(THIS IS A Y/N EPISODE)

[Episode begins with a zoom through the Galaxy of Flavors.]

Bonnie: [voice over] In the Kingdom of Ooo there is a galaxy of flavors, but only one taste sensation is amazing enough to kill for—the Royal tart. [Royal tart appears on screen] [four hands appear and split the tart in four] Royal tarts are very rare. They are only eaten at the most sacred gathering in Ooo—the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony [Backrubbers appear, rubbing each other's backs]. The tart is so legendary that countless thieves will risk their lives for just one bite. [Thieves appear and grab the tart, then a bite mark appears on the tart]

[Scene changes to Candy Kingdom]

Bonnie: My head will be decapitated if the tarts don't make it to the ceremony. I only trust two guys to deliver them... the Royal Tart Toter and of course N/n.

Y/n: It is what I do best, but to be honest the Toter WAS better at it.

[Royal Tart Toter appears, then zooms back to reveal it is just a picture of him.]

Finn/Jake: Whoa!

Jake: He's magnificent!

Bonnie: He used to be, but he's gone mad and old. So he can't deliver the tarts anymore. Cinnamon Bun offered to fill the position.

Y/n: But he's kind of...[whispers] half-baked.

Cinnamon Bun: Hey Princess! Here I go! [slowly stands on his head while grunting] I'm stuck.

Finn: Princess, let us and bro deliver the tarts.

Bonnie: Are you sure Finn? 

Y/n: This is really important. I could easily do it myself, but If you wanna join I suppose I can let you come.

Finn: Princess, I have never been more sure of anything in my whole life! I'll do anything it takes to help bro keep you alive and safe. We won't let you down. [mumbles] Also I'm pretty sure Bria would kill me for letting you die....

Y/n: You say something Finn?

Finn: NOPE!

Bonnie: Well... I accept your offer.

[Scene changes to a factory where Jelly Bean People are working.]

Bonnie: Welcome to the Tartorium!

Y/n: [takes a deep breath] Ah the smell of baking, truly nothing better..

Finn: [looking at some tarts, along with Jake] Wow. [along with Jake] They're so beautiful.

Bonnie: No, boys. Those are the reject tarts, full of imperfections. [lifts container full of tarts] These are the perfect tarts... [she kisses the container] safely packed into one of my anti-gravity tote chambers.

Y/n: [coughs] You mean our anti-gravity tote chambers right?

Bonnie: [giggles] Of course, my bad. You did help invent them.

[She hands them the chamber]

Finn/Jake: Tote sweet!

Bonnie: Now, I want you to tote those tarts through that tunnel. [she takes out her holo-pendant and shows them a map] The Royal Tart Path takes you directly to the Royal Congressional Hall in the Bad Lands. The path is really safe and well protected, but keep your eyes open for any sign of danger, okay? Y/n you think you can keep an eye on them?

Y/n: You got it babe.

Finn: Mmm hmm.

Jake: Yep.

Bonnie: Good. Now here's your map. [gives them the holo-pendant] Y/n you already have it memorized correct?

Y/n: Of course I do, been doing this for so long I would be surprised if I didn't.

Finn: [picking up a beaker] Hey Princess, what are all these bubbling chemicals all over the place?

Y/n: Oh that's a paralyzing potion I invented. However, it's incredibly potent and will paralyze you for a year. No big deal.

Finn: Uhh that sounds like a big deal.

Y/n: I said it wasn't, so it isn't.

Finn: Oh. [he puts the potion back]

Bonnie: Thank you, boys.[steps into an elevator] And remember, my head is on the line! [She pulls her head back before the elevator doors close on her.]

Jake: All right, let's hit it. [starts to move towards the tunnel]

Finn: Wait. I got a sick plan!

Y/n: Finn...

Finn: Trust me on this one?

Y/n: Fine... [mumbles] Only because Briar will never let me hear the end of it if I don't...

[Finn takes an empty anti-gravity chamber, fills it with reject tarts, pours some paralyzing potion on them, and sets the pack on Cinnamon Bun's back, and the two laugh. Little do they know that Y/n switched the switch on them without looking.]

Y/n: [thinks] Like I'm gonna let those two carry the real ones at all. Those tarts are my recipe and there is no way in hell I'm letting them go anywhere but the safe path.

Finn: Go!

Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [He walks into the tunnel waving good-bye.] Bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye!

Finn: Goodbye! You'll be fine! Hahaha!

Jake: Bye! Goodbye!

Y/n: You do realize that if this plan of yours fails Finn and they take Bonnie's head. [He gets up in Finn's face] I am going to beat the hell out of you and possibly kill you and not even Briar will be able to save you from me.

[Finn gulps]

Finn: It won't fail I promise!

Jake: Heh, that was fun, but why'd you do it?

Finn: Look, everyone expects the tarts to on that Royal Tart Path. Cinnamon Bun will be our decoy while we take the one path no thief expect a tart toter to take: the Desert of Doom!

[The scene changes to the Desert of Doom in the Bad Lands, with Finn and Jake walking with Anti-Gravity Chamber while Y/n flies above them with his which is 10x the size of theirs.]

Finn: How are you carrying one so big Bro?

Y/n: I'm just built different.

Jake: I guess this is it.

Finn: Huh, not as scary as I thought it'd be.

Y/n: Yeah, people really suck at naming things here.

Jake: Yeah, man, mostly just looks empty. I mean, what thief would ever hang out here? There's nothing to steal!

Finn: You know, I think my plan might be kinda brilliant. I mean, I'm not saying I'm the brilliant, but it's a pretty brilliant plan, I think.

Y/n: It's a dumb plan but that's just me talking. If ya think it's brilliant that's on you. But remember what happens if this fails.

Finn: Of course, this is going to work.

Jake: This place is perfect for toting tarts.

Finn: Yeah, and the Back-Rubbing Ceremony is right over those mountains. [points to mountains] This tart tote is gonna be a total tart walk.

Y/n: Please stop making puns in front of me...

Jake: Heheheh, yeah. Ohh, wait! Hold up!

Finn: What is it?

Jake: Shh. [sniffs] It's a campfire—close by.

Finn: [gasps] Does it smell like a tart thief's campfire?

Jake: Maybe.

Y//n: It mainly smells like despair and failure, it's for sure bandits.

Finn: Better check it out—can't be too careful. [pats the tart pack]

[The scene switches to three hobos roasting a sausage]

Taddle: D-d-don't burn it now, Grimby.

Grimby: Hush. [blows sausage] I ain't gon' burn it.

[Finn and Jake see this and hide while Y/n just sighs]

Finn: Crud! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!

Jake: What? Whatcha sayin'?

Finn: Those are dirty tart burglers!

Jake: I think they're just dirty hobos.

Y/n: Huh reminds me of the desert outside Las Vegas.

Finn: No, man, they are cold-blooded tart destroyers and we have to get them before they get us.

Jake: Why?

Finn: They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealin' our tarts!

Jake: Oh, yeah.

Y/n: [sighs] They are just hobos Finn...

[The scene switches to the hobos]

Taddle: But how come JJ gets to hold it, Grimby?

[Jake appears, transformed into a monster, and the hobos are scared]

Jake: Rawr! [hits Taddle]

[Grimby tries to eat the beans but Finn hits him and Jake kicks JJ]

Finn: Yeah, go on, get! We'll mash you up crazy! [Points at Grimby] You! Listen up and tell your friends: the next time you wanna steal one of our tarts—!

Y/n: [sighs] Finn you dumbass...

Grimby: [gasps] You got tarts?

Finn: You know we do! And the next time you want to steal one—! [JJ approaches the tart pack] You picture this guy right here [points to Jake] chewin' on your brain! [JJ inserts his arm into the tart pack, but it sounds an alarm] What the—?! [JJ steals some tarts] That thing's gettin' the tarts!

[Jake reaches for him, but JJ jet-packs away with the tarts]

Finn: Son of a—.

Y/n: NO! THAT IS MY LINE! YOU DON'T GET TO USE IT!

[JJ lands in the distance, and the other hobos approach him]

Taddle and Grimby: We eatin' good tonight! [They fly away with JJ]

[Jake returns to his normal shape and observes the tart pack]

Jake: Uh-oh, man, he got, like, five or six!

Finn: But... my brilliant plan.

Y/n: Ain't so brilliant is it?

Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.

Finn: What the—? [The hologram of Princess appear immediately]

Bonnie [Hologram]: Hey, Finn, N/n.

Y/n: Yo babe.

Finn: [shrieks] [falls on his back]

Bonnie [Hologram]: I'm just checking in using the holo-pendant. How are my tarts doing?

Finn: They're, um... th-they're—

Jake: They're radical! No tart problems here!

Y/n: Nothing has gone wrong here.

Finn: Uhh, yeah! Right! Everything's, uh—bazoobs! Oh, look, something is eclipsing the sun. It's so dark now. [Save the Holo-pendant in his hat ]

Bonnie [Hologram]: Finn? Finn! Oh, well, I'll see you soon enough!

Holo-Pendant: Transmission complete.

Jake: I think the plan went awry.

Y/n: Gee, what gave it away.

Finn: No! All this was just some freak bad luck, but we still got some tarts and Bro has all of his and the princess is still safe.

Jake: Oh, yeah, and who knows what kind of freaky things would have happened if we took the Royal Tart Path? [Finn puts on the tart pack] Heheh, old Cinnamon Bun's probably got his hands full.

Y/n: [chuckles] Not really.

[The scene changes to the Cinnamon Bun on the Royal Tart Path]

Cinnamon Bun: Bye! Goodbye! Bye-bye!

Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Hello!

Cinnamon Bun: Hello!

Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [whistles and gives the container to the Guard]

[They approach another guard]

Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Okay.

[Several guards in a row help as Cinnamon Bun continues whistling]

Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Okay.

Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Okay.

Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Okay.

Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Okay.

Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Okay.

Royal Tart Path Guard 8: Shall I hold that for you, sir?

Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Okay.

[The scene changes to the Bad Lands]

Finn: You know what? Even though it totally wasn't our fault, it's probably for the best that we lost those tarts. [They enter a giant skull of an animal]

Y/n: Please explain to me how that makes any sense Finn.

Finn: Well, it's like a reminder to really stay sharp and play it extra safe.

Y/n: Alright that kinda makes sense, I'll give you that one.

[They leave the skull]

Finn: For instance, take this scary cavern, here. No sane person would ever bring a tart down there. So...

Jake: So no thieves!

Finn: Exactly.

Jake: You are on a roll today, buddy!

Y/n: I'll see you two on the other side. [flies over]

[They enter the cave]

[The scene inside the cave, everything is completely dark, only you can see the eyes of the characters who move through it]

Finn: P.U.!

Jake: Yeah, P.U.!

[A deep sniff is heard]

Finn: Jake?

Jake: Yeah?

Finn: Hey, man, did you just, like, sniff my butt?

Jake: Uh, just now?

Finn: Yeah.

Jake: No.

Finn: Huh. Alright.

[They keep walking, and Jake hums a tune]

Jake: Hmm. Hey, Finn?

Finn: Yeah, Jake?

Jake: Did you just, uh, lick me—all the way up my arm?

Finn: No.

Jake: Hmm. Strange.

Finn: Jake, let me see those matches.[Finn lights a match and they realize they are surrounded by ]

Finn & Jake: [scream]

[The scene goes black while Finn and Jake scream and fighting noises are heard. They get thrown out of the cave and land at Y/n's feet.]

Y/n: Have fun in there?

Finn: No!

Jake: Uh-oh! Man, we got got! There's only two left!

Finn: What?!

Y/n: Ooo, that's rough buddy. Two away from me making good on my threat earlier. Oh, I also lost mine while I was flying. My bad dude.

Finn: WHAT?!

Y/n: [thinks] Nah, I didn't. I already delivered them and let Bonnie know was was going on.

Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.

[Finn throws the Holo-Pendant]

Bonnie [Hologram]: Hello?

Finn: We blew it, man! My plan sucked—it sucked all along—but I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB is gonna get got, and it's all my fault! Y/n is totally gonna got me!

Y/n: [sharpening his sword] Yep, sure am.

Jake: Whoa, whoa, take it easy, buddy. We've still got two whole tarts left. PB is gonna be fine and bro isn't gonna get you.

Y/n: Yes I will!

[A butterfly lands on the tart pack]

Finn: You really think so?

Jake: Yeah, why not?

Butterfly: Hey! Keep off them tarts!

Finn: Huh?

Butterfly Bandit: I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile?!

Finn: But I—

Bandit Butterfly: Right the bazoobs now! [Pulls out his laser gun]

Jake: Finn, he's got a laser gun!

Y/n: [sadistic smile] Better do what he says "Finny".

[The butterfly shoots, and Finn & Jake move away]

Bandit Butterfly: Yeah! That's it. Alright, [Grabs the tart pack and flies off] now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See youse later!

Finn: It's over. PB's gonna get croaked.

[Suddenly a shadow stands over Finn and he looks up to see Y/n standing above him.]]

Y/n: Welp Finn, ya failed and Bonnie is gonna die. You know what that means right?

Finn: [sighs and stands up and out stretches his arms] Just do it already, I got PB killed. I ain't no hero and I ain't gonna let myself get got with a scar on my back.

Jake: CALM DOWN YOU TWO! What if we just smash in there and stop Congress from chopping her head off.

Y/n: [sighs] That's actually not a bad idea Jake. I suppose you can live for now Finn...

Finn: Thanks bro... Let's go save Princess Bubblegum.

[The scene changes to the Royal Congressional Hall]

[Y/n, Finn, and Jake enter]

Backrubbers: Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!

[Y/n, Finn, and Jake see Princess Bubblegum bring her face to the table while a Backrubber raises his axe. Finn's eyes go big in terror.]

Finn: NOOOOO!!!!

[The guy with the ax makes the cut]

Finn: Aaaaah! ... Huh?

[The ax is revealed to have merely chopped a tart]

Bonnie: Another perfectly chopped tart!

[The crowd cheers and Bonnie takes a picture]

Bonnie: Let the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony begin!

Finn: Dude, they were just slicing tarts!

Y/n: Yep.

Jake: And there's Cinnamon Bun over there!

Cinnamon Bun: Hey!

Finn: He must have delivered the decoys...

[Pause]

Finn/Jake: the ones we poisoned!

[The princess is about to eat a tart]

Finn: Nooo!

[Finn slaps the tart away]

Finn: Princess, don't eat that tart!

Bonnie: Okay! Jeez, Finn, I won't eat that tart. I'll eat this other tart instead!

[She stuffs it in her mouth]

Finn: No, Princess, no!

[She becomes immobilized]

Finn: The princess has been paralyzed!

Bonnie: I'm not paralyzed! I'm gripped with the flavor! You've outdone yourself again N/n!

Y/n: Of course I have, I managed to perfect the perfection that is the tart recipe I created.

Finn: That means we must have been carrying the poisoned tarts all along!

[The Butterfly bandit is shown with a tart, falling through the sky, paralyzed.]

Finn: Yep! All part of my master plan.

Y/n: Actually it wasn't. 

Bonnie: Yeah, Y/n told me everything.

Finn: Huh?

Y/n: Yeah I switched out the tarts. You really think I was gonna let you two carry the real tarts?

Finn: B-But what about the ones you lost?

Bonnie: Oh he delivered those earlier, he said you two went into a cave.

Jake: So that's why he flew over...

Finn: I'm sorry for not following your instructions and for lying to you about it.

Bonnie: Oh, Finn, I forgive you—'cause I lied to you, too! They weren't going to decapitate me; I just said that so you guys wouldn't eat the tarts!

Y/n: Also if they really did kill her I would actually cause a war on everyone involved.

Finn: Y-Your kidding right?

Bonnie: He's not, he would actually burn this land to the ground if either me, Marcy, or Briar was killed.

Jake: O-Oh.

[The Royal Tart Toter bursts in, holding a squirrel and a hen]

Y/n: Oh no...

Royal Tart Toter: Ladies and gentlemen! The Royal Tarts have arrived.

Backrubbers: [gasp]

Bonnie: The old Tart Toter! [whispering] Nobody move! He can't see or hear, but he can feel your movement.

Royal Tart Toter: Hello? Eat my tarts? This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively, but if sweetness can win—and it can—[The background changes to the Galaxy of Flavors with Lumpy Space Princess passing by] then I'll still be here tomorrow, to high-five you yesterday, my friends. Peace.

[Lumpy Space Princess grabs a passing donut, while the Royal Tart Toter drifts into the distance]

Finn: Sheesh! [To Y/n] So you wern't going to kill me at all?

Y/n: Nope, I was honestly messing with you, but... [grabs Finn's shoulder] If you ever use a stupid plan to endanger either my wives or my daughter... I'll make the actual thing come true. Got it?

[Finn gulps and passes out]

Bonnie: Did you really have to scare him like that?

Y/n: The boy needs to know. Briar is starting to become more and more infatuated with him day by day.

Bonnie: Awww, your an overprotective dad.

Y/n: Yeah I guess I am.... [he looks at Finn's knocked out body and mumbles] But if anyone is gonna be her first boyfriend, I'm glad it's him. [To Bonnie] And if you ever tell Marcy or Briar I said that, there will be no more top for you!

Bonnie: [pouts] Fine... I won't.

[Episode ends]