"I Thought You Were Different" series characterizations because they just fit the best.

"Has it really been that long? And nothing fell off yet? If you don't use it, you lose it, Cap."

Steve sighed loudly, giving Wade a firm push back and away when he took a little too focused of an interest in an area that was never meant for his attentions. "Yes, I'm sure, Wade. Please, stop staring."

"I mean, it looks fine to me," he shrugged, still staring without care to Steve's objections. "Pants are as tight as ever, zipper screaming for help like it can't hold on even a second longer-"

"Wade!"

"What?!"

"Can we please get back to the reason we're here?"

"Right," Wade nodded emphatically, finally turning his gaze away, "I'm sorry. The United States' Sparkler is just as impressive as America's Ass, let me tell ya. I can't imagine why she hasn't been interested though, Cap. Have you considered that maybe it's her? Hell, I'd ride that horse and wave your flag any day of the week."

Steve closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in pure frustration, asking himself silently why in the world he asked Wade Wilson of all people to help him with this problem. If he had to be honest, he had no idea why he'd ask anyone. Stress had been at an all-time high with the team over the last six months and your relationship was being tested. He wasn't sure if it was on purpose but between Tony and Nick your missions were never planned to be together and when one of you came home the other would leave nearly right away. To grab even a moment alone was rare, to the point where he had inspected each of the rooms nearby to the hangar bay to check for ample space just so he could pull you into one as you crossed paths.

That's when he knew he was reaching desperation. No. That wasn't it. Desperation was looking back at him now with a hopeful expression as if Steve would actually take him up on the offer.

"Wade, what do I do?" Steve groaned, dropping himself into a nearby chair, his body slumped in defeat and his head in his hands. "You guys were together for two years. There has to be something you can tell me to help us out of this rut. I'll do anything. I just miss her, ya know?"

"Well, there is something...but I don't think you're up for it."

"Try me," Steve looked up, hopeful for the first time.

Wade smiled widely, suddenly filled with a giddy energy like a child given a giant bag of candy and no limits on how much he could have. This was a treat like none other, to be given this kind of power and trust, and with someone like Steve Rogers, he felt beyond his indestructible self. He felt like a god amongst men. "Is this what Thor feels like?" he whispered to himself. "Hot damn, I've always wanted to get my hand around that hammer."

~~~

"Did the guy piss you off or something? What could he have done that's so bad that he can't hit it with his own wife?"

"Sam, that's none of your business, but no. He didn't piss me off," you answered. "We just haven't had time, that's all. But, I'll tell you who is pissing me off though. Dad. I think he's putting us on separate missions for a reason and I have no idea why."

"Pfft," he scoffed under his breath, "probably because he's regretting not soundproofing your room."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Sam jolted to attention, "nothing. I was just thinking that your honeymoon phase really isn't letting up, is it?"

"Right. Because a six-month dry spell is totally a honeymoon phase."

"Six months?!"

Your head snapped towards him, your eyes wide at the booming volume that he had taken on, echoing around the room and likely through the entirety of the compound for all to hear. "Hey, FRIDAY?"

"Yes, miss?"

"Is there a way to install a volume control on Sam before I resort to stapling his mouth shut?"

There was a brief pause from both Sam and FRIDAY, with him just as eager to hear her answer as you were. "Well," she finally began, "we could ask Boss to fit him for a specialized helmet-"

"Okaaay, that's just great," he broke in, "I think we're good, FRIDAY, thanks. Alright, so we've established the dry spell but not how you got there, right? Have you talked to Steve about it? Or has he gone into silent mode and the usual denial of a problem even existing?"

"The second one," you sighed heavily, "but he's talking to Wade right now. I think that worries me more than any discussion we might have. I have no idea why he insisted on meeting with him, he wouldn't tell me, but I'm pretty sure I actually do know why and just don't want to admit it to myself."

Sam had barely the chance to take a sip of his drink before your comment had him spitting it out and choking so violently that you were worried that you may have actually hurt the guy. With a few firm slaps on his back he began to quiet, coughing and clearing his throat before attempting another drink to wash the discomfort away. "Jesus, (Y/N), he's asking White Wilson for advice? On your love life? Is he insane?"

"Do you think that's bad?"

"Slightly."

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?" you smirked. "Wade talks a big game, but Steve isn't gonna fall for that. He knows not to take most of what he says seriously."

"(Y/N), listen," he started, "Cap's been on lockdown for six months. He's not thinking clearly. Now, you and I both know that Wade's gonna take even the smallest hint of opportunity to play off Steve's...condition...and run with it. You really think he's gonna stop to consider...oh...oh, sweet baby Jesus what is happening?" he stopped, his expression frozen in shock as he looked behind you to catch a glimpse of something he never wanted to see. "Um...yeah, I gotta go. Bye, (Y/N)!" As he all but sprinted from the room, he glanced back over his shoulder for just a second, "told ya so!"

"What?" you mumbled to yourself, turning to see what had terrified the man so much that he ran off like a scared child. What you saw nearly gave you the same response, toppling your chair as you bolted up in shock when you looked at Steve entering the room. "Oh, no," you gasped, slapping your hand over your mouth, "what did Wade make you do?"

"Hungry?" Steve smiled, mounds of melting whipped cream over his chest with two strategically placed cherries at their center. Looking further south was more of a risk, seeing that melting much faster and nearly giving away the gift he thought he was cleverly presenting to you.

"Steve, you're melting."

"What?' he looked down, frowning. "Oh, seriously? It was almost frozen when I put it on so this wouldn't happen." He gave a petulant groan and his best pout, turning away to somehow try to fix the situation so that he could try again. "Stay here, I'll be right back. Wade!" he called out for help, but as he turned to leave you lost your resolve and broke down in a fit of laughter that dropped you to your knees with tears running down your cheeks. "(Y/N)? What?"

All you could do was wordlessly point to the floor just behind him, barely able to catch your breath. You thought maybe this was a sick joke until you saw the genuine disappointment in his eyes as he turned to see what had left you speechless beyond the sight he had already given you.

"Shoot!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "Wade! My banana fell out again!"