Levi's POV...

It's been two weeks since we've been in Cali. Our new apartment is furnished and Charlotte's been having fun decorating it; making it feel like home.

Charlotte has me doing out-patient physical therapy at her rehab facility here. Three hours every day of grueling exercises with my new therapist Derek. He reminds me of Nate back in Boston. He works me hard and doesn't put up with any of my shit.

I told Charlotte that I needed to have a new physical therapist, I didn't want her to have to do hours of therapy with me every day on top of all the other work she has to do, and then go home and have to take care of me there too. Plus, it's better for our relationship, I need to do this for myself so I can start being there more for her instead of relying on her.

I've gotten rid of one of the crutches for the most part, but still need the full leg brace on my left leg. I'm able to unlock the brace so I can bend my knee, but after three hours of therapy my knee tends to give way and I need to lock the brace again. Being the exceptional person that she is, Charlotte showers me with praise every chance she gets. Although I'm happy to be walking most of the time without both crutches again, I still rely on them when I'm in pain, and I still can't walk fast or walk up and down the stairs without some form of assistance, so I really don't feel deserving of her praise.

She always finds a way to lighten my mood though. Her subtle gestures happen at the right moments and make me feel a little better about myself. I honestly don't know how I would get through every day without her.

Last night I was standing at the stove, stirring up dinner with one hand while my other hand gripped onto my crutch for support. I had a difficult workout that day and was feeling sore. Charlotte snuck up on me like a ninja and wrapped her arms around me from the back and hugged me.

"Dinner smells so good! I can't wait to eat," she squeezes me tighter before spinning me around to face her. I lean my crutch against the counter and place my hands on her waist. God, she's so beautiful. Since she got out of the hospital, she's been able to eat more and exercise regularly. Her tiny body is back to being in perfect athletic shape. My fingers squeeze her waist as I run my thumbs along her little six-pack abs.

" I heard Derek gave you a rough workout today? He says you made it through though without stopping, I can see why you're sore tonight," she glances over at my crutch.

I smile at her as she stands up onto her toes so she can reach me and kisses my lips. "You're doing so good babe! I'm proud of you," she beams.

Small but meaningful moments like these with her makes my heart swell and I realize how lucky I am to have her. I can only hope she feels that way about me.

Having Jake next door has been great and he continues to help me try to accept my limitations. The key word is "try". I refuse to fully accept that I am crippled. I have so much shit I want to do. I miss acting and Mark has been patiently waiting for me to ask him to find me some auditions around here. The last thing I want is to accept a role and not be able to physically keep up with the demands or for everyone on set to witness me having another fucking leg spasm. There are so many reasons for me to get my shit together and work on accepting the things I can't control, but my pride is always getting in the way.

Yes, the spasms have returned again. Two, sometimes three times a day. I hide most of them from Charlotte, but she always catches the ones I have first thing in the morning. As soon as I wake up and try to get out of bed without waiting for her, the spasms come, and I feel like someone is driving a bunch of knives into my leg and it radiates up my spine. Charlotte usually wakes before me and she used to get up, make a pot of coffee and shower first. Now that she's noticed the spasms I have when I try to get out of bed, she stays lying next to me with her arm snuggled around me until she feels me stir. She gently moves my legs around and massages the muscles in my legs and my back before I attempt to sit up. It helps a ton, but I hate that she must do that for me every morning. I hate that she can't get up and start her day without taking care of me first. This is not how life should be for her or me.

This morning I woke before her, and I just laid completely still, not wanting to disturb her by shaking the bed or doubling over in pain. I watched her get up to use the loo and figured I'd been awake long enough and should be fine to at least sit up. Of course, I was wrong about that. I slowly pushed myself up with both arms and everything seemed fine until I pulled my knees up to swing over the side of the bed. A jolt of pain shot up from my foot up to my back and my leg went rigid making me fall back onto the mattress. I couldn't bend my leg or my back, it felt like something had a grip on my muscles that was so tight, I could barely breath.

The look on Charlotte's face when she walked back into our bedroom and saw the predicament I was in, made me want to storm out of here and just give up. She looked sad for me, worried, and I hate that I make her feel that way.

"Levi, breathe for me," I hear her say as she hurries over to me. I can't speak at this point, I'm in too much pain and she see it.

She rolls me onto my side, which felt worse for a second, until her small fingers begin pressing into my lower back and down my hip. She reaches my tight hamstring and massages down my leg. Somehow, she is able to bend my leg for me as she brings my knee up closer to my chest. I'm still lying on my side, while she continues to bend and straighten my leg, making my muscles loose again. The pain is going away, and I can finally manage to speak again.

"Sorry." The only word my shaky breath let's out.

"Sorry for what? These aren't your fault, you can't control when this happens," she says as she helps me sit up on the side of our bed.

I can't get myself to look at her beautiful face after she's had to rescue me from my "episode". I know I will only see love in her eyes but all she will see is defeat in mine.

I feel her body move closer to mine while I keep my gaze towards the floor. She straddles her bare legs on either side of mine, her chest mere inches from me.  She is only wearing a t-shirt and black panties. A part of me wants to grab her and rip the remaining pieces of clothing off her, while the other part of me is too ashamed that I am even having these thoughts after what just happened.

Charlotte tilts my chin up with her fingers so I can look at her. She's smiling and her colorful eyes let me know how much she loves me.

"Kiss me," she says. I stare at her for a second, baffled as to why this girl chooses me to love of all people. I feel her gently brush the sides of my face with her thumbs, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Kiss me," she whispers again.

I grab her waist and pull her closer to me and my lips meet hers. My face is cupped in her hands as she pushes her tongue through, and it begins dancing with mine. Her hands move to my hair, goose bumps form all over my skin when she glides her fingers though my strands, gently pulling at them. My hands take over with a mind of their own, lifting her shirt and caressing her back with a sudden urge I didn't know I had.

This feels all wrong and right at the same time. I want to feel her body so badly, yet my fucked up mind is telling me I don't deserve her.

I pull her sweet tasting mouth away from mine before we go any further. "Charlotte, I can't," I mumble out with shame clearly evident though my voice.

She tries to back away from me, but I wrap my arms around her and burry my face into her chest and hold her like that for what feels like hours. She doesn't say anything, for which I'm thankful for at this moment. She hugs me back then runs her fingers softly through my hair again and it feels so comforting. "I love you," her forgiving voice tells me. "I know," I try to reassure her.

"I need to take a shower," I let go of our embrace and inform her.

I lean on her for support since I'm not wearing my brace and she walks with me to the shower. Once I'm in the stall, she leaves me alone and I let the hot water run down my body, hoping to wash all my shame away.

I don't like feeling this way, this helplessness I feel. The worry I cause Charlotte. I need to get rid of the pain and spasms, they are keeping me from moving forward with my life. Charlotte is not going to agree with what I want to do next, and figuring out how to keep it from her will probably be a terrible mistake, but I don't have any other choice. I open the medicine cabinet over the bathroom sink and reach for the orange bottle labeled 'Percocet' left over from Charlotte's surgery. She probably only took one or two out of the thirty in the bottle because she didn't like the way they made her feel. I pop off the white cover and hold a white pill in my hand. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, there is a reason why Charlotte is so against these meds, but I am feeling desperate here.

A soft knock on the door stops me from staring at the bottle of pills I'm holding. "Levi, Jake is here to say good bye, he won't see us before we hop on the plane this afternoon," I hear Charlotte's voice.

What the Hell, right? I shrug to myself and swallow down the pill that was in my hand and then grab the prescription of flexeril that has my name on it and swallow one of those too.