"The nurses told me I get to leave tomorrow." Elle tells me on my daily visit to the hospital, one week after.

"Really? Already? Damn, I was enjoying not having you around." I tell her. She punches me lightly on the shoulder and I grin. "Just kidding."

"Well I'm not." She says, sitting up in bed and frowning at me. "I'm seriously worried."

"What about, the people who don't want you at the CD?" I ask curiously, trying to lighten her tone. She shakes her head.

"No, I'm worried about the people who do want me there. Mae, we skipped an experiment. That's gonna come with some serious costs. I mean, they've been planning this for months, years even, and then we just back out. They're going to kill us."

My eyes must widen at that last part because she sighs. "Not literally Mae. It's an expression."

I nod and my cheeks burn. "Right. I knew that."

She sighs. Her light blonde hair falls over her almost-grey eyes and she blows it away softly. She looks worried, yet she still looks confident, calm and collected.

"I don't know. I'm scared."

I smile. "Well, considering we are nine year olds involved in the beginning of a rebellion and that is the first time you've ever said that in front of me, I find that pretty impressive."

I expect her to laugh, or at least smile but instead she just purses her lips, her eyes faraway and scared.

"Do you really think they're starting a rebellion?" She asks. I sigh.

"Electra, of course they're starting a rebellion. It's the complex defiance. They've been starting a rebellion since they were made."

I feel as though the roles have been reversed. It was usually me asking the questions and her giving the sarcastic answers, but this time she is the one that is being scared.

Elle shakes her head. "I know, but what if it's for real this time?"

There is silence for a moment as I think about it. Was it for real? I didn't think so. Was there really a rebellion starting? Wouldn't we know? The more I think about it, the more nervous I get.

"We wouldn't know." I say, half thinking aloud and half meaning what I say. "But one things for sure. They can't just start a rebellion. First, they need a reason. Something that shows they might have a chance at winning."

She grins. "Like the Mockingjay?"

I smile and laugh. "Yeah, like the Mockingjay."

"I guess you're right." Electra sighs, suddenly losing the grin. "We'll just have to wait and see."

~~~

Wait and see we do. For another month. Once Elle is out of hospital, we visit the CD almost every night - excluding Sundays, that was when we actually got to sleep - and not much at all happened. I find that despite the military vibe you get when you first enter the defiance, once you're past training it's pretty slack. We get told off for backing out of the experiment, but the buzz dies down once we get news back that it did not succeed and most of the people in it were killed, or if not, made into blacks.

This news puts a dampen on the mood for a small while, but it passes fairly quickly. Elle and I don't do anything but read, watch movies and play video games. The north wing has a pretty good collection of all three. When we aren't in the REC room, we are in the cafeteria. Either eating or having small shots of 'coffee' (you learn to get past the taste, if you don't you are tired the day after and look suspicious).

Call us a nuisance, but we don't do anything but stay under people's toes. It may seem pretty boring, but for us, it's an amazing night life.

That is until a month after. We are in the middle of watching and old kids movie called 'Flushed off' or something like that, when suddenly the TV screen goes black, the power cut off. Then there is a crackling sound that I have eventually recognized as the loud speakers as they boot up.

A sharp voice in a rough tone comes across through the crackle.

"All members report to the auditorium. I repeat, all members to the auditorium. Compulsory meeting. All members to the auditorium."

The message replays, and Elle and I exchange a look. The other people in the room get up and start heading towards the door, all wearing the same confused look on their faces. Electra turns her head and watches them for a moment, then turns back to the TV and tries to turn it on.

It remains black.

Another nervous look. Elle starts twiddling her fingers. "What do you think it's about?" she says quietly.

I shake my head. Whether it means 'I don't know' or 'I don't want to know' I'm not sure, but we stand and start moving with the small crowd none the less.

~~~

The auditorium is a large concrete hall that probably took a long time to evacuate. It was also probably really hard to build because of how tall it is. It must me pretty close to the surface. Then again, I didn't really know how far below ground the CD was. I always assumed it was really close to the surface, but come to think of it, the stairs leading down to the CD were always really long, so I could have underestimated. Now, sitting on this concrete bench, looking at the tall hanging roof, I fully wonder about how far down I really was, and how hard it must have been to build a full on secret headquarters below the complex.

Suddenly the room goes silent and Elle tugs on my shoulder. I look down from the tall ceiling and up at the platform at the head of the room.

I almost gasp, but stop myself. For who is up on the stage is none other than Sorrel, the boy who first tricked me into coming to the defiance. But that isn't what shocks me most. What shocks me most is the fact that his wrists are tied to a pole and his face is filled with pain. What shocks me most is the way he stands, hunched over as though he carries the weight of the world. What shocks me most is the way he is twisted with his back to the crowd. What shocks me most is his back. What shocks me most are the people around us, shouting threats and the word 'traitor'. What shocks me most is the man who stands beside him, a whip in his hand.

What shocks me most is the gashes on his back.

What shocks me most is the fact that the gashes are fresh.

What shocks me most is the man dropping the whip over his back, over and over.

What shocks me most was this:

The boy who had first told me about the defiance was being whipped. He was being punished. He was a traitor.

-*-*-

The truth gas is still around. That is the first thing I find out when we reach the doors into the CD. Even a different entrance - one not from the cemetery but near the black block - the truth gas is still there. It is slightly green and snakes it's way into the entrance area. Calix falls down beside me, but both Tala and I are still conscious. We ran into Tala just as we were about to go down through the secret entrance, and she had clearly come straight from work as she wears a black apron and smells like washing powder. It's weird not to see her in a black bulletproof vest like in training, but it's not as though I can do anything about it.

"So Maedana. You've been down here before?" She asks me as we wait outside the door.

"Yeah. Shouldn't we, like, knock or something?" I ask, and she shakes her head.

"No, there's an automatic censor machine. Any second people are going to be here." She replies.

I frown. "Why aren't you or I passing out from the gas?"

She shrugs. "If you inhale it then it knock you unconscious for about twenty minutes, then you awaken and blurt out everything on your mind, and eventually your system learns to fight the virus. Did you ever learn about viruses in science?" After I shake my head, she continues, "Well, when you're born you're given a whole heap of cells that fight off viruses, each cell for each virus. But, these warrior things aren't, well, unlocked, yeah, lets call it that, there warrior things aren't unlocked until the actual virus that they're matched with enters the body. So then the sorting cells, or whatever 'em are, they go in a mad panic searching for the right warrior to defeat the virus. Then that warrior does and the day is saved. Later, if the virus enters the body again, the warrior knows it's for that virus and fights it again. Get what I mean?"

I really didn't but I nodded anyways.

"So anyways, that's basically one thing that I payed attention to when they were lecturing us in ace training."

My jaw drops. "You're a CD ace? I used to look up to the aces as a kid. They helped me and my friend-" I cut myself off, realising what I was about to say and stopping myself. If I said it aloud, it would just make it more real.

She nods. "Yeah, I'm an ace. And it's really hard work. In a way, I'm kind of glad I was given a new job. The training was really hard sometimes, on the days where I was really tired I would almost die. Not literally, but almost." She laughs slightly, but I can hear her voice is filled with pain. "But none the less, I made it through. And cleaning clothes is not nearly as hard as you might think."

I smile lightly. I was trying to hold a steady conversation but to be honest, all I could think about was Calix lying unconscious. I knew he would be fine. But would I? Sometimes Calix Theon seemed a little bit too kind. Too truthful. Too perfect. I was scared to know whether he had secrets. And if he did, what were they?

I must be pretty bad at concealing my thoughts, because Tala takes one look at my face and sighs.

"Maedana, calm down. Bullet boy will be fine." She says and I bite my lip.

"I know that." I mutter. "But will I?"

It is supposed to be silent, but it's clearly loud enough for Tala to hear because she sighs at me yet again and gives me a withering look.

She would have said more if it weren't for the door finally opening and people interrupting us. A group tend to Calix, placing him on a stretcher to take him who knows where. A lady with grey hair looks over this for a moment, then turns to Tala and I. She and Tala exchange greeting nods, and then she turns to me.

"Maedana. How are you?" She asks. I do not recognize her, but she speaks as though she's known me her whole life.

"How do you know who I am?" I ask. I can hear the suspicion in my own voice.

She laughs softly, but it isn't mockingly. "Maedana, everyone knows who you are. You're the F."

The F. The one who survived.

Freedom. Failure.

She did not need to say anything more than a letter for me to start thinking.

Why was I here? I didn't believe in freedom. How had I let Calix talk me into this?

"So Maedana, you have any secrets?" She asks. I frown.

"Yes."

She raises an eyebrow. "Do we need to know them?"

I shrug. "Not unless you care about the inside life of Maedana and her peers. You wanna hear me rambling about a drunk Glore who almost raped me then go ahead."

Tala laughs slightly, but the woman just looks at me curiously. I level her gaze.

We hold this staring contest for a few moments, before she finally nods and holds out her hand.

"I'm Faller Cliss. Head of introduction and supervising the Aces, such as Tala."

An ace was a member of the CD who was so devoted to helping the silents, they were given the 'privilege' of training for 4 months and becoming a defiance 'soldier' of a sort. They went on missions and were more than often spies. I honestly had not much of a clue about what they did but I knew they were important.

I shake her hand. "Nice to meet you Faller. You clearly know who I am, so I doubt I need to elaborate."

She nods. "No, you don't."

At that moment, a small woman walks behind her and taps her on the shoulder. She has a skittish look on her face and whispers what she says, looking at me with a mixed expression that looks scared but at the same time in awe.

Faller nods at the woman and whispers quietly, "thank you, we will be right there."

I give her a confused look. She smiles. "Your friend is about to wake up. I need to be there, but you don't. Tala can show you around if you want."

I could easily agree and wander around an underground building while Calix spills all his secrets. That would be the easy option. But it was also the weak option, and despite how much I don't want to know who he really was, I definitely want to know exactly who he was.

I know that makes no sense, but it I true. So I shake my head and sigh.

"No, I need to be there."

She nods in understanding. "Okay. Come this way then. Tala, are you following?"

"Yeah." Tala replies and Faller turns and starts walking, me and Tala following close behind.

I smile at Tala gratefully. She just nods back at me and whispers, "I wouldn't let you do this alone. I know what it's like to know a secret you don't want to."

The way she says that makes me more nervous, but also curious. What had she meant?

I don't ask though because I have a feeling she doesn't want to tell me. Instead we just follow Faller through the concrete halls. I try to remember the turns, but there are so many I soon forget. Instead, I just think.

We reach a door labelled 'observers room' and Faller scans a card. There is a lock click and the door swings open, but slowly, like gliding.

Faller turns and gestures for us to go in first, so in we go.

My brain struggles to take in the dark room. Lights blinking everywhere, people on screens and others in white coats standing by the walls that aren't really walls. The room is hexagonal, and five of the walls aren't actually walls.

Instead, they are panels of tinted glass that looks out onto brightly lit concrete rooms, each with a chair, all empty except for one. One chair holds a boy. An unconscious boy with dusty blonde hair that falls over his closed eyes. A boy who was about to spill all his secrets. A boy who kissed me.

A boy who was named Calix.

I stare at him for a minute as he starts to stir. Then, eventually, his eyelids flutter open to reveal the bright green eyes that show so much. Right now they just hold truth.

When I was being tested, Electra had been in the room with me. This time it is a man who probably doesn't even know Calix.

For a moment Calix is disorientated, then he starts talking.

He talks as though it is all he can do. He rambles, and answers questions from the man, mainly just 'do you hate the complex?' or 'why do you hate the complex?' and variations of these questions. But then it gets up to a question that makes my heart beat faster.

The man looks at the clipboard in his hand and nods then, with a vaguely interested look asks,

"Who do you care about that the complex could use against you?"

Calix does not think, he doesn't even pause. Yet the name that leaves his lips is not one I recognize.

"Elyria."

Faces all around the room frown. The man remains unfazed. "And is there any other people that you care about?"

Calix seems to sigh and close his eyes. There is silence for a moment, then he nods.

"Yes, there is, and I think we all know her."

My heart beats faster and Tala grabs my hand reassuringly.

"And who might that be?"

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, I think to myself, but he says it anyway.

"Maedana." His voice is like a sigh, as though he does not want to say it but has too, which I guess he does.

All eyes turn to me, but I keep my face expressionless. I would not let them see the joy, and fear, that I was feeling. My stomach was fluttering, but my brain was thinking, no no no no.

How was this possible?

How could he like me?

How had I let him like me?

How had I let myself like him?

And then all of my thoughts turn to the girl he mentioned. Elyria. Who was she? Did he already have a girlfriend.

If so, he was a cheater. A jerk. An asshole.

He had kissed me. Or had I kissed him? I didn't know, but either way it was wrong. Calix had a girlfriend and we had kissed.

The eyes remain on me. Their stares are burning, as though accusing me of something. As if I was doing something wrong. Or maybe that was my imagination. I. Didn't. Know.

But it was wrong, and I hated it, so instead of facing those eyes, those confused faces, I turn and leave.

I hear Tala follow me out, but I don't acknowledge her. I don't acknowledge anyone. All I acknowledge is the tears on my face and the burning in my heart.

It's just heart burn, I tell myself, as though it's a good thing, as though I'm right. But I know I'm not. It was no medical condition, other than love.

He had kissed me.

Jerk.