It is my ninth birthday. I finally get to move up.

In less than two a few hours Elle and I are going to be escaping the complex. I am ready. After almost a hundred tests and about three months of full on training almost every night (exempting Fridays, that was our night off, when we actually got to sleep) we were ready.

Cook Stephan bakes me a white cake for my birthday. It has three layers, each a different flavour. The white sponge is soft in my mouth when I take the first bite. It tastes sweet and fluffy. I share the cake with the rest of the nursery, even the fives and sixes, who have never even gotten their small hands on a cupcake.

After the cake, I have to get the introduction into grade five, and then a whole heap of boring people tell me about how over the next year you will be lectured on the values of the complex and your role in society.

I withstand all the lectures and then finally get to go into the group with the rest of the nine year olds to get dinner.

Afterwards, I go back to my regular room that I share with snobby girl one, two and three to 'sleep'. Elle was going to knock on my door when it was time to go, like she had every night for three months.

I wait patiently, the only sound coming from the ticking clock on the wall and the girls breathing around me.

As I lay there, my brain starts to imagine what it would be like outside. I imagine the trees, their colours vivid, and the clouds. I imagine it raining, the water against my skin.

It was late. Where was she?

At about 11:30, I finally hear a knock on my door. I rush up and open it, ready to greet Elle. But it isn't her. Instead, it is two men, both blacks, with hard faces.

"Is your name Jemima Gordon?" They ask. I gulp and nod. The one speaking raises his eyebrow and asks, "And you're friends with Buttercup Taylor?"

I nod again. He frowns. "Then I'm afraid we are going to have to ask you a few questions."

Fear chases through my head. Did they know? If they did then we were both dead.

But instead, the man just asks, "Did you know whether she had any enemies? Anyone that would want to hurt her?"

My heart beats faster. "Hurt her?" I ask, my mouth dry.

"Yes. Do you know anyone?"

I shake my head silently. "What happened?" I croak out. He shakes his head. "What happened?" I ask more forcefully.

He sighs. "Your friend, she was stabbed. We found her unconscious lying outside the cemetery. Our guess is she was kidnapped and then woke up, they didn't know what to do, so stabbed her and abandoned the crime scene."

I can't breathe. "Is she- is she-" I stutter.

He shakes his head. "No, she survived. She is currently sedated in hospital. When she last became conscious, she started screaming, so they are putting her in a drug induced sleep until she calms down.

I nod. "Can I.. can I see her?"

He shakes his head. "Maybe tomorrow. It's late kid, go back to bed."

I don't debate, instead I nod and close the door. Ghost like, I go back to my bunk and curl up on top of the white doona. There, I stay, confused and scared, as 'P like the yellow stuff' and the rest of the group escape the dome below me.

-*-*-*-

The training room is silent as I walk in. The trainers all nod at me when I come in, but the students just gape, for who knows what reason. Glore walks up to me and nods in greeting.

"Mae. I see you are feeling better." He says. I nod.

"I am." He acts as though he wasn't the person that put me through torture in the first place.

He doesn't speak of my 'hospital visit' further, instead just turns and points to the corner of the room where a brown haired boy with a short crew cut and Calix are staring at me. The brown haired boy looks nervous, but Calix's green eyes show only agitation and worry.

"There is a new black who only got released from his rounds of torture recently, after the training of this group had started. He and Bullet Lover are behind in training of course, so you're going to have to train them. Think you can handle that F?" Glore asks.

I grit my teeth and nod. "Yes." I reply casting my gaze over Calix for signs of the torture he just went through. Glore nods in approval and then turns and goes back to criticising the rest of the groups every move.

As I walk closer to the two, I see the new boy has a sharp chin and a hard gaze. He looks like the sort that had probably become a black by picking a fight where he shouldn't have.

I turn my gaze back to Calix. "Hello."

His strangely hard jaw smiles at me. "Hi. How is... Uh, how's your leg?"

"It was my shoulder, and it's fine." I reply, pulling a flat tone. Really, all I want to do is hug him for some reason, to feel he is okay, to feel him, to feel human. But I resist the temptation and turn to the new boy.

"I suspect you already know who I am?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

He smirks. "And why would I know that? We just met."

Frowning, I hold out my hand. "The name's Maedana. Maedana the F."

He smiles and shakes my hand. "I'm Tyran. But you can call me-"

He is cut off as I twist his wrist, spin around to his back and hold the hand he used to shake mine behind his back.

"You little son of a-" he whispers and tries to wrestle out of my grip, using his other hand. Dumb move, I think, as I grab his other hand and hold it behind his back as well. He curses at me and strains to get away from my grip. I suddenly let him go, causing him to collapse onto the training floor.

He curses once more and gets up, glaring at me. Calix just stands there stunned.

I look them each in the eyes. "First lesson in training." I tell them. "Is to never let your guard down."

"What the hell was that for?" Tyran asks me, a growl in his voice.

I just shake my head and fold my arms. "Both of you, I want push-ups. 30 of them. Now. Go."

Tyran glares me but starts doing push-ups anyway.

Calix does them but smiles up at me as he's doing them. I smile back and he mouths 'want to meet up later?' Hesitant after what happened with Reese last night, I think about it, before nodding.

He grins at me, then goes back to doing his push-ups. I correct his position, and then move onto Tyran.

"Your stomach is too low to the ground. Lift it up." I tell him. He smirks.

"I don't need help from you." He replies.

I raise an eyebrow. "I am your trainer and the F. I think you do need help from me."

He stops doing his push-ups, smirks and stands up. He brushes himself off.

"I know who you are. You're the type that thinks that a mark makes them better than everyone else."

I frown at him. "Get back to training newbie."

He shakes his head and laughs. "You know who you really are Maedana? You're just a little girl trying to live up to the reputation a letter gave her. You're not even a real criminal!" He laughs. Calix has now also stopped push-ups. Tyran pushes me lightly on the chest. I grit my teeth."All you did was escape. Not even a real crime! And you think you're the best in this building."

"I don't take pride in the fact that I lived when every other person I knew died." I tell him flatly.

He laughs. "No, but you take pride in the fact you're an F."

I grit my teeth, willing myself not to retaliate, not to give him what he wants.

"Something wrong Maedana?" Glore asks, wandering over. I go to say 'no, I'm fine' but Tyran answers for me. By now, Calix has fully stopped doing his push-ups and is standing as well. Ready to jump into my defence.

"Nothing's wrong except the fact she is insecure and thinks she is better than everyone." Tyran says in reply to Glore, but directing the statement at me.

If I hadn't have stepped up then I knew that Calix would have, and I couldn't let him torture himself again. So I did what I knew how to do; I fought. And punched the newbie in the nuts.

He swears, a word that rhyme with 'duck'. Then he smirks and goes to punch me back, but I intercept his hand, and just hold his fist. He frowns and angrily throws a punch with his other arm. Using my other arm I stop this one as well.

He grits his teeth and pushes on his fists, trying to push me over with my own strength. I just shift my weight and push back, so we are pretty much wrestling, then I start twisting his fists and pushing him down. He gasps in pain and I let go, frowning.

"Second lesson in training," I tell him, "is to never mess with the trainer."

"F**k you." Tyran replies, scowling. I just shake my head.

"Both of you, back to push-ups." I tell him and Calix. Calix raises an eyebrow at me, asking 'are you okay?' I nod and gesture to the ground. He gets the message and goes back to doing push-ups.

I turn to where Glore is standing. He nods at me. "I think you can handle yourself." I nod and he moves away.

Just as I am about to turn back to watch the boys though, Tyran reaches out a hand and grabs my leg, pulling me over. The fall knocks out my breath and in a clearly calculated movement, Tyran jumps up and sprints towards the door.

He isn't even halfway when gun shots echo around the gym and he whelps and falls over.

All eyes fall on him and angrily I get up and storm over to him. He is already getting up and brushing himself off. He glares at me. I glare back.

"I hate you." He says to me, and then directs the same comment to Glore who is holding the gun up, directed at the ceiling. "I hate you!"

Then he turns and screams at everyone in the room. "I hate all of you, you're all- all-" he stutters. "YOU'RE ALL BLACKS!"

I just shake my head. "No sh*t genius. We are all blacks. Learn to get used to it."

He just juts his chin and for a moment I think I see pain and sadness in his eyes, then it's gone, replaced by the hatred on his face.

"Maedana, I want to punch something, and unless you want it to be your face, I suggest you put us on precision practice." He snaps at me, and before I can retort back at him, he storms towards the dummies in the corner, waiting to be punched.

Calix frowns, but I shake my head and gesture for him to join Tyran. At that moment I didn't really want to talk to Calix. I was distracted by something.

The moment after Tyran stormed off, I felt something. A feeling I was almost used to by now. I had felt it in the hospital so many times, I barely even notice it.

But I noticed it then simply because no one was talking and I wasn't distracted.

A pulse of pain. Shimmering from my shoulder, but so fast it doesn't even take a millisecond.

I reach over to the back of my shoulder blade and feel the soft skin, sore after all the operating done on it in the hospital. It didn't feel strange at all. Slightly sore but not painful. Then just I am taking my hand away, my fingers skim over a tiny bump. Not even wider than the lead of a pencil. But I can feel it under my fingers. It feels no different from the rest of the skin, yet it's texture is smoother, like it is plastic. Frowning, I take my fingers away. It was probably just from surgery. Yeah, that would be it. A scar from surgery.

But the weirdest thing was, that small scar was where I imagined the pulse of pain coming from.

----

Training from there on goes without interruption, but when we are released, even I am tired. I couldn't imagine what it would be like for the actual people training. Calix catches up to me outside the training hall.

"So are we still going to go somewhere? We never got that white market visit." He asks. He tries to keep the exhaustion out of his voice and a skip in his step, but his arms droop and he holds himself as though he is about to fall over.

I shake my head. "You're about to collapse Calix. You need to rest. You go back to your room and sleep, and we can go for that trip another time."

He shakes his head. "I'm f-f-f," he yawns. "I'm fine."

I laugh. "Sorry Calix, but really, you need to sleep."

He nods, sighing. "Promise me that trip though?"

I nod and he takes this and smiles droopily. "Goodnight then Maedana."

He goes to bow to me, but fails and almost falls over.

"Night Calix Theon." I smile back as he regains his composure and turns off in the direction of his room.

As soon as he is gone, without meaning to, I drop the smile, turn and start walking towards my own dorm. I am almost there when some strange desire tells me not to, so instead I take a turn and find myself running down the concrete stairs and on the ground level of the black block, where there are chairs and desks, as well as a few activities dotted here and there, one being a huge cargo net hung over a pool of deep water. Blacks sit at the top of the net and shake it, laughing as others try to get up. Occasionally someone succeeds and gets to swap for a place at the top, another getting pushed into the water below.

"Black entertainment." I mutter, heading outside through the double doors.

The distorted sky above me is darkening, changing from musky pinks and oranges to darker blues and light purples. I stand there just staring at it for a moment, before shaking my head and walking off.

The concrete grounds of the complex are empty and barren, and the filtered air is cold and bites at my bare arms, making me wish I'd brought a jacket.

Walking along the path, gazing at the sky, I start thinking about Tyran's words.

I don't take pride in the fact that I lived when every other person I knew died.

No, but you take pride in the fact you're an F.

Did I? I didn't even know anymore.

Am I proud? Is the sky blue? Is the complex a sick manipulated place?

Yes. I may be proud, but not over the fact I am an F. I am proud over the fact that I am so different to the person that I used to be.

But even as I think some more, I start to doubt that. I still hated the complex, I just didn't defy it. I was still naïve and stubborn. I was as close to the person I was five years ago than I was the F.

What had changed?

A small voice whispered in the back of my head an answer.

You've fallen in love.

And the voice was true. Despite what I wanted to think, in the short time I had met Calix Theon, I had fallen in love with him.

The thought makes me smile, but it also makes me worried.

I had let him in, through the fake walls I have put around myself. If I let him in so easily, how strong was I?

My thoughts are interrupted by a girl I hadn't even seen until she ran into me and pushed me over.

"What the-"

"What are you doing here, what do you know, who are you?" the girl asks quickly. Her voice is high-pitched and threatening.

"Relax Therei. She's on our side." Comes Tala's voice from behind her. 'Theory' frowns and climbs off me.

I climb up and brush myself off, frowning, then I look over to Tala and Therei. Tala smiles faintly at me but the other girl just frowns and scans me as if checking to see whether I was trustworthy. She wears white, a floating shirt with long sleeves, bunched up around the waist and her wrists, and white tights. Her hair is shortly cropped and dyed black. I can tell it is died because her eyebrows are brown. She has a frown plastered on her pale face, and her eyebrows are knitted together in suspicion. She reminds me of someone eerily, but I can't put my in her on who.

"Hey Mae." Tala greets. She is wearing a lot simpler clothes, just the regulation black shirt, her arms covered by a jacket with the hood pulled up. Her pants are black cargo pants, the type with heaps of baggy pockets, and her own short hair, strung with little plaits, is tied up at the back of her head.

"Hi Tala. Am I allowed to ask why you are with a white who just tackled me?" I say, trying to take the venom out of my voice but failing.

She shrugs. "It's Silent stuff."

I nod. She clearly doesn't mean, 'It's quiet stuff' she means, 'It's stuff for the Silents', the name given to the CD.

"Who's she?" The girl, Therei, asks.

Tala smiles. "This is Maedana."

Therei raises an eyebrow. "Maedana? That's a weird name."

"So is Theory." I snap back. She glares at me, and I glare back.

"Therei, we need to get moving." Tala says, snapping Therei's attention away from me.

She nods. "Let's go then." They move away and I watch them walk. Tala glances back for a moment, smiles at me, then turns back to Therei.

I watch them go, slightly confused, then turn to head back to the black block. And once again, I feel it.

A pulse of pain, orientating from the spot on my shoulder. I reach over and push against the spot. It throbs slightly, then goes back to normal. Well, as normal as a circular tiny scar that pulses with pain every so often on your shoulder is.

I sigh and ignore it. It was nothing.

Turns out I couldn't be more wrong.