a/n: it kinda absolutely breaks me heart that rewriting this means losing the comments but- sacrifices must be made😩✋

san wooyoung

09.06.17

wooyoung opens and closes his eyes a few times in attempt to busy his boredom, switching between the empty blackness and dark nothingness he is accustomed to. opening them makes no difference, so he isn't sure why he bothers sometimes- perhaps it's the pointless hope he'll one day open them and see again. ridiculous, he knows.

he wasn't born blind; wooyoung remembers the blueness of the sky and wild array of colours he'd taken for granted, the sparkle in people's eyes and the smiles on their faces. gradually, it had all faded with time, with no tangible explanation. he's just unlucky. and entirely, absolutely, wholly, blind.

as everyone indulges to keep reminding him. he hates the sympathy; helplessness is certainly not one of his traits. wooyoung had known a life of colour and brightness, but now knew a heightened life in other areas. sounds, tastes, smells, intuition and physical contact had all grown in their depth and power.

he sighs softly, only half listening to the conversing between his new headteacher and guardian. having refused to attend some sort of special school, wooyoung had convinced his aunt to find a way for him to return to a regular high school. he just wants to feel normal, and experience normal teenage things. is that too much to ask?

less than a year away from his eighteenth birthday, there isn't even much time for that.he really wants to make the most of it, because so far he hasn't been living. not the way they do in books and movies, at least.

"as you know," he zones in on the exchange regarding him as it's centre once more. "our school is abnormal only in the regard we extend teaching past age eighteen, and we have a specialized program for students who may need more support."

wooyoung scoffs in response, and can almost feel the sidelong glance his aunt gives him. it doesn't burn - her gaze never does - just tickles with concern. "of course," the head rushes hastily, reassuring them, "it's barely different from everyone else's experience here. we won't treat you any differently."

except, they will. they always do. wooyoung can't avoid it.

he strokes the cane lying atop his lap tenderly like one might stroke a small cat, revisiting the smooth lines he knows so well. it's become somewhat of a habit. "you can't guarantee my classmates will." wooyoung observes matter of factly. he doesn't mean it accusingly, he's not even that concerned about it; he's used to it. he's just warning them.

he hears his aunt shuffle in her seat, presumably turning to look at him. "if you were worried about that-" she begins, but wooyoung shakes his head. a warmth of appreciation blooms in his chest for her. she cares more than his parents have ever seemed to.

"i'm not worried." he states honestly. "we're humans. judgement is in our nature; it's to be expected. i'll go in aware of the fact everyone is silently giving their two cents in what they think of me and not be phased by the whispers."

a brief silence follows, no one bothering to dispel the truth he spoke. after a moment, "we'll do our best to make you feel comfortable here." the teacher who wooyoung has been trying to create a profile for based on his voice replies in turn. "and we look forward to having you in our school."

another habit of his- trying to imagine people's faces based on nothing but their voice. he imagines the man to perhaps adorn the pathetic wisp of a mustache above his possibly thin lips, and to have a kind, round face that always appeared slightly red despite the weather. wooyoung enjoys making up what he supposes people to look like, for nothing more than a distraction and time-killer.

while his aunt thanks the man and goes over some final details repeatedly, wooyoung wonders how many quiet meaningful looks they have exchanged on his behalf, unbeknownst to him. the thought is one of the few that irks him; people communicating visually just because he can not see and they do not want him to know. it hurts.

it can't be helped, but that doesn't stop him from always subconsciously being a little paranoid about what others were really doing when they interacted with him. someone could be flattering him sweetly while simultaneously flashing the middle finger for all he knows, making trust a difficult feat.

hence one of the reasons he is eternally grateful for his best friend of six years; yeosang, who has always been truthful to him and would never let anyone try shit in his presence. nor does he take shit from anyone. wooyoung likes that about him.

the male in question is waiting outside the office door at that very moment, ever wooyoung's faithful company. as soon as they bid their goodbyes to the man and are offered release, he and his aunt make their way to his stance, her arm on his as a temporary guide.

wooyoung taps systematically with his cane as he advances, locating yeosang and prodding him with the end of it. "thanks for coming with me, even on a weekend." he comments after hearing the unsuspecting boy wince.

"that's okay." yeosang assures him, putting a hand on his shoulder as they walk. "it's not like i had much better to do." it's probably true. despite his handsome good looks (wooyoung remembers that much from before. his face is hard to forget.) and spacious household, yeosang likes to keep to himself. he fits the profile of a fuckboy, but he's anything but.

"tell me more about what your school's like, yeosang-ah." his aunt frets once more, and wooyoung makes a disapproving sound.

"stop worrying, auntie." he chides, and yeosang exhales through his nose (this is his version of a laugh).

"no need to worry, ms jung." yeosang adds, "he's got me." and what a relief that is, though wooyoung would be weary to admit it. he'd never live it down.

"yes." his aunt breathes conclusively. "he does." and after a pause; "what ever would he do without you?"

he hopes he'll never have to find out.

•••

later that evening, wooyoung lies on his back atop his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling above him, deep in thought and drowning in darkness. his darkness. he doesn't mind it as much when he's alone, especially at night. it's peaceful.

today's date happened to be june 9th, which is less than a week from yeosang's birthday. and less than a week until his best friend would discover the name of his soulmate.

soulmates had once been an incredible anticipation, a beautiful impatience and wonderful gift wooyoung would lie awake and dream about. they still are, in part, but as his own birthday draws nearer every passing day, the more he can't help but let running thoughts ruminate in his mind. his mind, which has been known to overthink.

who will tell him the name and date that carves itself into his skin? what will the name mean if he can not even lay his own eyes upon it and take it in? surely nothing. receiving information like that from someone else's tongue, not reading the most important detail of his life with his own eyes... those are the thoughts keeping him up at night.

will his soulmate be someone he already knows? or someone he'll never find? who would even want a blind person for their soulmate? certainly no one wooyoung has heard of.

he tries to console himself; there has to be someone for everyone in this world. it's all the universe's grand plan, after all. the one they worship. when creating the human race, every individual was destined for another one, made for each other and no one else- like lock and key. like enzymes and substrates.

the reality of soulmates is similar to the greek myth that humans once had four arms and four legs, until zeus, fearing their power and in punishment for humanity's pride, split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. each human would forever long for his or her other half; the other half of his or her soul. how sad. yet so beautiful.

it's said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and will lie with each other in unity and will know no greater joy than that.

whether or not this is how soulmates truly came to be, wooyoung rather entertained the theory, finding it terribly sad and oddly warming as the same time. he fears the pain of never finding who was once joined to him, and has immense pity for others who were cursed to not, but also feels comforted by the fact everyone is somehow made in pairs and would have unconditional love for one another. guaranteed love.

he sometimes wonders if his soulmate has some sort of disability; perhaps they will balance each other out. or maybe his soulmate makes up for everything he lacks, and is wholly perfect.

without even knowing the first thing about his soulmate, wooyoung is sure of that. that they will be perfect. they will be enough, more than enough if they love him for him, and soulmates never rejected each other. he shouldn't be worrying over something so futile. something so inevitable.

he turns over, shutting his eyes as he begins to lull into a hypnagogic state. he should not have been spending so much time worrying about such a ludicrous thought, and even repeats the words to himself once more before sleep kisses his temple gently goodnight.

soulmates never rejected each other. it's not in their nature.

-

chapters will vary in length but are gonna be a little shorter than i used to do :)

i plan to update frequently though so it'll make up for word count ♡

really hope you're gonna like this !! i've got lots panned!

xxx

edit: haha thats a funny joke author nim. frequently i said? don't make me laugh. cute for trying. ANYWAYYZZ i hope y'all like it AGAIINN i'm excited to rewrite it ((: