Man, you hated being this person. You hated the negativity, the neediness, the lack of understanding. You couldn't stand that both the source and target of your anger was the one person you loved the most, and you couldn't tolerate that he was just standing there and taking it so damn well. He didn't understand that all it did was make you angrier, and he just...he just didn't get it at all.

As Sam tossed his clothes into his suitcase, standing in the middle of the bedroom at your home in D.C., each piece landed with more anger with each word as his own emotions finally began to match yours. You found yourself actually welcoming them and readied yourself to match anything he would bring. You were just starved for him to understand. He was on one side of the bed and you were on the other, the furniture holding you apart, but the there was one thing that was keeping you at an even greater separation.

"You're not coming with us, are you?" he huffed. "You're really signing this thing?"

"No, I'm not signing. I'm stalling. I'm staying behind to keep you one step ahead, Sam." You reached down and grabbed one of his t-shirts, your favorite to sleep in, and he unceremoniously and rudely pulled it from your grip to throw into his suitcase.

"You don't need to do that. Cap will keep us undercover-"

"Dammit, Sam, I'm so sick of hearing about what Steve can do and how great Steve is, and how far up his ass you are like he can do nothing wrong. This hero worship has got to stop."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What hero worship?"

"Oh, please, give me a break," you snapped, taking the shirt back and tossing it out of his reach. "I can't keep having this argument with you, you know exactly what I mean."

He honestly look confused, and for just a second, you worried that he was actually so far out of touch on what you were talking about. This wasn't the first time you had said the exact same things. When the realization struck, the defensiveness built, and now each of you were fully shutting down, hands on hips and refusal to take a loss. "Jesus, (Y/N), are you saying that I'm choosing Steve over you? Are you fucking insane?"

"I don't know, Sam, I just might be. Who's the one packing right now?"

"I am not signing those Accords because they're a load of bullshit, and you think so too! This has nothing to do with Cap!"

"Okay, so then tell me," you asked sarcastically, "which section in particular made up your mind? I mean, there were like two or three subsections that really didn't sit well with me but I could maybe see their point. I knew the exact moment when I couldn't read any more after page 136. What was it for you?"

"Well...um...I don't know, there were a few things..."

"Okay, stop. Just stop," you waved him off, "you're making an ass of yourself. You didn't read it at all did you? The second that Steve said no, you fell into rank behind him. Sam, listen to me, okay? If this whole thing explodes, which it will, who is he gonna choose? You or Barnes?"

"Maybe you're the one who needs to stop," he mumbled, returning to his work.

"You can't even answer that, can you? You can't answer that and you know that he might not choose you. My god, Sam, you could end up in prison for this guy! I respect Steve as much as anyone else. I've known him longer than you have, and I know that he's doing what he thinks is right, but you can make up your own mind. This isn't just about you. Have you thought about what this is doing to me? Do you think that I want to stay here while you run?"

"Of course I have, but this is bigger than just us, (Y/N)."

"It always is, Sam. Ever since Steve and Nat showed up on our doorstep, it's been about everyone but us."

"I can't talk about this anymore," he evaded, "so are you coming with us or are you going back with Nat to be someone you're not?"

"Or, how about if you stay with me and we just leave this behind?" you offered, looking at him eagerly, as if the idea had never occurred to you until this moment. Never once did you think that something could be so simple, and so enticing.

"You're not serious."

"I'm completely serious," you pressed, stepping closer. "Sam, we could go back to our lives, just us, the way it used to be before this team made everything so much...crazier. We could tell Tony that we've decided to retire, and you could go back to working at the VA. I can talk to Nick and see if he has any opportunities-"

Sam looked as if you had just slapped him across the face, his eyes practically bulging from his head in shock and utter disbelief. The two of you had made the team your home, and it had completely enveloped your lives and redefined who you were, as individuals and together. You had already been through more than a lifetime or two, and neither of you were sure if your marriage could survive heading into another one. "Have you lost your mind?" he finally asked in a whisper, shaking and uncertain, terrified and betrayed. "Do you realize what you're asking of me? I gave Cap my word."

"Wow," you answered in kind, just as taken aback, "well then, I guess I have my answer, don't I? I mean, hell, you gave Cap your word. We only exchanged promises to each other...vows that are supposed to be more important than any other. What was I thinking, assuming that those actually meant a goddamn thing to you?"

"(Y/N)-"

"No, go on," you nodded towards the door, "Tony's expecting me back in New York, and god forbid you keep Steve waiting any longer."

~~~

Maybe it wasn't so bad that you were staying behind; at least you had Natasha with you. She was never one to turn down a good bitching session and a freshly opened bottle of vodka, and Tony had the best supply in the tri-state area. She had been a confidant, a shoulder to lean on, and an unwavering friend when you had asked her one-too-many times if you had made the wrong decision. You had asked her over and over if you should just go and find Sam, but she helped you stay strong in your resolve. She knew why you were there, to keep Steve and Sam ahead of Tony, but she never told him, and for that you were grateful.

What you never expected was that she would be the one to turn and to leave you behind after the eruption in Germany that divided the team once and for all. It was just one more thing on top of a pile of crap that was so high, you could barely see over it anymore and you began to lose sight of why you were even there.

"Hey," Tony greeted solemnly, taking a seat next to you at the bar with a heavy drop onto the chair, "you look like hell."

"Says the guy with massive shiner. I thought that helmet had padding."

"Yeah, well, some self-righteous star-spangled douchebag ripped it off."

"Want me to kick his ass for you?" you smirked into your drink. "I know for a fact that he's been beaten up by a girl a few times."

"I wouldn't stop you, that's for sure."

"Great, that's exactly what I needed to hear," you answered, setting your glass down with a resolved slam. "See ya, Stark. Don't wait up for me."

"Wait, what? Where are you going?" He stood to follow you from the room, but you had reached the door faster than he anticipated and you held up a hand to hold him back. "I was joking, (Y/N), I think I should probably stop you. Do you even know where he is?"

"Sweetie, I love you to death, but you know that I'm not gonna tell you that. This is between me and Sam, and if Steve's face happens to get in the way of my hand, then I can't be held liable for that. Don't worry, Tony, I can handle myself. Save it for someone who actually needs it."

Once you left the room and the door had closed soundly behind you, Tony could only shake his head, confused and yeah, worried now about what you were going to do. Sam was locked up in the Raft, and Steve was god-knows-where. He could track you, but he wasn't going to do that. If you were going to unleash hell on Rogers, then he deserved it and you looked eager to do worse than he could ever come up with anyway. Returning to his seat, he grabbed your glass and took down what you had left behind in a long swallow, grimacing at a flavor he couldn't place. All that time spent with Romanoff clearly burned away your taste buds and sense of quality alcohol.

"Damn, kid, I wasn't scared for Cap before, but I think you just changed my mind."

~~~

Stumbling around in the underwater prison wasn't quite what Steve had expected it to be. He had planned this out for days, his path from the one weakness in the armor to where his team was being held had been clear to him until the moment his foot hit the floor. He had barely touched the cold concrete and he felt oddly disoriented. Things were in motion that he hadn't planned or foreseen, and he was at a loss.

The lights went out, and he hadn't done anything. Running dark was at least three steps ahead of where he was right now, and he was certain that no one had seen him yet.

A tap of a hand on his shoulder set him into panicked action, spinning around as he grabbed it and twisted, nearly breaking the bone; the squeal of both terror and pain thankfully stopped him, leaving him not relieved but that much more confused as to what the hell was actually happening.

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" he whispered through clenched teeth. His eyes darted around in the blackness that blanketed the room, his enhanced vision not enough to cut through it and be sure that you weren't being watched.

"I'm helping you."

"You're...you're helping...? But, how did you know..."

"I have skills, Steve, in case you've forgotten already. I also have a husband on the other side of that wall, locked in a supermax cage because of you, so if you don't mind I'd like you to get out of my way."

"I didn't ask for you to do this, (Y/N). There's no going back once you cross that line."

"Without Sam, I have nothing to go back to anyway, Cap. I might not be his number one concern anymore, but he's still mine."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing...you know what, just forget it," you waved him away. "Let's get this done. You with me or do I have to take you down too? I've gotten three guards so far so I'm warmed up."

"No. Not until you answer me, (Y/N)."

"Do you really not know? He always, always chooses you, Cap. That sounds so immature and whiney to say, and I hate those words coming from me, but it doesn't make them any less true."

"They're absolutely not true. Everything that he does is to keep you safe and because he loves you more than anyone else. (Y/N), everything he does is for you."

"Well, he sure has a shit way of showing it."

Steve opened his mouth to retort but he paused, eyes wide but reflecting continued confusion; as his mind hurried to catch up because every minute was ticking by way to quickly, his expression changed to that of understanding and maybe a little bit of regret. Sam wasn't the only one who he saw as selfless; you had always been on their side and this was just the next part in your plan and you were always going to meet him here. "You stayed behind to protect us."

"I know every step you've taken since you ran Steve. Of course I stayed behind for you...well, not really for you. But we don't have time to talk about it right now. Tony knows that I was coming here, so if you want to get this done before he changes his mind and wants to join us, I suggest you step aside and let me work."