last night all i think about is you //
don't wanna but i think about you

san wooyoung

14.08.17

wooyoung can't say that he's a fan of summer. the heat makes the dragging hours more unbearable than before, every simple task becoming tiresome.

he hates the way his clothes stick to him; wooyoung is constantly uncomfortable when even breathing feels taxing under the callous sun's inexorable rays.

thank god for yeosang's house. or more specifically: his pool. it's beginning to dawn on wooyoung that he probably spends more time at his best friend's house than his own, but who can really blame him?

today is particularly warm, so he'd been more than pleased to accept yeosang's invite, taking full advantage of his facilities. the two currently sit on the edge of the pool, their feet dangling in the cool water.

he can feel it lapping below his knees, refreshing his senses and regulating his body temperature. listening to it splash occasionally is relaxing, the gentle noise filling the warm silence.

sighing happily, the blind boy drinks up the sunshine, relishing in its engulfment. hypocrite, wooyoung chides himself silently. summer's not all bad.

"so?" yeosang suddenly says, shifting next to him. "how was it?"

"how was what?" he asks skeptically, finding his mind to be drifting elsewhere.

"your date, idiot. how was it?" the question causes a twinge of guilt to ripple through wooyoung's conscience. hongjoong's the last thing he's been thinking about.

"it was good, i guess." he says with a shrug, hand subconsciously going to his left forearm.

"you guess? wow, wooyoung. your enthusiasm is overwhelming." yeosang's remark reinstates his shame. "do you like him or not?"

"i do!" wooyoung frets too quickly in return, trying to shake the guilt. "i do like him. he's super sweet. and really nice, and understanding! not to mention he was really respectful." so nice and sweet that you kissed san in the bathroom.

shut up. he buries the voice, blushing uncomfortably. god, he can't tell yeosang that. he's too embarrassed that it even happened. that he still wants san.

"i'm glad." yeosang affirms, sounding a little sheepish. "because i already invited him here today."

that snaps wooyoung back to reality. "you did what? yeosang!" he complains, blue eyes widening. "how did you even get his number?"

"what can i say? i'm a resourceful guy." yeosang muses, to which he groans in response. "anyway, i wanted to meet my best friend's new boyfriend. and also..." he trails off.

wooyoung waits, preparing himself for whatever news the brunette will hit him with next. "i invited seonghwa. who's bringing san." oh no. "so i might've thought having hongjoong here would serve as a good distraction."

even something as simple as hearing his name stops wooyoung's heart for a second. causes his breath to catch in his throat. instills a turbulent mixture of excitement and apprehension.

when wooyoung doesn't reply, too occupied with memories of his and san's last encounter, yeosang carries on speaking, trying to lift the mood.

"seonghwa thought it was a terrible idea,"-wooyoung agrees.-"all the more reason i went through with it. 'san will eat him alive, yeosang'." he quotes, imitating a gravely serious tone. "let's hope my lovely boyfriend will keep your ex in check."

"he's not my ex." the blonde grumbles, stomach sinking. he has to tell yeosang. "okay. i have to tell you something, but don't judge me, okay?"

yeosang waits, and wooyoung thinks he'd rather dive into the pool and drown himself than admit what happened. he's a terrible person, really.

"i may have kind of kissed san while on my date with hongjoong." he rambles, stumbling over his words. "and i maybe don't really hate him."

"you did what?" yeosang shrieks, the sound of his hand slapping skin signifying he's covering his mouth. "wooyoung,"

"i know!" he exclaims, mortified, bringing his knees up to hug himself. "i'm a whore. a terrible terrible whore."

yeosang barks a helpless laugh, and suddenly he feels water on his skin as his friend has splashed him. "fuck."

"yeah," wooyoung agrees shamefully, hiding his face in his knees. 

making a disapproving grunt, yeosang suddenly gets to his feet. "nothing we can do about it now. perhaps it's time to seize the opportunity."

"meaning?"

"show san what he gave up. if he still really wants you, make him spell it out. it may not be moral, but hongjoong will play perfectly into that."

•••

yeah. fast forward an hour or so, and you'll see just how well that plan was going.

wooyoung is a mess around san, a stupid stuttering mess. and worse- the raven haired knows it.

poor hongjoong has no idea what's going on- innocently trying to get to know everyone in his cute talkative manor. the blonde tries not to leave his side, dreading a moment in which he might have to be alone with san. he can't have a repeat of last time.

the tension in the atmosphere is undeniably present, and part of wooyoung is glad he can't see a particular someone's expression. he feels almost safe from their shared strained existence in his darkness.

hongjoong goes with san to fetch drinks from yeosang's kitchen, and wooyoung tags along timidly. jittery, he doesn't want the two alone with one another.

"your friend's house is nice," the shorter male is making small talk, but the blonde can hardly focus on the words.

san goes past him to get to the fridge, fingers brushing against his waist as he moves him gently out of the way. the touch is ghosting, probably invisible to the third party in the room. but it awakens wooyoung's nerves instantly. don't touch me, he thinks pitifully, wishing for telekinetic abilities. i'm too weak.

"m-mhm!" he stammers a hummed response, leaning against the counter to steady himself. he really needs to get himself together.

"i noticed there's even a way up to the roof! how cool is that?" hongjoong continues excitedly, and wooyoung bites his lip to repress the memories that come rushing back.  "we should go up there-"

lying beside one another on the night of yeosang's birthday, under the stars. or perhaps there were clouds, wooyoung doesn't know. he just knows he was there, with san.

the roof is theirs. their special place. wooyoung can hardly breathe as he recalls their moments in that place, in this house. he doesn't want to share it- not with anyone. selfishly, he wants to preserve those memories.

"no!" he cuts him off, laughing awkwardly after his decline is met with silence. "we shouldn't. me and heights don't work well together."

hongjoong seems to believe the excuse, scrambling for an apology wooyoung isn't looking for. "of course! i'm sorry, that was stupid... obviously you wouldn't want to go somewhere dangerous and unprotected. it's a no brainer."

the blonde takes his hand, trying to reassure him by squeezing it kindly, letting him know it isn't a big deal. hongjoong tends to jump to conclusions, and wooyoung always feels bad when the boy constantly apologizes for little things, even if the assumptions can be irritating.

the sound of a glass being set down firmly causes wooyoung to turn his head, heart beating too quickly. "why?" san asks. "because he's blind?"

clenching his jaw, the blonde silently begs him not to reveal his lie. but he can't respond, either, too dazed by san's cocky interjection. somewhere deep down, he wonders if san is as affected as he is. if he remembers everything the same way wooyoung does.

"well- yes-" hongjoong fumbles in response, and the blind boy's shoulders slump slightly. of course.

"being blind doesn't prevent him from doing anything. it's not a handicap." san goes on, his footsteps indicating he's walking towards them. "he's afraid of heights for no other reason than because he just is."

dumbfounded, hongjoong struggles for a reply. meanwhile, the blonde does his best to glare in san's direction, but he's blushing too much to appear genuinely angry.

"also, don't give him that." san adds, probably indicating whatever hongjoong's holding. "he's a lightweight."

and with that, he exits the room, leaving wooyoung with a frazzled and intimidated hongjoong. clearing his throat, wooyoung gives him a small, apologetic smile.

"i don't think he likes me very much." hongjoong observes, letting go of wooyoung's hand. "you sure he's not your ex?"

"he's like that to everyone." the blonde assures him, wincing as he hears the boy put back whatever drink san had prevented him from giving to him. "don't worry about it too much. san's just an asshole."

hongjoong murmurs an agreement, leading him out of the kitchen and into wherever the rest of their company resides. purposely keeping close to his side, wooyoung sticks to the shorter male, trying to prove to yeosang he's very much not distracted by san's presence.

moving on from someone who never even belonged to him is proving to be immensely difficult- unreasonably so, since there's a perfectly good boy providing him with affection and attention. it's even harder, when said someone has a habit of pulling him into rooms and kissing him stupid.

wooyoung's determined to make it work with hongjoong, to get all the experience a regular seventeen year old should have and get the most out of his teenage years. before his birthday, when everything would change. in ways he can't begin to imagine at that moment. he wishes hongjoong would just tell him if he's his soulmate, like wooyoung suspects. but he's too much of a coward to ask, afraid of the guilty feelings he has for san. maybe you'd rather not know.

"given the current weather," yeosang announces amid the slightly awkward tension still hanging over the room, "it is only reasonable that we swim. and for those of you stupid enough not to bring swimming trunks- follow me."

wooyoung panics when he feels hongjoong leave his side, revealing himself as one of the idiots yeosang indicated. unfortunately, the boy can't even follow, because he clearly has brought his trunks given the fact he is already wearing them.

and it would have been okay, except for the fact that park seonghwa exists. yeosang's devious boyfriend will never make life easy for him, it seems.

"ah, shucks." he announces loudly; the sound of him scrambling up from the couch is hasty. "i forgot mine too. wait for me, yeosang!"

and all of a sudden, they're alone. alone together, for the first time since san arrived.

wooyoung swallows, unseeing blue eyes darting frantically around the room as he plays with his hands. he's acutely aware of san's presence, but the raven haired seems similarly apprehensive to approach him.

wooyoung wants to ask him a billion desperate questions, the words of which rush to the tip of his tongue but never quite form. they die on his lips; he can't bring himself to speak.

"i-i'm gonna head to the pool..." wooyoung stutters, backing towards the sliding doors and hitting himself on the furniture in the process.

he hisses lightly in pain, rubbing his hip and maneuvering himself to the right slightly. cursing his scrambled thoughts for corrupting his spacial awareness, he steadies himself for a short second.

but the second is too long, and san is already by his side, his uneven breathing giving him away. the taller doesn't speak, but his mind is practically screaming into the silence- loud enough to scare the hell out of wooyoung. it's the kind of silence that breaks down all his boundaries, which he can't allow.

walking quickly out of reaching distance, he rejects the silent offer of help, sliding open the glass doors and stepping into the warm sunlight. wooyoung's feet meet the pavement familiarly, and he estimates the pool to be only a few feet away.

knowing all too well san is undoubtedly staring at him, wooyoung's thumbs hook under the hem of his oversized t-shirt, pulling it off of himself slowly to expose his golden torso. no harm in tempting him a bit.

the sun feels amazing on his skin, its rays kissing him warmly as he discards the t-shirt idly, not brave enough to turn around. his back to san, wooyoung readies himself to head cautiously to the shallow end.

"wait." san's voice suddenly speaks hoarsely, the boy walking outside towards him, narrowing the respectful distance that's been keeping him safe.

"you need sun cream, princess. don't want you getting burnt." the words are quietly loud, dripping with care and unchecked want, the nickname habitually slipping out.

frozen on the spot, wooyoung still can't find his words as san presses the bottle into his hands. their fingers are too close. not close enough. he shouldn't be feeling this way.

"do my back for me?" the blonde manages, searching for normality. "i can't reach." please please please can we forget the kiss—

"sure." san breathes out, edging closer towards him and taking back the bottle. wooyoung's heart is in his stomach, his knees a word away from giving in.

san's hands touch his bare skin, almost hesitantly at first before circling his shoulders.

wooyoung recoils, the cold lotion surprising him. his breath catches in his throat once more, angling his head to the side. he does not dare to breathe as san massages him, those familiar hands memorizing the dips and golden plains of his skin.

his heart hammering in his chest, wooyoung is terrified of the overwhelming feeling of discontentment- he wants more. he wants those hands to move over his back, onto his chest, down his stomach- he wants san's skin against his own, every inch of it.

suddenly, san clears his throat, done with the sunblock, and wooyoung is snapped back to the present. cheeks inflamed, he swallows, no longer trusting himself to speak or even murmur a thank you. he's afraid of what might leave his mouth if he does.

mortification sweeps over him, his skin already missing the feeling of san's hands, the fire extinguished the moment they were removed. hatred burns within him; at himself for these feelings.

he turns, face to face with san. wooyoung wants to curse at him, but it's his own fault, really, for tempting him in the first place. he can't just blame san alone. he wonders how much longer he can go on like this, living such a lie.

-

hi there strangers

so in case you didn't read my message board... i was on hiatus for a while due to ✨personal reasons✨ and an awful mental state but i'm back now! i'm so happy to get back to writing for you guys :)

this chapter was a frickn mess but it's long bc y'all deserve that <333

inception or thanxx?

(but if you're not voting inception you're cancelled bc it's superior 😚😚🤚

xxx

edit: no a/n i wrote ever aged well ms girl you went on a few more hiatuses