i am the antichrist to you
fallen from the sky with grace
into yours arms race

wooyoung san

26.08.17

the first thing san notices upon waking is the odd sense of comfortability surrounding his drowsy state. his head is resting atop another person's body closely, the soft rise and fall of a chest signifying a sleeping state.

and he'd know that body anywhere, of course, but it's so hard to grasp reality in this moment. almost impossible to believe that he really is in the arms of jung wooyoung, the blonde boy's body curving protectively around him.

san remembers having woken from another nightmare, although he doesn't remember what it had been about. he does remember wooyoung being there, though, pulling him out.

he shifts ever so slightly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping male who's arms encircle san's smaller frame. tucked into wooyoung embrace, there's a rare feeling of safeness that san can't quite comprehend. he knows it won't - can't - last for much longer, but selfishly wants to savor it nonetheless.wooyoung's a miracle san doesn't deserve.

not sure if he's breathing, the older feels wooyoung begin to rub slow, rhythmic circles onto his back while he lies there, probably hardly realizing it himself. sunlight casts its revealing rays onto the bed, and san squints at the new brightness.

raising his head off of wooyoung's chest, he shifts again, hoping the boy will wake up and explain the situation. letting him sleep any longer like this would be too greedy. san's already enjoying their position more than he should be, and feels guilty enough about that.

"ah, are you awake?" wooyoung mumbles sleepily, sitting up a little without letting go of san's deathly still body. "good morning..."

he removes his hand from its resting place on the other's chest, watching as wooyoung yawns and blinks a few times. his blonde hair is bedhead messy, the bright glossiness of his blue eyes accentuated by the dark rings beneath them. the large grey t-shirt adorning his frame is rumpled and creased at the front. san's heart aches; it doesn't look like the boy had slept very well.

he releases a sleepy giggle, and san reddens, realizing he's been staring up at him for a second too long. "i probably look like a mess, right?"

san swallows, shaking his head quickly. "n-no." he stutters, eyes fluttering around the room. "i'm the mess."

it doesn't look much different to when he'd fallen asleep, except for wooyoung's white cane lying on the floor near to the door. the duvet is also more deranged than he remembers, the sheets smelling faintly of salt. san himself appears similarly disheveled, when he looks at himself.

his own hair is sticking in odd directions, his t-shirt ridden up and his whole appearance disordered. anyone who sees them right now would be none the wiser to think something very different had occurred here.

"so," wooyoung starts softly, still sounding groggy. "do you want to talk about last night?"

san doesn't understand why he's being so kind and gentle with him. treating him like some vulnerable animal when it should be the other way around. when he doesn't deserve it. he meets wooyoung's tender gaze with confusion, examining it carefully to deduct his intentions.

"not really?" he questions, struggling to recall the night's exact happenings. "thank you for being there, though. why'd you stay?" and not go back to your boyfriend.

instead of looking embarrassed or confused, wooyoung just smiles softly, letting his arms fall from around san. "you didn't want me to go. or at least, i didn't want to leave you."

heated shame creeps up his neck, humiliation threatening to consume him. san hates that he expressed such weakness, and is afraid of wooyoung's words. you're meant to be with someone else.

"i guess i fell asleep in here after you calmed down." wooyoung admits, sounding reminiscent. "i didn't sleep before coming here so i suppose it's hardly surprising."

wanting to put this memory in a chained box and throw it in a river, san changes the subject quickly. "why couldn't you sleep?"

the blonde shrugs, a thoughtful look sweeping over his pretty features. san can't get over how pretty he is, without even trying. can't get enough of this morning version of wooyoung.

"ah, you know." he sighs lightly, lowering those ocean eyes. "unfamiliar place. i don't know anything about it so i can't relax- not without seeing my new surroundings."

san nods to himself, understanding where wooyoung is coming from perfectly. his sister had been the same- never able to relax or enjoy a holiday because of that very reason.

looking as if he might fall asleep again, san cooes internally over wooyoung's cuteness. and despite his initial embarrassment and guilt over someone taking care of him, he's glad it had been wooyoung.

"wooyoung?" he asks quietly, receiving a low hum of confirmation. "thank you."

"that's okay." he mumbles in response, wriggling down in the bed. "i'm glad you weren't alone."

"and i'm sorry." san adds, watching how the younger's eyes open at the statement. "for everything."

"that's okay." wooyoung replies, gently. "i already forgave you."

relief sweeps through him, followed by a short burst of happiness. even if he has nothing, he at least has wooyoung's forgiveness.

"i don't deserve it," he murmurs, feeling tears in his throat. wooyoung starts to say something, but san interrupts. "i don't. you're this... miracle, you know? i'm a nightmare."

"so... why'd you push me away?" he says quietly. "because it hasn't been cleared up for me yet, and i'm done blaming myself and asking what i did wrong. why did you do it?"

san bites his lip, accepting he probably has to give the boy a proper explanation. because wooyoung's done nothing wrong. he's the only one to blame.

"this may not come as a surprise to you," he starts, playing with wooyoung's hands. "but i'm not very used to having people care about me. and every time i care about someone or they care about me, it never ends well. never. so i got scared."

san's hands stay in his while he talks, the movements helping to calm him. "i can't let you love me, jung wooyoung. i'm terrified of what will happen to me if you do. what will happen to you. it's easier to push you away."

"so why did you kiss me? after." wooyoung says back after a moment of pondering san's words, clearly a little overwhelmed.

"why'd you kiss me back, princess?" san laughs lightly, his hands stilling.

"that's not fair." the reply is quiet, and wooyoung pulls his hands away. "you got me in a moment of weakness."

the moment suddenly becomes all too real for them both, as san pours his heart out to a boy taken by somebody else while they lie in each other's arms. wooyoung clears his throat, shifting upwards as he struggles to find the words for a real answer.

aware of the position san's just put him in, he looses another laugh, changing the subject once more. "never mind that. now you know why i hardly have any friends, i suppose. i push everyone away. get people in their weak moments."

"it doesn't have to be that way," wooyoung reasons, avoiding replying to the other words san had confessed. "haven't you dated before?"

throat tightening, san represses the memories that come with the question, recalling a time in his life that seems very far away.

"once." he admits, not counting the flings with girls like chengxiao. "i was fourteen. too young and dumb to know any better."

"he was a senior." san continues a little numbly. "said he was my soulmate, which was a lie, of course. but i believed him. agreed when he wanted to sleep with me. he's.. the guy i told you about. before you and i... you know."

at a loss for words, wooyoung hugs him again, eyes dampening. the raven haired likes his arms around him, but can't understand why he's getting upset by this. it's in the past.

"you didn't agree, san." he says softly, squeezing. "he made you."

the blind boy releases a shaky breath, about to say something more when a loud rapping sounds on the door. the noise startles them both, and it takes a second for san to jerk out of wooyoung's hold and go to answer the door, wiping his eyes.

they had both forgotten that there's anyone else in the world for a while, and that the others would come knocking soon enough and demand answers.

however, the short strawberry haired male who is revealed in the doorway doesn't seem to want answers. apparently he's fabricated his own version of what had happened, and isn't afraid to accuse them immediately.

"wooyoung?" hongjoong questions, his gaze going right past san standing in front of him and onto the helpless boy on the bed. "this is unbelievable. you're such a desperate whore that you got back with your ex, huh?"

"what? no! san had a nightmare so i calmed him down-" wooyoung scrambles to explain, but his boyfriend barks a disbelieving laugh.

"nightmare? right. what an excuse! you're pathetic. you lied and lied to me about him! i guess i don't mean anything to you." the older carries on, stepping closer to the bed.

anger boils in san's blood. he hates the way hongjoong is sneering and insulting him, especially when it had been san's own fault wooyoung had fallen asleep. not to mention the way the male is guilt-tripping him using emotional blackmail san knows all too well.

"we're just friends-" the blonde tries, sounding to be on the verge of tears. that's the last straw for san.

he whips around to face hongjoong, unable to hide his rage. "don't you dare talk to him like that." he interjects, causing the older to face him.

"i will talk to my boyfriend the way i want to." hongjoong mocks angrily. "what? gonna cry again and make him sleep with you?"

"shut up." san growls, clenching his fists. "that's not what happened."

"well it looks like you made my boyfriend cheat on me with you." hongjoong crosses his arms, not stopping. "although you probably took advantage of him, right? it wouldn't be hard." no no no—

"nothing happened between us!" wooyoung shouts, standing up as his eyes flash in frustration. "if you would just listen to me-"

"what, so i'm just supposed to believe you when you tell me you fell asleep in another guy's bed- not just any guy, mind you. your fucking ex who's clearly still in love with you!"

all the commotion has drawn the attention of yeosang and seonghwa, who seem to have finally awoken. san shrinks to the wall, no words forming in his mouth that can counter that statement. you're right about one thing.

"okay, guys, pack it up." yeosang interjects, exchanging a worried glance with seonghwa. "you can sort things out between the two of you."

"us three will go for another walk." seonghwa says, indicating san and motioning for him to come with them. "we'll see what else there is to do while you two talk things out, okay?"

"there's nothing to sort out!" wooyoung exclaims, baffled. "nothing happened."

"our definition of nothing is clearly a little different." yeosang tells him calmly, reasoning with the angered blonde.

meanwhile, san has to get out of the room. he knows if he stays any longer, his fists might accidentally get to know hongjoong.

and he doesn't want to give wooyoung another reason to hate him, just when things are turning around.

-

psa: san is terrified of genuine happiness because he thinks he doesn't deserve it- he hasn't felt it since his sister died besides being with woo. that's why he intentionally fucks things up

lots to unpack ✨🤩

i forgot to ask before but what are yalls favourite tracks on fever?

mine is good lil boy she goes HARRDD and i will listen to nothing else for the rest of my life

xxx

edit: stand by that opinion to this day. feeling adrenaline might fuck around and release 4 chapters today what will i do next