Charlotte's POV...

"I'm sorry Charlotte, but it looks like you're having a miscarriage."

I'm completely zoning out. A common feeling of DejaVu is overwhelmingly controlling my mind and body as I sit in the exam room.

Levi could've died just a few hours ago, we still don't know if he's okay or when he'll wake up. Nothing about this situation seems real. We're having a baby...we were having a baby...I lost our baby.

"Here." My doctor hands me a box of tissues and only now do I realize how wet my face is.

"I know you're going through a lot today and you want to be with Levi. Is there anyone else you'd like here with you while I perform the D&C?"

I want Levi here, that's who I want, who I need. I need him to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Damnit Levi! What did you do.

I would ask Landon to come in, but I don't want Levi to be alone. Landon must be freaking out. He's left me a few text messages.

"How are you? Are you and the baby ok? Do you need me?"

I feel like texting him back and telling him I do need him, but Levi needs him more.

"I'm fine, let's just get this over with," I say to my doctor and then blow my nose into a tissue. He looks at me like he's not sure if I'm serious or not.

"I need to get back to Levi," I tell him, and he nods in understanding.

He continues to explain the procedure even though I'm not really listening. He's going to remove my baby and any surrounding tissue, that's all I'm aware of. I've failed our baby and I've failed Levi and I feel like an empty shell. Should I be crying, or angry? Hell, should I know at this point.

I've obviously done everything wrong when it comes to Levi. Love really is blind. I can't get his therapy right, I didn't notice he was seeking out meds, I couldn't keep our baby growing inside me.

"We're done."

"What?" I ask the doctor.

"I'm finished. Do you need time with the baby? Do you need anything for pain?" He asks me.

"No!...I mean, no thank you, I'll be fine." My mind is so numb right now, I can't feel anything anyway. I haven't asked him if he can tell me if the baby was a boy or girl. The fetus was almost 12 weeks, so I don't know. Maybe I don't really want to know, it's better that way. It seems less real, I don't want any of this to be real. Will Levi want to know? Does it matter? Our baby is gone.

"You keep saying you're fine Charlotte, when I know you're not. I think you should speak with one of our counselors, and I'll take care of everything here in case you change your mind," he tells me. He means in case I want to see the fetus, I'm sure that brings closure to most people. Maybe it does and maybe Levi will need to see it when he's awake.

He's probably right about needing to see a therapist, though now's not the time, I need to get back to Levi.

"Thank you, I will talk to someone, just not today." I'm not sure if that's the truth or a lie. I just need him to let me leave this room.

"Okay, at least let my nurse take you in a wheelchair until you feel strong enough, it takes a little time to recover from this procedure and you lost some blood so you may feel unsteady."

"Sure." Anything to get out of here.

The nurse pushes me in silence back up to the ICU and rolls me into Levi's room. He's still lying in the hospital bed, sleeping. Only the monitors let me know he's alive. I want to hug him, I want him to hug me. Why is this happening to us?

"Charlotte! I was so worried, what happened?" Landon rushes to my side. As soon as the nurse leaves us, I stand up from the chair and throw my arms around him. I need someone to be my rock before I crumble to the ground.

I can't help the sobs that escape my mouth, so I bury my face into his chest and let it all out. I try to be as quiet as possible while I cry for Levi, for our baby, for myself.

I don't know how long this goes on for. Landon doesn't ask any questions, only holds onto me and rubs my back as I have my breakdown.

"How's Levi?" I manage to ask.

"Charlotte, talk to me," he knows I'm deflecting, and I know he's worried about me.

"I had a miscarriage."

"Shit! Charlotte I'm so sorry. Shit!" His voice cracks and he's trying to hold back his own tears. This baby would've been his God-child, so he feels the pain as well.

"I'm sorry," I apologize because I've failed him too.

"Shh," he pulls me into another hug. "It's not your fault, none of this is your fault," he whispers. I wish that were true.

I step away from his arms and walk over to Levi. Landon brings me a chair to sit in, and I sit, knowing that I might possibly pass out.

Levi's chest slowly rises and falls in a rhythmic movements, oxygen is running through his nasal cannula, EEG cords are attached to his head to monitor for seizures. I hold onto his limp hand and gently brush my thumb over his skin.

"I'm so sorry, Love. Please wake up, I need you...we all need you." I kiss the side of his cheek. His skin is cool and dry against my lips and my tears fall onto his face. What made him want to do this to himself, I wonder. I'm praying he just didn't know what he was doing.

Dr, Kusak, head of Neurology enters the room and Landon and I patiently wait for his update. I have a million questions he probably can't answer yet, but anything he can tell us will help.

"How are you feeling Ms. Thomas? I heard about your procedure and I'm sorry this has happened to you," he kindly offers me his condolences.

"Thank you, I'm a little sore and tired, but I'm more concerned about Levi."

He offers me water to drink, so I accept.

"Levi's head CT shows slight swelling on his brain, probably caused by the pills he took, which also caused the seizures. The good news is, that he didn't suffer from lack of oxygen, and we were able to keep a steady pulse. We've given him medication to counter act with what we found in his toxicology report, and we have him sedated right now so the swelling subsides."

"Does he have any other injuries? Did he do anymore damage to his spine when he fell?" Asking questions will help me cope, so I fire away.

"We did see his previous right hip injury that you were aware of. There is new bruising around that hip and his right shoulder from the fall, but no other injuries that we could find. It seems like his hip and shoulder took the brunt of the fall and he somehow protected his head from hitting the ground."

"So, the seizures and swelling are a result of the drugs?" He nods to confirm my question.

"Will he have any brain damage? How long will he be asleep?" Please don't have any brain damage.

The doctor moves close to Levi and takes out is light pen and exams Levi's eyes. I watch closely as Levi's eyes react to the light. Oh, thank God, that's a good sign. I reach out my hand for Landon and he anxiously grabs onto it. I smile and nod at him, so he knows this is good.

"His pupils are reactive, and his vitals are stable. Only time will tell if he'll have any lasting damage, but I have a good indication that he will make a full recovery. We will take him off of sedation tomorrow and see what happens."

Landon wraps his arm around my shoulder, and I lean my head into his shirt. "Thank you Dr. Kusak."

"Try to get some rest, maybe go home for a short time and take a shower," he suggests to me.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she does," Landon pipes in.

After the doctor leaves, I lean over and brush my fingers through Levi's hair and whisper, "You're doing good Handsome, keep fighting, we're right here with you."

"Why don't I take you home so you can shower and change?"

"Thanks Landon, but do you think you can stay here with Levi? I don't want him to be alone. I'll call Jake to come get me, that way I can fill him in on what's going on."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," he says.

I give Levi one more kiss. "I love you so much. I'll be back soon, but Landon is here with you."

Jake arrives within thirty minutes and drives me home. Usually, Jake is so calm and composed, but as I tell him everything that happened today with Levi, the pills, the miscarriage, I can see him struggling with his own emotions.

"I didn't know he was seeking out meds, Charlotte. I would've tried to stop him, help him." His knuckles are turning white as he grips the wheel.

"I know Jake, me too. I should've known."

"We can't blame ourselves Charlotte, it wasn't obvious, he didn't give us any clues. I know what it's like to lose function in my legs and how it can make us sometimes feel like less of a man. He's been fighting against his injury instead of accepting it and that's very hard. I promise I'll do everything I can to help him...and you."

We pull up to the apartment and he walks me to the elevator with his right arm linked in mine while his left arm uses his cane. Jake's come a long way too, I'm so proud of him. I know his circumstances and disabilities are different from Levi's, but they do share a connection and I know Jake can help us.

"You need to eat, so I'll have Krysta make you something while you're showering," Jake says as he leaves me at my apartment door.

"Thanks Jake."

"Call over if you need anything, I'll send Krysta over with the food and I'll bring you back to the hospital whenever you're ready," he says.

I'm still a bit dizzy, but the hot shower feels good. Some food in my system will help too. I clean the dried-up blood that's stuck to my inner thighs and wash my hair. After, I change into a fresh set of clothes. I pack a small bag of extra clothes for myself and a couple t-shirts and sweatpants for Levi, just in case. I'll have to send Landon back here so he can freshen up too. It's been a long day and all we can do right now is wait. Wait for Levi to wake up, wait to see if this damaged his brain, wait until we can take him home and get him the help he needs...whatever that will be.

Krysta arrives with a warm casserole and makes me a cup of tea while I devour the delicious food. She listens while I talk about my miscarriage and after another twenty-minute cryfest, I'm ready to get back to the hospital.

Nothing's changed with Levi when I get back to his room. I slide up a recliner chair next to his bed and hold his hand. Landon took this opportunity to head back to the apartment so he could shower and eat too.

I've done so much crying today that I couldn't shed another tear if I tried...for tonight anyway. Tomorrow will be a different story and hopefully a good one. All we have now is this waiting game.