when you look at me like that
my darling what did you expect
i'd probably still adore you
with your hands around my neck

san wooyoung

11.08.17

of course, hongjoong had agreed to their date. and of course, he had scheduled it for as soon as possible. the very next day, in fact. namely, today.

so no matter how distracted he is, wooyoung's determined to make this work. hongjoong is nice. chivalrous. picture perfect, even.

he takes him around the city, walking at his shoulder but not trying to take his hand too soon. it's nice.

there's a breeze, cooling on his skin in the hot weather. the humidity is uncomfortable, and walking isn't helping. thankfully, hongjoong promised him coffee. hopefully they'll reach that point of the date soon.

using one hand to handle his cane, the other hangs at his side. it bumps hongjoong's, once. his hand is clammy, and wooyoung withdraws hastily, swapping hands with his cane. words get stuck in his throat, heart skipping.

hongjoong clears his throat, slowing. "right!" he says brightly. "which coffee shop do you wanna go to?"

"i don't mind," he shrugs, "most places do coffee the same. somewhere not too crowded, maybe?"

"of course," hongjoong says. "that makes sense. can't be easy when there's loads of people, and you can't see."

the comment makes him want to stop, but he wills himself not to. that's not why he doesn't want somewhere crowded. sometimes he just wants quiet, because he does, not because he's fucking blind.

forcing himself to take a breath, wooyoung closes his eyes briefly. don't get annoyed. it's not his fault.

smiling begrudgingly, he nods, gesturing for hongjoong to lead the way. give me strength.

"oh, how about here?" wooyoung waits. after a beat, there's an awkward laugh. "right. it's not a chain café, and doesn't look too busy!"

following hongjoong in, he simply presses his lips together in another smile as the older holds the door open for him. he's right, there's hardly anyone there by the sound of things, or just very quiet customers.

he stands in the ambient atmosphere of the shop, waiting. it's not a shop he's been to before, so he doesn't know the menu. embarrassingly enough, hongjoong will have to read the options out to him. they don't have braille, in small places like this.

"um," he clears his throat awkwardly. "help a guy out? what... what do they have?"

"right!" hongjoong says, seeming a little distracted. "what do you feel like?"

he considers, unsure. "something sweet, maybe? do they have anything like a caramel latte?"

the staff person behind the counter answers, causing wooyoung to freeze. no. this has to be some kind of sick joke.

"we do." says san, blankly. "cream?"

what. wooyoung can't even speak. what are the chances? wait. hongjoong had chosen this place deliberately, out of all the cafés and restaurants and stalls around— this one.

betrayal and confusion naw at him, but hongjoong doesn't say anything. maybe it is a coincidence.

"i didn't know you had a job." he says dumbly, swallowing. why won't hongjoong back him up here?

"technically, i don't." san replies, still stoic. "it's a trial shift. cream?"

"no thanks." wooyoung says quietly. no? when do i say no to cream? he's acting so fucking stupid, for no fucking reason. a string of curses utter behind his lips, but all he does is stutter awkwardly. "wait, actually-"

"he's already putting cream on it." hongjoong speaks up, finally. his tone is calculating, decisive, like he's testing their dynamic.

maybe that was the whole point of this, why his date had decided to choose a café he saw wooyoung's kind-of-ex in. it seems petty, and insecure, and not something wooyoung wants to deal with right now.

"i'll have a normal latte. cream, please." there's a smile in his voice, and it's fake.

hongjoong pays, and wooyoung just stands there like an idiot.

he lets himself be guided to a table, sitting down robotically. this is not how he imagined this date going. the whole reason he agreed to it was to get away from san, but again, here he is. like it's fate.

"that's your ex, right?" hongjoong asks simply, catching him off guard. you did this on purpose! he wants to say, but feels insane to think it.

"n-no," he stutters, shuffling his chair in.

hongjoong's quick. "so he's your boyfriend? i'm surprised you agreed to going on a date with me."

"he's not." wooyoung says firmly, eyes flashing as he glares up at the boy opposite him. "we were never dating."

he's telling the truth, technically, it's way more complicated than that. but he frustratingly can't tell if hongjoong believes him. tensely waiting, he casts his gaze down.

there's no reply, and wooyoung only looks up to the sound of a tray being placed on their table. their drinks are here, and he doesn't dare waver, setting his jaw.

"thank you," hongjoong says politely, albeit disingenuously.

wooyoung really wants to lash out, to ask hongjoong if he did this on purpose. but he feels like he can't, like he's been put in a position where anything he says is only going to discredit him, make him seem crazy. so he shuts up.

shuts up and sips his coffee, satisfied with the sweet liquid and its contrast with the cream that cools it down. it's really good, thankfully giving him an excuse not to say anything.

"is it good?" hongjoong asks, suddenly sounding innocent. like he's really interested, like he really wants to know if his date is enjoying the stupid coffee.

"mhm," he hums, setting it down so he doesn't drink it all too quickly and make himself ill. he licks his lips, conscience of the cream.

"good." he affirms, cheery. "mine is, too. bit hot, though. sorry for the dumb questions. guess i just jumped to conclusions too fast, sorry for assuming."

god, wooyoung feels like he's getting whiplash from the way hongjoong keeps switching. he can't keep up. maybe i'm imagining it.

"don't worry, it's not your fault." he assures him, brows furrowing. "i'm gonna pop to the bathroom."

usually, he can navigate his way to public bathrooms, even in new places. it's inconvenient, sure, but something he's used to.

"oh, let me help-" hongjoong is on his feet all too quickly, eager to assist. wooyoung doesn't even bother stopping him.

as soon as he's by himself in the bathroom, he allows himself to breathe. he wonders how long is acceptable to spend in the bathroom on the first date.

his solitude is interrupted, though, as the door opens, shutting quickly. wooyoung feels his breath hitch, turning to the person who has just entered.

"having fun?" san. stupid san, interfering.

"fuck you." wooyoung scoffs, retreating. that deadpan tone is infuriating, and wooyoung is itching all over, overwhelmed.

"no?" san goads, his footsteps sounding closer. "doesn't seem like it."

"shut up," he shakes his head, pointing a finger at him irritatedly. "you told me you don't care yesterday. would be more convincing if you acted like it."

"you're clearly having a miserable time." san observes, not slowing.

he's in his space, and wooyoung is all too aware of him. he raises his hands, shoving him back. "it's none of your business."

"okay," san agrees, clicking his tongue. he's still too close, despite wooyoung trying to keep him away. "i just wanna ask one thing."

"when you said that you wish you never met me," san breathes out, taking wooyoung's face in his hands. "did you mean that?"

he's killing him. killing him, with the hurt in his voice, his proximity. wooyoung cant fucking stand it. this isn't fair.

"yes." he grits out, shutting his eyes.

even as he's saying it, he's reaching out, grabbing for san. his hands find his shoulders, one pulling him in roughly by the front of his shirt, so their bodies are flush against one another.

"liar." san whispers, lips brushing his when he speaks. he's quoting wooyoung's own words from yesterday, and this isn't fair.

shuddering, he can't help himself. it doesn't even matter how san's been treating him, the lies he's been saying to get rid of wooyoung.

all too soon, he's kissing him.

i hate you, he says, with his mouth, his teeth, his tongue. and san is all too quick to wrap his arms around him, reciprocating. he kisses him angrily, ferociously, painfully. i adore you.

"i hate you," wooyoung says aloud, dragging san's lip between his teeth, their foreheads pressed together. he can feel san's heartbeat against his own chest, erratic. i'd do anything for you.

"good," san replies, nodding, kissing him again, hard. the kiss is a punch, san whimpering as wooyoung pushes his fingers into his hair, pulling in frustration. he can taste the sweet caramel coffee on san's tongue, lapped up from his own.

he tugs him, so close and forcefully that their teeth clash, and wooyoung's mouth falls open. "i need you to hate me." san pants against his lips, his tongue darting out and skimming wooyoung's lower lip, before pushing it into his mouth.

that damned tongue piercing has his fists curling in san's hair, and then in the front of his t-shirt. wooyoung just keeps pulling, begging, asking, pushing.

"i hate this," he bites, a hand going to san's waist. he holds on, tipping back his head to expose his neck, out of breath.

"i know," san murmurs, but he's not sorry, not as he mouths down wooyoung's skin, tongue flicking his jaw before he lays slow, wet kisses careful enough not to leave marks down and up his neck.

"god," wooyoung whimpers, fingers edging up san's side, pulling at his shirt. simultaneously, he tugs san away from him, dropping his head against his. "i can't do this." his voice is wrecked, raw.

because this is wrong, so wrong, while his fucking date is on the other side of the door.

"i know," san says again, so softly. he kisses wooyoung's cheek, just once, apologetic. "i'm sorry."

he forces himself to back away, so no part of them is touching. this is definitely above the allowed time in the bathroom on first dates.

he guesses making out with one's kind-of-ex is also on the list of 'things to not do on first dates.'

-

no previous a/n bc this chapter didn't exist before xx you're welcome

it's hard to get in hongjoong's head as this is woo's pov, but just know everything he does is meticulously calculated. he's not stupid and most of what he does is intentional

xxx