[summary]
     ↳ quackity had to go and be gone for 30 days and a random person showed claiming to be his son.

[warning/s]
     ↳ TONS OF SWEAR WORDS BRO ! also major usage of the word bro. 

[notes]
     ↳ idk what else to put LMAO i just decided to write because why the fuck not. this is SUPER UNEDITED! had a ton of fun writing this <33 enjoy!

***

"I need to go to this kingdom and persuade their king to become our ally. I'll also be gathering more rare resources from other islands. It's going to be a long trip."

"How long will you be gone?" you asked, wiping your hands on your apron from the kitchen. His bags were already packed, as you can see. You leaned against the kitchen island as Quackity approached you.

He held your face in his hands and looked between your eyes. "Probably a month... two months?"

"Can't I just come with you?" you grumbled.

"No," Quackity said immediately. "I'm sorry, but I need you to stay here."

"It's fine. It's for the better of the business," you shrugged, giving him a small smile. 

He sighs again, planting a sweet kiss on your lips before pulling away and closing his suitcase. "In the meantime, I'm going to leave you in charge of Las Nevadas; I'm confident you'll keep everything safe and running..."

You watched Quackity board a private ship at the crack of dawn. Everything he needed to sail across multiple islands was already secure in the hidden part of the ship.

You two faced each other, ready to say your goodbyes. "I love you," he says, putting his hand on your cheek, into which you lean. "Take care." 

"I love you too; stay safe."

Quackity got the ship ready to sail, and when it finally moved, he looked at you. "Do not inform the others of my departure." 

You nodded in agreement, waving at him until his figure shrank and shrank until he was gone. A month without Quackity, your partner, your husband. What could possibly go wrong?

***

The sun was still rising as you quietly surveyed the casino on your own. Where had the others gone? You came up with additional decoration and design ideas while looking out the windows. Maybe the Needle could use a little more blue? Quackity adores the color blue.

You walked outside after only a few minutes. You noticed three figures from a distance. One was floating through the air. And there were two specks of green and gold, which you guessed were Sam and Foolish.

As you stood still, the three of them were running around in excitement. You didn't want to interrupt their conversation; they didn't even notice you. 

"Kyle has powers!" Foolish screeched. 

Who the hell is Kyle?

Tina appeared from behind Foolish, and you smiled. You and Tina were close friends. She was a good person until Quackity discovered she had joined Karl and Sapnap in Kinoko Kingdom. Quackity wouldn't want you to go near them, but that wouldn't stop you from bumping into each other and catching up from time to time.

"Did you think my dad went to heaven or hell-?"

"Y/n! Hello!" Tina drew you into a warm embrace, bouncing on her heels. "I missed you! I want to catch up, but uh... I think we have a situation," she said quietly, and you noticed Kyle's unimpressed expression behind her. Sam and Foolish were watching with interest.

Sam informs you to the sudden appearance of Kyle HQ, who was walking around with a massive chain around his neck. With his black shades and sleeveless shirt, he thinks he's so cool.

"What's going on?" you asked, your brow furrowed in worry.

Kyle strutted confidently and pushed Tina aside, who glared at him. "Who are you, and where are you from?" You were motionless, but he sounded so distasteful that you should have flinched. He wreaks of that stinky deodorant, and his aura is just gross in general. He appears to be a spunky teenager, but Sam informed you that he was 43 years old. Kyle was clearly exaggerating his age.

"My name is Y/n... I'm the co-owner of Las Nevadas." 

Kyle's arms were crossed. "Well, I'm Quackity's legitimate son, Kyle HQ?" he stated, as if it were an obvious detail, which was suspicious given that you had never heard of your husband having a son. "Your boss must have told you that when Quackity dies, the entire state of Nevada will be mine."

He's dead?  Your frown had deepened as you looked down and thought intensely. That can't be true; he was on a long journey, but I can't say that.

"Um... how can you say that Quackity is dead?"

"Well, he's not here, no? And I don't believe you're the co-owner of Las Nevadas when my dad literally built this place. I'm his son and I'm gonna take over."

You looked at him, stunned. Is this guy legit? When the fuck did you have this asshole?

You exchanged disbelieving glances with your three friends behind him. You had no idea what to say, and they had no idea either. He's only a kid, but he's a fucking kcid backwards. "Anyway, where is my father's stash? I'm in need of some supplies."

"Hey, hey, hey, you're not allowed to go inside," you said as you stopped him.

"Why the fuck not? I'm Quackity's legitimate son; who are you to tell me what to do?"

"Like I said, I'm a co-owner of Las Nevadas, and as the person Quackity delegated authority over, I forbid you from entering." 

"What?!" Kyle turned to Sam. "Sam, get her to leave."

You and Sam exchanged glances, and he began to walk towards you. "Please excuse me for a moment-" Sam grabbed your arm and yanked you away from the three.

"What the fuck is going on?" you hissed. "Why is he claiming to be the heir of Las Nevadas? I've never even seen his fucking face before!"

"Y/n, relax," Sam says as he grabs your shoulders. "I'm pretty sure he's a farse as well, but he's just a kid and he knows Quackity. So what if he was actually his son? It doesn't even matter."

"It matters, Sam. Are you saying Quackity had a child while I was away? What the hell?"

"Okay, that would be kinda messed up and I think you should ask your husband yourself," Sam sweatdropped. "Where is he, anyway?"

You sighed in defeat. "Okay don't tell anyone else this, but he is away for a business trip. He'll be gone for a month."

"A month? That's a long time."

"It is," you said, nodding. Despite the growing possibility that Quackity fucked someone else during your years apart, you chose to remain calm and hold out hope that this Kyle guy is just a random asshole claiming to be the son of your wealthy husband.

Sam looked at you, waiting, and you sighed again. 

"Fine. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'll let him roam around Las Nevadas, but I'm not gonna treat him like my son."

He nodded. "Okay. Let's go." 

You two rejoined the group. While Tina and Foolish chatted aimlessly, Kyle stomped his feet impatiently. The rest of the group was looking at you with anticipation, and you gave them a feeble thumbs up. Tina smiled as Foolish leapt with joy. Kyle's eyes rolled, causing your blood to boil.

Kyle rummaged through the chests in the basement. "Could you tell me some crazy stories about my father?"

You stood outside the door with your arms crossed. Tina was looking around, and Sam and Foolish were standing next to Kyle. "Um," Sam started. "There's this cute story about how your father asked me to create this entire game, and I poured all of my blood, sweat, and tears into it, but we never got to use it in the end."

Kyle laughed so loud, it echoed around the room. Foolish and Tina chuckled while you stood there, unmoving. You weren't there when it happened, but Sam already told you this story but it wasn't as funny. He was even saying the exact words from years ago. 

"You know, I stayed up so late designing some of the coolest redstone builds for Quackity... but he never got to implement them."

"Please tell him to take a break, Sam. I don't mind if you take away all his things; I just don't want him to overwork himself."

"And?" he teased, his eyebrows raised.

You rolled your eyes amusingly. "You too. Take care of yourself too."

***

"I need to marry someone right now. For tax reasons." Kyle announced, standing in the middle of the marriage booth. "You can't tell the police that this is for tax reasons and you have to pretend that you really love me. So, anyone?"

Everyone looked around, the atmosphere had gotten really awkward. "Um..." Foolish chimed up. "Can't we just take this uh-"

"For the record, my dad left me a hefty amount of money!" He displayed blocks of diamonds behind him.  "So! Our marriage will result in the- in the consuming of these riches."

The whole thing was unbelievable, but what was even stranger was the look of interest in Foolish's eyes and Tina's encouraging words. "I've heard Foolish is extremely poor!"

"Uh, wait a minute," Foolish protests, but Tina continues to push him.

Kyle ignores the two and walks towards you. "What about you, lady? Do you want to marry me? I wouldn't mind dating someone older."

You wanted to punch this kid in the face, but you kept it to yourself. "I don't want to be near you, thank you very much; please step back or there will be serious consequences."

"Okay, Jesus Christ, fine!" Kyle said, raising his hands. "I didn't realize you were already a senile old lady." Another reason to want to beat him up. "Where's your old man, huh? Dead? Good. I wouldn't want to marry you if I were him."

"Okay, that's enough, Kyle." Foolish spoke up. 

"Kyle! You're so rude!" Tina exclaimed.

"Yeah, Kyle. You shouldn't be talking to your mother like that," Sam muttered under his breath, but you heard him. Kyle was closer to Sam, so he must have heard it as well. You glared at Sam so hard that you could see through his mask.

"What did you just say?" Kyle exclaimed, before looking back at you. "You're my mother?! I- Quackity didn't tell me! How do you know him?" 

Tina began, "Y/n and Quackity are married. You said Quackity's your dad, so..."

Kyle screamed, "I don't care! You're fucking lying!" He yanked on Foolish's wrist and stomped back into the booth. He had him sign a prenuptial agreement with him and everything, with you, Sam, and Tina as witnesses. Nobody seemed to have mentioned what had happened earlier. The only thing that matters right now is that Kyle and Foolish are about to marry.

"You!" He yelled at Tina, who jumped at Kyle's harshness. She officiated the wedding as Kyle had requested. "Let's get this wedding started, Tina." It was tedious to get them to say their vows but you would call it a success.

"Aww, just two people falling in love, right, Y/n?" Sam teased you. You sent a glare his way, and he immediately became quiet.

For the rest of the tour around Las Nevadas, Kyle kept calling Foolish his husband, Tina the priest, Sam a narc, and Y/n the impostor since he will never believe that you're Quackity's wife. 

"Remember, I may appear 21 years old, but I have the manners of a five-year-old, so do everything I say, and I'm always right."

You don't say, you little shit.

You almost didn't want to leave Las Nevadas, but Sam forced you to come along and just watch over them. So you did, but you stayed behind them, listening to the conversation about Quackity being dead, which made you want to slap them across the face (not Tina) and tell them he is alive and well.

"Wait, who raised you as a kid?" Foolish inquired. 

"I don't even know my dad," Kyle says so randomly.

Sam wondered aloud, "Do you think Quackity was the type of dad to make sure this young man here gets proper education and raised right?"

They burst into a loud conversation until Tina had to step in. "Guys, are we not gonna question that this guy just kinda came out of nowhere?|

THANK FUCKING GOD. TINA!

You quietly clenched your fist in excitement and remained silent.

"This could very well be an illegitimate child!" Tina said, and Foolish agreed.

"I've seen the birth certificate and I think it's real. It can be real."

You would want nothing more than to punch Sam in the face right now. 

"Wait then who's the..." Tina trailed off. "Who's the- the birth giver?"

A 100% can't be me. Coudln't have given birth to that piece of shit.

"I delivered Kyle. There I said it." Sam said. You didn't know if he was joking or not but he couldn't be serious.

"No, he didn't" Kyle chimed in. "I have no idea who you are, narc."

***

"What the fuck is this shit?" You exclaimed, reading through Kyle's 'bird sertifikit' that he signed himself.

"There you go! I'm legit, it all says in that book."

Tina steps in. "I just really don't think you should be signing your birth certificates like that."

Meanwhile, Foolish faced Sam. "How were you ever our prison warden!? Like, you're allowing this? We're giving this man the whole city!?" 

"Give me the book, priest!" Kyle demanded, but Tina insisted that Kyle was an illegitimate son, making you even more nervous. An illegitimate son is a child born outside of marriage. He's still Quackity's alleged child. Is this actually the case? "Narc," Kyle said to Sam, "she won't give me the certificate; stop her!"

"But he's illegitimate!"

Foolish stepped forward. "I'm with Tina. Don't you agree, Y/n?"

Never trusted him in the first place.

"You know what?" Sam finally spoke. "We're going to court."

While walking to said court, Kyle and Tina were still screaming back and forth. "Give me the book, bro!"

"I literally think he's just some random guy trying to rob from Quackity." Tina said, walking beside you. 

"He is my dad! I know a lot about him."

"You don't know anything! You said it like- 5 times!"

"No! I know a lot about- about my dad. Me and him are hella- hella close." 

"Y/n," Tina asked, her face contorted in a desperate and confused expression, "do you even know him? Like, did Quackity tell you anything about this Kyle guy?"

You simply shook your head. You really don't want anything to do with this shambles. Your mind is still unsure whether to believe Kyle's words, but a part of you silently hopes that he's just a random guy claiming to know Quackity when he knows nothing about him.

Fortunately, Tina was very vocal against this so you relied on Tina to express your thoughts because one word from you could cause you to implode. Tina held your hand gently the entire way to the court, and you silently appreciated the gesture.

Kyle wouldn't stop talking about his trips with his so-called "father." But, with his exaggerated accent and even more outrageous stories, he's becoming increasingly unconvincing.

His description was even more shocking: "I know my dad. He has... blond hair and- and blue eyes..."

Tina's eyes widened in surprise as she looked at you. "What the heck is he saying?" she wondered aloud.

"When was he... when was he ever blond?" Foolish was grinning now. You could tell he was amused by the obvious lie.

"Let's just settle this at court, baby."

***

It was a disaster. Sam presided over the case hearing, with Foolish serving as the first witness or testimony. When pressed on the subject, he simply stated that Kyle is not Quackity's son. Kyle kept insisting that he is, citing his last name, HQ, as evidence. Badboyhalo unexpectedly appeared in court to represent Kyle, and you now despise him even more.

Kyle vanished behind the benches once more, and you could all hear him downing something he calls 'White Claw,' but Tina had other ideas. "Your honor, your honor, he's snorting crack cocaine!"

"Your honor, I object. This is prescription. It helps with my client's... 'things' and whatnot," Bad jumped in to defend Kyle.

Sam nodded. "Oh! I see... I see."

It pissed you off when Sam dismissed the matter and how easy for him to side with Kyle.

Sam called you to stand in as a witness after a few more legal jargon and whatever nonsense they kept saying. "I wanna hear what miss Y/n has to say."

"I say fuck you, Quackity isn't dead," you said, referring to Foolish's earlier claim. "He can't just die; Kyle just tries to use his 'death' so he can sneakily take over Las Nevadas and steal his shit." 

"Well, people do wish to receive inheritance from their parents," Sam replied. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's a random man! Quackity never mentioned him and I'm his wife!"

"Where is Quackity then?" Kyle asked from below. "I came here because I heard he died and I am his son."

"None of your business, dick. He's not dead!"

Everyone is hustling, and the voices have returned, all frantic and debating.

"Okay, okay, I call Kyle to the stand. Y/n, you may go." 

Foolish had to use more force to get you down from the podium, and Kyle quickly took your place. He drank a large amount of vodka cranberry, which Tina objected to, but Sam continued, dismissing it. 

Kyle's vocabulary appeared to have grown, with less use of the words 'bro' and 'dude.' He suddenly becomes more eloquent, almost like a lawyer. such as Quackity. He declared that he is the only one who has documentation proving his legitimacy as a child and complains about being chastised.

Sam then asked Kyle to show him his birth certificate. Kyle then retorted that Tina had stolen his certificate and refused to return it. Tina demanded that the document be declared null and void because it was spelled incorrectly. 

Tina handed it to Sam after a few moments, and he read it aloud. All of it sounded like nonsense and had nothing to do with a birth certificate.

"I want to make a deal, your honor," Kyle urged abruptly. "I'd like to strike a deal with the opposing party."

You looked at him with such contempt.

"Even if I die, I don't want my shit taken either," Kyle began. "I don't know where my father is or if he's still alive, so here's my plan: we just wait! we wait until he- he comes back from wherever he might be and we'll see what he has to say about all of this. Until now, I will retain full rights to his territory, and- I will stay within its borders if these pussies want."

"Wha-" you sputtered, "I think the fuck not?! As I previously stated, Quackity never mentioned anything about a son to me! and he has always left me in charge whenever he goes away."

"Your honor!" Tina stepped in. "Objection, this guys has no idea who Quackity is, and! Y/n and Quackity actually own valid documents, including their marriage certificate!"

You took out the certificate and waved it in front of Sam. "You officiated it, dumbass. How could you forget?" 

"That is fake, bro." Kyle said, not even sparing any of you a glance. "100% fake. You guys have no affiliation to my dad that is why you fall short,and this case should have been done a whole ass hour ago. He never talked about you, never cared about you- like, who are these people, your honor, who are these people?" 

You felt like collapsing to your knes in exhaustion when Kyle's lawyer had shared to the court about the evidence that your husband is indeed blond.

It infuriates you even more when Sam ignored Kyle's relief upon hearing that and Tina had to point it out.

***

"WHO IS THIS PERSON?!"

"Hello, my name is BlondeQuackity, and I am KyleHQ's father." His voice was muffled and distorted, and he spoke in a higher tone, almost like a cartoon character.

The three of you were stunned as you stood there. Kyle emerged from the back and proudly displayed his alleged father.

"But that's not Quackity! That's BlondeQuackity and he is currently not the owner of Las Nevadas."

"Yeah! And that is clearly just a cosplay!" Tina added.

Sam had placed a so-called ruling after the three of you had cornered him. "KyleHQ is allowed to take up temporary residence in the Las Nevadas until Quackity returns. Although the deformity seen in this courtroom was clearly fake, it has opened my eyes."

"Bro!" Kyle interrupted. "I don't think that's fair, bro! Temporary shelter, bro? I'm not homeless, bro!"

Sam tried to persuade Kyle to allow him a little more control, but he refused. He desired everything.

Your arms were crossed. You're not going to let him take over even a smidgeon of your property. Kyle's housing is fine; anyone is welcome in Las Nevadas as long as they have something to contribute to the country. And, based on his current behavior, he is not a valuable asset.

Kyle refused to let Sam finish his sentences. Despite the presence of the territory's very co-founder in this very court, he insisted on taking everything. Sam looks to you for guidance, but you just glare at him, shake your head subtly, and internally telling him to fuck off.

Sam's shoulders had finally sagged, getting tired of his shit. "Can I tell you something, Kyle?" he asked loudly, looking down on him and his lawyer. "Kyle, you fumbled back." 

Kyle had become more agitated, yelling that he wanted the entire state of Las Nevadas, not just some makeshift shelter. However, Sam was adamant. Until he'd had enough. "KyleHQ, I'm going to put you in jail for contempt of court!"

"Oh that's true, he does have a jail," Tina said.

"Kill him!" Foolish shouted. 

"Finally," you muttered. 

"Bro, this shit ain't fair, bro- GET THESE CUFFS OFF ME, BRO!" 

"Come with us, KyleHQ," Sam persisted, tugging Kyle with him.

"Bro, how long am I jailed for, bro?"

"Until I deemed that you have grown up." You wanted to laugh but Sam continued. "More importantly, until QuackityHQ returns to set things right."

"30 days," you added.

Kyle locked his gaze on you until he burst out crying behind his sunglasses. "Bro, this shit ain't fair, bro," he sobbed and moped. 

He wanted to be alone for a while, so he encased himself in netherrack and cobblestone. He claimed he didn't want to see the sun and that he'll be sitting there for the next three weeks until Quackity returns from his trip.

And that's when you finally, oh god, won the case against KyleHQ's childbirth legitimacy. Everyone had had enough of his nonsense. 

Badboyhalo couldn't say no to the money Kyle offered, but now that Kyle is in prison, he hasn't received a penny, and you told him he deserved it for representing a fraud like him.

"Um," Foolish piped up, "So that marriage wasn't legitimate either, right?"

"Oh, that was legitimate."

"It was legitimate. You are married to that bastard, unfortunately."

***