Poly relationship

Being next to Steve was never, ever awkward. Even in the beginning of the relationship, he was a place of comfort for you, and he made it so easy to fall for him. It was almost too easy, and you thought you had found the one; you had believed that with every breath in your body and with every beat of your heart until the day you met someone else. It was like a punch in the gut when you felt it, from both overwhelming connection and overwhelming guilt as Steve stood at your side none the wiser.

He had readily connected with Carol Danvers when she first came to join the Avengers team, but it was on a purely professional level for him. Sure, he liked her well enough; she was a natural on the field, and they bonded quickly in their military knowledge and experiences. It didn't take long at all for them to become friends.

But you kept quiet for a long time, waiting for the feelings for her to pass. Surely it had to be simple infatuation, right? You barely knew her, even after several months of working together, though that was your own doing for hanging back. She probably thought that you were avoiding her, and despite her attempts to draw you out and make a connection, you persisted. This feeling had to go away, and you were going to do whatever you needed to so that would happen. You needed to because you loved Steve and that was it.

It wasn't it, though.

She had broken you down and you finally let her in, you talked for hours at a time, connecting with her just as easily as you had with Steve and it was exhilaratingly terrifying. She was magnetic and addicting, and you couldn't find a way to break your habit; even when Steve began to notice. You started to hide your time spent with her, but you never pushed boundaries and you remained faithful to Steve; you remained physically faithful to him but your emotions were willing to be shared. You were getting just enough of a hit to keep your cravings satiated but you had no idea how long it would last. When you couldn't take it anymore and the guilt told you that you had to do something about this, it was time to talk to Steve. You couldn't imagine losing him, but you also couldn't maintain what felt like a lie.

It went nothing like what you would have expected from him, from a man of his time. Never in a million years would you have foreseen it, but once you told him everything, and made it clear that your feelings for him hasn't wavered, he did the unexpected. The almost unthinkable. He agreed to share you if that's what would make you happy. That's all he cared about, was that you were happy, and that you still loved him too. He knew it would be challenging, and he prepared himself for the jealousy that was sure to arise, but he did his due diligence. After a slightly uncomfortable talk with Natasha and Thor when Tony and Bucky completely shunned him, and a few books of study on polyamory, he took the leap.

Everything was great for a long time. The two of them never argued over you, and they maintained their professionalism on the field. There was never an interest from either of them to connect with each other as you had with them, but you told them both that if they ever wanted to pursue more, it wasn't off the table.

Since she worked across the span of the universe, Carol was gone frequently, sometimes for much longer than she was home. It left you feeling like a part of yourself was missing, and it was sometimes a lot to handle. Steve always understood, but over time it became a little harder on him too. Not because he missed her in any way, but because he hated to see you upset in a way that he couldn't help fix.

"(Y/N)?"

Gently rolling over in your bed towards him, you put your book on the bedside table and glanced back over your shoulder. He had been reading too, but now he looked as if he had abandoned that idea long ago and had been staring at you for who knew how long. "Yeah?"

"Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" you perked up, pushing yourself up to sit against the headboard. He had your full attention now; the tone in his voice ran a chill through you and this had to be bad. "What do you mean?"

Steve took a long, shaking breath and sat up next to you, but the distance between your bodies was clear. Only a very short time before, they were entangled together and you couldn't have been closer; now the distance physically hurt to feel. "You've been really distant with me lately, and I have to wonder. I mean...even now...it's like you weren't here."

"Well, if I wasn't here, then who was? I don't mind if you fantasize about someone else once in a while-"

"(Y/N), I'm being serious."

"I'm sorry," you backpedaled, "I know, I was trying to help the tension and my timing sucks. Honey, I'm so sorry, but no...you didn't do anything at all, I swear."

"Then what's going on? I've proven that you can tell me anything, haven't I?"

"I'm afraid to," you answered softly, turning to look away and dropping your gaze to your hands, now folded in your lap. Your fingers intertwined and you began to wring them together until they began to ache under the pressure.

"Seriously? (Y/N), it's me," he insisted. "There's nothing you could say-"

"I miss Carol."

"Oh."

"Still sure that you want to hear this?"

"Um..." he coughed quietly, clearing his throat, "....yes."

"Even though you've mastered hiding it, I know that the two of you don't always see eye-to-eye, especially when it has to do with me, but I love both of you. I love you so much. Somehow, you've agreed to this relationship, letting me have you both, and I know it's not always fair. It's just that...she's been off-world for nearly a year now, and I just miss seeing her."

"Right," he sighed, furrowing his brow in thought, "I do understand that. Honestly, I feel really selfish over having this past year. There's a part of me that...oh, this is...this...I can't say this." He shook his head and tried to shake the thought, the feeling away, but you didn't need the words to be spoken to understand.

"There's a part of you that doesn't want her to come back."

"(Y/N), I feel like a terrible person just thinking that way," he hurried to take your hand, looking at you intensely until you finally looked back, "but we're being honest here, right?"

"It's okay. It's normal to feel that way in a situation that definitely isn't."

"I've had you all to myself for this long, and I think I've been really selfish. I had you all to myself for years, and I'm so lucky for that. I think it's time for me to realize it." Steve sat up a little straighter, definitively nodding his head and clapping his hands softly together in resolution. "Let's call her home."

"Steve, we can't do that just because I miss her. She's working."

"She may be somewhere that makes time pass differently," he shrugged. "To her it might not feel like it's been a year."

"Or...maybe she just needed a break. Maybe this is just too much to handle."

"There is nothing about loving you that is too much to handle. Even having to share."

"You're too good for me, Steve," you sniffled, taking a quick pass of the blanket over your eyes to wipe the threat of tears away.

"I doubt that, but if that's what you believe then I can try to play the part a little," he smirked, taking your hand again. "Come on, let's get her home."

~~~

Steve was right. Carol had no idea how long she had been gone. Time moves differently in space, jumping from galaxy to galaxy, spanning an immeasurable universe. It took some time to locater her at all; Steve had to go through several channels, including Rocket, who always seemed to have an uncanny knack for knowing where everyone was at any given time.

When Carol had been found, she needed time to return. Nearly another full month had passed before you saw her face again, and the welcome was worth the wait.

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry," she said immediately at the sight of you, her words spilling as she crossed the room. "Honestly, I had no idea it had been so long. I just lose track-"

"It's okay, I understand. I told Steve that it wasn't right to call you from work just for me, but was his idea and he insisted-"

By now, her hands held your face and she was dying to connect, to kiss you after being gone for such a terribly long time, but your words jolted her into the moment more clearly, and confusion took the look of pure relief from her features. "Wait, it was? Steve's idea?"

"Yes."

"Wow, okay," she sighed in disbelief, "maybe I've misjudged the guy. I thought he was the jealous type. He's been really standoffish with me lately."

"He's usually not...but maybe a little lately."

"And he called me anyway? That was big of him."

"He wants me to be happy, Carol," you shrugged, disappointed at the loss of the moment. "No matter how he feels about us, that's what he cares about here. He's a really good guy. Maybe more than I deserve, but I'll take him for as long as he'll have me."

"I'll be sure to thank him..." she began, but when she looked back up at you, the man of topic was standing in her eyeline directly behind you, "um...right now, I guess. Hey, Cap."

"Danvers," Steve nodded, reaching out to shake her hand in greeting. "How was work? Anything to report?"

"Only one thing."

"Trouble?"

"No," she smirked, "I just found out that you're not as big of a jackass as I thought you were."

Steve couldn't hold back his smile, though he wasn't even sure where it was coming from. He knew that Carol was a powerful personality in any room, often eclipsing even his own, but he found that to be refreshing and welcomed it when the situation allowed. There were plenty of personalities to eclipse him on this team, but with her it seemed different. "Sorry? I didn't realize that was what you saw me as."

"Well, not all the time, no. But where (Y/N) is concerned-"

Before the argument that you had feared too many times could begin, you hurried to hold your hands out between them and take a protective stance. They would never physically challenge each other, and it would be ridiculous to even consider; but you didn't dare to feel too safe and thought a little visual cue couldn't hurt. "Woah, hold on," you scolded, "what does that mean? I thought you guys were okay...for the most part. You agreed to talk to me if you had any problems with this."

"No, honey, we're still okay with this," Steve answered first, though Carol looked to clearly want to join in, "we promise, we're good. We just sometimes have conflicts with plans...and taking turns. I don't know, maybe it's a competitive Captain thing?"

"Great, that's so much better."

"It's not that big of a deal, (Y/N)," Carol agreed. "We're grown-ups. We work it out. Of course, now that Steve had a whole year all to himself..."

Steve quickly raised his hands in deference and took a step back, but not before pressing a quick kiss to your hair. "Hint taken, I'll give you two some time to yourselves. I'm not about to agree to a whole year, but I'll be fair about it."

You turned to thank him and to return his kiss, but your two favorite people in the world, two who had a strained personal relationship at best, were exchanging strange looks past you. There was a conversation happening there, silently and shockingly, and you felt the weight of it pressing against you as you stood between them.

"Are you sure there's not more going on with you two?" you asked coyly. "Do you guys need some time alone? Something I should know?"

"Hmm? What?" Steve jolted, joined together in unison with Carol's, "no absolutely not."

"Okay, sorry, but a girl has to check."

"Right, I'll just...I'll talk to you later then," Steve excused himself, but you still caught his glance past you before he fully turned away.

"It really has to be a Captain thing with you two. I've never once believed the whole 'always honest' crap anyway," you shook your head, taking her hand to lead her away but she held her position.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you both completely suck at lying."