It feels like I've barely been asleep for a few minutes when I wake up. My head is pounding and my whole body aches. Especially my hand. I pull myself out of bed and examine the injury.

Overnight it has gotten worse. Ribbons of blue, purple and brown stretch over the back of my hand and my wrist. It seems to have swollen to twice its regular size, and when I compare it to my left hand, the bones definitely don't look at the same.

I walk to my chest of drawers and dig around for a pair of stretchy long socks using my good hand hand. When I find them, I unfurl them and put the end of one in my mouth. Shoving my disgust away, I start wrapping it with my good hand firmly around my wrist. I had hurt my ankle before and done this, so I couldn't be too wrong in my medical ways.

When I'm finished wrapping, I tuck the end of the sock under itself and try ignore the lingering taste of foot from my mouth.

I put the odd sock back in the drawer and get dressed carefully, avoiding moving my hurt hand. I can move my arm a bit now it's secure but I still don't want to hurt it any more.

When I am dressed, I take a quick look at my schedule then head to breakfast. I am starving. I forgot to have dinner last night so the last meal I had was breakfast yesterday at the hospital.

When I reach the cafeteria, the familiar sound of chatter reaches my ears. Usually I would dread talking to anyone but today things are different. Despite my sore hand and hangover, I'm in a good mood. I walk in and go straight up to get food. As I'm standing in the queue, Tala comes up behind me.

"Hey Mae." She greets with a grin. I smile back.

"Hey Tala. How are you?" I ask.

"A lot better then I was this time yesterday, that's for sure." She says, throwing me what I take as a thankful smile.

I nod. "Did you talk to Therei?"

A sheepish grin rises to her face. "We did some talking, yeah." She quickly changes the conversation topic, making me feel that taking wasn't all that they did. "What about you? How was your night?"

I smile. "It was actually really good, which is weird because at the time it felt pretty average. I had sewerage patrol with Tyran and you know how pleasant sewerage patrol is, but it wasn't actually that bad."

She grins. "Yeah? What made it so good?"

I frown, trying to put my feelings into words. "I guess I don't quite understand it. Really, it should have been pretty bad. Tyran and I practically hate each other and I hurt my wrist. Yet.. It felt like such a good night because on the most part, it left me feeling happy."

She nods. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Happiness deserves to be acknowledged just as it is. You shouldn't need a reason to be happy."

We reach the front of the line and I collect my sloppy, dull breakfast. Tala and I wordlessly find an empty table and sit down. I don't hesitate to dig into the food and soon enough I'm finished. Tala looks lost in thought, smiling as she eats hers.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask and she looks surprised, then her cheeks flush red.

"Nothing." She says, too quickly. She takes another bite of her food looking sheepish now. I watch her and she avoids my gaze for a moment, then almost as if she is annoyed at herself she shakes her head. "You know what, I wasn't thinking about nothing. I was thinking about my girlfriend, Therei."

For a moment, I don't think I hear her right then I see the pride on her face and I grin. I would be surprised, but after yesterday's conversation, I can tell how much Tala cares about Therei and I'd be more shocked if they weren't any more than friends.

"Yeah? I'm guessing you made up then." I say casually. Tala almost looks relieved. Maybe she was glad I didn't make a big deal about it. I would get annoyed if I got attention just because of my sexuality. Then again, Tala loves attention so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Tala is just glad I'm not one of those people. The people that discriminate.

The complex got rid of lots of problems when it was created, including many forms of discrimination. We learnt about it in school, how there was history of violence because of diversity. When we'd learnt about it, I think shortly before I was going to take my devotion, all I'd been able to think about was how many more problems the complex had created rather than fixed.

Even so, the pictures of riots for equality back in the old time had been ingrained in my mind. In the nursery we were brainwashed to believe the worst about the past and the best about the present.

Except it didn't quite work on me. I'd come across the defiance and they'd shown me more. Like the happiness when same sex marriage was legalized in America, and some incredible trends on social media about different cultures and people. The stuff I learnt about in the nursery was bad but it wasn't all that happened. The complex just wanted you to think that so they could appear more like the paradise they wanted to be.

They were wrong about two things, one being the way they believe brainwashing kids is morally alright, and two being the fact they abolished discrimination with the dome.

Equality is a concept that doesn't quite make sense when people are deemed unstable. Many people still believe that not being straight makes you unstable, so you can hardly say discrimination is abolished completely. It still exists. In some ways, I feel sorry for Tala.

Then again, blacks are looked down upon anyway so it mightn't make so much of a difference. Tala is a lot happier around Therei, so maybe I'm taking it the wrong way. Perhaps them dating is more good than bad.

Tala is grinning at me. "I'm just so happy, Maedana. I really, really like her."

I nod. "I know, Tala. I can tell."

Seeing her so happy about the person she likes suddenly makes me feel really heavy, and all I want to do is cry. There is a few moments of silence and then she sighs softly. "Sorry, I didn't want to make you feel awkward."

I shake my head, "No, its fine. You just made me think about.." I trail off, picturing Reese and Calix in my head. Tala places a hand on mine and gives me a sympathetic look, knowing who I mean. I bite my lip, fighting the urge to cry. A tear slips down my cheek anyway.

"I'm sorry." I say quickly. "It's just really hard, having them both gone, and just continuing on like it doesn't matter." I wipe my eyes and shake my head. "Sorry Tala, I know you don't need me upsetting you when you're so happy. I don't even understand why I'm so sad. It just comes.. in waves, you know?"

She nods. "Don't apologize, Mae, I understand. Dealing with death can be tough."

I sigh. "The thing is, I have dealt with death before. I mean, I have been a black for so many years and I have seen it so many times. It shouldn't affect me this much."

Tala gives me a soft smile. "But it should, Maedana. Those were all people you didn't know, and Reese and Calix were your closest friends. I would be worried if it didn't affect you this much. However," she pauses for a moment and looks me in the eyes before continuing, "it won't last forever, Maedana. The pain that you are feeling right now can't consume you. Grief has it's hold on you but it won't forever. Alright?"

I nod and wipe my eyes again, smiling at her softly. She smiles back.

Although I'm aching inside, I believe her and for a moment, I feel lifted. I know it is going to be a good day.

~~~

Elyria hugs me.

The moment she sees me, she runs up to me and hugs me and I'm reminded how young she is. Too young to be a black.

"I missed you Maedana." She whispers and I nod, overcoming my shock and hugging her back.

"I missed you too." I say with sincerity. I did miss her. Elyria lifted my spirits, and I had wanted that in the hospital.

After a moment, we pull away and she is grinning at me. "Now can you train me?"

I smile a bit and nod. Tyran is standing a few metres away, watching us, and for a moment our gaze meets and I feel somewhat nervous. I hide it and grin at Elyria.

"Okay, let's get you on sprint. I want to work on that first." I say and she nods but looks at me with an expression that is a mixture of curious and suspicious.

"Why?" She asks. I glance at Tyran for a moment and he raises his eyebrow. I look back at Elyria and give her a little shrug.

"No reason." I lie.

She stares at me for another moment then nods again, as if she approves of my answer. "Okay. Let's run."

~~~

There is no athletic track to run on in the complex, but there is dirt. Lots of dirt, especially near the black block and factories. I'm sure that the dirt was once grassy lawns but green is a colour and colours make you unstable. Brown has less of an affect on your mind. The grass probably died when the dome was put up, decades ago, so this dirt has been around for a while yet somehow managed to stay away from the pristine white everywhere else in the complex. I have no idea how.

Elyria runs on it. Tyran was right. She is not a good sprinter. I could probably keep up with her if I was only jogging.

I get her to do a sprint, then correct her on what she did wrong as she catches her breath. Tyran watches me as I train her, and I teach him how to train as well.

Sometimes, I demonstrate what Elyria is doing wrong and how to fix it by doing a sprint as well. By lunch, Tyran is starting to get the hang of sprint training and Elyria is down to half her original speed.  

Tyran and Elyria are both hungry so they go in to the cafeteria, but I hang back. I don't feel hungry.

Besides, it isn't like lunch in the black black is that great. It's just leftovers from breakfast or last nights dinner. The kitchen staff don't put any effort in. They don't even reheat it. Just put it out in trays with ladles and plates and you have to serve it yourself. No more than one scoop though. With white guards watching, no one dares to go over their portion size. If the guards are in a bad mood, even too big of a scoop can get you a mark on your tally.

I don't like that kind of pressure.

So I stay outside and watch them go. When I'm alone, I sit down in the dirt and draw things with my finger while I think. I'm so engrossed in thought I don't notice Tyran returning until he sits down beside me and starts trailing his hand through the dirt as well.

I write hi with my finger and he writes hi messily below it. Then we go back to drawing and sit in silence for a minute. I watch him out of the corner of my eye and I can see he is thinking.

I almost don't want to disturb the peace but at the same time I want to talk to him. Thankfully, he speaks first.

"How's your wrist?" He asks, looking at the sock on my hand. His scrutinising look makes me feel embarrassed at my lame attempt at first aid.

"It's okay." I reply and then think better of it and say, "Well, not really. But it'll be okay."

I've already lied to him about my wrist once. I don't need to again.

He makes a 'hmph' sound and shakes his head. "You should have taken it to the hospital, Maedana. It could be broken."

I go back to drawing in the dirt and he lets out an exasperated sigh. I frown. "It's not like you even care, Tyran."

He rolls his eyes, annoyed. "I do care, Mae. I care a hell of a lot more than I should for a girl that keeps shoving me away."

I stop drawing and stare at him. He rolls his eyes again. "Not like that, Mae. You're my teacher and Elyria's trainer. It matters to me if you can't carry out your duty."

A lump forms in my throat for a reason that escapes me and I swallow it back and blink, biting my lip for a moment before I speak. "Why are you even here, Tyran?" I ask in a tired tone. "I thought you were getting lunch with Elyria."

He stares at me for a long moment then shakes his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Neither." I mutter and go back to drawing. We spend the rest of the lunch break sitting in the dirt with the sun shining down on us through the glass as we draw with each other.

It doesn't make much sense, but it's peaceful and I discover that Tyran is actually nice to be around when he isn't insulting me.

Fifteen minutes later, Elyria comes back from lunch and we get back to training. I only get her to do a few final sprints before bringing both Tyran and Elyria inside to the gym and putting her on some inside exercises to do with running.

The rest of the day flies by and before I know it, I've said farewell to Elyria and Tyran and gone back to my room.

I stop outside my door for a moment, an uneasy feeling settling in my stomach for a reason that escapes me. I uneasily step into my room. Everything is as I left it. I shake off the uneasiness and get changed into a set of clean clothes and adjust the sock on my wrist.

It feels a lot better than it did this morning, so I must have been somehow on the right track with my makeshift bandage. I glance at Reese's bed for a moment, then leave the room again and head to the cafeteria. I didn't have lunch and I was hungry.

Tonight, there doesn't seem to be any major drama on the Cafeteria. No one died and there was only one white arrested so the notice board is pretty much empty.

It seems that today the food delivery was brought in, so when I collect my tray, the portions are large and even look edible.

I find an empty table near the door and start eating, savouring the half-decent meal.

I haven't been eating for very long when Tyran sits at my table. He doesn't ask my permission with a polite 'is this seat taken?' he just sits and I stare at him.

He ignores me and begins to shovel his food into his mouth like it's the last meal he will ever have. I realise he must also be hungry as he didn't have lunch.

I go back to eating and neither of us acknowledge each other's presence until I finish. Tyran has also finished all his food and is staring off into space.

I clear my throat and finally he looks at me as I stand up. "Do you want me to take your tray up?" I ask politely. He shakes his head quickly.

"Oh, no it's fine." He says, standing up and picking up his tray.

We walk up to the washing up table together and place our trays and plates down, before both heading to the door at the same time.

I am going to go straight back to my room and do some bookwork for a bit until Tyran clears his throat behind me. "Maedana."

I turn to see he has an uncertain look on his face. He waits for a moment, making eye contact with me, before speaking.

"Come to the CD with me." He sounds confused at himself, but also like he really wants me I say yes. Maybe I'm imagining it. The defiance probably just asked him to recruit me.

I hesitate at this thought. "Did someone put you up to this? Be honest." I ask him.

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "No, no. I just wanted to go with you."

I am surprised by his answer but not unpleasantly. Before I think twice about it, I agree.

Tyran grins and grabs my hand, pulling me out of the cafeteria. When we reach the stairs he seems to realise that we have made skin contact and what that entitles. He drops my hand instantly, probably realising we are supposed to hate each other.

I suddenly realise that myself and start second guessing myself. Why was I going to the CD just because Tyran told me to? It's not like the last time I visited the defiance ended well.

I almost want to just slip away. Tyran won't mind, will he?

At the top of the stairs, I almost stop.

But I don't.

I walk with Tyran down to the CD.

Down to the underground.