(This is a Y/n and Briar chapter)

[The episode begins with Y/n, Briar, Finn, Jake, and Bonnie standing in a field of tree stumps.]

Bonnie: And here at this site, my Great Uncle Gumbald cut down all these taffy trees in a single night.

Y/n: How come I never met your Great Uncle Gumbald?

Bonnie: Oh he passed away long before we met.

Y/n: Ah, I see.

Finn: 'Cause those trees were evil... right, Princess Bubblegum?

Briar: Of course they weren't evil Finny, trees can't be evil cause the are inanimate. But do you have any stories about your human relatives.

Finn: Um... not really. I've never even met any other humans. If I think about it too much, I get all soul-searchy and weeeeiiirrrd... I mean I thought Y/n was at least part human until a few weeks ago when I learned he's Half Phoenix and Half Reaper

Bonnie: You told him?

Y/n: I mean yeah. My gramps kinda opened his big ass skeleton mouth.

Briar: So that makes me 1/3 Vampire Demon, 1/3 Phoenix, and 1/3 Reaper?

Y/n: Sure does sweetie.

Bonnie: Okay can we get back to why I brought everyone here. I need all these stumps ripped out.

Finn: [Half-heartedly, in a daze] Okay... I guess so...

Jake: Yeah, man, it'll be fun! [Shrinks and gets in Briar's hand] Toss the Jake-sploder! 

Briar: Yes Sir! [Briar tosses Jake towards a stump] Nyeeeeh, boom!

Y/n: What a wonderful kaboom.

Finn: Yeah that was pretty cool.

Bonnie: To Finn] I'm glad to see you out of that funk... about being the only huma... [Her voice trails off as Y/n glares at her with a "are you kidding me?" face; she realizes what she said and gets embarrassed] I mean... [Walking away] Well! I'm gonna scram! No hard feelings right? [Exits]

Y/n: Oh Bonnie...

Briar: Mother is kind of bad at things like that isn't she?

Y/n: Yes, yes she is.

[Jake lands in Finn's arms.]

Jake: Again, man!

Finn: [Throwing Jake] Huck!

[Jake lands on something; there's a loud clang.]

Briar: You okay Jake? That sounded like it hurt.

Jake: I'm alright, but I don't think this is a stump.

Y/n: Looks like a hatch to me.

Jake: A hatch? [He jumps on it and opens the lid.] We should check it out, ya think?! [He jumps down.] [Excitedly] Waaah!

Y/n: Here we go! [jumps down the hatch]

Briar: Come on Finny! [jumps down the hatch]

Finn: Heh-heh. [Finn jumps down, and the lid closes. The quadrio exit an entrance chamber with a ladder and enter a dark room filled with old, moldy garbage, water, and ruined buildings.] S'dark, huh?

Y/n: Let there be light! A little help Bria?

Briar: Sure thing papa! [Y/n and Briar create fire orbs that act as light sources.]

[The four run further into the cave.

Jake: What a dump! Can you imagine the jerks that musta lived here?

[A figure emerges behind them.]

Y/n: Guys, I believe something is behind us.

Briar: What do you me-

[The figure stares at them.]

Finn/Jake: AAAAH!!

Figure: AAAAH!!

Briar/Y/n: Oh hello.

Figure: Wee meeb youp nuh hur! [Presumably: "We mean you no harm!"]

[Finn and Jake run while panting heavily while Y/n and Briar follow. Many more of these figures emerge, surrounding the quadrio. Y/n and Briar increase the flames brightness the creatures retreat. The first figure from earlier runs into the light's range; she stops and stares at them like a deer in headlights. She looks at her shadow.]

Figure: SHAHOW!! [Presumably: "Shadow!!"] [The other creatures gasp.] O my gra cup-ssah! [She hides in a refrigerator.]

Finn: These people are so terrified... Scared of their own shadows...

Jake: We could rule them... like gods! [Deviously] ...Angry gods...

[Y/n and Briar both hit Jake over the head.]

Y/n: Yeah I ain't fighting angry gods, not again.

Briar: And I just don't want you to get a god complex.

Jake: We could rule them... like gods! [Deviously] ...Angry gods...

Finn: [To humanoid] Don't be scared, c'mon. [The creature walks towards Finn cautiously.] Yeah, it's okay. [The humanoid goes into the light, revealing herself to very much resemble a human.] Your... your face! You're... [Yelling] JUST LIKE ME!! [She and the other creatures get spooked and retreat again.] Hey, wait!

Y/n: Huh, they look human to me, but are we 100% sure?

Briar: Can never be too sure Papa.

[Jake stops Finn and shushes him.]

Jake: [Whispering] Shh. They're startled. Ya gotta be gentle with wild animals.

Finn: I don't think they're animals, Jake. I think... this could be... a tribe of... humans!! [Laughs happily] What are these guys doing down here in this crummy hole?

Jake: I don't know, man. Maybe they just don't know any other thing.

Briar: Try talking to them Finny.

Finn: [To creatures] Hey, fellows! Don't you wanna get out of here?! I could take you to see the sun! [The female creature tilts her head. Finn motions his hands to draw a circle.] Suuuun. Suuuun.

???: Suhhhn... Ow la koo sow suhn. [Presumably an agreement that she'll look at the sun.]

Finn: You poor things... Living down here has made you all weird, hasn't it? [The creatures duck behind the trash and mumble to each other.] Jake, Bria, Bro, I've got to save these guys! They're my people, and it's my duty to lead them outta this gross cave! Starting with you, Miss, uh... [Grasping for her name]

Susan: Suuhh... suhhhn... [Presumably: "Sun."]

Finn: ...Susan? [Susan stands up.] Pleased to meet you!

[Jake turns into a couch; Finn sits on him.]

Finn: [Patting Jake, to Susan] C'mon.

Y/n: This should be good.

Briar: This is either going to end great or end up the two of us ending up fighting, which neither of us wants.

Y/n: [shedding a proud tear] Lazy Justice, you are my little girl after all.

Briar: Were you doubting me Papa?

Y/n: [ruffling her hair] Nah course not.

[Jake stretches himself, Finn, and Susan out of the cave while Y/n and Briar fly behind them. Finn opens the hatch and leaps out.]

Finn: Aw, man, you're gonna love it up here, Susan!

Susan: [Squinting] Huh?

Finn: There's all sorts of wonders top-side!

[Susan leaps onto the grass.]

Susan: Aah! AAH!!

Briar: Susan, it's just grass.

[Susan pants heavily and jumps on Y/n's back.]

Jake: Bro, does your back hurt?

Y/n: Jake I once had to lift an entire building by myself, this is nothing.

Finn: [To Susan] Grass can't hurt you. 

Briar: [Patting grass] See?

Susan: Graaaahhhss... [She lands on the ground and feels the grass.] Huh... huh... huh. [She slams her face to the ground.]

Jake: Oop. Ya killed 'er.

Y/n: What a shame.

Finn: Wha?! I did?!

Jake: Yep. Felled by surface-world germs. [Susan starts scurrying with her face still planted in the ground. Finn scowls at Jake and Y/n.] Heh. Just kiddin'.

[Susan laughs as the plays in the grass. Y/n, Briar, Finn, and Jake stare. Susan rises with grass stains all over her.]

Briar: She looks like she is having fun.

Susan: Hahahahahahahaha! Two be cah reh ss... buh a thuh ahp fer ger... ss.

Finn: Aw, Susan... You got grass blood all over your face. [Tries to wipe her with handkerchief]

Susan: [Scared] YEEH!! ITSA PA TUH MUP!

Briar: Come on Susan, this little handkerchief won't hurt ya at all see? [She uses the handerkerchief to wipe a smuge off of Y/n's face.] Now Papa has a clean face.

Y/n: And it makes me even more handsome.

Susan: [Taking it] Ohhhh. [She wipes herself.]

Finn: [Frustrated sigh] How'm I supposed to show 'er the wonders of Ooo if every little thing freaks her out?

Jake/Y/n: [Semi-French pronunciation] Patience...

Finn: Very well. Then I shall introduce Susan to Ooo... by degrees!

Y/n: Here we go.

[A logo that says "INCREMENTAL TIME" pops up. A ruler goes through the word "TIME."]

[The five are now walking through the Cotton Candy Forest. Susan gasps and stops as she spots a beetle.]

Susan: [Scared] Manee mah nuhp lehp!

Finn: That can't hurt you! That's a dancing bug! [The beetle starts dancing. Finn and Jake start dancing, too. While Y/n taps his foot and Briar does a little jig. After a while, Susan joins in.] Yeah! Hahaha!

(Y/n's Dance)

(Briar's Dance))

[Scene transition; the five are now on the cliffs above Red Rock Pass. Susan gasps at a rock.]

Jake: That's just a rock. [Punching it away] A low-level enemy.

Susan: [Relieved sigh] Jus a rah. ["Just a rock."] [She hugs another rock and squeezes it until it shatters.]

Y/n: Holy crap-baskets.

Briar: That's a bone crusher right there.

[Scene shifts to a forest where the five are having a campfire. Finn opens a package of marshmallows as Jake plays his viola. Y/n is cooking Hot Dogs over the fire while Briar is helping Finn. A beaver rises in the bushes behind Susan. Susan recoils in fear and breathes heavily.]

Finn: What's wrong?! [He spots the beaver.] Hey, hey, hey, it's okay! [He feeds the beaver a marshmallow.] See?

[The beaver takes three more marshmallows and runs off. Finn and Susan laugh.]

Susan: [Singing and looking around] Hm, hah, prety go-ah-suh pattah! ["Pretty golden patterns!"]

[Finn hands Susan a stick with a marshmallow on it.]

(I'm skipping the song because Briar would get Jealous and go Yandere Mode.)

Finn: Hey, Jake, Bria, Bro,, how's your marshmallows?

Y/n: Perfection in gooey form.

Briar: God I wish I could eat these forever and not get sick.

Jake: Golden as a wheaty sunset! How's yours?

Finn: [Staring at inflamed marshmallow] Hmmm... [He blows out the flame and eats the marshmallow.] Perfect! [Muffled] How's yours, Susan?

[Susan chews on the stick itself.]

Jake: Heh. That's adorable. Hup!

Briar: She's kinda like a big puppy.

[Jake throws a marshmallow into Susan's mouth.]

Susan: MMMM!! Ohhh... Tha is goo!! [Presumably: "That is good!!"] [Susan ravenously attacks the marshmallow bag.]

Y/n: Okay so damn, she really likes Candy.

Finn: Hey, yeah! Susan! We should take you to the Candy Kingdom! Everything is candy there!

Briar: Finny, I think that's not a good idea. She seems a bit... crazy around it?

Finn: [Shrugging notion off] Nah...

Briar: [thinking] Oh my stupid precious Finny...

Susan: [Breathing extremely hard; mouth watering profusely] CAAANDY KING-DOOOM!

Y/n: Oh this is a horrible idea....

[Scene transition to Candy Kingdom at Bonnie's castle.]

Bonnie: I've enjoyed your visit immensely, Susan Strong.

[They signal each other goodbye.]

Susan: [Whispering] Finn!

Finn: Yeah, Suze?

Susan: [Whispering] Finn, where's all the candy yuh werp talk ah bout?! [Presumably: "Finn, where's all the candy you were talking about?!"]

Finn: Oh, well, it's... everywhere! The buildings, the lamp posts, even the people!

Peppermint Butler: We're all candy here!

Susan: [Excitedly] CANDY! CANDY! [Slobbers on Peppermint Butler]

Briar: Peps! [Pulling Peppermint Butler away] Susan!! No! You can't eat the ones that talk! They're special! They got aspirations. [Briar lets Peppermint Butler run off.]

Susan: [Ashamed] Ohh-ho. [Scowls]

Finn: It's okay. You're learnin'. Here. [Tears a piece of the pavement out.] Have some sidewalk brittle instead. [He puts in Susan's mouth, and she eats it.]

Susan: Mmm! [Finn smiles at her.] Now, I gonna get friends. We eat all of Candy Kingdom.

Y/n:

https://youtu.be/1vuHTFHDybI

Briar:

https://youtu.be/hlLzgUn5tPI

Finn: [Shocked] What?!

Susan: Oh. No, no, no, no, no. We won't eat red stripe man. Only everyone else. [Running away] Bye!

Finn: Susan, no!! [Runs to Candy Kingdom entrance] No!!! You can't eat the Candy People!! [Tired sigh] Oh, boy...

Jake: So now what? Fight the humans to the death when they attack?

Y/n: [pulling out Nightshadow] Guess we got no choice.

Briar: Papa no!

Y/n: Oh come on! Do you know how long it has been since I've killed something?! Like a month and those skeletons don't count since they were dead already!

Finn: No, man! They're my peeps! We have to save the Candy Kingdom without hurting them.

Y/n: [sighs] Dangit...

[Cut to Candy Castle]

Bonnie: They're gonna what?!

Finn: Don't worry! We have a plan! We just have to scare the humans away!

Bonnie: Very well. I shall gather my citizens in the courtyard... and you shall see how terrifying the Candy People can be! [Mock-scary] Ah-bloo-bloo-bloo!! [Giggles]

Y/n: God I love it when she tries to get cute like that.

Jake: [Whispering to Finn] They're doomed.

[Briar elbows Jake in the stomach]

[Back at the hatch, Susan busts out and blows a horn. The rest come out of the hatch. They get scared as they touch the ground.]

Susan: [Calming them down] Just grass!

Celina: Jus grah...

[Scene shifts to the Candy Armory.]

Jake: Ahh, these candy weapons are too cute to be scary.

Y/n: I tried to get real weapons as the normal but Bonnie told me it was too "dangerous". A few flesh wounds never hurt anyone.

Briar: But Papa, we can regenerate and they can't.

Y/n: So?

Briar: [sighs]

Bonnie: Good news, Finn! I've managed to make my people horrifying!

Y/n: I doubt that. [Bonnie glares at him] Shutting up now.

Finn: But how?! [Drops candy weapon]

Bonnie: I've disguised them as gruesome creatures, like witches, and ghouls!

Starchie: Starchie's a beelzebub!

Briar: Aw, so cute! I just wanna give them hugs and little forehead kisses.

[Finn looks worried. He hears the hunting horn.]

Finn: [To Gumdrop Girl] Quick! Show me your scary face!!

Gumdrop Lass 1: Oh, uh... [Shining flashlight in her face.] Rawr.

Jake: I don't think that'll scare anybody...

Finn: NO DUH! She's...um...! She's... [Noticing her menacing shadow] 

Briar: Huh, how is that possible?

Y/n: Shadows don't follow logic at all. Those things have a mind of their own sometimes.

Finn: Hey! Princess. I need a little wagon and your biggest roll of wax paper.

[The tribe arrives.]

Finn: Now, Princess Bubblegum! Bria! [Bonnie and Briar let the wax paper come rolling down.] Now, Jake! Bro! [Jake puts logs in a wagon and Y/n lights it on fire. The Candy People's shadows emerge on the wax paper, and the tribe gets scared.] It's working...

Susan: [To tribe] Wah!! Just shadows!

Y/n:

https://youtu.be/hCA2qvnh__M

Finn: Aw, man! They've learned how to learn! Hide yourselves, Candy People! I'll try to make Susan see reason!

[Jake blows on the fire to keep it lit.]

Y/n: No need for that Jake. My flames don't go out unless I let them.

Jake: Oh cool..

Marshmallow Kid 1: The Marshmallow Kids never run from a scrap! [To others] Come on, fellas! [They charge] Today... we are man-mallows! [Y/n smirks and uses his powers and makes the fire grower much larger] Huh? [The Marshmallow Kids are engulfed in flames.]

Finn: Please, fellow humans! The Candy People are no threat to you!

Marshmallow Kids: CHARGE!!!

[The Marshmallow Kids charge out of the flames to attack the tribe.]

Finn: WAIT!! STOP!!

Susan: DUCK!!

[She ducks; the Marshmallow Kids ignite the other tribesmen's animal hoods. They scream in terror.]

Finn: MY PEOPLE!! [One of the tribe members pulls off his hood to reveal a fish-like head.] HUH?!?! [Another tribe member pulls off his hood to reveal his fish-like head.] WHA?!? [All of the tribe members reveal their non-human heads.] They're... they're not humans? 

Y/n: Well I guess my hunch was right.

Briar: [elbows her father in the gut] Not the time pap.

Finn: [They run off. Susan starts to follow, but then stops and stares at Finn.] Susan? [Susan looks away at the others then reluctantly goes towards Finn.] Susan... what are you??

[Beat; Susan runs off; the fire behind Finn dies down. Finn turns around.]

Finn: Is everyone okay? [The Marshmallow Kids are pulling off burnt skin.] Marshmallow Kids?

Marshmallow Kid: We'll just be gooey for a while.

[They give their burnt skins to Finn and run off giggling. Finn stares forward in the direction that Susan ran off.]

Jake: [Running up to Finn] Hey, buddy! We did it! Finn? You okay?

Briar: Finny?

Y/n: It's gonna be okay Finn.

Finn: Jake, Bria, Bro, do you think she was human, or just another wild animal?

Y/n: Who's to say Finn. I doubt this is the last we will see of her. Out paths will cross with hers again.

Briar: Hard to say Finny, but at least you still have us. We can be your family!

[Finn eats some burnt Marshmallow Kid skin and gains a small smile and looks at Briar.]

Finn: [Low, quiet voice] Yeah... I'd like that.

[The episode ends.]