Summary: You're having a lovely day when two men happen to have an argument near you. When one storms off, the other asks you to join him in his search for a key... Sure, it all seems to have stemmed from a coincidence, but the universe is rarely so lazy. Everything is connected.

QOTP: Todd or Dirk?

Word Count: 1790

You can't help but sigh contentedly; this is the first time you've gotten to just sit and read outside comfortably. It's warm, quiet. Perfect.

"How much longer?!" a man complains, shattering your little utopia. You crane your neck around the tree you're leaning against to see two men walking down the pavement, one dressed normally, one in a banana-yellow jacket. The latter also has on a tie that may or may not have tiny ice cream cones printed on it.

"We're almost there, Todd!" Banana-Man replies.

The other man, Todd, is exasperated. "You said that twenty minutes ago!"

"Well, we're closer than we were twenty minutes ago!"

You chuckle to yourself as they stop on the pavement, continuing to argue.

"Dirk, I can't wander around the whole city with you all day!" Todd shouts.

Banana-Man, or Dirk, scoffs. "It's not the whole city! And it's not the whole day! Just... a few hours."

"DIRK!"

You jump at the sudden outburst, then Dirk sighs. "Todd, you just startled someone listening in on our conversation."

"DIRK!"

Knowing you've been caught, you peek out from around the tree. "Hello!" Dirk says, waving.

You wave back. "Hi!"

"That's it!" Todd says, throwing up his hands and starting to walk off. "I'm done! I'm going home."

"Who's going to help me find the key?" Dirk asks dejectedly.

Todd spins around so fast, you're surprised he doesn't fall. He jabs his hand in your direction, then turns around again. "I'm taking the car!"

Dirk watches him walk away, then turns back to you. "Well, I guess it's you and me now."

"Who are you?" you ask, taking the hand he offers you to help you up.

"Dirk Gently, holistic detective," he replies. "Who are you?"

"Y/N Y/L/N, confused bystander."

"Well, you're not a bystander anymore. This has to be for a reason, you know. You're a part of the investigation now."

"What, who, when, where, why, and how?"

He begins walking, so you're forced to follow in order to hear his explanation.

"What: A mystery. Murder mystery. Who: Sarah Ginger. When: Last week. Where: Her home. Why: Not sure yet. And How: Still working on that."

You walk in silence for a few seconds, pondering just what the heck you're getting yourself into, when, finally, you speak again. "Could you be a bit more specific?"

"Sarah Ginger was murdered in her home last week. The autopsy was inconclusive - there are no external or internal wounds. The police and Sarah's parents thought it best that I investigate; I'm a detective.

"Yesterday, my friend Todd and I found a map in a secret compartment in Sarah's wall and a locked room behind her bookcase. What we're thinking is that this map leads to the key, which may lead to a suspect."

"That's it? That's all you've got?"

"Pretty much."

You can't think of what to say, so you just follow him, looking at the map he's holding. It's seems elaborate, but you're apparently over halfway through.

When the sun starts to set, you still haven't found the key.

"Dirk, do you think we should take a break? I mean, we've been at this for a while," you say.

He sighs, "Yeah, probably. We might have to continue tomorrow..."

"What about Todd?"

"What about him?"

"Shouldn't you be getting back to him or whatever?"

"He took the car."

"I can give you a ride."

He looks taken aback. "You do realize I could be a murder, right?"

"I've been walking with you for two hours; I don't think so. And if you are, I'll kill you first," you reply, starting to walk back to your car. Dirk has no choice but to follow.

////

"This is it?" you ask, pulling up to an apartment complex.

Dirk nods, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Thanks," he says.

You shrug. "I'm a part of this now, right? I'll swing by tomorrow, I guess."

"You're serious?"

"Well, duh. Murder investigation. Secret rooms and crap. Adventure, I don't know. Sounds fun."

"Somebody died."

"I didn't say it was fun for them, did I?"

Dirk just sighs and gets out of the car, then walks straight to Todd's apartment. He finds him asleep on the couch.

"Todd."

Nothing.

"Todd," a little louder.

Still nothing.

"TODD!"

"I DIDN'T KILL THE- DIRK, WHAT THE HECK?!" Todd shouts, startled and nearly falling off the couch.

Dirk ignores this, however. "Okay, so, Y/N-"

"Who?"

"The one you startled today. Anyway, Y/N is a part of the investigation now and we're going to continue searching for the key tomorrow."

"Okay?"

"Are you going?"

"I guess..."

Dirk opens his mouth as if to say something, but doesn't. Instead, he walks off to his own apartment, leaving Todd exhausted and confused.

////

The next morning, you drive to the same apartment complex and realize you didn't get his number. Nor did you set a time. So, you do the only thing you can think of.

"DIRK GENTLY!"

Dirk, who's in the middle of eating cereal, jumps at the sound of his name. Quickly, he runs and pokes his head out of the window, sees you, then tells you to wait.

"Todd, Y/N is here!" he shouts, furiously knocking on Todd's door.

Todd, narrowly avoiding getting hit in the face by Dirk's fist, opens the door. "I'm coming, Dirk. Hold on."

He was already dressed, like Dirk, and he went back in his apartment to put on some shoes. When the two of them reach the sidewalk, you're leaning against your car.

"Uh, I'm Todd. Brotzman," he says, holding out his hand.

You shake it. "Y/N Y/L/N."

Dirk climbs into the passenger, while you and Todd get into the driver's and backseat respectively.

////

Eventually, you, Todd, and Dirk make it back to where you left off yesterday. Dirk holds the map, concentrating very hard on it. "Shouldn't be much farther..." he mumbles.

You and Todd follow him for about an hour until you finally come to the end.

"It just... stops? I guess something is here..." Dirk says. You look around, seeing only trees and grass. Nothing of significance.

"Is it buried?" you asks. Dirk shrugs, then pulls a little gardening shovel out of his jacket pocket.

"Why do you have that?"

"We need it, don't we?"

As Dirk starts digging, you look over at Todd. He shrugs as if he's used to it.

Not five minutes later, Dirk hits something wooden.
"A trapdoor! Oh, this'll be fun."

He opens it, revealing a ladder into a small, dark space. Without hesitation, he begins his descent down. Shrugging, Todd follows, so you do as well.

When you reach the bottom, the trapdoor you came in from swings shut and you're plunged into complete darkness.

"Where's Zachariah Webb's magic lightbulb when you need it?" Dirk asks irritably.

Even though you have no idea what he's talking about, you scoff. "Are you sure it's not in your jacket?"

"Wait..."

A few seconds later, there's light; Dirk's holding a light bulb. And it's on. Todd sighs, "You still have that thing?"

"Of course I do."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Dirk moves the bulb around, looking at the small room. You see a light switch on the way and flip it, bathing the room in light. As Dirk puts his magic bulb away, you observe the wooden tables and odd tools strewn about the room.

"So we just found another secret room?" Todd asks.

You pick up something that looks sort of like a hammer. "Maybe the key to the other secret room is in this one."

"It is," Dirk says. You look up to see him holding a key, dangling from a chain.

Quickly, you snatch it out of his hands. "This is mine."

"What?" Dirk asks, interested.

"When I moved in to my house, I found it in the bedroom. I thought it was just decorative... I lost it a week or so ago."

"When Sarah was murdered."

"If this is the key to the secret room," Todd says, "and it's here, that could mean it was Sarah's. But how did it end up in your house?"

You start to answer, but you see a photo on a table. "This is him - this is the guy I bought my house from."

Dirk looks at it, then yelps. "I saw him at the crime scene! When we went there, Todd, I saw him in the street. He was smoking. I didn't know who he was."

"Could it have been him?" you ask.

Dirk nods. "It's got to be!"

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"Something isn't right."

"What?"

Dirk starts pacing. "You have to be involved in this somehow. I mean, sure, the man we're looking for used to live your house. But there's got to be something else..."

You and Todd wait, watching him think for a few minutes. Suddenly, he stops. "I've got it!"

And then his lips are on yours. You're too shocked to do anything for a few seconds, but then you push him away. "What are you doing?!"

"We're soulmates! That's got to be it! I feel it. It's real. We're soulmates."

"You're insane."

"You get used to it," Todd says.

You look at the both of them incredulously. "This is... absolutely ridiculous. I mean, who are you people?"

"I'm Dirk Gently. I told you that already."

"Dirk-"

"I should've known a lot sooner - when I first saw you, something happened. Like something clicked in my mind. I know it; we're soulmates."

"If this is your idea of flirting, it isn't working."

I mean, yeah, he's cute, but I can't... Can I? What if he's right? I'm going insane, aren't I?

"You'll see," Dirk says, already climbing up the latter. "After we catch this guy, I'm taking you out."

"Are you now?"

"Yes, that's what I said."

////

Needless to say, you found the guy. After he was in the police station, you went back to the secret room and used the key.

It was filled with evidence; his footprints, fingerprints. Even the murder weapon. He just thought they'd never find it.

It was Sarah's - it had everything from her past in there. She used to be an assassin. The guy just wanted revenge.

Then, Dirk took you out, just like he said he would. And you couldn't help but think... maybe he's right.