Are You an Idiot? | Clive Babineaux
Requested by @user34547292
The sERIES FINALE THO OH MY GOSH I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK FIFTY TIMES
This imagine has no spoilers
Summary: You're assigned to help Clive on a case of a murdered professional matchmaker. Liv, of course, consumes the victim's brain. This leads to, well, matchmaking...
QOTP: Good cop or bad cop?
Word Count: 2820
You've known Clive Babineaux for a while now, though only as casual work friends. You don't really do cases together at all, but you'll say a general good morning when you see each other at work.
However, today, that's going to change.
He's on the case of Regina Rogers — matchmaker extraordinaire. She was murdered, and there's a large suspect pool due to her many clients. You were assigned to help him because of this, but you suspect Liv Moore, who is famously a zombie, will be joining you (even though she's technically not supposed to do that). So, here you are.
"You need someone who gets you," Liv says from the backseat. You're in the passenger seat, and Clive's driving. She's talking to him.
"Do I?" Clive replies, uninterested. You chuckle.
"You do," Liv confirms. "You need someone who really understands you emotionally. And mentally."
You're headed to Regina's house, going to look for anything that might point you in the right direction or cause Liv to "remember" something.
"And you need someone who will be there for you no matter what," Liv says to you.
You chuckle again. "Doesn't everybody need that?"
"Oh, but you need it more," she replies. "You need a lot of emotional support."
You snort. "Thanks, Liv." Clive stifles a laugh.
"Just doin' my job," she replies.
"Last I checked that actually wasn't your job," Clive says.
"Well, it is now."
"Well, you're not very good at it."
She looks at him in the rearview mirror with indignation. "Says the man who has been single for, like, fifteen years!"
"What if I want to be single, did you ever think about that?" Clive replies. You can sense the feelings of annoyance rising between them, but you're more amused than anything else. Liv is just being influenced by the brain she ate, so she can't really help it, and you suspect they have spats like this quite often.
"Clive, no one wants to be single," Liv says. "That's ridiculous."
"Then why are you single?" he replies.
She stumbles over her words for a moment. "Wh- Be-Because I'm too busy fixing everyone else's love lives! And, I'll have you know, I was engaged to be married, and the only reason that fell through is because I became a zombie! And I've had many boyfriends since."
"And why did those fall through?" you ask, still amused.
"A multitude of reasons, most of which were only a tiny bit my fault."
"A tiny bit?!" Clive exclaims, finally causing you to full-out laugh.
"You two are ridiculous," you say, laughing.
"You were involved in that just as much as we were," Clive retorts, now cracking a smile.
"Yeah, you fit right in," Liv adds, an idea already forming in her head.
////
You make it to Regina's house, where the actual crime scene is roped off in the living room. The body itself is gone, as Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti is working on the autopsy, though it should be finished soon. The forensics team already took some samples and evidence has been collected, but there could always be something they missed.
"Getting anything, Liv?" you ask, looking around the front room. The theme seems to be red, which makes sense. This is where she would meet with her clients. A desk is up against one wall with a comfy chair in front of it. It's empty because her papers have been collected to be looked over.
Liv shakes her head, then sits down at the desk. "No, not yet." She opens the drawers, finding nothing, of course, then leans back and puts her feet up. "I'll sit and think on it. You and Clive go look around."
You turn from her and go deeper into the house to meet up with Clive. You pass the blood stain the living room carpet on your way to the kitchen, where he's looking around.
"You founding anything?" you ask.
He jumps a little, having not heard you walk in. "No. You?"
"No," you reply. "And neither has Liv. She's waiting at her desk." You begin to look through the kitchen, too, snooping through the cabinets and drawers. After a few moments' silence, you ask, amused, "So, you're a bit jumpy today, huh?"
"I didn't hear you come in," he replies defensively, half-laughing,
"You're a detective, Babineaux; you have to be ready for anything."
"Yeah, yeah."
Eventually, you find nothing of interest, so you move on, turning down a hall and entering the first room you come to. It's a bathroom — not the master, so it's fairly little. Clive passes you on his way to the next room. Not long after, you head out, having found nothing of interest under the sink or in the cabinet.
You enter into the next room — her bedroom — to help Clive look, but you don't immediately see him through the doorway.
As soon as you enter, you hear someone shout at you from your right and immediately jump into action, quickly grabbing your gun and aiming it at the source.
The source, it turns out, was Clive, who is now looking at you with his hands up in surrender and fear in his eyes. You sigh, beginning to calm as you put your gun back in its hoister. "Are you an idiot?"
"Apparently, yes," he replies, chuckling a little. "I did not expect that."
"I didn't expect you to try to scare the crap out of me, either," you say, moving to Regina's dresser to begin searching.
"Did it work?"
"Considering my sympathetic nervous system just kicked my heart rate into overdrive, I'd say, in a literal sense, yeah, you did. In an un-literal sense, no, because I was ready."
He laughs. "Yeah, I kinda regret that now."
"Well, you should," you reply, though you're starting to laugh, too.
You both continue your search, you in the dresser and him in her nightstand. He finishes searching first, finding nothing of interest, and moves on to her closet. All the while, you continue to talk. There's no awkward small talk, just two friends conversing freely. One would think you were closer friends than you actually are.
Liv, meanwhile, is still no where to be seen. You assume she's still at the desk or looking around, trying to jog Regina's memory. You and Clive just continued talking. At times, you would discuss Regina and some things you found, but nothing ever came up that could be used as evidence.
After searching the master bathroom and the spare bedroom, you decide to call it quits, deeming the small attic not worth it at present (especially considering the dusty, unused state of the stairs) and go back to find Liv.
She's still sitting at the desk with her feet up, appearing to be dozing. Clive knocks on the desk, waking her up. She looks up at both of you, blinking. "Wow, you guys took forever."
"Did you get anything?" you ask. "Any visions, memories, whatever?"
She shakes her head, dropping her feet back to the floor. "No."
"We got nothing, too," Clive says.
You sit down in the chair across from Liv. "Here, let me try something." You lean forward, looking at Liv and trying to emulate a person lonely enough to physically go to a matchmaker when there are hundreds of dating sites out there to sign up for. "Regina, you have to help me. I can't find the guy that's right for me."
Liv shakes her head. "Nothing."
You think for a moment, then decide to go for a different approach. If one of her clients killed her, what would be their motive? "Regina, he's horrible! This was a rip-off! I want a refund! He's a nightmare! You're a horrible matchmaker! You have to do something!"
Liv suddenly gets a blank look on her face, seemingly staring through you. You lean back again, waiting for her to come back to reality. Clive seems impressed. "Nice work."
"Thank you."
Soon, Liv starts, getting her bearings after a few seconds. "There was a man yelling at her about someone she matched him with. He said she was crazy, she wouldn't leave him alone, and Regina was responsible, so she had to fix it."
"Well, let's go look through her client list," you say, standing.
Clive sighs. "And it definitely won't take us hours."
"Oh, surely not," you reply, just as sarcastic.
////
After two hours, during which you and Clive consumed around six doughnuts and fifteen slices of pizza combined (Liv opted for more Regina brain), you finally found the guy from Liv's vision.
His name is Miles Morales, [I just finished watching the movie and I'm garbage and I know this isn't in character for him okay] and you're heading to his home now.
According to Regina's papers, he was matched with a woman named Charlotte Oswin. Liv immediately offered to take Ravi to go question her while you and Clive talked to Miles.
No, not offered. More like insisted.
Clive only agreed to it because Ravi was going with her, and it would save you a lot of time.
So, here you are, alone with Clive, on your way to Miles Morales' house. Music is quietly playing on the radio, and even if it wasn't, you wouldn't mind the silence you'd be sitting right now. As is, it's comfortable, as if you've been friends for years. You wonder why you've never actually hung out before.
"So, we playing 'good cop, bad cop' on this?" he asks.
You look over at him, now realizing why you've never hung out before. "Are you an idiot?"
"That's the second time you've asked me that in the past four or five hours, and the answer is no this time because I'm entirely joking."
You snort lightly. "You better be. I was about to ask if you were a real detective."
He chuckles. "For real, though, if we did do 'good cop, bad cop,' who would be who?"
"Obviously, I would be bad cop," you reply instantly.
Clive nods. "Yeah, I won't argue with that. I nearly peed my pants when you almost shot me."
You playfully roll your eyes. "Oh, suck it up, Babineaux. I didn't almost shoot you." He goes to protest, but you continue. "You almost got yourself shot."
He laughs. "Alright, fine, we'll go with that."
////
"Regina's dead?" The shock in Miles' voice and on his face compels you to believe his innocence. "I... I only talked to her a couple days ago."
"And what, exactly, did you talk about?" you ask.
Miles sighs, running a hand through his hair. Then, he looks up at you. "About a month ago, Regina called me and told me she found a match for me. So, I went on the blind date she set up for me and this girl-"
"Charlotte Oswin," Clive butts in.
Miles nods. "Yeah. That date went pretty well. I started to like her, decided I wanted to see her again. So, I did. And for a while, she was great. Super sweet and kind and funny. I almost paid Regina more than I owed her. But then... It got bad. And then it got worse."
"How exactly?" you ask.
"At first, she was just a little clingy. Then, she was a lot clingy. And she constantly accused me of cheating on her, and she would check my phone every time I left the room. I never even gave her my password — and I kept changing it. I don't know how she was even getting into it. I wasn't allowed to even breathe in another girl's direction or she would go absolutely ballistic. I tried to break up with her, but then she would literally throw a tantrum. Threaten to kill herself, even. I mean, she's crazy, but I don't want her to do that, you know?"
"So, you went to Regina," Clive says.
Miles nods. "I didn't know where else to go besides the police, but I didn't think you guys handled this sort of thing 'cause she wasn't exactly committing any crimes as far as I knew. Regina said she would talk to Charlotte, see if she could get her to leave me alone. And now..." He looks down, seemingly upset. "I was angry at Regina — definitely in the moment — because I blamed her for the situation. But I would never, never hurt her. I would never hurt anybody."
Clive nods. "We believe you."
Miles looks to you and finds a softened expression on your face. You ask, "Do you know of anybody who would kill Regina?"
His immediate answer is, of course, "Charlotte."
////
Liv and Ravi told you that Charlotte was perfectly pleasant — and not at all how Miles described — though she seemed entirely fake. Her reaction to Regina's death was... dramatic.
So, you called her in for official questioning. Ravi wasn't present this time, but you, Liv, and Clive were.
"I already told you everything," Charlotte says.
You shake your head a little. "Mmm, no, I don't think you did."
"I didn't kill her!" Charlotte shouts.
Clive holds his hands out. "Okay, simmer down. No one ever said that. We just want to ask you some more questions about Miles Morales."
She perks up at this. "Miles? Is he here?"
She starts to stand, but Liv says, "No, he's not here."
Charlotte seems disappointed, but you continue anyway. "So, Regina matched you with him?"
"Yes," she replies, the disappointment melting away as she talks about him. "He's wonderful. He's so sweet and kind and loving and adorable. I love him so much! So why would I want to kill Regina if she matched me with my soulmate?"
You lean forward, fingers laced on top of the table. "Are you sure Miles feels the same way?"
Her brows furrow. "What? Of course he does. He loves me."
"And he told you that?" you ask, quirking a brow at her.
She starts stumbling over her words, then exclaims, "What does any of this have to do with Regina?!"
You start to speak, but Clive puts a hand on your shoulder and leans forward instead. "We have it on very good authority that Miles went to Regina a few days ago and asked her to help him break up with you."
She actually gasps. "What?!"
"Regina agreed to help him," Liv suddenly says. "And, considering you checked Miles' phone all the time, it's safe to say you would easily find out about that."
"I didn't know anything about it!" She's so angry, her face is as red as a tomato.
"Lying gets you nowhere, Charlotte."
"I didn't know or do anything!"
You shake your head. "I think you did. I think you found about the conversation Miles had with Regina, and you were so angry — and you didn't want anything to take you away from him — that you went Regina's house, and you shot her. Am I right or am I wrong?"
"You're wrong!"
Clive sighs. "We found fingerprints on the gun, Charlotte. We got a warrant to take yours, which is why we did before this interrogation began."
Charlotte looks indignant, but doesn't confess. "I want a lawyer!"
"Go ahead and get one," you reply, leaning back in your seat. "The prints are being processed as we speak."
You all leave, waiting on her lawyer to arrive after he's called. When you step out of the room, Clive whistles, amazed. "Wow."
"What?" you ask, confused.
"I thought we weren't doing 'good cop, bad cop'."
"We weren't," you reply, shrugging as you walk away and turning over your shoulder to talk to him. "You could've been bad, too."
Liv walks up beside Clive, who's watching you walk away, amazed. "Was she flirting with you?"
Clive almost imperceptibly shakes his head. "I don't know."
////
Needlessly to say, Charlotte's prints matched those on the gun, and she ultimately confessed. She's going to plead guilty at the trial.
"Well, that was successful," Liv says triumphantly.
"Yeah," Clive replies. "Now you can eat a new brain and stop being as annoying as you are right now."
Liv ignores him. "I say we go to a celebratory dinner tonight — the three of us. What about Lucy's at seven?"
"Sounds fun," you reply, immediately agreeing because you love Lucy's.
Clive agrees, too. "Yeah, I'll be there."
"Great," Liv says, smiling and walking away.
Clive looks back at you, "She's totally setting us up, isn't she?"
You nod. "Oh, yeah. But I'm not complaining."
"So, it's a date?" he asks hopefully.
You smile. "It's a date."
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