Levi's POV...

This is a lot harder than I thought. Visually, the room is inviting. The walls are cream color, the carpet is a tightly woven pattern of dark shades of blue. There's a dark oak desk in the corner and in the middle of the room sits two soft brown leather sofas facing each other. Charlotte, Landon, and I on one and my psychologist who's name is Chris, sitting on the other. He has a notebook in his lap as he scribbles his notes while rapid firing questions at me.

"I'm going to be brutally forward with my questions and I need honest answers from you in return if we want this to work." Chris told us when we sat down an hour ago.

This isn't a one hour session, he's booked us for the afternoon and as comforting as this room appears, it's become rather stuffy and confined as the minute hand ticks by.

After going over in details my accident and recovery process at Charlotte's rehab center, Chris moves onto the more difficult questions.

"What were your intentions when you threw yourself into the pool and Charlotte jumped in to pull you out? We're your intentions to end your life?" The lump lodged in my throat bobs up to the surface and suddenly I feel nauseous.

I feel Charlotte's hand on my leg and she gently squeezes my thigh.

"I don't know to be honest. I didn't want to die...I still don't," I practically choke on the lump.

"What was it do you think you were looking for?" He rephrases the question and I feel my lungs constrict.

"Relief," I whisper.

"Relief from what? Be specific." This guy wasn't lying about being brutal.

I rub the back of my neck with my hand. My legs are starting to bounce against Charlotte's and I feel her squeeze again. I'm starting to sweat a little. Is anyone else hot? I look around.

Everyone's waiting for my answer, but breathing and talking at the same time is getting rather difficult.

"Relief from pain, not just physical pain. I couldn't control my body and I felt like a burden. I couldn't be the man my fiancé at the time wanted me to be...I felt alone and helpless and I didn't want to feel that way anymore...but I didn't want to die." A tear escapes my eye and I brush it away quickly.

"And this time, when you almost overdosed, what were your intentions then?" My heart picks up it's pace, my fingers are clammy and my chest is caving in on me.

"It was a mistake, I don't want to end my life." I look to Charlotte then to Landon.  My body visibly shaking now. Charlotte places her hand on my back.

"What were your reasons for hiding your pain and the pills from Charlotte? Do you trust her?"
He asks me a ridiculous question.

"Of course I trust her," my tone somewhat angry. "I was in pain and having so many muscle spasms. I didn't want to stress out Charlotte even more than I already was. We were having a baby and I wanted the physical pain to go away so that I could get better, so I could take care of my baby and her mother. I was trying to fix things on my own, but I messed that up too." Breathe, remember to breathe. In through my nose, out through my mouth.

This guy is pushing me to tear down my walls brick by brick until my mind and heart is left vulnerable and stripped of their defenses.

I'm panicking now. Charlotte and Landon sense it, Chris is now witnessing what happens when the bricks turn to dust.

"Now is a good time to take a break," Chris says to us.

Charlotte immediately grabs both my hands and helps me to stand in front of her. My legs weak and shaking, she pulls me close to her with one of her arms around the back of my waist. I rest my forehead against hers and she whispers, "breathe with me Levi."

When her other hand presses flat against my sternum, I know she can feel the rapid thumping against my chest. She reminds me to breathe, steadily, as she closes the gap between us. I'm glad I'm not having a full blown attack because Chris would think I'm completely off my rocker. It's bad enough he's observing this ordeal while Charlotte's loving hands and soothing voice keep me grounded.

"I'm sorry, Love. I'm so sorry. For everything," I apologize because that's what I need to do after confessing everything.

I look at her face, waiting for any sign of resentment or disapproval, but the alluring aura of her hazel eyes portray only the purest admiration. I can't pinpoint the reason for it. What Charlotte sees in me is something I can't wrap my head around.

"I know you are, handsome." She gives me a quick kiss. "You're doing good, I love you so much," she says.

My mind and body have calmed, so she helps me back onto the couch and then fetches me a glass of water. Landon returns to his seat as well and we all wait for Chris to continue with the session.

Charlotte keeps her hand in mine. Our fingers woven together as one. Her presence alone gives me the courage to keep going.

"When did you first start experiencing panic attacks, Levi?" Chris dives right in.

"The day after I woke up from my accident." I think back to that day, remembering how Charlotte entered my room and calmed me down.

"How many times a week do you have these? Are they more severe than what I just saw?" He inquires, jotting down something in his notebook.

"I guess the first few months they were fairly severe. They've become much less frequent and not as profound."

"And what helps to relieve these attacks?"

I look over to the only person who's ever been able to help me get control of them.

"Charlotte." I tell him. "She's the only person who brings me peace." I squeeze her hand and smile.

"I think it would be a good idea if we started you on some anti-anxiety medication," he suggests, which has me surprised.

"What? No! That's not a good idea. I'm here because I shouldn't have been taking pills," I blurt out. Charlotte squeezes my hand this time.

"I believe you have generalized anxiety disorder, probably had it before your accident and it just didn't effect you much then. It's normal to have anxiety for someone in your profession. I help a lot of famous people and you all have that in common. Not only do you have the pressure of performing well and being casted for a top role, but you always have the public eye watching your every move, criticizing your appearance and your actions, you're judged all the time by people you don't even know. It's all part of the fame."

I nod in agreement with his assessment. I'm still not sure about taking medication.

Chris is well aware of my hesitation and continues, "On top of all that, you're now dealing with a spinal cord injury and the long road of physical recovery. I have to admit, your progress this far is astounding, yet if you want to continue being an actor, your fans will notice your disability, probably talk about it and publicize it and that's a great cause of anxiety. Am I correct?"

"Yes," I solemnly answer.

"What do you think are some of the desirable qualities you have that directors are looking for," he scribbles in his notebook again. It takes me a while to figure out how to phrase my answer without sounding conceded.

"Don't be modest. Every actor has their stand out quality and I can easily point out yours." This guy's a mind reader too.

"My face and my eyes. My body too I guess, before my legs stopped working correctly." I clear my throat and add, "I'm told that my eyes have a way of telling a story and then the rest of it comes naturally." I look down at my hands resting in my lap.

"Those attributes alone can land you plenty of different jobs within your desired profession. Things to think about."

"Let's move on to something else," he says, looking towards Landon while addressing me.

"How was your relationship with Landon before your accident ?" Ok, this is a strange question but I'll go with it.

"It was great! We were roommates with my mate Andy. I've known Landon since we were wee lads and we basically did everything together."

"What kind of things did you do?" He asks.

"Anything, really. Sports, camping, fishing, boating, whatever we decided to do that day," I shrug my shoulders. I'm not sure what else he wants me to say.

"And how is your relationship now? After your injury?" I pause, thinking about the last six months. Before that, I shut him out.

I bow my head, "It's good, he's still my best friend."

"Why do you think you kept him from contacting and visiting you in the beginning, after your accident?"

Landon tilts his head my way. I'm sure he wants to know as well. So I turn my body to face him. Charlotte leans back into the couch since she's sitting between us, and I answer directly to Landon.

"I wanted you there with me, I really did. And I know you would've been there if I had let you. I didn't want to be the reason for our friendship to change. I couldn't even feed myself or do much of anything else, and to have you see me like that, dependent on everyone to do everything for me...I didn't want to put that responsibility on you, I didn't want you to treat me different, or pity me, or get tired of taking care of your crippled friend."

"And, Landon, how do you feel your relationship is now?"

"I think our friendship is solid, although what's happened to Levi has changed our dynamic, not necessarily in a bad way." He answers Chris' question then looks to me again.

"Levi, I don't think of you any differently. Sure, you have some physical limitations now, but we can still do all those things... camping, hiking, fishing. We can adapt to how we do these things to make them easier for you and still make them fun, you just need to let me help. " I nod, knowing he's right. "I'll always help you, no matter how stubborn you are or how embarrassed you may feel. Anything at all, you know I'm here for you and nothing will change that."

"Thanks. mate. I'm sorry I've made you worry and I shut down on you. It won't happen again." We lean in for a bro hug.

"Now Charlotte, don't think you're going to miss out on the conversation," Chris says to her, making us all chuckle.

She's been so patient, listening to every word, offering me small gestures of encouragement. There's something very special about the woman sitting next to me, her spirit made up of everything powerful and inspiring, that my own soul wants to reach out and grab some of it as my own.

Charlotte shifts in her seat, our hands still locked together, tethered by the bond we share.

"What do you see when you look at Levi," Chris asks her. My fingers twitch in her grasp, anticipating her response.

She turns her body to face me. "I see the man I fell in love with. You're everything I want and need Levi. You're so strong, stronger than you let yourself believe. You're brave and sometimes vulnerable. You're kind and loving. You have a sensitive side and a funny side. I love how you can make me laugh. You make me feel special. And your irresistibly handsome. Leg brace, crutches, wheelchair, they don't matter to me when I look at you." I raise her hand up to my lips and plant a soft kiss to her knuckles.

"You can't deny the love you have for each other," Chris chimes in. "But a relationship builds on more than love. You need honesty, understanding, commitment, and some independence to foster that love. You've been struggling with your independence Levi. Your physical disability has made it difficult for you and I can see that you're trying not to be dependent on anyone. But as of now, you still need Charlotte when you have a panic attack and the medication will help with that. While taking the medication, it will be easier for you to focus on different strategies to relieve the panic symptoms on your own. You'll be less anxious and will better cope with adapting to your physical needs and you'll spend less time worrying and more time learning how to enjoy life again."

"Is the medication addicting? Or will it hurt my recovery in any way," I have to ask.

"There are minimal side effects like appetite and sleep, but those shouldn't be noticeable after a week or two."

I turn to Charlotte, " What do you think I should do?" I want her opinion and I want us to keep being honest with each other moving forward.

"I think it will help. I'm sorry I didn't have you try this medication earlier," she ducks her head, feeling ashamed for not being able to fix me. I know that's what she's thinking. No more of that though. No more hiding, no more trying to fix things on our own. We're a team and we need each other's help at times, and that's ok.

"Alright, I'll try the meds." I tell him.

Almost three hours later and I've got my next appointment scheduled. We're finally heading to a restaurant for dinner, stopping at the pharmacy on the way to pick up my new medication. If it helps, I'll be thrilled. I know Charlotte and Landon are happy that I'm trying it out and sticking with Chris' sessions. I promised Charlotte and Landon that I'd tell them about any side effects I may be feeling, so I'm confident things will work out.