i wanted to leave him
i needed a reason
x marks the spot where we fell apart

san wooyoung

06.09.17

wooyoung tries not to think about the fact he's a liar. a traitor. a cheating, weak, worst boyfriend in the world. he also tries not to think about the fact he doesn't regret a thing. not for a second.

he lives for moments that they stole on begged and borrowed time.

he definitely doesn't think about san, and his slender hands, his soft mouth, the perfect thick length of him. not about how it feels to have san inside him, against him, on top of him.

no, wooyoung's definitely not thinking about that at all.

instead, he focuses on the back to school dance, and what he's going to wear to it. he's relying on the esteemed opinions of his friends, and doing his best to imagine their descriptions.

"not slutty enough." yeosang is saying, after he steps out in the next piece.

oh, if only you knew how much of a slut i've been. he thinks with a sigh, twirling a little. with all the not thinking he's been doing about san, wooyoung really just wants his opinion. secretly, he's dressing for him.

"what about the ribbony look we talked about?" mingi suggests, referring to the café conversation that now seems worlds away. "to make him look all prince-like but like, still slutty."

he considers this, trying to picture what that entails. drawing on memories of images his brain knows, wooyoung can imagine from the help of things he's seen before. but those memories are years away, and he never did spend much time browsing suits or billowy dress shirts.

"whatever you guys think is best," he says. admittedly, he's less excited than he had been, given the fact his boyfriend doesn't want to go with him and he can't go with who he really wants to.

"you are severely lacking in enthusiasm." yeosang comments, reading him as well as he ever has. "what changed?"

sighing again, wooyoung sits down, loosening the bowtie adorning his collar. "no one to go with." he mutters, glum. "hongjoong said he doesn't want to come."

there's a moment of surprised silence, his friends probably exchanging glances.

"some soulmate he is," mingi muses, handing wooyoung a new pile of folded clothes. the material is gloriously soft, probably silk, water in his hands when he takes it. "weird."

scoffing in agreement, wooyoung runs his fingers down the seams of the material, feeling it between the pads of his thumb and forefinger. following the outlines, he discovers a break in the design, an opening at what he assumes is the back. it's held together the ribbons, with metal circular rings in the middle.

"i like this one," he decides, frowning a little when be tries to find where the thing closes. "wait, is there only one button at the front?"

"yeah," mingi says, a smile evident in his words. "it's certainly very showy. but i think i saw a mesh top in your closet you can wear underneath that will compliment it nicely."

now that brings back memories. wooyoung knows the one he's referring to: a skin coloured turtleneck top that's basically
see-through, a little cropped. "i used to dance in that." he murmurs, a smile playing on his lips. "it might be a little small, though."

"the tighter the better." mingi replies, satisfied. his deep voice holds suggestion, causing wooyoung to roll his eyes.

he gets up, a buzz of excitement rippling through him at the prospect of wearing that old top, coupled with the showy satin jacket they've picked out for him. biting his lip ashamedly, he wonders if it's lame and immature to be excited about clothes. that's certainly what hongjoong would think.

he clenches his jaw, pushing his soulmate out of his mind. the more he thinks of that word, the less it seems to mean to him. slowly, it's becoming just that. a word.

"i think you should ask san to go with you," yeosang says suddenly, causing him to freeze. "he'll trip over his feet at the opportunity."

technically, it isn't my idea. wooyoung tries not to react visibly, shrugging. "yeah, maybe i will. we can go together as friends. better than going by myself."

he carries on walking, hoping it doesn't look like he just stopped or stumbled. "mhm," yeosang hums, the sound of him rummaging around in wooyoung's closet signifying he's probably getting out the aforementioned mesh top. "go try it on."

a piece of material (presumably the shirt) hits his back, being thrown at him. bending down to pick it up, wooyoung finds himself smiling, the article of clothing so familiar in his hands. heading into the bathroom, he shuts the door behind him, shrugging off the previous clothes.

the silky trousers are easy to get on, zipping up to fit nicely on his hips. pulling the sheen turtleneck over his head, wooyoung realizes it's certainly tighter than it used to be, and shorter. it's not uncomfortable, though, soft material clinging to his chest.

it's when he tries to get himself into the suit jacket that he can't be sure if it's right. he pushes the single button together to connect the jacket, thankful that it closes just above the exposure of his skin. still, his whole chest is on display, albeit covered by the mesh turtleneck. the button is fucking useless, honestly, because it barely takes a simple raise of his arms to show his bellybutton.

and he's pretty sure there's a piece missing, given the fact his entire back is open save for his shoulders. the ribbons needed to pull the two sides of it together are hanging down, too complicated for him to figure out himself.

muttering in frustration to himself, wooyoung sits down on the edge of the bathtub carefully, mulling over yeosang's suggestion. he doesn't need much convincing. decidedly, he picks up his phone from where he left it, using the voice control to send a message to san.

"take me to the dance?" he records simply, speaking clearly and surely as he can so the text will send coherently.

before he can think too much about it, wooyoung places his phone back, standing up.

"help me out?" he asks, exiting the bathroom again helplessly.

"yup, this is the one." yeosang says immediately, as one of them comes toward him to latch the ribbons together.

he manages a smile, rolling his shoulders experimentally as his friend finishes, loosening the latches a little so the ribbons are longer. it's been a while since he's worn anything so bold, so revealing. it feels good.

"pose for a picture," mingi instructs, voice sounding from behind him. "may as well show your boyfriend what a spectacle he's missing."

nodding, wooyoung runs a hand through his hair, trying his best to fix it. he's also not wearing any form of makeup, slightly concerned about his appearance. quickly fetching his phone from the bathroom, he holds it out for one of his friends to take.

"pose how?" he asks, feeling awkward.

"not like that, you look like a sim." yeosang chides, throwing something else at him.

groaning, wooyoung shakes out his nerves, glaring in his general direction. he steps back a little, but still just feels stupid trying to pose for a picture.

"give me the phone," he sighs decidedly, pinching his nose bridge. "i'll take a mirror selfie. just... tell me if i'm in the frame."

he takes back the device, swiping for the camera function. knowing where the mirror is in his room, he positions himself in front of it, holding up the camera. it's a bit of a finicky process, but after a few directions from his friends and a few failed attempts, they allow him to send one.

almost immediately, his phone rings, the automated voice telling him hongjoong is calling. something like satisfaction tingles in wooyoung's chest, and he shuts himself in the bathroom again to answer the phone in private.

"hey," he says in a small voice, this being the first conversation they've had since he had last called hongjoong to talk about the dance.

"that's what you're wearing?" is his reply, immediately cutting to the chase.

"yeah," he replies, unable to read hongjoong's tone. "for the dance."

there's a beat of silence, wooyoung holding his breath. then, "you look beautiful, wooyoung."

the words are a little breathy, albeit monotone. still, they make him smile. blush a little, even.

"thank you," he says back, shyly. his stomach feels tight, a tension he can't quite place.

"i'll try come to the after-party." hongjoong says, and he breaks out in a grin.

"really?"

"yeah." he hangs up.

okay, progress. and okay, it's the bare minimum, but it makes him stupidly content. although, it also instills anxiety in him. he's confused again, with all these conflicting feelings. and he hates that's he's settling for this bare minimum. well, he's not exactly settling. hence the little affair he has going on with san.

admittedly, he's looking forward to san's reaction to the outfit. to going to the dance with him tomorrow.

god, he wishes things were different.

-

shorter fillerish chapter but omg a break from smut

and yeah wooyoung's outfit is basically love's from the libido stages just with the mesh top bc he would look absolutely ravishing in it

xxx