The next night Elle and I can't leave to go to the CD though because an unexpected change of plans forces us into having a rest night. A group of girls try to get out into the night and snatch some food from the kitchen, but the Matron found them and they got a box on the ears (whatever that meant: Elle's words, not mine). There was no doubt if it has been any other teacher, the girls would have found themselves in black clothes the day they turned 10 but the matron wasn't very strict when it came to punishment.

But even so, after a brief meeting in her room we agree not to head down tonight, despite me wanting to know whether Sorrel was okay. Elle teases me a little, saying I like like him, but I frown at her and tell her it would be impossible to like like him because I don't even know him. She keeps teasing though and finally I retreat back to my room where I fall into a sleep of sorts, although I am woken up less than an hour later.

I stand up and go to the bathroom then try to go back to sleep but fail and end up getting up and pulling out a book and a flashlight to read. It was one of the ones from the CD, an old one about some detective that has fly hair clips. The last one I borrowed from Elle, the hunger games, was good but a lot of it didn't make sense. I liked this one better because it was a whole lot easier to read and still pretty good. I am just up to a part where she is trapped in a villains lair when one of the other girls bedside light turns on and I hastily turn off the flashlight and close the book. But it's too late. She's seen the book.

"What's that?" She asks and I sigh in relief as I realise it was just Emma, not Drew. Emma was nice. She used to be my friend but then Drew made everyone hate me.

"It's nothing. Just.. my maths textbook. I was studying it." I reply hesitantly.

"If it's a maths textbook why did you shut it so quickly." Emma queries and I frown at her. She had that know it all look on her face, one eyebrow raised questioningly, but not accusingly.

"I- it's nothing Emma." I say, frowning. She nods and moves closer to me.

"Really? If it's nothing you'll let me see." She says and before I realise what she's doing she snatches the book out of my hands.

"Hey! Give it back." I exclaim quietly.

She frowns as she reads the title.

"What is it?" she asks and I sigh.

"It's a book."

Thankfully, she doesn't ask where I got it from, she just opens it and starts reading.

And keeps reading.

And keeps reading.

"Listen, Emma, can you please not tell anyone? These- this book is my life." I tell her after a few minutes. For a moment I worry she's going to question my slip up but instead she just nods.

"I have no plan to do so." She says, then just keeps reading. For a whole I tensely just wait by her but then I realise she isn't about to run outside and dob on me to the matron, so I lie back down and fall back to sleep.

About 2 hours layers I'm waken again, this time by Emma with a face of excitement.

"I finished." She whispers to me. I sit up and take the book he holds in her hand as she beams at me. "It has an epic ending."

I give her a frown. "Well don't tell me. I haven't read it yet."

She nods and blushes. "Oh, right." For a moment we both just sit there awkwardly, then, hesitantly, she asks, "do you have any others?" and a grin breaks across my face.

I slide out of bed and walk over to my closet. Hidden underneath the white shorts and shirts, I pull out two other books by the same person.

"Here. Have one of these. But next time, don't read it so quickly. Read a little each night after everyone's in bed, or the matron will notice."

She nods and grins. "Okay."

I grin back as she hides the book in her own clothes. Then we both pad back to bed and she turns her dim bedside lamp off, and gradually we both fall asleep.

And the room that had always seemed so daunting no longer seems daunting as I realise that I might have regained a friend.

-*-*-

Is it possible to still be drunk after 7 or 8 hours?

Well, it sure as hell seems like it because I am drunk. My head is heavy and I can't think straight. I keep getting random swings of anger and sadness.

Calix was a good shooter. The thought almost makes me laugh. I can't believe that Calix, the boy with the green eyes, was a good shooter.

Now I am thinking of him, and his green eyes and all I can think about is the CD. And this weird fear is filling me. Approximately 10 minutes ago I shot at the dome. I shot at it, and people stared. My original sense of, 'I am about to die,' has disappeared but that doesn't mean I feel safe. I know I'm going to pay.

I wander around outside the black block for a while, enveloped in my thoughts. Whispers are already starting to spread around me. The few blacks that had seen my stunt have clearly told friends. Who told friends. And now people are starting to stare.

Eventually, when I'm sick of just walking and thinking, I head inside and start walking back to the shooting range.

Halfway back though, I am intercepted by Glore, next to the training room.

"Maedana. I need to speak to you." He says. His voice if filled with anger and disappointment.

I frown and lay a hand on my rifle. "Well speak then."

"First let me ask you a question." He starts, clearly trying to keep the range out of his tone. I nod. "What do you think Aril Trey would do if she got her hands in someone who had committed act of rebellion in front of a large crowd of people?"

My heart sinks. She might not kill me but she wouldn't just let me off. Some remote part of my mind wonders about how quickly the gossip has spread, but I barely think about it. All I can think about is the way Glore stares at me, his face full of disappointment and annoyance.

"I- I don't-" I start to stutter but Glore shakes his head and I go silent.

"We all do things when we are drunk, F, and usually it's okay. But this is not okay."

My stomach fills with fear. "I know." I mutter, looking down at my shoes.

"I go to the cafeteria to get a drink and some black is going on about how he saw the F shoot at the dome while he was on patrol. What the heck is wrong with you Maedana?"

His eyes pierce into me, making me feel like dirt.

"I'm sorry." I mutter and cast a glance up at him.

He shakes his head. "Don't apologise to me. Apologise to Calix."

My eyes fill with confusion.

He sighs. "Maedana, I'm sorry but I can't let you be a trainer anymore."

I try searching for words but my mind suddenly isn't functioning right. Eventually I get the single word question, "What?" out of my mouth.

Glore shakes his head. "You're letting your heart get in front of your head. Rumours are going round that you and the kid kissed, and that emotional involvement is ruining his chances."

My chest fills with fear and my hear skips a beat. Yet again I struggle for words. This time however, Glore pushes on without waiting for a response.

"Calix Theon is behind in everything. He can't fight, he's weak, and can't deal with black training."

Finally I find my words. "He's not a complete waste of time. He can shoot."

Glore raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? How much help is that going to do him when he isn't the one with the gun. The kid is helpless."

I frown. "Give him a break. He recently had to go through torture."

Glore rolls his eyes. "Really? Well let me show you something."

He turns around and walks to the door to the gym, opens it and beckons for me to take a look. Hesitantly I walk towards him and peer through the door. Inside all the new - or not so new now - blacks are training. I see a girl with brown hair punching one of the practice dummies, her face a look of steel. I had last seen her before I was tortured, and I had thought she was about 13 or 14, but now she looks more around me or Reese's age. She looks tougher, and the struggle has gone from her face. I watch as she finishes punching the dummy and a trainer instructs her to do something, gesturing to the fight platform in which Tyran stands, talking to a girl who seems vaguely familiar but I can't make out her details because she is faced away from me.

Glore points to Tyran and tells me harshly, "That man is taking his black devotion tomorrow, has picked up a girlfriend, could probably take on you in a fight and is ten times the black bullet-boy is, yet he recently went through torture just like him."

Some remote part of my mind registers that he refers to Tyran as a man yet Calix as a boy. The rest of my head is struggling with two things; a) Tyran is taking his devotion tomorrow and b) he has a girlfriend.

Suddenly Tyran spots me and his face darkens. He mutters something to the girl beside him and she turns, making me realise exactly who his girlfriend was.

Reese.

I push past Glore and into the room. A few of the blacks look up but most of them just ignore me.

A singing feeling fills my stomach as I walk towards the pair. Reese looks sheepishly at me and I see her bite her lip.

As I get closer, she mutters, "Hey Maedana."

I glare at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"

She bites her lip and glances at Tyran. The two of them exchange a nod and she looks back at me.

"I was just leaving actually. I've got to get back to the cemetery. See you later."

With that, she runs off, and I am left staring at Tyran. His brown hair has grown out slightly from its usual crew cut but not by much. His gaze is as still harder than metal and his grey eyes seem dull and void of emotion, yet there is something in the way he looks at you that would entrance any girl.

Just not me.

I frown at him. "Glore told me you're taking the devotion tomorrow."

He nods. "Yeah, no thanks to you F."
The way he says F makes me feel like he's accusing me of being someone I'm not. Which is probably what he's doing.

I clench my teeth, but try not to let him get to me. "Always meant to be a black, huh abbie?"

From the way his face darkens I can tell he has already learnt the black insults.

"Something wrong with A's and B's, F?" He asks, trying to maintain his composure.

I frown, knowing he was searching for something to pinpoint on me. "No. Nothing wrong with A's or B's."

He frowns back, but his gaze is not on me it's behind me. I spin and find that Glore is right behind me.

"Maedana, we were in the middle of a discussion." He says, trying to keep his face straight.

My chest sinks and the dilemma with Reese is pushed to the back of my mind.

Glore pulls me over away from Tyran and I glance at Tyran as he watches us then quickly looks away.

"You think he could take me on in a fight? You think he is ready for devotion?" I ask. Glore nods, aggitated.

"Yes, I do."

I roll my eyes and push away from Glore again, walking back to Tyran.

"F..." Glore mutters in the tone that says, 'don't do something you'll regret' but I don't listen.

"Tyran. How good at fighting are you?" I ask. The question strikes him surprised and he goes to answer but just as he does I throw I weak punch. It hits him square in the chin and seems to knock some sense into him because when I throw another he stops it and forces it back on myself.

I nod, mildly impressed. "Nice work."

He nods back. "I'm not bad-"

I cut him off and kick him in the shin. He grimaces for a moment then aims one at my own, but lower, and it hits my foot. Sharp pain rises from my ankle but I ignore it and give him a few uppercuts into his chest.

This knocks the wind out of him for a moment but he still manages to block my next punch and push my fist back on me, twisting my wrist as he did so. I remember doing the exact same thing to him and I can almost hear the word 'karma' echo through my ears. I clench my teeth as he lets my hand go. I start massaging the sore wrist and think impressed that he is pretty good at fighting. In that moment though, I let my guard down and he leans out his foot and pushes me, tripping me over. My head spins and I fall, and suddenly Tyran is on top of me, smirking like an evil kid.

He moves his hand and leans it against my chest, pressuring against my ribs and making it hard to breathe. I look into his dull eyes and I suddenly see some emotion. Anger, confidence, pride. And for a moment, the feminine side takes a hold of me and I realise how attractive he is. But then it's gone and suddenly my mind comes up with a plan.

"Well done Newbie." I whisper, because he was still leaning on my chest and it was hard to get air. He grins.

"Thanks."

"Glore said you could beat me, you know." I tell him and he nods.

"And I did."

I roll my eyes. "Don't be so sure."

His dull eyes fill with yet another emotion. Confusion.

Then I knee him in the nuts.

He grunts in pain and releases me for a moment, just long enough for my to shift my weight and push him off and stand up.

Tyran grunts and pushes himself up. I look at him and he frowns and shakes his head. "Look, I get it. You're the F. Better than everyone."

I nod and turn back to Glore, but I can tell he is going to have another go at me. I'm not an idiot.

And of course I'm right.

I hear the rush of air behind me as he swings his fist and I dodge. Expecting to hit me, Tyran loses balance and almost falls over.

"Not everyone." I tell him as he's glaring at me. "Just better than you."

I turn back to Glore. He nods at me.

"Okay F. You proved your point. You're still better than him. But that doesn't shift my point of view. He is still better than Bullet Lover at everything."

A thought strikes my mind.

"If I can prove that statement wrong will you consider not reassigning me to a job?" I ask desperately. Glore looks behind me at Tyran for a moment. He knows I'm making hopeless pleads, but he seems to be considering it for a moment.

"Come on, Glore. I'm one of your best trainers. Don't make such a rash decision."

Glore seems to take this in and his face changes. "Okay Mae. You've made a few mistakes but you're right. I'll let you continue training if you can show me Calix can beat Tyran at something and you aren't completely hopeless."

I beam. "Great. You get Tyran. I have the perfect thing."

And hopefully Calix is going to ace it.

-*-*-

It doesn't look like Calix has left the room at all in the half hour or so I've been gone. He has about four guns beside him that he's clearly used and he's currently using a large rifle that I personally know has a kick harder than any other.

When I come in, he stops shooting and smiles at me. I smile back, despite my heart beating inside me. He didn't know yet that how he good he shot determined whether I was to keep training him.

"Hey Calix." I say as the door closes behind me. Glore and Tyran were going to be a few minutes behind me as Glore was briefing Tyran about what was going on.

"How have you been doing?" I ask and he shrugs.

"Fine. Are you okay? You stormed out pretty quickly." He asks this with a genuine concern. I shake my head.

"It was just the alcohol from last night." I reply. Technically, I wasn't lying, I just wasn't telling him everything that happened. "Look, Calix. Right behind me are Glore and Tyran. They're coming to see whether you're any good at shooting, so try better than your best."

Calix takes this in and nods. He looks mildly terrified. "Okay."

I hesitate, then say to him, "I need to prove something to Glore so be the best you can." I add in my head, or at least better than Tyran.

Calix nods again. "Alright. I can do that."

I sigh. "What gun are you best with?"

He frowns, considering the collection beside him then picks up the one that he started out using.

I smile softly. "Okay. Use that one then. And Calix-" I pause, hesitating for a moment but then I hear the door open behind me and forget it.

My head pounds as I turn to see Glore and Tyran walk in.

"F." Glore greets.

"Glore." I reply, keeping my voice straight despite my nerves. Tyran just glares at me.

"Come on Maedana. Tyran, you select your gun and go first." Glore instructs and heads into the viewing room.

Tyran nods and looks at me. For a fleeting moment I think he is going to ask me something but then he turns and picks up a gun and I follow Glore into the room.

As I walk in, Glore gestures to close the door so I do so and take a seat by the glass just as Tyran is getting ready to shoot.

And strangely just at that moment I fully take notice of how he looks. Training has toughened him up. The first time I saw him he was trying to hard his fresh scars, but now he you can clearly see the whip marks stretching up his neck. He wears a short sleeved shirt revealing thin, tanned arms, the type that make you wonder whether he actually lived in the complex, a place of generally-pasty people. Just below his sleeve I see the bottom of his black mark and I make out the bottom of a D. Not only is he wearing a looser wardrobe but he stands straighter and he loads the gun as though he has been doing it since he was little.

But then he lifts it and shoots and the cracks creep in.

His aim is sloppy and his feet aren't positioned right. The gun is too low an he holds it too far out, like it's poison he doesn't want to touch. His shot goes wide, and the image on one of the screens displays that it only hit white around the outside.

I glance at Glore to see his jaw his clenched, and hide a grin as I look back at the window. Tyran says something to Calix who nods and takes up place where Tyran was, loading the gun.

I watch the was his fingers fiddle with it a few times then rest on the gun and lift it. He shoots nothing like Tyran. He's slow and steady, and he aims with precision, then pulls the trigger. His feet are even and he absorbs the kick like an expert.

For a moment after he shoots I am scared to look at his shot, so I just remain staring at him, the way he slowly lowers the gun and let's out a puff of breath. Then Glore mutters something behind me so I turn and look at the screen. This time when I see the dot in the centre I'm not filled with shock, I'm filled with relief and a mild sense of pride.

I turn to Glore and he nods at me. "Well done F. You're still a trainer. But do me a favour and keep it that way. Don't risk drinking or conspiring against Aril."

I nod and try not to beam. Glore sighs. "Alright. I'm going to go run Tyran down on how to shoot a gun without failing miserably. You and Calix still have half a day left of special training, so go get lunch and then pay it off."

I can see from the look in his face he doesn't mean, 'go train' and I remember that market visit Calix wanted to have and smile.

"Thanks Glore. I'll see you tomorrow morning then?"

Glore nods. "Yes. And don't expect me to let you off the hook again if you drink too much tonight."

I nod. "I promise you, I won't."

And with a grin I head out to tell Calix, momentarily forgetting that I ever defied the complex in the first place.

But that is never going last.