possible TWs: manipulation/emotional abuse

san wooyoung

26.08.17

wooyoung's hands curl in his lap, fists tightening around the material of the sweatpants adorning his enraged persona. he's frustrated, and justifiably so.

not being able to see what hongjoong is doing, he can't help but flinch when he hears his boyfriend's threatening footsteps near him. the door has closed, indicating yeosang and san's departure, which means that they are alone in the room.

biting his tongue, wooyoung tries not to give away his liability. he doesn't want to overreact or come across as too sensitive to the older, or let him know that his spiteful remarks have hurt him. hongjoong probably hadn't meant everything he said- he tells himself, trying to empathize. it was just in the spur of the moment.

"nothing happened between san and i." wooyoung says as calmly as he can after taking a deep breath. "you don't have to believe me, but that's the truth. it just hurts that you jumped to that conclusion so fast, y'know?"

hongjoong doesn't say anything for a while, mulling over the events. wooyoung waits with his head hung low, the heavy blank space around him an impermeable curtain that he feels hinders proper communication. his blindness never feels more prominent as it does when he's alone with hongjoong, in more ways than one.

"you're the one i'm dating." wooyoung continues assuringly when he still doesn't hear a reply. "but there needs to be mutual trust between us-"

"don't break up with me!" he suddenly interrupts, catching the younger by surprise. "i don't know what i'd do if you broke up with me. you just can't! i'm- i'm sorry for the things i said..."

he certainly was not expecting that. wooyoung had prepared himself for more insults, perhaps an argument- but not for hongjoong to switch up entirely, not so quickly.

"i don't- i'm not-" he raises his head in bafflement, guilt pooling in his chest. "i don't want to break up with you, joong. i just want you to believe me when i tell you something."

the bed sinks down next to him where hongjoong hurries to sit, their knees touching slightly. wooyoung angles his head slightly, conscious of a piercing gaze.

"i just got jealous, i think." the older explains, and his fists tighten in their unaltered position. "and angry. i didn't mean all those things i said, really! i'm so sorry, wooyoung! when i start talking, i can't stop. and san... you know he doesn't like me. so seeing you together just made me even more insecure. but i shouldn't have argued or gotten mad without listening to what you had to say first! this is all my fault, and i know i'm a moron but i just like you a lot, and i've never had a good relationship so soon..."

wooyoung's heart softens as his boyfriend continues his apologetic rambles, understanding growing within him as hongjoong's explanatory web expands.

"please forgive me." he appears to finish, taking the younger's hands into his own. "i'd die if you didn't."

he processes the odd choice of words, a moment passing before they reverberate through him and realization strikes a chord in his guilty heart.

"why?" the question is almost a whisper, as if wooyoung is scared to ask. or scared to hear the answer.

hongjoong doesn't answer immediately, seeming taken aback. his hands go limp on top of the blonde's, so wooyoung grabs them instead, his fingers grazing the engraved skin of his left forearm lightly.

"it's okay, and i forgive you." he tells him, heart beating very quickly. "but why would you put it like that? why would you 'die'?" this could fix things. this could really, really fix things.

hundreds of questions arise in his head, ideas and fantasies; possibilities and dreads. they have never spoken about this before, for a reason wooyoung can't pinpoint. all hongjoong needs to do is confirm or deny it. to explain why he hasn't said anything before.

"i wanted to wait for you to turn eighteen and tell you then, but..." hongjoong admits slowly, and the younger goes still.

"you're my soulmate, wooyoung. your name is on my arm."

the words pour over him like gasoline, and the hundred questions turn into a thousand revelations, a million feelings completely consuming him. there's painful joy and conclusive confusion, guilty disappointment followed by terrible shame.

the turbulence this announcement leaves him spiraling within is a ceaseless whirl of thoughts and conclusions- ticked boxes and torn out pages.

relief crushes down upon his shoulders, tears forming in wooyoung's eyes. all of his anxieties surrounding his fate and the cruelty of the universe seem for nought, because here is a boy next to him claiming to be the person decreed to spend the rest of his life with.

san's words come back to him momentarily, and wooyoung curses himself for thinking about him even now. if hongjoong is really his soulmate, he can stop fretting over his unresolved feelings for the raven haired. it's convenient, really.

"w-why didn't you tell me before?" wooyoung stutters, unable to rid himself of apprehension and resentment. knowing this earlier could of changed a lot of things. for one, nothing would have happened with san.

"i thought it would be fairer to wait!" hongjoong explains, withdrawing his arm. "when you told me your name in the hospital, i knew, but i realized you weren't eighteen yet. and it seemed like you were with san, so i didn't want to impose on your relationship."

wooyoung reaches for his arm again, fingers trying to feel for where his name is imprinted on the skin. "but hasn't someone else seen it? they would have told me if you were my soulmate!"

snatching his arm away as if wooyoung has burned him, hongjoong shuffles a little on the bed. "it's tradition in my family not to let anyone see your soulmate's name except for your soulmate themselves. it's not just a plain taboo or anything, it's just the way i grew up... so i keep it covered. besides, weren't you the one preaching trust earlier? why don't you believe me?"

the blind boy lowers his head in embarrassment, realising his hypocrisy. he also feels an overwhelming sense of guilt at the fact he's been messing around with san before dating hongjoong, using his soulmate as a jealousy pawn. describing him as convenient.

"i'm sorry!" he apologizes quickly, suddenly feeling like a terrible person. this is his soulmate sitting next to him, his soulmate who is entitled to know everything about him. no wonder he got so pissed off when san knew more about me than he did.

"and you don't have to worry about san. we're only friends." wooyoung clarifies again. "he's been through a lot, and we're close... so i had to help him last night. but we really are just friends."

"okay, you're friends." hongjoong repeats, a little mockingly. "but you can't blame me for being insecure. i mean, we haven't even had sex, wooyoung. you hardly even kiss me."

"sex?" wooyoung falters, feeling his face fall. "is that what this is about?"

"we're soulmates." his boyfriend shoots back. "why wouldn't you want sex with me? you have to."

right. of course. "what— so you'll be happy, then? if we just have sex?"

"i don't like that you're close with san." hongjoong replies, completely evading the question and edging his body to face him. "and now that you know we're soulmates, you can understand why."

wooyoung bites his lip, nodding. "so i think you should stop being friends with him." he authorizes.

not wanting to argue, the blonde keeps his mouth shut. his soulmate should only want the best for him, so there is no point in defying him right now. part of him questions which section of the soulmate manual indicates hongjoong can decide who he could and couldn't be friends with, but he suppresses it.

"okay." wooyoung manages, a dryness in his mouth. he should have been elated to find his soulmate, so he doesn't know why his chest feels so fucking hollow.

"good boy." hongjoong leans in, kissing him on the cheek.

"but i can't just ignore him for the rest of the trip..." he frets, wondering about san's state of mind.

the older leans away from him again, and wooyoung finds himself tensing. "i'm not asking you to ignore him. just stop being friends with the asshole- for me. obviously you can't avoid being acquainted with him. just make sure he knows that we're soulmates, wooyoung. i want him to hear it from you."

"okay." he repeats obediently, dreading the confrontation for no clear reason. "but about the sex thing..."

"forget it." hongjoong shakes his head, distant. "it's fine if you don't want me like that. no one ever does."

wooyoung shuffles into him, eyes widening in concern. god, he feels sick. "no, i didn't say that." he reasons, reaching for hongjoong. "just give me some time."

he doesn't feel any different since finding out he's hongjoong's soulmate, which is honestly a little disappointing. soulmate discoveries are supposed to be earth shattering. everything is supposed to become clear after the second you find that true love, but wooyoung just feels a little nauseous.

it's probably just because he hasn't  turned eighteen yet. once his birthday happens, he can confirm that hongjoong is his soulmate, and he will stop having all these conflicting and confusing feelings.

admittedly, wooyoung finally understands why san hates the soulmate system so much. not having any control over who he has to love reduces him to a puppet on a string.

and for an alarming second he never again wants to revisit, wooyoung is possessed with the urge to cut that string and take control of his own fate.

-

if anyone ever acts like hongjoong to you guys, break up with them ASAP; i literally just researched emotional blackmail and manipulation to help write this chapter 😺

+i had a really busy week and couldn't update i'm sorry ksjsk but i plan to compensate

side note: i adore joong to bits irl🥺🥺 this is just fiction !!

😤petition to get joong in a full skirt, bc he said it looks pretty!! and i live and breathe for femboys !!!

xxx

edit: make that 4 updates in a day, i'm on fire. no one can stop me.

take a breather though, guys. this chapter was hard to write and hard to read. and FUCK c!hongjoong