With a cup of coffee in one hand and your SHIELD badge in the other, you walked as calmly as you could through the corridors of the hospital, nauseated by the sounds and scents of an environment that you wished you didn't have to be in right now. Sam had called and given you the okay to come up and see Steve as soon as he was out of surgery; he refused to leave the man's side, so if you wanted to see Sam, you had to see Steve, too.

"I'm here to see Captain Rogers," you announced to the guard at the door, holding up your badge.

The man who wore his bullet proof vest over his shirt like a newbie, and his gun too far forward on his hip as if no one would ever be able to reach it there, looked at your ID with a little too much attention. It was painfully clear that he had no idea what he was actually looking at. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but SHIELD no longer exists."

"Seriously? That was like three hours ago. I haven't exactly had time to find a new job yet."

"Still, I'm sorry, but I can't let you in."

With a huff you put your badge in your pocket and reached for your phone, only for the guard to straighten his posture with a hand sliding towards his weapon. "Calm down, junior patrol, I'm getting my phone...see?"

"Sorry, ma'am."

"And stop calling me ma'am," you snapped, dialing quickly and bringing the phone to your ear. "Hey, Sam. I'm outside and there's a baby ranger who won't let me in."

Heavy and fast footsteps towards the door left the poor young man startled and stepping aside, his eyes wide at his error and almost pleading for you to let him off the hook you'd hoisted his career on. The door opened and Sam said nothing, holding it open for you to pass by him; he didn't move, however, only staring at the guard with a straight face and not giving anything away. It left the poor guy cowering and stepping back against the wall, staring ahead and hoping that Sam would just give up and leave him be.

"For future reference," Sam smiled blankly, "that's my wife, and she can come in here any time she wants, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good boy," he answered, closing the door so the man could finally take a breath. "Alright, so that guy won't be a problem anymore. Fixed it for ya, babe."

"I'm your wife?" you smirked. "When did we have time to get married in all of this?"

"He doesn't need to know that. It worked, okay, just play along. We'll get to that soon enough."

"You seem pretty confident for a guy who hasn't even asked me yet."

"Uh...yeah...well..." Sam stammered, rubbing a nervous hand on his cheek as he struggled for an answer, "so about that..."

"Don't do it here, please," Steve joined in, groaning painfully as he pushed himself up to sit. He coughed away the stab in his side that stole his breath, trying to appear like his wounds weren't all that bad, and that he was ready to get up and go, but when he sat up a little too quickly and his head began to spin he had to relent to what his body had survived and the super soldier dropped back against the pillow in rare defeat.

Poor Sam looked caught in a cross between relieved and annoyed, but he welcomed the distraction. After Steve had ruined his train of thought during that run at their first meeting, he hadn't had time to think any more about how to go about asking you; hell, he hadn't even bought a ring yet. He was grossly unprepared, but once this was over, and when he could trust Steve to be left alone and not get himself into even more trouble, he was all over it.

"Hey, Cap," you greeted, sitting on the edge of his bed next to him, "you look terrible."

"Thanks. I feel terrible. That for me?" he nodded towards the cup in your hand. "If it is, you're my new favorite person."

"I'm not already?" you gasped, mockingly slapping your hand to your chest.

"Yes, of course you're my favorite," he managed to smile, "don't tell Sam that though, okay? Don't want to give him the wrong idea. He's a little possessive when it comes to you, doll."

"Yeah, I should've warned you, sorry about that. He means well, though."

"I'm sure he does," Cap agreed, holding out his hand, "so, for me?"

"For you," you nodded, finally handing the cup over to him. You watched as he carefully pulled the lid away and took in the scent of the drink and allowed the heat to spread across his lips as he finally took a sip. Steve had just a moment of contentment before you had to ask him, even though you knew the question could steal away the few seconds of happiness that you had allowed. "Steve," you began quietly, glancing back over your shoulder for listeners, "what are you going to do now? Are you going after him?"

"I have to, (Y/N)."

"I know. But what I don't know...is if you're taking Sam with you."

"(Y/N)-"

"I also know that you've asked him, Steve. He'll go with you, and that's his decision. I won't try to stop him," you reassured, "and I'll do whatever I can to keep you both undercover. But you have to promise me something before I'll be okay with this."

"Name it."

Taking another look back at Sam, he appeared to be back into his reading and not paying you much attention. He was a strong man; he had proven that time and again in his own right long before he had met Steve, and now he was powerful in a completely different way. He had so much trouble coming back to a normal life after his two tours, and you had been at his side during the worst of it. But then he found a new fight at the Captain's side, and he found a new purpose for his skill. He also found a new reason to get back into service, and the nightmares had finally stopped. Sam was actually happy for the first time in far too long.

"Bring him home safe. Promise me, Steve."

"I promise," he answered immediately. "I promise, I'll protect him and I'll bring him back to you."

"What if it comes down to him or Barnes? Can you still promise that to me?"

You may as well have just slapped Steve across the face for the look he was giving you, as if the thought both terrified and shocked him that he hadn't come to it on his own. He would protect Sam just as he promised, that wasn't a lie or a quick answer to get his way; he would give his own life for Sam already even after knowing him for such a short time. Steve had been your friend since he joined SHIELD, and if you loved Sam, then he could never be a part of risking that loss. But he had also been Bucky's friend for decades, and that was a loss that he could never shake; if it came down to the two men and a choice had to be made...it wouldn't be a choice that he would have any right to make.

"Yes, (Y/N)," he answered definitively, "I can still promise you that."

~~~

What Steve couldn't promise you, and what no one could, was that if the choice had to be made, who would Sam choose?

A few years later, when the choice had to be made between you, his new wife of barely a year, and Steve, his best friend, you never would have considered that he would pause to decide. Your lives had brought you from D.C. to live in upstate New York at the Avengers compound once Sam had officially joined the team. After SHIELD fell, you were left adrift and unsure of where your career would take you; it had been with Nick and the team for a while, but it had become too difficult to work with Sam. Nick had put you into a position of authority and you were uncomfortable with the conflicts it had created between you.

It was also Nick who found a tenable answer, bringing you to work with Sharon again with the Joint Terrorism Task Force. She was stationed in Berlin, and you were stationed in Manhattan, but you kept in touch and shared information when the other might benefit. The connection between you had been collegial and friendly until the Accords were introduced; the life that you and Sam had built had been untested and happy until the Accords made their unwelcome appearance.

Everything had been going so well until he was forced to make a choice, and it wasn't you.

"Honey, let's just go to the service with Steve, and we can talk about this when we get back," Sam urged as he unpacked his suitcase. "He needs us right now. He's going through a really rough spot." He was looking away, your backs to each other as you worked, but you didn't need to see him to know exactly what expression he was wearing as he spoke.

"I know he is, and I can't imagine what that feels like for him, but we can't just brush this whole Accords thing aside and act like it's not a big deal. If you don't sign-"

"Then I won't be an Avenger anymore," he shrugged, "and we'll move to the city so you can be closer to work. I can try to get work with the VA here...I might have a few connections."

"You say that like you're okay with it," you answered flatly. "I know that you're not. That life isn't for you anymore, not after you've been a part of this one for so long."

"I'll adapt, just like I've done before. Listen, let's not worry about that today, please," he paused, turning towards you. He crossed the small hotel room and pulled you to him, resting his forehead gently against yours as he held you. You always felt safe in those arms, but today, you only felt fear that you wouldn't have this feeling for long. "Let's just go support our friend. Let's be here for Steve."

"Okay," you exhaled heavily, your voice shaking, "we can go. You're right, we're here for Cap, so let's do that." You released Sam and grabbed your coat, allowing your husband to take your arm and lead you through the hotel and onto the city sidewalk, but the silence between you was heavy and palpable to even those who passed by. His grip on you was firm, but you could feel the subtle tremor in his hand even through the heavy material that kept you warm. Maybe it was the chill in the hazy breeze, or maybe it was the sense of sadness he carried for his friend, but whatever it was, rather than leaving you with the need to console him it left you with a question that had lingered too long in your mind and it wasn't the first time you had asked it.

Why was it always about Steve?