity. 
And Tao Ran naively thought that the worst was over.

— But the reality was far from.

His physical health might have saw some improvement, but the damages to his mental health was taking a new toll on his body.

Unless completely falling into unconsciousness, — Fei Du didn't dare close his eyes, didn't dare fall asleep. 
For every time he does, he was plagued by nightmares of varying atrocity, — replaying the soul chilling scene of Luo Wenzhou lying in his own pool of blood.

Fei Du would be rudely jolted awake by his own terror, sweating profusely in buckets of cold sweat, and subsequently, hurl the nonexistent contents of his stomach out of his frail body until he no longer could, or passed out cold from exertion, — whichever came first.

Tao Ran was beyond terrified, — should Fei Du collapse before Luo Wenzhou could even regain his consciousness, — what should he do?! What could he do?!

Overlooking Luo Wenzhou who was recovering obliviously in his medically induced coma, — "Lao Luo, for the sake of your other half... I beg of you, wake up soon... I'm already powerless to deal with your Fei Du... Quickly wake up and deal with him yourself," Tao Ran said, — half complainingly, half pleadingly.

A quick knock on the door snapped Tao Ran out of his preoccupations, turning his attention towards the resident nurse at the door, "Deputy Tao... sorry to be disturbing you, but President Fei..." she trailed off, but Tao Ran didn't need to know the rest as he quickly got up from the seat beside the sick bed and hurried towards Fei Du's room, which was conveniently adjacent to Luo Wenzhou's.

All in all, — missing the twitching of the man's fingers and eye ball movement beneath the lids.

Yes, —

After two excruciatingly long weeks, — Luo Wenzhou was finally awakening.

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-

Everyone thought that Fei Du would come running to him the minute he heard that Luo Wenzhou was awake; 

— But he didn't.

Tao Ran found him hours later, — seated alone in his ward room in darkness, looking out the window pensively.

The young President did not turn to greet the Deputy despite hearing the hesitant footsteps entering the room, — but he addressed him nonetheless, "... Tao Ran-ge, don't worry. I'm fine..."

"Are you?" Tao Ran countered, — "Wenzhou had been awake for half a day now... he's been asking for you the whole time ... But you —..."

Fei Du turned his head a little, showcasing the other his gaunt side profile in the dark. The tip of his lips seemed to be tugged upwards, but it was probably the worst imitation of a smile Tao Ran has ever seen on his face.

"Ge... if I go see him the way I am now, — I will only cause him more worry..."

"But if he doesn't see you, he'll imagine the worst and worry even more needlessly... Fei Du, — you know very well that even if it means crawling here to you, he will... Wenzhou will not rest until he sees you..." the older man insisted.

Fei Du dropped the 'smile' and returned his gaze out the window, — "... Then tell him that I've retired for the night... I'll see him tomorrow..."

Utterly perplexed by his detached demeanour, — "Fei Du... is something the matter? Something troubling you? Do you want to talk about it?" the Deputy asked concernedly.

But the warmth of his brotherly concerns barely grazed the ice wall Fei Du has built around his heart.

"... I just want to look my best for Shixiong... Don't want him to worry for me, that's all Tao Ran-ge..." Fei Du wasn't lying when he said those words, but Tao Ran knew that wasn't even half the truth.

As long as Fei Du does not wish to say, his inner thoughts remains his own until he does.

Tao Ran could only give up on this meaningless battle of wits, — "I'll do what I can to placate Lao Luo for the night. But you better keep your promise tomorrow..."

"Thank you, Ge..."

Hearing Tao Ran close the door behind him, Fei Du let out a quavering exhale.

It wasn't Fei Du's intention to keep away from Luo Wenzhou.

It was just that, — he had never thought he could be this overwhelmed that it was suffocating him from the inside. He had yet to make peace with his own feelings; his thoughts a jumbled mess that could not be detangled, — and Fei Du was known for his patience for dealing with snarls of any sorts.

Only this time, — he was feeling completely at loss.

Screwing shut his eyes, he could clearly hear voices in his own head blaming him for all that has happened, —

If only he knew Hua Jintao had planted spies in his office, he would not have spread those 'rumours';

If only he had reported Hua Jintao after the car accident, then he might have been able to prevent the bombing from happening;

If only he had been in his own office —;

If only he didn't arrange for Luo Wenzhou to go up to his office —;

If only —...

Too many 'might haves', 'could haves', 'would haves'... 

But ultimately, Fei Du was only human. It was impossible for him to predict the future, even more impossible for him to prevent something he wasn't even aware of.

'But you are a cursed child,' his own malicious voice taunted him in his head, —

'Your mother was only all too happy to commit suicide when you became of age, — ... because she has had enough of suffering by Fei Chengyu's hands for fourteen fucking years, because of you... And I bet that even till his death, Fei Chengyu, — your bastard of a father, — still thought of you unworthy of his successor.

And look at Luo Wenzhou...

For a man who loved you to the moon and back, — what does he get out of loving you? 

— A bomb intended for you nearly killing him, — that's what!

How laughable, Fei Du!

Your life itself is a bloody joke!

Why are you even alive, Fei Du? 

— When all you bring is nothing but death to the ones close to you...

You are harbinger of death...

So, isn't it ironic how everyone else dies, — but you...?'

His intellect was aware of the fact that the voice was nothing more than a demonised reflection of his inner thoughts. And self-hatred was like an old 'friend' of his, — a constant companion who mercilessly tortured him to no end through his fledging years. 

Now that he was an adult, he should not be so adversely affected by it.

Except, — the brain has very little control over the heart.

His logics dictated that it was the sickness exacerbating the weakening of his resolve, clouding his mind and judgement. But helplessness incited the trapped feeling, oppressed further by his own incriminating thoughts; — as though he was being pushed to the edge of depression with no room to escape.

Fei Du clambered with all his might to rise above the feelings, but he was free falling into the abyss with not even hope to hold onto.

Wanting to despair like a lost child, — he too, longed to be saved, to be told 'everything will be all right'...

But his despotic upbringing was an impregnable fort that afforded no room for weaknesses. 

He was not allowed to crumble.

He had to remain standing, no matter what.

— Even if it meant suffering in silence.

By the time he reopened his eyes moments later, the turmoil from earlier seemingly to have been methodically wiped clean, akin to a hard drive reset. He also ruthlessly bullied his emotions into submission, and cruelly locked the 'useless' heart away; — effectively reinstating the President Fei's persona in place of the weak Fei Du, — as if nothing had troubled him in the first place.

In his habitual unhurried fashion, he picked up his phone to call his stalwart assistant.

"President Fei...?" Miao Miao answered his call prompt before the second ring, even though it was well past her working hours.

"Miao Miao... can I trouble you to fetch a pair of presentable clothings for me tomorrow, from my apartment please?"

If Miao Miao found it weird for him to say 'his' apartment as opposed to 'Captain Luo's', she kept her curiosity to herself.

"I'll go fetch one, first thing tomorrow morning," she duly replied, before spontaneously enquiring out of habit, — "Is there anything else you require?"

Fei Du was silent for a moment, mulling over a thought before speaking, —

"As a matter of fact, there is... Can you get the guys from Business Development to look into a parcel of land in Yunhai? — Lot 467 to be exact..."

"Do you wish to purchase the lot if it's vacant?"

"I wish to acquire the lot, — even if it's not available..."

His voice may have been amicable, but the connotation suggested otherwise.

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-

Nothing could even begin to describe the disappointment he felt inside when Tao Ran conveyed that Fei Du had already retired for the day to him. But beyond disappointment, — was a police-trained brand of scepticism that did not allow him to take the message at face value.

'Fei Du? Asleep before midnight? — Who is he trying to cheat?' Luo Wenzhou scoffed incredulously inside.

Noticing the outright suspicion written on his partner's face, the Deputy cringed visibly, knowing very well that the Captain would see through the blatant lie, — "Lao Luo... you see..."

"Tao Ran... the truth... and nothing else..." Luo Wenzhou demanded brokenly as he struggled with breathlessness.

Carding through his hair frustratedly, Tao Ran didn't know if it was the right thing to do, — piling on the trouble called 'Fei Du' onto an injured friend so soon after his awakening. But quickly reasoned that Luo Wenzhou would not obediently stay in bed if he did not tell him, either. And furthermore, there was no hiding the truth when Fei Du has to appear in person tomorrow, so — heck with it!

"In his younger years, I have never thought of Fei Du as a handful, — until now...

Maybe we're officers, so the idea of you injured, hospitalised comes with the territory, nothing that wasn't already within the parameters of our line of work.

But Fei Du...
Fei Du is a different case altogether. It's not a secret that he has a frail constitution, but who would have thought that all that stress from you being injured would cause him to collapse completely!

Lao Luo, you really scared the life out of Fei Du, — and I do mean it in every essence of the word..."

Luo Wenzhou furrowed his brows uncomprehendingly, — and having been partners for years, Tao Ran could easily read his expression like a book. Hence, launched into a lengthy account of Fei Du's delicate state.

Not being able to say too much in his current condition suited Luo Wenzhou right now, — for his vocabulary seemed inadequate to describe the heartache he was feeling inside. He was honestly amazed that he managed to hold his emotions in check until the end of Tao Ran's recount, —

"Fei Du... I — need to see him..."

"Wenzhou, you are in no condition to go anywhere right now. Moreover, Fei Du said that he'll come see you tomorrow... Just hang in there for a couple hours, okay? ... Then you'll be able to see your Fei Du..."

'— 'Fei Du said'? So he was awake when Tao Ran went to see him... He just didn't want to come see him...' Luo Wenzhou deduced seethingly, clenching his fist tightly until his fingernails were biting into his palms.

Only after seeing the darkening expression on Luo Wenzhou's face, did Tao Ran realised his mistake, —
"Lao Luo..."

The Captain stubbornly mustered the meagre strength left in him to move his ladened body, scaring his deputy witless, — "Lao Luo! Don't be unreasonable! You're in no capacity to get out of bed right now!"

"Fei... Du... — Now!..."

"All right! All right!!! I'll go over right now, okay?! For the fuck sake! — Please don't cause yourself more injuries than you already have, damn it!" Tao Ran conceded begrudgingly.

The Deputy took two hurried steps towards the door before tracking back and handed Luo Wenzhou his phone, — "Just in case — I'm saying, just in case if Fei Du really had rested, then the best I can do is video call you from his room so you can see for yourself that I'm not lying to you..."

Leaving the injured man with these parting words, he quickly headed out of the room, and stood before the room next door. Tao Ran knocked lightly on the door out of propriety, but not truly expecting a response from the occupant inside; — given that Fei Du had never even once answered the door since commandeering the room anyway.

Stealthily slipping into the dark room, Tao Ran thought he would find Fei Du still sat exactly where he last saw him, —

But who would have thought that Fei Du really did as he said he would!

Silently video calling Luo Wenzhou with Fei Du's sleeping face on the screen, — "See...? I didn't lie to you, did I?" Tao Ran said in hushed tones.

On the other line, in the other room, Luo Wenzhou's heart broke with helplessness. The Fei Du on his screen, was hardly even a shadow of his former self. In spite of the darkness, the Captain could still make out the telltale signs of troubled sleep; — bruising under his eyes from sleeplessness, hollowed cheeks making his angular features stuck out even more prominently than it already did, and his bloodless lips, chapped with cracks. From this alone, Luo Wenzhou could tell that the past two weeks must have been harrowing for Fei Du.

Luo Wenzhou had never been more abhorrent of the powerlessness he was feeling right now.
He yearned helplessly to hold Fei Du in his arms, to console his little lover, to chase his worries away...

But all he could do right now, — was reassure Fei Du in his thoughts, until he could finally do so in person...

"。。。别怕， 宝贝儿。 有我在。。。我在呢。。。"

"...Don't be afraid, Baobei'r... I'm here...I'm here..."

Tao Ran ended the video call a good minute later, concluding that another minute longer of Fei Du's current appearance would only be too arduous for Luo Wenzhou to hold himself back from coming in person.

The Deputy was about the slip back out, when an anomaly struck him; —

Fei Du was sleeping, and sleeping a bit too soundly at it too; — not appearing the least alerted by his intrusion. Also, the perpetual bin next to him seemed empty of its usual contents.

Was Luo Wenzhou's awakening such a miracle cure to Fei Du's psychological stress that he had finally stopped throwing up?

Having no actual diagnosis, Tao Ran only shook his head absently as he exited the room, — cognisant of the fact that he was no doctor to make any calls. But so long as the symptoms went away, cure of any form was always more than welcomed.

But what the deputy officer failed to notice hidden behind the shadows, — was a bottle of Doxepin (sleep aid) sitting unassumingly on Fei Du's side table.

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-

Luo Wenzhou was never a morning person, — that was no secret. Furthermore with painkillers and sedatives pumped into his system, surfacing to wakefulness should have been more difficult for him than it regularly was, — like a struggle against tide.

But the morning after he regained consciousness, — the familiar scent of wood perfume effortlessly infiltrated into his drug-aided sleep, waking him more effectively than his Five Rings alarm.

Slowly opening his blurry eyes, his drowsy subconscious belatedly noted that daylight was only just beginning to filter into the room; — meaning to say, he was awakened even earlier than his usual waking hours.

Who would have thought such a thing was possible?!

But here he was, — awakened to a scent that was impossible for him to forget.

"... Fei Du —?" His voice rasped huskily, still heavy with sleep.

And instantly came a tender reply, — "I'm here, Shixiong... I'm here..."

Luo Wenzhou could hear the voice he had missed so dearly, but Fei Du himself seemed to be hidden from his line of sight.

"Fei Du —?" Luo Wenzhou called out again, more urgently this time, fearing if the voice he was hearing was all but a dream.

His hand reached out in all franticness to search for the one he longed to see, — and fortunately was caught by a familiar pair of hands, smaller than his own.

"Shixiong... I'm here..." Fei Du patiently replied again, as he carefully brought the hand to cradle his own cheek.

Finally, — turning his gaze to the one he has been yearning to see, Luo Wenzhou's eyes immediately smarted with tears, — "... Fei Du..."

Although impeccably dressed in his usual refined fashion, — no amount of cover-up could disguise how ill-fitted his bespoke clothing suddenly were, or the gauntness of his already raw-boned cheeks, or the expertly camouflaged under eyes... 

The very sight of Fei Du now caused him to hurt, more than the explosion did.

Fei Du seemingly read his mind, caressed the hand on his cheek, — 

"...Shixiong... I'm fine, I really am..." he reassured softly.

However, the older man knew his little lover better than he knew himself. Fei Du could spin beautiful lies to his favour, but the slight tremor of his hands that he thought was unnoticeable, — spoke volumes of truth the mouth refused to say.

Luo Wenzhou summoned whatever strength left in him to pull Fei Du down by the neck, laying him over his own chest, above his own beating heart, —

"Fei Du... do you hear that? Do you hear the beating of my heart?... It's concrete proof that I'm alive, Fei Du... You can finally put your worry to rest...

I'm here, you're here... — That's all that matters..."

Listening as instructed, to the strong heartbeat thumping steadily beneath Luo Wenzhou's chest, — Fei Du inadvertently drew in a shuddering breath. His trembling fingers reached to feel the uniformed rise and fall, in time with every breath Luo Wenzhou took.

It was as though, finally — all the pieces of his fragmented psyche was falling back into its place again.

"... Shixiong..." Fei Du's voice was barely a whisper, but Luo Wenzhou heard him nonetheless, —

"... I love you, I really do..."

By now, — if not a thousand times, at least several hundreds of times he had heard these exact words leave his young lover's beguiling lips. He should be used to it by now, but his non-existent defence had nothing on Fei Du.

Lowering his head, Luo Wenzhou pressed a long kiss on top of his young lover's crown as he whispered back lovingly into the silky hair, —

"...I love you, too Baobei'r..."

-.-.-.-///-.-.-.-