When I wake the next morning, I'm feeling lifted after the conversation I had with Reese in the early hours in the darkness. Reese is asleep when I leave for a morning patrol duty but she is smiling so I know she isn't immersed in nightmares, which is good.

It seems like it's going to be a regular day until I get to bp2 and sign in to find that I've been paired on patrol with none other than Talulah Ives.

Otherwise known as Tala, CD ace.

I feel like loudly groaning when she walks in but I don't, simply because that would probably be satisfactory for her. Instead, I just take the gun the guy at the checkpoint hands me and listen to him give the mandatory instructional lecture about it.

They give it every time, so I know it off by heart.

"This gun is complex council property, and so are it's bullets. The trigger is only to be pulled in a situation in which the threatening civilian has a gun also and is firing. Any false shots are fired and you will be given a mark against your tally. That includes shots fired against yourself."

To begin with I hadn't known what that meant exactly, but I soon figured it out. There were usually at least 5 false shots against themselves each month. Black life wasn't for everyone.

After the lecture, I wait by the black door for Tala to collect her gun. All black points were set up the same way, with a door at the front for whites, and a door at the side for the blacks. Generally there were at least 6 patrols from each black point, depending on the time of day. More in the darkness, less in daylight, so as not to scare the whites too much.
Tala stands by the counter while the bored looking guy behind it delivers the same message to her. Then she turns and we both leave.

Outside, I look at the route we are supposed to take. It is a long one, sweeping the side streets, searching for any strange behaviour. It is still pretty much dark, but the dark sky above the dome is starting to lighten. We have head torches on until it is light enough but they don't do much, so We are pretty much going off of sense as we walk into the darkness.

We don't talk at all for almost the whole patrol. The first person to speak is in fact me, when I knock into something and swear, then reveal it is a rubbish bin that has been left out on the road after the complex clean up that happens every Tuesday. Tala scoffs at first, and is going to just move on, but I stop.

"Wait." I say quietly. She stops, frowning. "They haven't brought their garbage bins in from three days ago."

She frowns. "You're right. I know! Let's go in them and arrest them for being lazy." She says, sarcastically.

I roll my eyes. "I'm serious Tala. Something could be up."

I cautiously move towards the white and grey house, looking towards the windows. The assigned white curtains on each are drawn shut. When I get to the doorstep, I notice the door mat is crooked. I lean down and lift it up. I shine my head torch on it to find a bent bobby pin. Maybe it was just a coincidence but I had a bad feeling about it.

I stand up and knock on the door. Of course, there is no answer. Tala moves up behind me. She sees the pin and frowns.

"It's probably nothing Mae, let's just-"

She stops speaking as her nose crinkles in disgust. "Oh gosh. What's that smell?"

I frown at her. Then I smell it.

I'm generally used to bad smells, because being a bad grade I'm often put on sewerage checks. But this is something else entirely. This is the smell of blood mixed with something that is definitely not human waste.

I don't hesitate and reach for the door handle. It isn't locked and swings right open. The smell intensifies.

It's been a long time since I was last in a white's house, but I can't say this one is much different. For starters, everything is white, grey or made of glass. A few objects are black but not many. There is a glass bench by the door and a row of hooks with white coats on them. On the bench is a vase of fake white lillies and a sheet of electronic glass, the type that most whites have as phones. I tap the glass to see a large amount of missed calls. I feel as though something is definitely wrong.

I leave the glass and move further into the house. The smell intensifies by a door without a handle. I push on it and it doesn't budge.

"It's the bathroom. It's probably locked on the inside." Tala says from behind me. I frown and kick at it. It jiggles a bit so I kick it again. On the fourth kick, it swings open and I physically gag at the smell. Then we see the body. For a moment I think they've been shot, because all around them is blood but as I move closer I see that the blood is coming from the mouth, as well as vomit. It is a woman and their black hair is long and falls over their face. She has coffee coloured skin and her eyes are closed.

Tala looks around for a moment and pulls out the radio on her belt we use if we do find something wrong, which we clearly have.

"Body found. Downtown, sending gps location now. Suspected poisoning or medical problems. No visible wounds."

She presses a button on the radio and then looks at the body.

The first time I found a dead person on patrol, I was 11. Since then, I've found at least 9. It just happens. There isn't anything you can do to stop it.

Usually they haven't been killed, they just died of natural causes, although one time I discovered a young man who had been shot in the chest. Financial problems, so they said.

Every time I find someone it is as bad as the last. Although I don't know them personally, I take it personally. Seeing someone dead doesn't leave you.

Someone replies to Tala on the radio and she taps me on the shoulder. "They said we should move on. They're sending investigators soon. Come on. We only have half an hour until we're let off to do our duties."

I nod and move away from the body. We leave the door to the bathroom open and head out. The sky has lightened to a pale grey.

I take one last look at the house then we leave.

I don't know why but something about that woman's death was strange. It didn't seem natural. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Either way, she would be in my thoughts for the rest of the day

~~~~

At training, I try to avoid looking at Tyran. Elyria smiles at me and asks how I am when I come in but apart from that she seems unfazed by yesterday. It is only after training that anything really happens. Elyria is having trouble with her upper body strength as her arms and shoulders aren't very strong, so we keep her back to work on that. By the time we leave the training room, it is close to 6:30.
When I get back to my room, Reese is on her bed, reading a book. I almost gasp because, well, it's not a sight you regularly see.

She closes the book when we walk in and throws it onto my bed, the cover facing up.
I pick it up. "Romeo and Juliet. Not really your genre Reese." I smile. She grins.

"You'd be surprised what I'll read when it isn't a schedule."

I sit down. "Yeah." I put the book back in my personal drawer and look back at her. "So how was your day?" I ask, changing the subject.

She shrugs. "Okay. I slept in by accident so I barely had any breakfast, just a protein bar, but apart from that, it's been okay. I got back from work and was feeling pretty exhausted and I saw your book so I read. It's a bit weird."

I nod. "Yeah, a bit. But it's good."

She smiles. "Anyways, I'm starving so can we go get something to eat?"

"Yeah, okay, just let me get dressed out of my sweaty training clothes." I say, standing up.

Once I'm dressed, we head out. As we walk the hallways, we talk about anything and everything. That's kind of what happens when I'm in a conversation with Reese. You don't hold off things. You just talk.

As we get closer to the cafeteria and the noise grows I realise that I haven't thought about Calix once today. I don't know whether I should be happy that I'm letting go or sad that I'm losing him.

I'm thinking about this as we walk into the cafeteria, the shouting and laughing filling my ears.

Then it dies down.

I can't stay that everyone stops talking and looks at us because that would be a lie, but the noise dies down a lot.

We stand still as almost everyone under the age of 25 looks our way.

For a moment I think they're looking at me.

Then, slowly, a boy around the age of 18 stands up, looks straight at us, straight at Reese, and shouts, "Slut!"

I don't even have time to react before Reese turns around and runs back out the door. I look at the boy and our gaze meets. His smug eyes say it all. He didn't care about what he just said.

I take a mental picture of his face so I can hate him for the rest of my life then run out after Reese.

I spend a moment standing outside, not knowing which way she would run. Then I think it over. Would she want to go somewhere quiet or...

No. She'd want to go somewhere with liquor. So that was either the black bar, which she would probably avoid because unfortunately it was a place that too often had drunk rapists, or our room where she had a stash of bottles full of vodka, wine and other alcoholic drinks.

So I go back to our room and sigh when I see the closed door. We left it open when we went out, so she must be in there.

I push it open to find Reese sitting on her bed, the lights turned off. I step in and close the door. Reese picks up a bottle from beside her bed and unscrews it. I sit down on my bed and watch her silently. She looks down at the contents of the bottle, lifts her head, closes her eyes and takes a sip. I watch as she lowers the bottle, her eyes still closed, and her face softens.

Neither of us speak. I'm waiting for her to talk when she wants to. For a while she just stares at the door and drinks every so often. She drinks so much so quickly I'm surprised she doesn't get the hiccups. Then she when finally turns towards me after what has to be at least an hour and I see tears in her eyes.

"They know Maedana. They know that I cheated on him. They know what happenned. And soon Tyran will know too." As she says the last sentence, her voice cracks, and suddenly she is crying. I move over to her bed and she leans her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her.

"Hey there. Shh. You're alright." I soothe.

"No!" She exclaims, pulling away from me. "Don't say that! I'm not! I'm not alright. This isn't okay. I've been cheating on my boyfriend! I've been hurting people without them knowing it was even me! Why are you even still friends with me Maedana? I ruined your life! I'm ruining your life still! I ruin everything."

That's when she fully breaks down. She shakes her head and stands up, still sobbing uncontrollably. She turns to me. "So many secrets Maedana. They hurt me in ways you don't know. So many things I regret. So much pain. So many secrets."

I frown. "Reese, you're already drunk. What are you talking about?"

She shakes her head. "No. Secrets. The secrets hurt. They'll hurt you."

She turns away and walks towards the door and I stand up quickly. "No! Reese you can't leave like this!"

She keeps walking and opens the door. She doesn't hesitate, just walks out and the door swings closed. By the time I reach it, she is already half way down the hallway, and has broken into a run. But she is drunk and can barely run straight, so I catch her before she reaches the stairs. I hold her arms and she tries to rip away from me. I shake my head and hold her tighter.

"Let me go Maedana!" She screams trying to kick me. "I'll only ever hurt you!"

I shake my head. "No Reese. No you won't. I don't know what you've gotten into your head but I'm not leaving you. You aren't hurting me. You're just hurting yourself. Stop it."

She shakes her head, still trying to get away from me but growing weakers. Then, as if someone flicked a switch, her anger turns to sorrow and she breaks down in tears. She falls to the ground, holding herself steady against the wall. I lean down with her, one hand on her shoulder and the other on top of her hand.

"It's okay Reese. It's okay. It's okay." I soothe and slowly her crying slows. When she has calmed a fair bit, I gently say to her, "come on. Let's go back to our room."

As I pick her up from the ground, I smell something on her that isn't alcohol. I frown but don't say anything.

When we get back to our room, I sit her down on the bed and take away the bottle. It is a big bottle but it's almost empty. Reese lies down but doesn't close her eyes. In fact, her eyes are wide open. I take the bottle to the bathroom and pour out the liquid but instead of the strong liquor usually in it, it is pastier. Not clear. And doesn't smell like alcohol. It also has lumps through it. Suddenly I feel sick but I keep it in.

I rinse out the bottle and go back into our room. I put the empty bottle in Reese's drawer. As I am, I see a collection of metal tins. I pick one up and open the lid. The lights are still off, so I only have the light from the bathroom but I can clearly see the white powder. I close the tin and return it to its spot, feeling dizzy. I close the drawer and turn. Reese is still wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Reese, you're not drunk, are you?" I say, but it's more of a statement. I see her nod and I feel as though I really am going to be sick. "What was in that bottle?" I ask.

She shakes her head and doesn't say a word but she doesn't need to.

I sit down on my bed, staring at her. "How long?"

When she answers, her voice is emotionless. "A year. I was trying to hide it from you."

I bite the inside of my cheek. I know why she would hide it from me. Because she didn't want me to help her. That's how Reese works. She doesn't let anyone help her. Sometimes it kills me.

"Why?" I ask, feeling deflated myself.

"It helps with the pain sometimes." She says, then closes her eyes. I take this as a signal that she is done talking and lie down in bed.

I close my eyes, my head a hurricane of thoughts. Most are of Reese but as well as that are the thoughts of this morning.

I remember thinking something. Something that seems a lot like it applies to Reese.

Once you see someone dead it doesn't leave you.

That thought is in my head as I fall asleep to dreams of darkness and fear.