**warning: this imagine contains thoughts of suicide and self-harm. if this is triggering, please either be cautious or do not read.**

   THIRD PERSON

  She had it planned out.

   Three days ago she planned it all out. Where she would go, how she would do it, when she would do it.

  As soon as she woke up, her lips didn't curl into a smile, her thoughts didn't try to cheer her up. She didn't swing her legs from the bed with enthusiasm for the new day.

    She sat there.

  And didn't think. Didn't hum, or tap, or move at all. She simply stared ahead.

  Thomas had already gone out to the maze by this time, so she wasn't worried about being caught. He'd already accidentally spotted her slicing her wrists in tears with a Slicer knife. The white scars still remained.

    Y/N lazily got out of the hammock, slowly put on her last pair of clothes, and began wandering around. She'd never bothered to adventure the empty areas of the glade, but it deemed okay for her last day.

   Y/N found that dandelions grew near the wall, a big plot of them, waving gently in the wind. With her foot, she nudged a few, and little white seeds flew off and followed the wind.

   She continued on and spotted that some of the vines on the wall coincidentally warped themselves into a heart shape. Somewhat deformed, but she could see it. The image made her heart ache for Thomas.

   Y/N became bored of the plant life and decided it was time now. The sun was midway across the sky, and the gladers were busy with their work. She dragged herself to the edge of the woods, staring past all the trees, the wall of green.

   Here she goes. Off to her death. Off to leave the maze. The gladers. Thomas.

   But she was also leaving the dreaded days of being stuck here in this box. The horrible times where you thought it'd just be better if you weren't here at all, just to escape. The moments where your low thoughts consume you and you decide-

    You're done.

  Y/N took her steps onto the crunching leaves and traveled through the planned path, passing the recognizable trees.

  Her eyes danced as she searched for the certain tree. The one next to the large boulder. The climb-able one.

  Finally, she found it. Her legs moved until she was directly against the tree and her hands grabbed the nearest branches. With a blank look, she began climbing. Climbing until she thought it was high enough.

   Her branch reached over the boulder and she sat directly above it, ready to slip off.

   She wondered if she should say some last words. As if the people she were leaving would hear them and remember them forever when she was gone. But the thought seemed ridiculous.

   Y/N let go of the branch and leaned forward, the adrenaline of falling hitting her quickly. The wind rushed passed her for a few seconds, until her body slammed to the rock, rag dolling to the ground.

   Her eyes shot wide open at the pain. But it wasn't enough, she thought. It wasn't high enough.

   Y/N lay on the ground, her lungs gasping for the breath that was just knocked out of her. Her hands gripped the leaves, like the friction would help bring back air.

   Nothing worked. She had to wait for her body to get oxygen on its own. Y/N had to sit there and retch for air.

   Time seemed to drag and Y/N finally found the strength to sit up, pushing her self up with her hands. She stumbled slightly, but disregarded it as she began to climb again.

  This time was harder. Her hands weren't gripping as strong and her body felt heavier. Her legs weren't holding her up.

   She passed the branch she'd just tried and continued, finding one about 10 feet higher. With confidence, she chose it, knowing this one had to be high enough.

   Y/N crawled out on to the branch, and heard the snap. Her eyes looked to the start of the branch, eyeing it carefully. Nothing seemed broken, so she continued, but softly this time.

   Still, the branch let out minuscule noises, noises that sounded like it was going to give out any second.

   Y/N had to do it now. Her legs swung off in haste, but the tree found too much weight.

   She felt it give out. Suddenly, support wasn't holding her up. Wind rushed passed again, and a branch was now falling with her. Under her. Her ears caught the breeze rushing through the leaves until she felt it.

   The branch caught right under her, snapping in half as her weight crushed it against the boulder. The shock rang through her body and this time, she yelled out in pain.

  It was the worst she's ever felt. Wood pierced her back, her arms laid out next to her. Her body was still posed at the top of the boulder, arms and legs handing off.

   Warm liquid drenched her back and soon she felt it run down her arms. Dripping off her finger tips, her eyes looked over and the deep red color fell of her nails, no later than a second after the one before it.

   Her face still blank, dazed and in shock from the pain, all she did was look up. Look up to the leaves. The green leaves. Some darker and some lighter. Different shapes. Two small holes of blue sky managed to show themselves.

   Y/N thought she heard wind blowing through her tired ears, but she determined them to be distanced yells and voices. Her instant thought was to stand up to try again, but her body wouldn't listen. All she could do was move her eyes. She could feel her lips dry up from not being used.

   With a quick blur, Newt's face was over Y/N's. His mouth was moving and his eyebrows were furrowed. Deep brown eyes stated hardly into hers.

   Her back suddenly didn't have pressure anymore. Hands held her body in a new position and she felt the pounding steps as boys rushed her away from the boulder.

   The tree tops were soon replaced with the sky in Y/N's eyes. Voices were still muffled.

   Again, the scenery above her changed. Now she was under a roof, mostly straw and wood. Hands left her and she was lying on something again.

   Wet fabric was dragged across her face and the areas she remembered feeling blood. Three different faces occasionally came to vision as they worked on her body.

  Once finalized, hands grabbed her once more, before they placed her on her stomach. Cold air hissed at the open wound, almost making a noise escape Y/N.

   Her face sat looking to the side as they cleaned her back and stitched it, wrapped it.

   Another body rushed into the room. One quickly following behind it. The first with brown hair and the other, redish-brown hair. Like a really warm auburn. Newt, Y/N assumed.

   The brunette tried to rush towards her, but Newt held him back. The first boy struggled to get to her, his cries reaching Y/N's ears. Knees smashing to the floor echoed as she watched the brunette collapse to his knees. His arms lazily by his side, but Y/N could see his torso racking up and down, in and out with sobs.

   A warped noise evaded her ears as they cleared, allowing her full hearing. The feeling made her jolt, escaping a cough. The tears that were hazing her vision finally fell, giving her sight back.

  Brunette boy- Thomas. Sat with his head in his hands. Newt stood with his hand on Thomas' back, trying to ease him.

  Y/N heard the three boys place away the tools they used. They were finished patching up her attempt.

    "Thoma-" Her voice rasped, before a wheeze interrupted. His gaze broke away from his lap, eyes wide as they landed on her. He clambered on the ground to her side, his face as close as possible without going cross eyed to look at his love.

   "Why?" He whispered. But Y/N couldn't find the exact words. She couldn't explain this. How her thoughts got so low. They just- did. She wasn't really in condition to give a full explanation, she was so tired.

   Tired. Maybe that's how she could explain it. She was tired of this. Tired of living without knowing what's going to happen. Tired of living when they could be living for nothing.

   "I got tired, Thomas." She croaked. "Tired of being here for no reason other than to stay here."

   "You're- you're not here for no reason." Thomas shook his head, tears leaping. "You're here with me. It doesn't matter why we were put here. It matters what happens now. Here. With me."

  "What if it's for nothing?" She sniffled, eyes forming tears again.

   "If it is-" Thomas breathed out. "Than you've spent the last years of your life with the person you love."

  Y/N actually smiled. She smiled. Something she hadn't done in a while. Not a fake one; not a forced one; not a half-assed one. A genuine smile as she gazed upon the man who'd wouldn't rather do anything other than love her with his fullest.

   "I'm so sorry." Y/N cried, her lips frowning. She shook her head the most she could. "I'm so sorry."

   "You're okay." Thomas nodded, placing his palm against her face, softly dragging his thumb along her cheekbone. "It's okay. You're okay."

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A/N:: I felt like something real needed to be out on here. shit gets tough.

   i love all of you to the fullest.