Aril doesn't come back during my hospital stay. I spend most of my time sleeping, and the rest of it thinking.

The doctors and nurses come and go. It feels like I'm in there for months, but when I get checked out, the sheet says it's only been a week and a half.

The scene is all too familiar to me. Doctors giving me halfhearted farewells, white receptionists relieved to get another black off their hands and walking back from the hospital to the black block, people staring at me on the way. It has all happened before.

It's different when I get back. I step into my room to face reality. Reese's side has been totally cleared out. The sheets have been stripped from her bed, the bedside table is empty of all her possessions and her drawers have been pulled from her cupboard and are lying around the floor, empty.

I force down the lump in my throat and look at the clock by our door. It's only just past two. I check my schedule to find at six o'clock I'm scheduled for a sewerage check. What a good idea, sending the girl fresh out of hospital down to the sewers. At least it's a partner job. I won't be alone.

For the rest of the day I will be though.

I sit down on my bed and close my eyes, thinking. I'm sick of thinking. I'm sick of mourning. I'm sick of feeling sick every time I think of Reese or Calix. But there isn't a way I can change. I can't just forget them. They deserve remembrance. They deserve mourning. I won't just move on.

But don't I deserve to move on?

I sigh and stand up again, wondering what to do. I could go train Elyria. The only problem is that Tyran would be there and I really don't want to talk to him. The last time I did, I was confirming that his ex-girlfriend had committed suicide.

I decide to just wander for a while around the complex. But when I get to the stairs leading away from the girls dormitories, I find myself going up instead of down, to the black bar on the top level.

I don't realise it until I reach the stairs, but I could seriously use a drink.

The halls are empty and I expect there to be no one at the bar, but to my surprise, there is. Sitting on various tables and benches are six people. I recognise Tala, leaning over an almost untouched drink and staring at a wall. She looks like she hasn't slept in days, with dirty hair and bags under her eyes. I try and ignore her and walk to the bar where a man who seems to be in his late twenties stands, looking bored. I've never understood the bar here. How does it keep running, despite the fact it isn't allowed. I haven't been here very many times but I do know that the white guards are fully aware of what is going on in 'storage room three.' I also wonder how they get their liquor, and how there is always one of the bartenders there. It's a mystery, but no one questions it.

As long as there is alcohol, everyone seems to turn a blind eye to details.

"What can I get you?" The man behind the bar asks me when I sit down on one of the stools. I don't know many drinks, so I rack my brains for something I remember. In the end I decide to just ask.

"What do you recommend?"

The man thinks for a moment, then smiles. "Because you're young, I'd suggest just a light drink. Usually kids your age go more for the ones that will make them the drunkest, but I have a feeling you're a little different, aren't you F?"

I give a halfhearted shrug. "I guess."

He pulls a plastic cup from under the bar along with a black bottle. He pours a small bit into the cup and hands it to me. It smells sweet and I barely hesitate when I tip it down my throat. The bartender scowls.

"No, no. You have to relish this. It's the nice stuff." He pours another little bit into my cup. "Sip it slowly this time."

I do as he says, and instead of just tasting alcohol, it's sweet and refreshing. My eyes widen and I relish the drink, before I swallow it and place my cup back on the bench. "Can I have more?" I ask and the man laughs.

"Not just yet. You have to pay." He says, grinning. I shake my head, confused.

"But black's don't get any money." I tell him.

"Oh, I don't want any money F." He laughs.

I shake my head, feeling angry. "If you want to sleep with me, you can fuck off."

His face scrunches up in disgust. "I'm not that kind of person." He shakes his head. "I'm not a pedophile."

I wipe the anger away, feeling embarrassed that I even thought of it that way. The man grins again. "I prefer to be paid with stories." He says and looks at Tala. "Like that girl. She's been here all day but hasn't touched her drink. In fact, she's been coming a lot lately, usually in the afternoons and nights. I want to know what happened, but she won't speak. I'll give you a drink if you find out what's going on."

I shake my head. "I already know what's going on." I tell him and he raises his eyebrows.

"Do you? Alright then. Find out her white name or something." He says and this time its my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"That's hardly a story." I say and he laughs.

"Oh, just do it." He replies, grinning. I smile and walk to Tala. She looks up at me as I approach but doesn't say anything. She looks back at the wall. I follow her gaze, but there is nothing interesting there, just grey paint.

"Hey." I say, uncertainly. "How are you?"

She mumbles something in response. I pretend to understand what she said and nod. After a moment, she looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears.

"Did you hear me?" She asks, her voice clearer and slightly hostile. I shake my head nervously. She rolls her eyes. "I said that I don't want to speak to you, Maedana, so leave me alone."

She stares at me then back at the wall. I shake my head.

"No. I want to know what's wrong." I state, and sit down on the stool beside her.

She glares at me. "I don't want to talk. Just go away."

I stay were I am, lips pursed. Eventually she sighs in exasperation.

"Fine, you want to know what's wrong? My best friend rejected me. That's what's wrong." She hisses.

I frown. "What do you mean?"

She looks at me and her face seems to lose it's harshness. "I didn't mean for it to happen." She whispers, making me feel confused.

"You didn't mean for what to happen?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"Reese dying. I didn't mean for her to die." Tala starts to cry. I place a hand on her leg to calm her down.

"Shhhh.. You're alright. What happened?" I ask. Why was she so upset? What role did Tala play in Reese's death?

She sniffs. "That night, when you and Elyria came into the cafeteria, I was sitting behind you. I heard you talking about what Reese had done and- and I-" she stops and tries to calm down. She's in hysterics now. I don't know what I can do other than rest my hand on her leg. She continues. "I thought that it would be fine. I told my roommate, Jaide and I thought she would keep it a secret. She was too nice to tell anyone. But then she did, and suddenly everyone knew. I don't know what happened. Therei kept telling me I would be fine. That the hype would die down and Reese wouldn't blame me. But then..." She starts crying again. And shakes her head at me. "Maedana.. I killed Reese. She died because I told. If I wasn't such a big mouth she would still be here. And Therei knows that. She doesn't want to be around me anymore."

She falls onto my shoulder and I wrap an arm around her. I don't say anything, just try and soothe her. Eventually she stops crying and drags her head from my shoulder. "I'm sorry Maedana." She mutters. "I never meant for Reese to get hurt. You have to know that."

I nod. "I know that. It isn't your fault Tala. Maybe- maybe you spread what happened, but that's not the only reason Reese-" I pause, not being able to say what really happened, "you aren't the reason she gave up."

She shakes her head. "I must be part of it though. Everyone turned against her." She pauses as though realising something. "How much do you know about Reese's social life?"

I shrug. "Not much. We were distanced from one another most of the time."

She scoffs, and it seems all of the vulnerability she just showed me has either disappeared or she's hiding it. "You were distanced from everyone most of the time. Every attempt at becoming more of an acquaintance with you was shut down. Heck, it wasn't until Calix came along that I caught your attention."

I frown. I'd never really thought about how I avoided socializing but she was right. I barely even talked to anyone besides Reese before Calix came along, other than Glore and my students about training. "No one wanted to talk to me, so I didn't talk to them."

Tala raises her eyebrows skeptically. "Are you kidding? Everyone wanted to talk to you. Still do, really."

I roll my eyes. "Why, because I'm the F?"

She shrugs. "Partially, yes. But just you in general. You have always seemed like a really interesting person. For years, everyone's been trying to figure you out. No one can, because you don't let them in. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. Just shut everyone out." She smiles at me with a face full of longing. "Everyone seems to know exactly who I am."

I smile back softly. "Really? What about you? Do you know who you are?"

She sighs and rakes a hand through her short dark hair, shifting on her seat. "Yes. I'm Tala. There's not really any other way to describe me."

I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah there is. You're astute, honest, caring, intelligent, cunning, and a CD ace."

She shakes her head and looks at her drink. "Not anymore. I quit."

I stop,  shocked. More shocked than I was at Tala's confession at spreading Reese's secret. There was nothing Tala cared about more than the CD. From what I could tell, her whole life was down there, helping with the rebellion. I don't say this though. Instead, for a moment I'm dumbfounded. When I finally gather my thoughts, I only manage to ask something simple. "Why?"

She lifts up her cup for a moment, almost like she's going to drink it, but then realises what she is doing and puts it back down. "I don't like it. The CD has lost the magic it used to hold. Ever since the change in leadership a few months ago, the focus had been less on freedom and more on taking down Aril. Despite what everyone thinks, the two don't come hand in hand. Aril's not the only one running the complex, she's just the one who is seen the most."

I stare at her, then grin. "I was right when I called you smart."

She shrugs. "I'm just observant. Recently, the CD have cared less and less about the freedom they've always wanted and more about how to rob Aril of her power. Which is important, but has never been a higher priority than escaping the done."

I tilt my head. "But what if getting rid of Aril will grant us freedom?"

"If it did, she'd be dead already." Tala replies. "The only thing that would come from the death of Aril Trey is retaliation from the council. To make the CD pay, they'd kill more innocent people. Just another one of Aril's smart, sadistic sidekicks would take over and we would be back at square one."

"Yeahs I guess you're right." I muse. "But maybe the person they replaced Aril with wouldn't be as bad as her."

Tala shakes her head. "It still wouldn't be worth it. They would just grow to her level the more time they spent time it power."

I don't say anything further, just murmur and suddenly I feel the conversation has lost all fuel. Almost as if on cue, the bartender walks up to our table with a plastic cup filled with bubbling liquid. "I believe this is yours, F."

I'd practically forgotten about the drink I had been promised for talking with Tala, but I take it anyway because this stuff is good. Before the bartender walks away, I stop him. "What's your name?" I ask.

He smiles. "Alvin. Your names are?"

He addresses the both of us but Tala doesn't make any indication towards answering first, so I do, even though he probably already knows me. "My name is Maedana, and-"

Tala buts in, but not rudely or abruptly, but rather in a graceful manner, almost as if we had planned to say our names each. "I'm Tala."

Alvin nods and had not stopped grinning. "Nice to meet you both."

I feel like somehow he already knew what would happen when he told me to talk to Tala. I don't know why but he seems happier. Maybe it's just my imagination. I smile at him as he walks bak to the bar.

"Thank you, Alvin." I say, and  I mean for more than just the drink. My conversation with Tala has been really important and I'm glad he forced me to have it. He turns back for a minute and nods. I think he knows what I meant.

I sip at the alcohol he gave me and its sweetness warms my insides and makes me feel fluffy. "Is that stuff good?" Tala asks, seeing my face lift.

"Yeah. It's really nice." I grin and she looks at her drink, sadly. "What's wrong?" I ask, confused at her sudden sorrow.

She shakes her head. "It's nothing. I'm just-" she sighs and looks back at me. "Do you think that Therei will forgive me?"

I don't really know Therei at all, but I know what Tala needs to hear, so I smile at her. "I think so."

She brightens up when I say this. "Hey Maedana? I was wondering... Do you want to come with me to the CD tonight? I mightn't be an ace anymore but I still want to go."

I stiffen up, thinking of what happened the last time I went to the CD. "I can't." I say, and it comes out harsher than I want it to. I say it softer. "I can't, Tala. I'm sorry but I'm just not ready."

She nods "It's okay. I understand."

I take another sip of my drink and smile softly. "So," I pause and Tala  smiles back, "tell me about Therei."