my house of stone your ivy grows
and now i'm covered in you

wooyoung san

10.07.17

fitting that his birthday should fall on a tuesday. it's just his luck, that it's a school day.

he doesn't want to go. he's not going to. but. if he's as determined as he likes to convince himself he is to maintain normality, san supposes he'd better go.

at least, the name won't come during the day. it'll be at midnight, when he's safe and alone in his own room, no one to hear him scream. it hurts, or so he's heard. funny, that such a defining moment of everlasting true love should be such a painful one.

less than twelve hours until that moment, it is only expected that san's mood will be similarly paradoxical, his emotions heightened and more than messy in his conflicted mind. but he sets out with the intention of preserving normality, and goes about his day as usual.

san goes to meet wooyoung at the blind boy's modified locker, where they do every morning so the older can take him to class. principle jeon is still as set on their deal as ever - san gets the extra credit, and wooyoung has someone to help him - insistent he isn't to leave the boy's side. san doesn't need convincing, but the man seems to have the impression that being blind isn't far from being incapable, which annoys them both.

hence wooyoung's remark upon san's arrival, where he's leaning against the locker in front of him. "you really don't have to do this every day. i can find my own way by now."

san scoffs, crossing his arms, waiting for the boy to sort out his things. he doesn't stare at him like usual, instead turning his head to the side and looking anywhere but. his mind is too busy.

the younger finishes, expertly closing and locking the locker, his fingers sliding off the blue metal. san exhales impatiently, not waiting for the other as he begins to walk ahead of him. wooyoung follows, the sound of his cane tailing the older hastily.

"what's with the silent treatment?" he questions, hovering closely to him after catching up.

san again answers with silence, not even knowing where to begin. it's like he's forgotten how to speak, his brain putting the bits that control his voice on sabbatical. hyperaware of wooyoung's proximity, san's heart has also forgotten how to beat at a normal pace.

"you're the exact opposite from hongjoong," wooyoung continues on, suddenly. "you barely talk and he talks enough for three people. it's cute, i guess, but i don't know how to keep up. suppose he gets it from working in care, always talking-"

san stops suddenly, a tight smile haunting his features. "it'd be really fucking cute if you stopped yapping for two seconds."

the blonde wavers, his blue eyes flickering surprisedly at san's reaction. "sorry." he clarifies, forcing his shoulders to relax., wincing at his unintentional harshness. "but it's giving me a headache. you're a nervous talker. why're you going on about this hongjoong guy?"

he blames his irritability on the hormone imbalance of pre-soulmate teens or whatever that magazine had said, regretting snapping. wooyoung still seems taken aback, lips pursing.

"he's... the guy who might be my soulmate." san stops, realization kicking in. he doesn't want to talk about this hongjoong person, even less so knowing who he is. it's not his business. "he volunteers at the hospital, and i'm visiting my aunt today. i guess i'm nervous i might run into him."

sympathy softens san's features, understanding settling in. guilt also strikes him, because it's his own fault wooyoung's nervous. of course he's nervous, shacking up with san instead of his possibly destined match. he doesn't say as much, though, opting for what he hopes are comforting words.

"there's no need for you to be nervous," he tells him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "you're not doing anything wrong. you don't know if he's your soulmate, and he hasn't said as much. you have no obligation to this guy."

his mouth pulls into an uneasy line, a failed attempt at a smile. san hopes he believes him. "right." a simple reply,  tight.

a moment of silence passes between them, something unspoken hanging in it. wooyoung glances at him, seeming to consider.

"come with me." he asks, causing san to look at him in surprise.

"to the hospital?" he affirms dumbly, blinking. "to see her?"

wooyoung nods briskly, gaze fixed ahead. he doesn't wait for san to answer, tap-tap-tapping away to class, leaving him standing there.

•

san wooyoung

later, they're driving to the hospital. it feels like dejavu, being in san's car again, heading to the same place. absentmindedly foggy, wooyoung is contrastingly quiet with this morning.

"what, nothing to say now? you're uncharacteristically quiet." san breaks the silence after too long passes with barely a word exchanged between them.

snapped back to reality as if tugged by a rope to the surface, his blue eyes widen and his senses focus on the sounds and feelings within range. san breathing beside him, the low rumble of the engine.

"i guess not." he replies offhandedly, not deigning to say more. words fail him, when he's thinking about kissing san in the bathroom and simultaneously stressing about seeing hongjoong. he feels as if he's cheated on him, which is absurdly unreasonable.

although neither of them speak again until they arrive at the hospital, it's not hard to tell that san is pleased, gratified with the blonde's obsequious state. wooyoung doesn't mind the silence, knowing it's helping them both to think.

"let's go in." he mutters begrudgingly, guiding himself out of san's car. "i'll introduce you to hongjoong."

the joke earns a short laugh from san as wooyoung hears him step onto the gravel with a crunch, followed by a thud as the car door shuts behind him. wooyoung's about to navigate with the white cane in his hand, but the object is taken from him and chucked back into the car.

he's about to object when san instead takes his hand, squeezing it tightly. "no need to be nervous. not like you'll see him."

wooyoung scoffs, unimpressed with the joke, proceeding to put his sunglasses on sassily as he's lead to the entrance. he elbows san in the side, muttering "prick" under his breath.

while he states the patient's name to the reception lady who has undoubtedly begun to recognize him, wooyoung is closely aware of san's thumb brushing over his knuckle. perhaps it's a nervous habit, and wooyoung returns the earlier squeeze of reassurance. although it causes the thumb to cease, san refuses to remove his hand, keeping the blonde close to him as they both thank the woman and make their way to his aunt's room. wooyoung is rather glad for it.

he decides not to mention the attachment, as it has not gone unnoticed by him that san has been incredibly tense from the moment they entered the building, seeming to be on edge as anxiety practically radiates off of him. the boy doesn't seem to like hospitals very much, for whatever reason.

they arrive at the room, where san wordlessly pushes open the door, sliding the panel aside with his free hand and choosing to hover waveringly by the entrance while wooyoung goes ahead.

sitting himself on the edge of the bed gently, wooyoung pats around until he finds her hand, taking it tenderly into his own where san's was a moment before. "hi, auntie." he whispers simply, observing her comatose state unseeingly.

he just sits there for a little while, talking quietly to her in hopes it would comfort them both. there's always a possibility that those in a coma can hear loved ones' voices somewhere far away. wooyoung hopes that's true.

after he's done talking, he raises his head upon hearing the floorboards creak slightly, realizing san still hasn't  stepped totally into the room. he doesn't want question it, wants to let the boy be, but also wants to tell him that it's okay. okay for him to come in, or stay there, whichever he pleases.

"she uh-" san begins, clearing his throat. "she looks peaceful."

the blonde offers a small smile, deciding that san may be waiting for an invitation. "you know, you can come in-" he tries, but the male suddenly steps back, as signaled by another creak in the floor.

"no, i- i cant. i'm sorry, wooyoung." he interrupts unsteadily, causing wooyoung to rise to his feet cautiously. "i can't be here,"

hearing the door slide shut as san leaves, he immediately rushes over in its direction, pushing it open and stepping into the hall spontaneously. "san?" he calls after him, unsure of which way he went. was bringing him here a mistake?

"i'm fine." sounds the stiff reply. it turns out he hasn't gone far, and the shorter edges closer towards the sound of his uneven breathing.

"it's okay," wooyoung assures him, reaching out to find his hands. "we don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"i don't need your help." san snaps, pulling his hands away sharply. "i just- i fucking hate hospitals."

although that marked the second time san has snapped viciously at him today, wooyoung presses. biting his lip, he takes one step closer to him. "it's okay," he repeats firmly, hand creeping lightly up san's arm and over his shoulder until it finds the back of his neck, tugging him gently down until his head finds wooyoung's chest.

the action means his fingertips leave their light kiss all over san's skin, and even though it's just how he navigates, not something he can help, san flinches a little at the contact, quivering underneath the intimate touch. wooyoung just hugs him there tightly, unaware of what it is san needs comforting for but acting on a sense of responsibility to keep him safe.

"i'm fine." the older's muffled words sound unconvincingly against the material of his shirt, and wooyoung strokes his hair to quiet him.

"you said that line already, so shut up. it's okay, you know. to not be okay."

the sentence makes san give in, and he sags against the younger's body, hugging him back in a state of vulnerability wooyoung has never perceived him to be in before. the raven haired shakes oddly as if crying, but no audible sobs confirm the suspicion.

he holds him by the wall in the hall of the hospital, just holds him, silently. he's afraid to speak, to say the wrong thing. holding his breath, not wanting to scare san away, as if he's a rescued cat.

eventually, san raises his head off of his chest, placing his hand on the blonde's cheek gingerly, like he's touching fine porcelain. wooyoung holds his wrist there against his face, savoring the rare moment.

a deep breath sounds from san, and wooyoung waits patiently for him to talk. "sorry," he apologizes, and wooyoung wants to scream at him for it. "it's just a lot. being here."

"no, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have brought you here. it wasn't fair of me to ask you to come." he admits guiltily, unmoving.

san doesn't answer, his body seeming to sway in his arms before wooyoung feels his hands fall from his face and his body become limp beneath his touch. suddenly, san collapses, a crumpling collision with wooyoung's feet.

"san!?" he pleads desperately, falling to his knees and shaking the male in confusion. "san, if you're messing with me-"

but he is not. wooyoung calls for help until a nurse finally arrives at the scene, asking questions about san's appearance prior to fainting that the blonde cannot answer. he feels useless; stupid; like he should have known something was wrong.

but now he can only sit back helplessly, and let better equipped individuals deal with the situation he knows frighteningly little about.

-

if you in this ateez shit for life say i 😳✌️

xxx

edit: pov change bc san's a dissociative bitch

let's pretend i didn't fuck up the calendar okayyy 10/07/17 is in fact a monday but i'm a silly billy and put them in school on the day before so let's pretend it's a tuesday xxx