"I'd hit it," Calum's saying when Michael walks into the living room. He feels like turning right back around and maybe holing up in his room the rest of the night, but he also wants to know what Calum would apparently hit. That, and Calum's all spread out on the couch in his short shorts, and the empty space in front of him just looks so warm and inviting, Michael really can't resist.

He sighs, long suffering, so Calum flicks his eyes up and grins. Luke's sitting on the floor in front of the tv, long legs spread in front of him, and some sort of black game consul in between them. Usually Michael would be able to guess what it is, but this one is in pieces. He ignores Luke, as usual.

"I don't think you would," Luke says after a short pause. "I think you'd make out with him, but you wouldn't fuck him."

Calum scoffs likes he's offended by that. "I would so! If I'm going into the gay pool, I'm going to jump, I'm not just going to dip my toe in!"

Luke's eyebrows pull into a crease on his forehead, making him look older that he actually is. "It's it, like, a metaphorical gay pool? Or should we crack out the floaties?"

He fiddles with the black chunks of the gaming system and a screwdriver, like he'll be able to fix it with his bare hands alone. Michael trudged his way over to the couch and shoves himself onto it, ignoring Calum's flailing and squawking when Michael practically lays on top of him. They shift around, Calum muttering angrily behind him, until Michael's got his back all shoved up against Calum's front. The younger boy wheezes, but accepts the impromptu cuddle by slinging his arm over Michael's waist, fingers curling so his knuckles brush against Michael's ribs.

"Besides," Luke continues like nothing. "What if you don't like it? Like, obviously you're- what, heteroflexible?- and you're pretty into giving head, but what if you actually get him alone and get to the fucking part and you just can't do it? Like, you can't shove your dick up there?"

"I could do it," Calum responds confidently. "It's not that different from a girl, right? You just- you shove your dick up there."

Michael snorts at him. "As the only one that has actually experienced gay sex in this group, I can tell you that it's way different. Like, you have to do a lot of prep before hand, and-"

"We don't need the details," Luke cuts in, twisting around to shoot Michael a look over his shoulder. Michael rolls his eyes and cuddles back into Calum, who just kicks at his legs once, before going the more restraining route and hitches one knee up over Michael's thigh.

"I could do it," Calum mumbles determinedly in his ear. "I could fuck a dude. Why do you guys have so little faith in me?"

"First of all, you have no attention span for prep," Michael tells him. "You barely have the attention span to bat yourself off in the shower, how are you going to get another dude off? Besides, you'd probably say "No homo" while pushing your dick in. You'd be terrible at after care, too, you'd call him bro and make him wipe himself off."

"Why would he have to wipe-" Calum cuts off abruptly and Michael doesn't even have to look at him to know he's frowning. "Whatever, shut up with your homoerotic adventures. I could fuck him."

"Who?" Michael asks, at the same time that Luke scoffs and says, "He's definitely a top. You'd be getting fucked, my friend."

Calum chooses to respond to Luke. "No way. How do you even know that? I'm a top, I can't get fucked!"

"He's strong," Luke explains. "Have you seen his muscles? He could definitely hold you down. And he's got the mindset, he's definitely a top." Luke pauses while Michael shifts around and starts making owl noises in an attempt to find out who they're talking about. "Besides, how would you know you're a top if you haven't had any gay adventures yet?"

"A solid guess," Calum huffs and shifts his arm up to slap his palm over Michael's mouth. Michael makes a startled noise, but otherwise slumps against him in defeat. "I'm strong, too, we could fight for dominance."

Luke snorts in amusement, just as Michael wiggles enough to get his mouth around Calum's fingers and bite down. Calum pulls his hand away quickly, snapping Michael's face as he goes, and settles it around his waist again. "Who?" Michael demands. "Who are you talking about?"

"Ashton," Calum responds huffily as he wipes his fingers on Michael's shirt. Michael groans out loud and Calum tuts. "No, no, don't make that noise. You're going to marry him, remember?"

"He's straight," Michael tells them firmly. "He's the straightest guy I know and that's something, considering I live with you two."

"No way," Luke says quickly, still hunched over the parts and pieces on the floor. "Have you seen his hair? That's blowjob hair." Michael gives him an incredulous look, so like elaborates. "It's long enough that you can pull it, but he ties it back so it doesn't get in the way when he swallows your dick."

Michael makes a considering expression, then decides it's logic enough and nods in agreement. He can definitely see that.

"Besides," Calum adds. "He was flirting with me the other day. And he mentioned his ex boyfriend to Luke."

Michael groans again because he knows the two of them have been trying to get him to go out with someone for a while, and Ashton really is perfect. He sees why Calum and Luke think they're soul mates. He doesn't want to accept it, but he definitely sees it. He wiggles around until Calum squishes him, then mumbles, "He doesn't want to date me, trust me. He'd probably go for you, Cal."

"He's a top," Luke reminds them. "That'd be an awful match. There'd be so much testosterone in one room, they'd probably kill eachother trying to fuck. You, though," Luke drops the screwdriver in his hand and twists around to shoot Michael a grin. "You're a bottom."

"What makes you think I'm a bottom?" Michael scoffs, because he doesn't think its that obvious. He tries to hide it.

Luke rolls his eyes and Calum snorts, biting down on the curve of Michael's shoulder to make him squirm again. "Please," Calum says. "We've known each other for how long? You don't think we've seen you pressed against walls or heard you moaning and begging for it harder? We don't mention it because it happens so often."

"It does not!" Michael's blushing, he can feel his face burning red. He's glad Calum can't see his face.

"Once a month," Calum determines.

"At least!" Luke adds quickly. Michael sputters and tries to deny it, but really. It's useless at this point.

Calum decides he's done harassing Michael for now and pats at his tummy gently. "You should ask him out. That'd get him into you. I'll tell him I'm dating Luke, or something."

Luke grunts. "Wouldn't it be easier to say you've got a girlfriend? Don't drag me into your gay shit, I've got enough problems at that school."

Michael can't even see Calum and he knows he's rolling his eyes. "Ms. Fucking- Whatever, Ms. Blue Waffle didn't like your cookies, we know, Luke, get over it."

"She called them vile!" Luke cries, which isn't true at all and both Calum and Michael know it.

"Shut up," Calum says bluntly before addressing Michael again. "Here's how it'll go down. First period I'll go find Ashton and casually tell him I'm dating Luke. Then, when you go up for your drawing class during third period, he'll be sad and mopey because this hot ass is off the market."

"We're not dating," Luke sighs in exasperation, but Calum just ignores him.

"That's when you swoop in," Calum smacks Michael's stomach and ignores his startled yelp. "Ask him to dinner this Friday. He'll say yes because he's desperate and probably hasn't fucked anyone since his boyfriend broke up with him two years ago."

"That's kind of manipulative," Michael points out, even though it's a pretty solid plan. It's great, considering Calum's the one that came up with it.

"Nah," Calum shrugs. "He's lonely and wants to date someone, but I'm not interested. The next logical choice is you, bro."

Michael considers it, but eventually decides Calum's right. He should date someone, and who better than a hot guy with blowjob hair? Really, it's a good idea. He nods quickly. "Yeah. Yeah, alright, let's do it."